LifeandPerseverance Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 If anyone remembers my old thread..There's this guy, we talk all the time, things have gotten better recently, etc. That's the long story short. My current question..He's called me twice now. The first time, I asked if he could call, we set a date/time, and he called and we talked for 2 hrs. It was great. The second time, I wasn't expecting it at all (this was last week) and he called me out of the blue and we talked for 45 minutes, despite getting disconnected a couple times. And things were great. I'm not a big phone person, but I love hearing his voice. It's just better than texting for actually having a conversation. Yesterday, we were texting, and we'd been texting for hours, I hinted "I like listening to you" and "Okay, I've exhausted all my tricks to get you to call me." He said, "Well, you could just ask." So I did. And he responds, "Why don't you call me?" I said, "I would rather you call me." (I don't know why, somehow it just feels better when he calls ME, it feels like that's the way things are suppose to be. Call me old fashioned.) He responds, "Im watching a movie right now so I don't really feel like it." Then when we said goodnight, I asked if I'd pushed the phone thing too far. His response, "I just find it dumb that you would rather ask me to call you, than call me. THat's all." The way we ended up leaving it last night...I'm suppose to call him today at some point? He said "Sure. Call me when you feel up to it." So now I'm sitting here going..Is this a bad sign he would rather I call him? That he just doesn't care? It almost feels like a test of some kind, to see if I care. I should say that I wait for him to iniate texting and communication 99.9% of the time, from the time we started talking until now. I always let him start it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 He's an idiot, a jerk, and not that into you. I also have zero interest in doing the pursuing, and have never done it. I'd move on if I were you. 2
thekid36 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 If anyone remembers my old thread..There's this guy, we talk all the time, things have gotten better recently, etc. That's the long story short. My current question..He's called me twice now. The first time, I asked if he could call, we set a date/time, and he called and we talked for 2 hrs. It was great. The second time, I wasn't expecting it at all (this was last week) and he called me out of the blue and we talked for 45 minutes, despite getting disconnected a couple times. And things were great. I'm not a big phone person, but I love hearing his voice. It's just better than texting for actually having a conversation. Yesterday, we were texting, and we'd been texting for hours, I hinted "I like listening to you" and "Okay, I've exhausted all my tricks to get you to call me." He said, "Well, you could just ask." So I did. And he responds, "Why don't you call me?" I said, "I would rather you call me." (I don't know why, somehow it just feels better when he calls ME, it feels like that's the way things are suppose to be. Call me old fashioned.) He responds, "Im watching a movie right now so I don't really feel like it." Then when we said goodnight, I asked if I'd pushed the phone thing too far. His response, "I just find it dumb that you would rather ask me to call you, than call me. THat's all." The way we ended up leaving it last night...I'm suppose to call him today at some point? He said "Sure. Call me when you feel up to it." So now I'm sitting here going..Is this a bad sign he would rather I call him? That he just doesn't care? It almost feels like a test of some kind, to see if I care. I should say that I wait for him to iniate texting and communication 99.9% of the time, from the time we started talking until now. I always let him start it. It should be the pleasure of any man to call a woman he is interested in. It is completely different than texting. 1
Diezel Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. Phone calls are an inconvenience to most people. I see it as a way to weed out people.
Zahara Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Maybe I'm not following this but I don't see where he went wrong, OP. He's made attempts to call you. He called you out of the blue with a 45 minute conversation and I am sure getting disconnected a few times left him trying to restore contact? Maybe he would like you to reciprocate in that you calling him is a show of your interest and thought as well. His response to you sounded like he was peeved with not so much a request from you but more so what sounded like a demand and in his mind interpreted it as he has to make the effort to keep this going and to chase you. There is nothing wrong with reciprocating, picking up the phone and calling. It's a simple gesture. I don't care for his response but I understand why he may be sounding perturbed. I don't think it has anything with you being old-fashioned. It think it comes from a place of insecurity. The chase makes you feel wanted and desired and as long as he's chasing you're secure in his interest for you. 6
MikeyBe Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Take phone. Find guy. Hit talk. Say hi. ...is that difficult? Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, IMO. He's an idiot, a jerk, and not that into you. I also have zero interest in doing the pursuing, and have never done it. I'd move on if I were you. Good grief. That's a bit much there. 3
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Oh man, if I was the guy I'd run a mile. If a woman is so set in stone and inflexible that she'd actually rather make a point of being called than call (I mean, it took more time and effort to text him asking him to call you rather than you call him than it would have done to, actually, ya know... call him) I'd wonder what else I was in store with. It seems extremely petty, especially considering he already pleased you by calling you the first time. I can honestly say not once in my life have I ever even noticed whether it's me or the guy who hits the 'call' button. Usually it's whoever is free first, or whoever suggests it. Plus many people hate phonecalls for various reasons. Maybe it's a little distracting from whatever else they're doing, they're nervous they'll run out of things to say, they hate their voices and are embarrassed. 1
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 I don't think it has anything with you being old-fashioned. It think it comes from a place of insecurity. The chase makes you feel wanted and desired and as long as he's chasing you're secure in his interest for you. I think you hit the nail on the head here. And I hadn't seen it this way, either. So I called him. It's afternoon there (today's his day off), and he was waiting for a movie he'd already bought a ticket to, to start. We talked for 40 minutes. I felt like some of it was awkward. No awkward silences...more just me being afraid somehow I'll ruin it, or he didn't really want to talk to me. The way we ended the phone call. He told me a quick story: "There was a girl once, when I worked at the college bookstore. We were flirting pretty good. Then she told me she was an (insert my FAVORITE COLLEGE TEAM EVER here--the arch rival of his favorite--this is something we banter about all the time). I ended it right there." Me: "You dumb-dumb! She was probably an awesome girl--liking that team. You probably missed out on the love of your life, right there." Him: "Maybe so...But if she was, I wouldn't be talking to you." Immeadiately following that, he said goodbye because he was walking in the theater. His parting comment..a good sign it wasn't too awkward? Or just a super smooooooth guy?
Zahara Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I think you hit the nail on the head here. And I hadn't seen it this way, either. So I called him. It's afternoon there (today's his day off), and he was waiting for a movie he'd already bought a ticket to, to start. We talked for 40 minutes. I felt like some of it was awkward. No awkward silences...more just me being afraid somehow I'll ruin it, or he didn't really want to talk to me. The way we ended the phone call. He told me a quick story: "There was a girl once, when I worked at the college bookstore. We were flirting pretty good. Then she told me she was an (insert my FAVORITE COLLEGE TEAM EVER here--the arch rival of his favorite--this is something we banter about all the time). I ended it right there." Me: "You dumb-dumb! She was probably an awesome girl--liking that team. You probably missed out on the love of your life, right there." Him: "Maybe so...But if she was, I wouldn't be talking to you." Immeadiately following that, he said goodbye because he was walking in the theater. His parting comment..a good sign it wasn't too awkward? Or just a super smooooooth guy? He's flirting with you. Just go with the flow. You seem to have a good back and forth with him. You can even ask him out on a date -- really, yes you can. Some level of insecurity is understandable. But allowing it to get into every nook and cranny of your communication and rapport with him is going to drive you nuts. Stop analyzing everything. He maybe the nicest guy or he may be a smooth talker. That's something you're going to find out as you date further and as you get a better feel for him. 1
Eivuwan Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I don't believe in the guy doing all the pursuing thing. He already took an initiative. The best relationships are mutual imo. 1
gaius Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Next thing you know he's gonna want a strap-on up his bum. Run while you still can from this girl trapped in a man's body. 1
Keenly Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 This thread does an amazing job of illustrating a small taste of what high maintenance means. 1
Treasa Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Why should this guy have to do all the work? Heck, if I were single I'd ask for his number... But then, I just take what I want.
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Since talking to him on the phone on Monday, I hadn't heard from him. So Wednesday, I sent him a snapchat (I was wheeling through airport terminals, and it also seemed like a really casual way to say hello). We snapped a little. That was it. Right now, I'm 250 miles from him. He knows this--I told him I'd be here visiting family, finding a place to live, last weekend. So he knows I'm here. He texted me yesterday afternoon and we texted back and forth a bit. I had a TERRIBLE day (which I didn't burden him with). Finally he mentioned he got a new uniform for work (he knows how I feel about this). I started saying oh really *cough* (things like that. indicating that I wanted a picture). He finally said "I'm sure you'll survive not having a picture of me. And I'm annoyed by your coughing." Then "sorry to be blunt." I was kind of taken aback. It hurt. I know at the time, he was just killing time. It wouldn't have killed him. But instead, sending me a nasty text? I finally replied a few hours later, said it hurt. And sorry if he finds me annoying, but I'm the way I am. And I am very unabashedly me (and it's funny, because 4 months ago, it seemed like that ME, was the girl he really liked). And I ended it with "and I care about you. And if you care about me, now would be the time to say something." He wrote back as he was going to bed. Not to apologize, or say he cared, or anything. It said this: "What I found annoying is that you weren't picking up the hints that I didn't want to send you a pic. I realize you like seeing me and wanted to see the polo shirt on me but if you push like you didthen I will become irritated and annoyed. Especially when "cough" is included in each text. I'm off to bed. Night." Am I wrong in thinking I didn't deserve a response like this? For asking for a picture? I know it shouldn't hurt, but for some reason..It does?
Eivuwan Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You guys don't seem like a good match. You're too sensitive and he's too callous.
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You two do not communicate well. Adding "coughs" to texts is passive aggressive and game-playing. Why couldn't you just come out and ask him to send a picture? Then he could have replied that he didn't want to. This back-and-forth banter escalates and pisses both of you off. I don't think you are meant for each other and should move on... 3
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 This is no different from when you started this thread with the you call me issue. Playing passive aggressive games with each other. *Cough* -- read between the lines? Are you both 12? If you want to manouver a relationship, you have to learn how to communicate effectively and maturely. I had to read the post twice to understand what was going on. You both try to push and pull and end up annoying each other. 2
maysj18 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Old fashioned is cool and all, but you're seriously being so weird and if I were a guy I would run for the hills. "The way it's supposed to be" means he'll be the first to contact you after the first date. Once you establish a mutual interest and start planning third, fourth, and fifth dates, things need to be mutual. It's endearing and charming at the beginning, but after that it just becomes controlling. I'm all my date opening doors for me, paying for first dates, calling me to schedule the second, etc. (although I don't expect it or demand it), but this surpasses that. He's called you twice already and initiated long conversations. You like to talk to him so you text him telling him that, but then insist that he calls you? Why are you making this into a game? Imagine how he feels? When are you going to start stepping up and doing some of the work? Honestly, OP. Answer that. What hoops do you jump through for him? Sigh. Get over yourself.
maysj18 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Since talking to him on the phone on Monday, I hadn't heard from him. So Wednesday, I sent him a snapchat (I was wheeling through airport terminals, and it also seemed like a really casual way to say hello). We snapped a little. That was it. Right now, I'm 250 miles from him. He knows this--I told him I'd be here visiting family, finding a place to live, last weekend. So he knows I'm here. He texted me yesterday afternoon and we texted back and forth a bit. I had a TERRIBLE day (which I didn't burden him with). Finally he mentioned he got a new uniform for work (he knows how I feel about this). I started saying oh really *cough* (things like that. indicating that I wanted a picture). He finally said "I'm sure you'll survive not having a picture of me. And I'm annoyed by your coughing." Then "sorry to be blunt." I was kind of taken aback. It hurt. I know at the time, he was just killing time. It wouldn't have killed him. But instead, sending me a nasty text? I finally replied a few hours later, said it hurt. And sorry if he finds me annoying, but I'm the way I am. And I am very unabashedly me (and it's funny, because 4 months ago, it seemed like that ME, was the girl he really liked). And I ended it with "and I care about you. And if you care about me, now would be the time to say something." He wrote back as he was going to bed. Not to apologize, or say he cared, or anything. It said this: "What I found annoying is that you weren't picking up the hints that I didn't want to send you a pic. I realize you like seeing me and wanted to see the polo shirt on me but if you push like you didthen I will become irritated and annoyed. Especially when "cough" is included in each text. I'm off to bed. Night." Am I wrong in thinking I didn't deserve a response like this? For asking for a picture? I know it shouldn't hurt, but for some reason..It does? He doesn't like you. He finds you annoying. I would too. It's been four months and you're still being coy and passive and won't even call the dude when you want to talk.
rester Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Stop having these text conversations. Sounds like they are causing more problems than necessary. In my opinion, texting should not be used for anything except light flirting and the exchange of basic information. Conversations over text can go very wrong very fast.
fred123 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 It should be the pleasure of any man to call a woman he is interested in. It is completely different than texting. but wat if u wanna call her cos u like her but she just always text. why wont she call bak or arrange a time to get to know each other over the phone? girls please help!
fred123 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Since talking to him on the phone on Monday, I hadn't heard from him. So Wednesday, I sent him a snapchat (I was wheeling through airport terminals, and it also seemed like a really casual way to say hello). We snapped a little. That was it. Right now, I'm 250 miles from him. He knows this--I told him I'd be here visiting family, finding a place to live, last weekend. So he knows I'm here. He texted me yesterday afternoon and we texted back and forth a bit. I had a TERRIBLE day (which I didn't burden him with). Finally he mentioned he got a new uniform for work (he knows how I feel about this). I started saying oh really *cough* (things like that. indicating that I wanted a picture). He finally said "I'm sure you'll survive not having a picture of me. And I'm annoyed by your coughing." Then "sorry to be blunt." I was kind of taken aback. It hurt. I know at the time, he was just killing time. It wouldn't have killed him. But instead, sending me a nasty text? I finally replied a few hours later, said it hurt. And sorry if he finds me annoying, but I'm the way I am. And I am very unabashedly me (and it's funny, because 4 months ago, it seemed like that ME, was the girl he really liked). And I ended it with "and I care about you. And if you care about me, now would be the time to say something." He wrote back as he was going to bed. Not to apologize, or say he cared, or anything. It said this: "What I found annoying is that you weren't picking up the hints that I didn't want to send you a pic. I realize you like seeing me and wanted to see the polo shirt on me but if you push like you didthen I will become irritated and annoyed. Especially when "cough" is included in each text. I'm off to bed. Night." Am I wrong in thinking I didn't deserve a response like this? For asking for a picture? I know it shouldn't hurt, but for some reason..It does? he is notninto you. no guy who is interested in a girl sends. a rude text like that. she was flirting with him with regards to the cough. find a guy who likes you cos this guy certainly doesnt. he has another girl
SharM Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 He finally said "I'm sure you'll survive not having a picture of me. And I'm annoyed by your coughing." Yikes, have some dignity and stop talking to this guy.
Diezel Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You two do not communicate well. Adding "coughs" to texts is passive aggressive and game-playing. Why couldn't you just come out and ask him to send a picture? Then he could have replied that he didn't want to. This back-and-forth banter escalates and pisses both of you off. I don't think you are meant for each other and should move on... This. This. This. A Million times this. A Billion times this. A Trillion times this. I hate these texting games where men and women are supposed to infer what the other person is thinking. Specially in a medium where it is already hard to detect emotion.
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 This. This. This. A Million times this. A Billion times this. A Trillion times this. I hate these texting games where men and women are supposed to infer what the other person is thinking. Specially in a medium where it is already hard to detect emotion. Definitely taking that as I overreacted earlier this week. Anyways, I texted him yesterday afternoon, "Im sorry last night ended the way it did." He responded before bed, "Me too." We seemed to be on okay terms as we went to sleep.
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