Girlfriend lied about something little?

July 14, 2014

I am in a new relationship, and new to relationships in general. I won't give too much more background, because it's not necessarily needed for this question. She just got out of a LTR with an overprotective guy.

My girlfriend was at a guy friend's house, and they were drinking. She was invited by her girl friends, and I know all of these guys and they know me and that we are dating, so I am fine about this. This is just an idea of where she was.

I was on Facebook and she called me on the way over there. She had to hang up and said she would text me, and she took a little bit and I saw her on Facebook mobile. I jokingly said something, and she denied being on.

Then, the night goes on and I am just at home studying. I am about to head to bed, and I texted her and said "I'm going to bed." then I got ready for bed, and layed down with my laptop going to study some more, but took a little break to check Facebook. What do you know, she's on! I look at my phone and she hasn't replied, so I texted her and just put "Lol" and then she texted back after that and said "Sorry, my phone was on the charger it was on 6%". So I said "Call me when you leave." She said "Okay babe" then about 10 minutes later she asked if I was still up, and I said yes so I assumed this meant to call her. I call her, and then she doesn't answer. I was still on Facebook, and then I see her pop up there so I messaged her "Really?" and she logged off immediately and called me. Then we got in a large argument and she called me pathetic, threatened to end our relationship, and even blasted me on her Twitter (without specifically saying my name, though.)

I kept asking for her to tell me the truth, but she still hasn't to this point, and we argued all day yesterday. She says that it logged her on automatically, which doesn't make sense because sometimes it says she's offline for more than 6 hours, etc. We are going strong right now, and seem to be in love and she always says it... but I just feel lied to. I am almost certain it can't log her on by itself... and it just bothers me that she couldn't just say "Yeah, I was on Facebook" Why can't she tell me!?

I told her after I said I would stop bringing it up that I want her to always tell me the truth, no matter how little it is. I've always had a hard time trusting girls, but I really like her and want to stop being bothered by this.

What do you all think? If you need any clarifications, just ask.

Thank you.

July 14, 2014

Facebook mobile sometimes says that I'm online when I'm not. I don't know if it's because of something I'm doing on my phone, or perhaps it's the times when I get a notification or I flick onto it to see what the buzz is, and it acts like I'm on messenger when I'm not. Anyway, sure, if she can check her texts or e-mails she can reply to you at least a few words but it is plausible that she isn't actually on facebook when it says she is.

I think the other issue is the passive controlling nature of how you've handled it. If a guy texted me 'lol' because he was jealous or wondering why I wasn't replying it would be such an incredible turn off. If he texted instead 'I was just hoping to hear you're having a good night and to say goodnight, are you getting these messages?' I'd have a LOT more respect and actually know full well what my partner is after.

When you're with your friends you can't just text or speak any time, or at least not if you're having a great time or don't believe in disrespecting your company by sitting on your phone. I would usually just send maybe one message or message when I go to the loo letting my boyfriend know why I can't talk and when I'll be in touch. My boyfriend understands this and I understand with him. Maybe it's different for us because we always spend the night together even if we're out separately but nonetheless, could you not have let her get on with her night and just done your own thing and reconvened at the end of the night (say, if she texts when she's home)?

She probably thinks you're being controlling, jealous, don't trust her, and are going to get in the way of her social life. Not being trusted would be the worst feeling ever. Rather than have a massive argument with my boyfriend accusing me of lying about an app over and over again I'd rather he just told me what he felt and wanted from the relationship and stayed calm. It sounds like you both have massively different ideas about how a couple should behave when socialising without the other person, question is whether you can meet in the middle or not?

July 14, 2014

Asking for someone to always tell you the truth is not being realistic. We all lie at one time or another. The problem arises when you catch someone in a lie such as you have. How do you handle it? Well, for one, never accuse your woman of being a liar or tell her you don"t trust her unless you are 100% prepared for a severe backlash and the breakup.

It sounds like you were really overbearing which was probably similar to her previous BF. Can't she just go out or be on Facebook without you trying to contact her? Facebook has done little more than complicate relationships since it was started.

July 14, 2014

Thank you so much for your response.

I guess a little background is needed. We both have long histories (lots of past partners) and know each other from back home. She got a job back home, and we go to the same college a few hours away, and I am still taking a course.

I have always had trouble trusting girls, because as I have seen with my long history of partners... I have known girls that will cheat on their boyfriends. I wasn't necessarily dating a girl, but we were seeing each other, and she cheated multiple times, so this may be a part of my problem.

I have never been a homewrecker in my Player days.... except one time we were both in the heat of the moment. And funny thing is, it's the girl I am dating now! We both agreed to hangout, and we ended up kissing, even though she had that LTR with her controlling boyfriend. She said she felt really bad afterwards, and even I did, too.

So fast forward a few months, and she was talking with a few guys and I was still playing the field. We saw each other at a bar, and basically fell in love then. We started talking again, hanging out, and ended up dating.

I never keep tabs on her. She usually checks in with me, in which to be honest I feel annoyed at times. For instance, before she went to this guy's house and before this argument, she goes "Hey babe, Rebecca texted me and Jessica and told us to go to Josh's house. Is that okay with you?" And I said "No" jokingly, and she said "Ohhhh lol" and I said "No, it's not okay for you to even think you have to ask me to live your life!!!" and she thought that was funny and made her feel better.

So, I texted her Lol, not out of jealousy but yes I was kind of ticked off she wouldn't message back. But if you say it happens to you and shows you are active, I guess she is right.

And she always asks if it's ok to go to bars/parties, I say no problem. Three things I told her I don't want her doing, which I find absolutely reasonable because I care about her, is no "blacking out", no drink driving, and of course no cheating.

The day before I asked her out, she went out with her sorority friends and "blacked out". Once again, I was kind of ticked off because I didn't get a message saying she was home safe. She told me she forgot to look at her phone. This made me already have second thoughts of asking her out, because she can't even remember what happened that night!! That bothers me

Another time she was at the bar and stopped replying when we were supposed to meet up. She said her phone was going to die, and I said "Okay, give your friend my number so I can come pick you up in a bit". She refused to do that, and I was kind of ticked.. I asked her the next day what happened and she said she went to a Frat house and then got a ride home from one of them. She had a fling with one of these Frat guys before, and I asked if anything happened that night, and she said no. I trust her on this.

And let me be clear before I give off a perception that I am controlling. When she is out, SHE is the one that texts me. For instance, the night before I asked her out. She went with all of her sorority sisters to the bar and kept texting me. I said "Babe, stop texting me and have a good time. You're with your friends, stop worrying about me! Just text me tomorrow" Then she was like "Nooo I want to talk!" So we end up chatting, and she randomly stops and that is when it bothers me. I would have rather her agreed to text me the next day rather than just disappearing!

And 3 days prior to our fight, I fell asleep. She texted me three times and called me twice while I was asleep. I woke up the next morning with 3 more texts saying "Thanks a lot I couldn't fall asleep last night and had the worst dream about you" and yada yada.

I feel we really do love each other. We had some bumps already in our short time (2 months), when near our first month she said she wasn't sure if we should date because she wouldn't have "time" with her sorority, school, and me. I reassured her that I wouldn't mind because I would be busy too, and that kind of went away. Then on 4th of July, I thought it would be the perfect day. She met my parents, we hung with friends, but she just wasn't acting like my girlfriend. I told her that, and said maybe we should break up, but we ended up talking about it and she said she just doesn't like PDA, and I am fine with this also. So we have been pretty good at talking to each other about things.

Is this an unhealthy relationship in general though? Two people with long histories going at it? Let me know what you think!

July 14, 2014

Asking for someone to always tell you the truth is not being realistic. We all lie at one time or another. The problem arises when you catch someone in a lie such as you have. How do you handle it? Well, for one, never accuse your woman of being a liar or tell her you don"t trust her unless you are 100% prepared for a severe backlash and the breakup.

It sounds like you were really overbearing which was probably similar to her previous BF. Can't she just go out or be on Facebook without you trying to contact her? Facebook has done little more than complicate relationships since it was started.

I have never lied yet, and hardly do in life! I give the cold hard truth, and I wish she would too. Girls are still trying to get with me, and I straight up say "Sorry, I love my girlfriend." And then tell my girlfriend whenever this happens. She told me I didn't have to each time this happened, and I have stopped. I am just new to relationships and she understands this, so I am kind of learning the ropes.

For your second statements, I would refer to my new post. But I was just irritated because I mean when your phone rings... at least pick it up, ya know. She could have done that or texted back "Hey I'm leaving soon I'll call you in a bit"

July 14, 2014

I have never been a homewrecker in my Player days.... except one time we were both in the heat of the moment. And funny thing is, it's the girl I am dating now! We both agreed to hangout, and we ended up kissing, even though she had that LTR with her controlling boyfriend. She said she felt really bad afterwards, and even I did, too.

Problem one... you know she's a cheater. You know that she had a LTR, and even if it wasn't happy towards the end she still disrespected that bond by kissing you. This is bound to fuel your insecurity.

I never keep tabs on her. She usually checks in with me, in which to be honest I feel annoyed at times. For instance, before she went to this guy's house and before this argument, she goes "Hey babe, Rebecca texted me and Jessica and told us to go to Josh's house. Is that okay with you?" And I said "No" jokingly, and she said "Ohhhh lol" and I said "No, it's not okay for you to even think you have to ask me to live your life!!!" and she thought that was funny and made her feel better.

It sounds like she's so used to her controlling past partner she's accustomed to asking permission. I remember after my own four year relationship with a similarly controlling man ended, I felt like I had to check a new partner was okay with me wearing a skirt or going swimming in a bikini. I was so used to the past partner's attitude!

So, I texted her Lol, not out of jealousy but yes I was kind of ticked off she wouldn't message back. But if you say it happens to you and shows you are active, I guess she is right.

It's really immature behaviour to text 'lol' when you're not actually laughing. It is offputting. You could have texted 'hey, how come you're showing as online but not replying? What gives?' and even that would have been less unappealing!

And she always asks if it's ok to go to bars/parties, I say no problem. Three things I told her I don't want her doing, which I find absolutely reasonable because I care about her, is no "blacking out", no drink driving, and of course no cheating.

It kinda has already made you sound controlling or possessive having to actually ask her not to do these things, should these be things you have to ask? Surely if someone is likely to drink until they're unconscious, drink drive, or cheat, then you already would kinda rule them out of a potential relationship? The first thing would put me off a lot, I don't want that kind of behaviour in someone I am with (it takes a LOT to drink until unconscious, drink driving is dangerous and stupid and would damage my own reputation as well as potentially risk other people's lives, and once you've become exclusive it's kinda assumed cheating is off anyway, right?

So we end up chatting, and she randomly stops and that is when it bothers me. I would have rather her agreed to text me the next day rather than just disappearing!

I think this is a personal thing. I have a friend who really hates for me to 'drop off the face of the earth' when we are texting, in his country it's very disrespectful. They have a saying that you're leaving somebody talking to themselves like a parrot rather than saying goodbye. Personally it's absolutely fine with me, I just presume they got busy. Personally I do sometimes not like to be tethered to my phone feeling obligated to reply. I don't mind my boyfriend suddenly stopping texting me because life doesn't revolve around a phone. I try make the effort with said friend but sometimes I still forget to text an 'ending' text!

And 3 days prior to our fight, I fell asleep. She texted me three times and called me twice while I was asleep. I woke up the next morning with 3 more texts saying "Thanks a lot I couldn't fall asleep last night and had the worst dream about you" and yada yada.

Well, to be fair, if she hates it so much being done to her she should show you the same courtesy in return.

Then on 4th of July, I thought it would be the perfect day. She met my parents, we hung with friends, but she just wasn't acting like my girlfriend. I told her that, and said maybe we should break up, but we ended up talking about it and she said she just doesn't like PDA, and I am fine with this also. So we have been pretty good at talking to each other about things.

Some people are like this, I feel really awkward with PDA beyond holding hands around my parents! I was on the sofa with my boyfriend at my best mate's house last night and he started putting his arm around me and snuggling me, I felt quite awkward. Yet at his house, he'll grab me and spin me round, dip kiss me, and then say to his mother 'can you believe how gorgeous she is!?' about me. He's just not at all afraid of showing affection around other people as he was brought up in a huggy and kissy family, I wasn't and so while I'm equally as affectionate alone, and in public around strangers, as him... it takes a little getting used to where the line is with family, other mates etc. I can totally understand why she might not want to smooch you around your own parents when she's probably nervous and trying to impress them. Having said that, I wonder why her resort was 'should we break up then?'. Maybe she was just annoyed that she felt you were digging away at her for stuff she's doing wrong.

Is this an unhealthy relationship in general though? Two people with long histories going at it? Let me know what you think!

Not necessarily yet. I think you both have some growing up to do. I think you have to learn to ease off on being controlling, and she sounds like she has a few years of partying like crazy to do first before she grows up and becomes a mature woman. Can you wait it out or will her behaviour drive you crazy?

Edited July 14, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse

July 14, 2014

Thanks again. Great response.

Going into the relationship, I wasn't even sure what to think. I had a feeling that I liked her, but as I said, she's my first serious girl. Sadly, I just knew how to lay in the bed with women, not build a relationship with them. And I knew about her past, and to be honest I never would have even thought of asking her out if you said I would 6 months ago!! I guess she was giving all the signs, and maybe me too, because my friends kept saying how we're in love and I should just go ahead and ask her out. I explained to one of my friends that I basically helped her cheat, and he goes "Well it was with you dude!" So I kind of thought he was right, but yes I agree... it has led me to some thoughts. I even was drunk one time and once again... when she didn't reply, I started an argument. I really need to learn to deal with this not responding. I guess I just have to realize everyone is different, but whenever I get a ring, I respond ASAP, even if it hinders something I am doing. I guess I'm attached to my phone! She says she isn't so I just need to understand that.

I let her do her thing, and it doesn't bother me. Not only do I want her to be happy in the relationship, I just know she is with ME and hopefully if she wanted someone else, she would just end things with me. I believe we are both happy, so I don't feel very insecure or worried. This kind of reminds me, we were studying in the library, and I went to the bathroom. I came back and saw she was texting, and she heard me coming and from MY PERSPECTIVE it looked like she tried to turn so I wouldn't see her phone. So I was just like "Who ya texting?" She said "Stephen" and that she told him they should hang out to catch up sometime, and maybe get some lunch. I said "Okay, but what made you text him"? And she said "Remember I told you I had that dream about him the other day? I just thought that was funny so I Facebook messaged him and now we're texting". I was kind of disappointed the rest of the day, and then we finally talked. I did something I am ashamed of next.... asked if she would show me the texts. I know, total violation of privacy and yes I am definitely appearing as a controlling guy though, but this really helped build my trust with her. She was certainly pissed but I explained that I am 100% happy now and would not be so worried when they hang out. No funny business in the text but I felt terrible afterwards and she was angry.

I will try to work on my texting etiquette and I guess being nicer, but I was just pretty mad at that point. Thanks for pointing that out, though.

I didn't ask her to not black out, drink and drive, or cheat because that is what I find in a perfect girl. No, that's not what that was about. Her repeated actions of blacking out/drinking driving is what made me tell her to STOP doing these things! It is ridiculous and hazardous to her health, and I care about her.

Pretty sure you all know how I feel about not getting the "ending" text by now, hah!

I felt the same way. I said, hey, you got mad at me for falling asleep, and I got mad at you for not texting back, so we both had our little feuds! She said she was so worried about me that night because I "always text back and it wasn't like me to not respond"

I was the one that asked if she wanted to break up. Sorry if I was unclear in original post. I just didn't feel loved at all that night, and I guess it didn't match up to my expectations of a perfect 4th of July with my new girlfriend.

We definitely have some growing to do. I am 20, almost 21, and she is 18, almost 19. I feel our bond is growing stronger each and every day, and we work out all of the kinks that we have. Our days have been great recently! :-)

Thanks all!

July 14, 2014

This is not LTR material. Some women are just for fun and see you as temporary. It sucks, but you have to deal with this reality.

In a solid relationship, you are likely to never feel insecure. If she goes to some guy's house with friends, that is a choice she is making. It is setting a tone with you - she will do what she wants with whom she wants and WHEN she wants. Your opinion or feelings are clearly irrelevant here.

This should not matter so long as you too have the same freedom. And if you do have the same freedom to come and go as you please with whomever you please, then what does that say about her?

I have been on both sides of this coin, so I know how tricky it can be.

Read this next part VERY carefully: Start disconnecting yourself emotionally from her immediately. Read that again as many times as it takes to sink in.

She is just for fun for now and that is exactly how she sees you. This girl is going to hurt you. You have been warned. You seem like a nice guy, but you know what they say about nice guys. In fact there is a book about this nomoremrniceguy - dot com. Check it out.

Good luck.

July 14, 2014

If I disconnect myself emotionally, what would be the point of even being in the relationship? I should just break it off now then, according to what you are saying. I do see where you are coming from, but I don't want to end a good thing for no reason besides speculation. It's my first girlfriend! I need to have some learning, as you all are teaching me some lessons, too. She said she loves me, and I asked if she really does, and she said she really does. Yesterday after our argument she was saying how she can't stop thinking about me and all this business. She even said a few days ago she was IN LOVE with me!!

I don't see a problem with her going to her friends house. They have been friends for about 5 years. These are kids she basically grew up with, all 4 years of High School, close knit group of friends. I have just KNOWN her for about 3, and we never talked at all when she had her LTR. She tells me besides with me, she never did anything else while she was dating. We had our nights in High School together, but other than that, I would just have small talk with her if I ever saw her. There was a point where she didn't want to see me in High School because she knew I was all about sex and she wanted more. Maybe these were the first signs the had feelings, all the way back then? I did see her once in college prior to the time we saw each other at the bar and hung out while she was dating, and it was on the way to our classes, and we just talked about classes and what not.

I will wait for more advice, but thank you for your input.

Edited July 14, 2014 by RyanBeynolds

July 14, 2014

Let me add more info. You said I was a good guy by how I am posting.

All of her friends were shocked she would choose me as a boyfriend. Her best friend/roommate was forreal pissed off! It kind of killed my confidence, because I was assuming I was not good enough for her.. because man, she is BEAUTIFUL!

But, they were probably saying the same thing you are telling me: Not relationship material. I have since won them over, because I have surprised her with flowers, bought her nice chocolates, and we have just been having a lot of fun and she is really happy!

So what I am getting at is... I am happy she would give me a chance, even with knowing my past. I gave her a chance too, and honestly I believe we are going great!

Man... typing all of this out makes me feel a lot better about what bothered me and made me post here in the first place. Thanks everyone!

Edit once more: I was thinking about it after I logged off. I feel like she wouldn't be so intimate if she was just using me to keep on the sideburner while she searches. She's planning my birthday for Christ's Sake and said she will make me the perfect cake! My PARENTS never even did anything like that for me

Edited July 14, 2014 by RyanBeynolds

July 14, 2014

It's possible that she was checking FB for a moment of quiet, and didn't want to talk with anyone at that point - even you. It's not an insult. Sometimes people just need some personal time.

And sometimes, you may say "I am going to bed." when you are really going to check FB before nodding off. It's a way to unwind and is part of the "going to bed" process.

It's best not to make a big deal out of petty things. You'll be a lot happier in a relationship that way.

July 14, 2014

It's possible that she was checking FB for a moment of quiet, and didn't want to talk with anyone at that point - even you. It's not an insult. Sometimes people just need some personal time.

And sometimes, you may say "I am going to bed." when you are really going to check FB before nodding off. It's a way to unwind and is part of the "going to bed" process.

It's best not to make a big deal out of petty things. You'll be a lot happier in a relationship that way.

Thank ya, Mom! I realized how dumb I was being in hindsight, but it's the heeaaattt of the mommennt

I successfully made a mountain out of a molehill! The bothersome part was that I thought she lied about something so little, but I guess I'm already over that! Venting was good

July 14, 2014

This IS troubling. It really matters that she couldn't tell you when she was on! Simple. Yeah, I was on or no my app keeps logging me on...then again, you do appear to be "checking-up" on her to her, no?

July 14, 2014

I am in a new relationship, and new to relationships in general. I won't give too much more background, because it's not necessarily needed for this question. She just got out of a LTR with an overprotective guy.

I guess a little background is needed. We both have long histories (lots of past partners) and know each other from back home. She got a job back home, and we go to the same college a few hours away, and I am still taking a course.

I have always had trouble trusting girls, because as I have seen with my long history of partners... I have known girls that will cheat on their boyfriends. I wasn't necessarily dating a girl, but we were seeing each other, and she cheated multiple times, so this may be a part of my problem.

I have never been a homewrecker in my Player days.... except one time we were both in the heat of the moment. And funny thing is, it's the girl I am dating now! We both agreed to hangout, and we ended up kissing, even though she had that LTR with her controlling boyfriend. She said she felt really bad afterwards, and even I did, too.

OP can you clear something up for me? You start your OP by stating that you are new to relationships, but then you say that you have a long dating history and used to be a "player."

How can someone who has a long dating history of being a "player" be new to relationships exactly?

If you do have a history of manipulating women for your own enjoyment as "player," why pretend you are new to relationships in your first post here?

Are you still a "player" or have you turned over a new leaf? It's hard for me to take your problem seriously, the way you misrepresented yourself right off the bat, claiming you are new to dating and new to being in a relationship.

July 14, 2014

This IS troubling. It really matters that she couldn't tell you when she was on! Simple. Yeah, I was on or no my app keeps logging me on...then again, you do appear to be "checking-up" on her to her, no?

Yeah, that's how I felt. She is adamant in her app logging her on automatically -- although it doesn't seem to do it late at night when she is sleeping? I told her that, too, and she didn't really have an explanation besides getting hysterical with name calling and a strong defensive stance. I said it was mean for the name calling and asked why she was so defensive because that made it more suspicious, and she said it makes her really frustrated/mad that I started an argument over something so little. Personally, I think it is just an excuse/little lie but the fact of the matter is it is STILL a lie and she didn't feel comfortable in just telling me she was on for some reason. After our argument I asked for the truth and if there was anything I should know and she said there wasn't.

Ehh, I wouldn't say I was checking up on her. I was doing my studies and then took my break by checking Facebook and the green dot popped up by her name saying she was active on her phone. Really hard not to see especially when she is at the top of my list because we frequently talk!

July 14, 2014

OP can you clear something up for me? You start your OP by stating that you are new to relationships, but then you say that you have a long dating history and used to be a "player."

How can someone who has a long dating history of being a "player" be new to relationships exactly?

If you do have a history of manipulating women for your own enjoyment as "player," why pretend you are new to relationships in your first post here?

Are you still a "player" or have you turned over a new leaf? It's hard for me to take your problem seriously, the way you misrepresented yourself right off the bat, claiming you are new to dating and new to being in a relationship.

Never dated a girl. Had some stints where I would see a certain girl for some time, but never officially dated. I would just have sexual relations, and I never led any girl on to believe that I wanted more.

It's not turning over a new leaf. I am in a relationship, so I stay committed to the woman I fancy instead of talking to multiple girls.

EDIT: Long history as in, I have slept with a lot of women. My girlfriend has slept with a lot of men.

July 14, 2014

Well ok then. Anyway, I found this article online about Facebook phone apps. I know that on my Android phone it shows me who is logged in/out of their FB. That doesn't mean they don't know that they are logged into FB or not logged in. You can choose to be logged in all the time on FB just by selecting a box on your FB login page. Why Am I Automatically Signed Into My Facebook Account? | Chron.com

You are both so young, 20 and 18. To argue over her use of Facebook social media seems like a huge waste of time. Maybe it's time you two logged off of your FB accounts and spent more time in person together? Kids these days.

July 14, 2014

Well ok then. Anyway, I found this article online about Facebook phone apps. I know that on my Android phone it shows me who is logged in/out of their FB. That doesn't mean they don't know that they are logged into FB or not logged in. You can choose to be logged in all the time on FB just by selecting a box on your FB login page. Why Am I Automatically Signed Into My Facebook Account? | Chron.com

You are both so young, 20 and 18. To argue over her use of Facebook social media seems like a huge waste of time. Maybe it's time you two logged off of your FB accounts and spent more time in person together? Kids these days.

Yeah, I know. I was immature for that. It's not like anything bad could come from Facebook, so I don't know what I was thinking. If she were talking to guys like the other person suggested, I'm sure she would just text/call them instead of logging onto Facebook to message them.

She gets mad and calls me a teenager in a 20 year old body sometimes.

Would love to spend some more time with her, but I am at our college and she is back home! Only a few more weeks We had some good texts today, so I think this whole thing is just swept under the rug. And you're damn right it's a waste of time... I need to be studying!

Here's some texts:

Me: "I wish we could just have fun together I'm tired of studying"

Her: "I know tell me about it :("

Me: "Pool or something... anything! You're just really fun to be around"

Her: "But you're studying is gonna be worth it I know you're gonna get into a good Medical School!!! :)"

See.. with conversations like that it would be hard to believe that she is just "using me" for fun!

Thanks... and Go Android!

Edit: The Facebook thing is something different. When you go to chat, it shows when the person's last login was. I guess she just didn't want to explain to me that she didn't want to talk at the moment. Who knows. Oh well.

Edited July 14, 2014 by RyanBeynolds

July 14, 2014

So she gets out of an overprotective relationship and you are being overprotective. Take it easy or you will lose this one...

July 15, 2014

Starting to think this is just an unhealthy relationship, this is what happened this morning:

I reactivated my Twitter last night. I barely follow anyone on there, and it is a relatively new account.

I wake up with a text this morning saying

"Why do you keep telling me you don't have twitter lol"

"I reactivated it... why's it a big deal"

"Idk everytime you're like I don't have a twitter I see you tweeting lol I just don't get it"

"Why are you tripping"

"I'm not haha I'm just saying"

"Oooook"

"It's just weird that's all but idc"

"How is that weird"

"Idk it just is haha"

"You know what else I thought was weird...."

"What"

"You know"

"Lol yes I know but this doesn't have anything to do with that chill out"

"Mine makes more sense lol"

"Whatever forget I said anything holy ****. Sorry I thought it was weird you're activating and deactivating your twitter"

"Whoa...."

"I wasn't arguing I was just wondering in the first place"

"You were definitely arguing I told you I reactivated it lol"

"Okay I wasn't but whatever"

"Ok"

Then we went to normal conversation.

At this point... our birthdays are coming up. I honestly don't want anything, because I barely even got presents from family growing up.

How bad would it be if I said we shouldn't get each other a gift? I'm basing this off that I personally don't want one and I'm afraid of where this relationship is going already.

July 15, 2014

I kept asking for her to tell me the truth, but she still hasn't to this point, and we argued all day yesterday. She says that it logged her on automatically, which doesn't make sense because sometimes it says she's offline for more than 6 hours, etc. We are going strong right now, and seem to be in love and she always says it... but I just feel lied to. I am almost certain it can't log her on by itself... and it just bothers me that she couldn't just say "Yeah, I was on Facebook" Why can't she tell me!?

I told her after I said I would stop bringing it up that I want her to always tell me the truth, no matter how little it is. I've always had a hard time trusting girls, but I really like her and want to stop being bothered by this.

What do you all think? If you need any clarifications, just ask.

Thank you.

I would try to just drop it and see how things go. Pick your battles... and for your sake, stop checking when she is online.

The only reason I am posting to your thread is because this has happened to me, just today!

Facebook said I was logged in during a one hour massage with a client of mine, just this morning. I pop on throughout the day, but I never chat with anyone and I'm usually scrolling through things and liking things. The liking everything is an addiction! Lol. Even if it a 2 minute look to see whats happening today. FB Is evil!

Just this morning I got a little jokey message saying, "OH! So facebook is more important than me?!?!?!? ;)" Lol. I didn't message before work this morning, like normal, but I was in a rush and late for an early client. I also don't text/call and drive. I had my client there when I got in, so I didn't message him until after my first client this morning. However, it wasn't followed by a fight. It was followed by a `Oh, Daisy, it doesnt matter! I was just bugging you!!! Have an amazing day!!!` Facebook said I was on during my massage. I am a massage therapist. The only thing I may have done is touch the icon while holding my phone early this morning, but I have no idea what happened while with my client?!? If I wasn't buried elbow deep in massage lotion, I may have actually been on facebook, but nope. I was doing my job and not on facebook.

I only comment because this too has led to a few conversations in my own relationship. I don't know much about FB chat as I only had FB Messenger a short time while my best friend was living a few provinces away, (now I can call him locally because he is home and don't have to text or message or email anymore.) What I do know is i have made status updates at midnight or just after, said good night to my hunny, and then he wakes up and at 8 am it says I was online 7 hours ago. As soon as 8:05 hit, it said 8 hours. Lol Questioning defused! To his knowledge I went to sleep around midnight, so why was I up at 1am, 7 hours ago?!?!?? Facebook isn't as precise as we all believe it to be. Lol.

Edited July 15, 2014 by daisydook

July 15, 2014

As for whatever else you have said, I dont think you guys are even right for one another anyway. It seems as though there is just way too much push and pull here.

July 15, 2014

Thanks for the response! Puts me at ease.

And yes. To be honest, especially after the conversation this morning, I feel that I am the one being controlled!

She has limited my contact with specific girls, gets mad if I take a picture with girls, and apparently freaks out at something as little as activating my Twitter back up?

I am hoping all of these arguments lead to compromises since I am new to dating and we are a new couple. But I guess time will tell.

But about the birthday thing... I assume that would be a huge no-no? I am just frightened to drop ~$100 on her and then she be out the door!

EDIT: I'm about to text her and just ask "Why do we always argue? Will it stop?"

EDIT2:

"Why do we always argue? Will it stop?"

"Idk I just didn't text you because I didn't think you wanted to talk"

"Like this morning, was that necessary? Yes you could say the same about me the other night, I admit. But why do we keep doing this to each other"

Edited July 15, 2014 by RyanBeynolds

July 15, 2014

I'm not sure if spilling your heart out is what you're supposed to do in relationships but I had a feeling it was ending so I just did what I felt like doing:

"Like this morning, was that necessary? Yes you could say the same about me the other night, I admit. But why do we keep doing this to each other"

"Idkk. I wasn't trying to argue"

"Can we actually talk about this"

"Yes"

"Well you aren't saying much!"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Our relationship"

"Okay what do you feel is wrong"

"You don't feel like anything at all is wrong?"

"There isn't anything wrong with having disagreements. What do you think is wrong?"

"Well you know I'm new to this but I didn't think a relationship would come with so much baggage I thought it would just be a bond between us with a bunch of happiness. We bicker way too much!"

"What do you mean baggage?"

"I feel like there's been a lot of problems in a short time. Is it just us working out and coming to a compromise? Or is there something else I'm not seeing"

"Idk I feel like it's just argument idk though I didn't think anything was wrong"

"I'm always a happy person. You know that. That's why these arguments even though they aren't anything big, bother me so much"

"I'm sorry babe"

"You still feel strong in the relationship?"

"Yes. I'm guessing you don't..."

"I do I just don't understand all of these arguments"

"The only argument we've had lately is the fb one"

"I woke up in a bad mood this morning because I felt interrogated for something as little as activating my Twitter up. That's much different than how we started when we would say good morning and how much we loved each other."

"I wasn't interrogating you I was just confused because you said you didn't have a twitter but I saw you tweeting."

"Okay babe. I guess so. But you know I have been deactivating/reactivating it so I don't know why you would approach me the way you did"

"Idkk it was just a question"

"Okay well I'm sorry I guess for bringing all of this up but I just thought it'd be best for us to talk about how we felt"

"I feel fine but whenever you feel there is something wrong please talk to me like you have been doing. I think it helps"

"I love you ________ I really do"

"I love you Ryan"

I also want to add a little side story. I come from a relatively poor family, and her family is very wealthy. She knows this, and she went to my friends and poked fun at how I asked if she could pay the tip and I will get the bill. She paid $3 on my $20.

And on a perfect night at the baseball game on a date, we went to a bar afterwards. I was deciding what beer I should buy for myself, and she said she'd take any kind. I suppose I was taking too long on making a choice, so my friend goes "Here, I'll just get us a pitcher". And she blows up on me because she thinks I'm making him pay for us, raising her voice and using swear words.

I know it's hard to tell from an internet forum and you all are just getting the negative sides of the story and from my perspective, but what all do you think about this relationship?

Thanks

Edited July 15, 2014 by RyanBeynolds

July 15, 2014

Short answer: I don't think you two are compatible.

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