IrishDater Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Cliff Notes: Match.com girl. Me 32 her 28. Both masters degrees and want kids. Coffee meet up and 5 dates in under a month. I planned all the dates. Think 3rd date I finally kissed her. Previous dates didnt really allow. Everythings going well. Thursday last week she comes over and I cook (5th date). Good conversation, laughing, few make out sessions. More involved then previous dates. We did chat about dating and experiences. She said she likes me, that I'm 'doing a good job' whatever that means and that she takes things slow. Friday she checks out my match profile despite us being Facebook friends already....could be meaningless. So I put it on hidden cuz at that point I'm 100% into her, dont want to date anyone else. I've since said screw that and its visible again. I want her to plan something cuz it would show she's more interested. I message Saturday to see if she is free sunday cuz I'm impatient and she is busy all day with brunch and world cup game. I didnt respond. Been neer 2 days since a text really. She knows I like her. Do I keep quiet and wait, or contact her and see if she's free this week? I find that girls say they dont want to plays games but if I guy shows he interested too soon they bounce. I mean, 5 dates in a under a month...kind of at a lost. Not sure if I said something lame during dinner. I told her I'm really comfortable around her. We laughed about the 'friend zone' and her thoughts were guys made that up to speed things up. She said some guys move to fast and appreciated I didnt.
Diezel Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Why don't you just call her and ask her out again? You are the man, take the lead. Her planning something doesn't necessarily mean she is MORE interested. Her showing up each time you to plan something definitely does. Stop playing these mental games with yourself. 4
TXGuy Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 You are one of several she is stringing along and you are not even in the top half. Date others. You can find someone who is interested in you. This one isn't very interested.
Author IrishDater Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Why don't you just call her and ask her out again? You are the man, take the lead. Her planning something doesn't necessarily mean she is MORE interested. Her showing up each time you to plan something definitely does. Stop playing these mental games with yourself. This is why I really am thinking about being single the rest of my life (32 currently). I did call. After 2 days of no contact. She answered. Good sign. BS for a bit and then I ask her out. Tomorrow night she's free and that works for me. I THEN ask her basically if she's still interested. She says yeah she is, as long as there's no pressure wants to get to know me more. Cool. Date tomorrow night, probably make out more see where things go. 45min later I get a text she's not 100% and she has to go with her feelings even though she may be totally wrong and that I have all the qualitied she's looking for blah blah crap.
Diezel Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 This is why I really am thinking about being single the rest of my life (32 currently). I did call. After 2 days of no contact. She answered. Good sign. BS for a bit and then I ask her out. Tomorrow night she's free and that works for me. I THEN ask her basically if she's still interested. She says yeah she is, as long as there's no pressure wants to get to know me more. Cool. Date tomorrow night, probably make out more see where things go. 45min later I get a text she's not 100% and she has to go with her feelings even though she may be totally wrong and that I have all the qualitied she's looking for blah blah crap. Why did you do this!? I THEN ask her basically if she's still interested. If she said yes to going out with you, you just assume she is interested. By asking her that, you gave her an "out". It demonstrates insecurity on your behalf and uncertainty. You might have dodged a bullet but in the future... assume interest if they say yes.
starrynightz45 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Well why the "no contact" for 2 days simply because she said she was busy with the world cup? Could you have tried to set something else up instead of reacting by going "no contact" for 2 days? Ask if she was available another day? If I was still getting to know you and evaluating you and you went no contact for 2 days after asking me out on a date that I wasn't able to make, it wouldn't work in your favor.
Author IrishDater Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Why did you do this!? I THEN ask her basically if she's still interested. If she said yes to going out with you, you just assume she is interested. By asking her that, you gave her an "out". It demonstrates insecurity on your behalf and uncertainty. You might have dodged a bullet but in the future... assume interest if they say yes. That's a good point. I never looked at it this way and being in the psychology field you'd think I'd get that. I feel I'm a confident guy, make the moves and initiated dates. I was just getting a vibe about her interest level and asked. It prob freaked her out cuz it showed I was more into her than she was me. Makes sense though, when I really like a girl I think more and act less. Too much thinking, looking for reassurance in a way and clear signs to make moves/their interested and not disrupt things. Make sense? Think that's what happened. Girls I'm dating that I'm not 100% on seem to like/want me more, funny how that works.
Author IrishDater Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Well why the "no contact" for 2 days simply because she said she was busy with the world cup? Could you have tried to set something else up instead of reacting by going "no contact" for 2 days? Ask if she was available another day? If I was still getting to know you and evaluating you and you went no contact for 2 days after asking me out on a date that I wasn't able to make, it wouldn't work in your favor. I didn't want to force things and pressure her. The previous date she said she moves slow. That was date 5 in 3 weeks. I asked her plans, she was busy and I felt after the amount of time we've spent she should have said "but I'm free this day". I didn't want to go the days of the week with her haha! I don't work in the summer and wasn't dating anyone else....free time galore.
Author IrishDater Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 She's not all that into you for whatever reason. Accept it. learn from it. From the little we know I would suggest being more proactive and decisive. Your attitude is not of a confident male. Boys feel sorry for themselves and pout... 'This is why I'm thinking of being single ....' No you aren't. It's an immature reaction to not getting what you want. This attitude might get sympathy from losers but does not make you attractive to women. A confident male dusts himself off and gets ready to hop on the next horse...not whine about last horse. 100% agree. Just sucks, I finally got back into dating and put a lot of time/effort and when you really into a girl, racking up dates and this happens, it's a lil setback. I'm not a guarded guy and feel I talk a lot. I'm quick to get to know so by date 4 I was sold on her. She was more guarded than I and didn't make the connection as fast as I did.
Fondue Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 She declined your offer of a meetup without offering an alternative or rescheduling. It is up to her to seek you out. If she doesn't reach out and ask YOU out, she isn't interested. It's as simple as that.
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