JudeF Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for just over 2 months. I know it is still early days, but I think I’ve messed up my relationship with him. Recently he has been quite stressed with work and he has told me that. I should have been more understanding and leave him to do his thing. I replied to his first text with normal chit chat, with no questions and hadn't heard from him in 3 days so I texed him again (stupidly) and he replied 20 mins later to say that he was sorry he hasn’t been in contact with me much because of work stress. He didn't seem mad or anything by my text, and he sent kisses to which is rare of him. He seemed like he was still into me. I stupidly left it a couple of days before replying to him and now it’s been just over a week and no reply. I think I have scared him away but I want to let him know I’m still interested. I think I was trying too hard not to seem needy but I realise now that I was probably giving him the vibe that I’m not interested in him. I know you will all think I’m silly for doing this and I take the blame completely. I just want to make things right. Shall i leave him be or just send him a chilled text asking how he is? We had made plans for him to cook me a meal and i was going to take him out for a surprise which he was really excited about, before he got a manic situation at work. I just don't want to bug him if he needs the space. I guess he may just need some alone time and he cant really multi-task. Any advice?
RyanBeynolds Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for just over 2 months. I know it is still early days, but I think I’ve messed up my relationship with him. Recently he has been quite stressed with work and he has told me that. I should have been more understanding and leave him to do his thing. I replied to his first text with normal chit chat, with no questions and hadn't heard from him in 3 days so I texed him again (stupidly) and he replied 20 mins later to say that he was sorry he hasn’t been in contact with me much because of work stress. He didn't seem mad or anything by my text, and he sent kisses to which is rare of him. He seemed like he was still into me. I stupidly left it a couple of days before replying to him and now it’s been just over a week and no reply. I think I have scared him away but I want to let him know I’m still interested. I think I was trying too hard not to seem needy but I realise now that I was probably giving him the vibe that I’m not interested in him. I know you will all think I’m silly for doing this and I take the blame completely. I just want to make things right. Shall i leave him be or just send him a chilled text asking how he is? We had made plans for him to cook me a meal and i was going to take him out for a surprise which he was really excited about, before he got a manic situation at work. I just don't want to bug him if he needs the space. I guess he may just need some alone time and he cant really multi-task. Any advice? I think you should put away the texts and call him when you know he is off work and see how he is doing.
TheNewMe2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 So often I have mis-interpreted lack of texts or what they mean. Every time I picked up the phone...it fixed everything. Not saying where things are going to go - but it can't hurt to call him. If you are interested in him..show him your interested. He'll either blow you off because he isn't interested, apologize and ask to talk soon, or be happy and chat with you. What's wrong with either of these scenarios - you'll know where you stand. It won't scare him off if he was interested. 1
mammasita Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 For me, and certainly some may disagree - I would venture to say not many though, but I would never ever go three days not contacting my man especially in the early stages. This is the honeymoon period when you are completly smitten with eachother!!! At the same time, if I were in a relationship with a man that didn't contact me for three days.....and we're talking in a relationship.....not just dating......he'd be on my **** list and probably history shortly after because he obviously wasn't into me. Here's a helpful hint: No matter what is going on in life.....people make time for eachother when they truly care. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 You're not being needy. The right man wouldn't be put off by you not falling all over yourself not to reply, he'd put the effort in to get to know you, he'd send you at least another few messages of conversation even if you weren't too quick to reply, before he backed off. This guy isn't interested at all, it may be nothing to do with you. But even if it IS work, that's never enough to stop someone from being in touch and making the effort. You still get private bathroom time each day. You still have those few moments before bed. Or, if he really couldn't speak, on one of those messages he'd have said 'look I can't talk for *this time* but I'll be in touch straight after and let's arrange the date'. I think you're trying to make too many excuses for him, hoping it'll work out. He just isn't that interested. 1
Author JudeF Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 Thanks guys. Yea you are both right. I know he doesn't really like texting but haven't called him before. I personally prefer to call someone too. What should i say to him? Sorry to ask but i don't want to say the wrong thing
Priv Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Maybe, but so did he. Its early days sure, but you 2 define yourself to be in a relationship. So what's wrong with a daily text just checking in. Takes 30 seconds, noone is too busy or forgetful for that, and that applies to the both of you. But checking in after 3 days of NC isn't needy. Though the game playing afterwards or just being very nonchalant (are you really that interested if you let your BF wait days for a reply?!?) is a turn off. Now it has been a week. I guess the only thing left to do is pick up the phone, arrange a date, and probably start from square 1 again.
Priv Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 You're not being needy. The right man wouldn't be put off by you not falling all over yourself not to reply, he'd put the effort in to get to know you, he'd send you at least another few messages of conversation even if you weren't too quick to reply, before he backed off. That's right, but change the man with the woman in the above quote and it is probably where he is at right now, having openly discussed the situation to her beforehand.
Author JudeF Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) I see what you mean...i just felt like i was putting in all the effort so i wanted to wait a few days to reply. I guess he may be giving me the same treatment back. I shouldn't keep guessing though and just contact him. I think it just hit me though that he used to text me first and he'd send me sweet messages throughout he day. I just got really down and i know the worst thing to do is to get all worked up about it when he may think I'm fine. I can tell he is busy because he is rarely online on our chat messenger which isn't normal for him Edited July 14, 2014 by JudeF
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 That's right, but change the man with the woman in the above quote and it is probably where he is at right now, having openly discussed the situation to her beforehand. I probably got the wrong idea but I had the impression that she had been putting in effort towards him, but not as much in return. Either way if he was interested, he'd probably have been in touch wondering why she was distant, worried because he wanted to make sure things were okay. Unless they're both playing silly games, I imagine that he is probably done with the relationship and assumes she naturally feels the same way too. I mean, one entire week of absolutely no contact after two months of a relationship, I can't imagine a scenario where that could end in anything but a split. 1
Recommended Posts