honeyhoney Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 This will be along one, thank you in advance for reading, I could really use some advice. I have been dating this man for 8 months and things happened really quickly in our relationship. First of all I am deeply in love with him and he claims to love me as well. When we met all I could think of was how lucky I am, he is very attractive, tall, muscular, smart, romantic and kind hearted. He was just moving out of the house he was sharing with his ex wife but told me they had been divorced for 4 months already, he painted her as a cold, manipulative mastermind bitch to me, they have 2 beautiful children together and had been married for 11 years. When we met I was divorced from my ex for 4.5 years and in that time I had dated a few people and had only 1 real relationship that lasted about 7 months. In my time dating I found out that men I was interested in wanted nothing serious, so I was discouraged and took a break from dating. (by the way, my ex husband and I share custody of our kids and have a good and amicable relationship). The first month together of course were beautiful, we fell in love with each other early on and decided to be committed and involve our families... it was like a dream come true, I had finally met the man of my dreams, he treats me like a queen, he is affectionate, caring... completely beautiful. He also told me I was the same to him, the girls of his dreams and all he had ever wanted in a woman. Him and his ex were going through some drama regarding custody, and the alleged cheating from her. He was full of anger and hatred towards her and his pride had been offended. He had been a committed family man throughout his marriage. He constantly asked me for advice regarding his situation and before I realized I was very involved in it all. All the fights, all the mean emails and txts back and forth, her saying she would maybe move with her new boyfriend and take the kids with her drove him insane and he was looking into getting an attorney to keep her from doing it. He is a very good and involved father, but he works out of town for 2 weeks out of the month so he sees his kids 2 weekends a month. as he lives about 60 miles from where they live. We went through this drama for about 2 months and at the end they supposedly made peace and she said she wasnt moving. They have never stopped fighting and getting each other worked up, and I feel like im the middle of it and growing tired of it. I spoke to him and asked him to let it go and try to have peace for the kid's sake. Last week we had a party for his 10 year old son and she came to the party, her and I had met before and she claimed she was happy for him to have met me and the kids really liked me and she felt at ease I was good to them. The whole day went well but at the end of the day they both started to have an argument and it escalated to her telling me even though they separated they were still married until last month, they didnt file until about March. and she went to accuse him of things he did to her, like cheating about a year ago, which he denied, but later on accepted. i sat there and listened to it all because I always knew in my gut that he was hiding something, I felt like he was too good to be true and that she couldnt be the mean on and he was the angel. It got to a very ridicoulous point and I asked her to leave. which she did, when she left, she thanked me for being wonderful to her kids again and apologize for the scene. I confronted him about the lies, if I had known he was married I would have never started a relationship with he acknowledged and apologized, he said he loved me and didnt want to lose me, he said since we started talking and being friends, he didnt know he was going to fall in love with me, when he realized he loved me it was too late and he had already lied. He knew some day this would come out and felt better that it was out in the open. He still feels hatred toward his ex and all of it has put a strain in our relationship, instead of spending quality time together, we end up talking about her and I'm growing tired of it all. I wish I had met him once he was over her, but there is not much I can do now. I deeply love him, our families and friends have bonded together, even our kids. I forgave him for lying to me and said I would move on from it, but deep down I keep thinking what else has he lied about ?? Can I trust him?? I'm not sure what to do , right now he is away for the next 10days, so I will use that time to think, I know I dont want to break up with him, I am absolutely sure of that,I dont want a perfect relationship, just a healthy one.
BlueIris Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 “… he painted her as a cold, manipulative mastermind bitch…” First warning sign. Never date guys who say this. “too good to be true” + moving fast Second warning sign. He's already lied to you, though he effectively wrapped it in a romantic, flattering excuse. So, he not only lied, but he also knows how to slither out of taking responsibility for lying. A higher skill set. Very much not good. Not healthy at all. He's using you as his emotional crutch to sustain his battle against his children's mother. That would make me incredibly uncomfortable, and I wouldn't to aid in any way a nasty battle that is hurting their kids. I say, distance yourself quickly. He isn't a healthy partner and probably won't be for years and until he sees his role in... well, everything. Expect desperate pleading and magnificent promises. 2
GemmaUK Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 “… he painted her as a cold, manipulative mastermind bitch…” First warning sign. Never date guys who say this. “too good to be true” + moving fast Second warning sign. This. Is what I thought. I would get out. His ex is reasonable...he isn't. You are seeing the truth. If she was all he said you would see it. 1
Author honeyhoney Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 Thank you for your message, You wrote what I have been feeling in my gut. At the beginning of me talking to him, he never said anything bad about her, it was until we were established in our relationship, so that never seemed like a red flag from the start. I did see that they communicated too much and at this point I wish I had been smarter and go slow with him before involving my kids and friends He is the first guy I have ever introduced to my children and I am afraid now of screwing things up for them. They really love him and his kids I have thought of taking a break from seeing and talking to him but Im not sure what to do, He knows he needs time to work out his issues. I really like your insight and I could provide you with more details via skype if you are interested Thank you again!
Author honeyhoney Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 Im looking for someone to talk to in detail about this as theres so much more involved, if you have time and energy let me know, we can chat on skype or whatever thanks
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