simplicity1 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I consider myself pretty experienced on first dates. I have an extremely clear idea of the qualities I'm looking for in a guy, and as a result usually can quickly tell if we have any shot together. On a rare occasion I won't be sure in which case a second date does the trick. On even rarer occasions I have a GREAT impression of the guy and then I totally lose my cool after the first date. Here I am again. We'd texted on and off for a few weeks before meeting. It kept not working out so finally we laughingly agreed to chat on Skype. This was nice, he'd continue to send me songs of the day, and then we went out in person and man I'm definitely sold on him..definitely in for a second date. He ended the date by saying 'I hope well hang out next weekend again if I'm in town' and I said Id be. He sent me a link he'd mentioned right after the date, and I sent him a response and a link back. Now, 2 days of silence. I get so unnatural in these circumstances! I wish we had ways to see each other without scheduling it. Is my only choice here to wait and be super chill about things? I always get super conflicted about the extent to which I should indicate to him that I really see potential in us...
TheNewMe2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 My advice is probably not the typical advice (well part isn't): 1) He may have enjoyed himself, but it's hard for a guy to be where you are after one date. He probably is playing it cool, interested but not head-over-heals yet. Or maybe I'm wrong. But, the point is there is nothing to suggest he's not interested. He said next weekend..it's Monday... 2) Stop playing it cool. I hate game and I think if a relationship is going to eventually have 'legs' you don't play games. You like him - call him or text him. don't profess love. Make it casual. If he likes you, he'll be flattered. If he doesn't like you he won't respond and you have your answer. He may have gotten side tracked or busy. My one piece of advice - is playing games is stupid. Waiting games or who should say what first.
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Since he didn't give you anything concrete distract yourself & do other things. If he calls & you're still interested great. If not, oh well.
Author simplicity1 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Thanks for the replies. Just keeping an updates diary here in case anyone stumbles on this thread with similar situations... Saturday was our date, and he sent me the relevant link to something we'd discussed directly after the date, and I texted one back to him. Sunday, nothing. Monday afternoon I texted him another link, and Monday evening he texted one back to me. Tuesday, nothing. I think it's pretty light communication if he were interested :/ we'll see if he follows through on this weekend or not, or at least updates me about whether he'll be in town or not...I think gaging his interest will come down to that
deathandtaxes Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 The whole 'hope we'll hang out if I'm in town' is such utter BS of the highest order. If I got that from a woman, she'd be at the bottom of my list and I wouldn't bother trying to get in touch. First, that message is way too passive for my liking. Hope we'll hang out. Hope? That doesn't tell me ****. That's crap. If he had said 'I would love to hang out again', then that is a more concrete message. And second, 'if I'm in town'. WTF? Does he not know if he'll be in town the next weekend? That's still crap. If he had said 'I want to see you again next weekend. However, I may be going out of town for work and won't find out until Thursday or Friday. Work can be so last minute for this travel and it makes planning on weekends hell.' then I would be optimistic. Take a pass on this bs. 1
Author simplicity1 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 If it changes anything, he has to spend the whole summer a few hours away for work and can only come back to town if he arranges with a friend of his here to spend the night
Fondue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Communication between "dates" is difficult. Especially when there is a wide gap of time between those dates. You never know what amount is appropriate. Everyone is sooo drastically different. I personally kept contact to a minimum. Most people would consider a lot of communication after a first date screams neediness and clinginess. So "daters" just chill. Be patient and he will schedule the date with you once he figures out how and when he'll "be in town." With that said, you shouldn't shut your doors to other opportunities.
Gaeta Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 He ended the date by saying 'I hope well hang out next weekend again if I'm in town' If he's in town? He was planning on going somewhere OR he lives away and once in a while comes to your town?
Assasda Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You should send him texts about stuff that you guys might have thought about, or that things that you find interesting. I think he'd appreciate it
Author simplicity1 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 @Gaeta- Due to his job he has to spend the summer a few hours away, but is coming back here permanently in September and also spends some but not all summer weekends here (only when he can arrange to sleep over at his future roommate's current place) @Assasda- I sent him a text Monday afternoon, a link. He replied Monday evening with another link and a small indication that he had watched the link I sent. It kinda feels like I should hold off on any more contact given that his contact has been pretty limited, no?
Author simplicity1 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 tonight I caved and sent him a brief text saying 'if you're in town this weekend let's do x' he responded within 10 seconds saying, 'hey, it's funny I was just thinking about you' and we ended up having an hour-long flirtatious but still meaningful chat. He did say he won't be in town this weekend but hopefully the following weekend. So, I still think it's a *bit* weird that he'd go so many days without a word and then the second I text jump at it. New interpretation is that he's either 1. Still somewhat interested but circumstance is preventing him from acting at the moment (ie/he's only occasionally in my town until he moves here permanently in september), 2. A little bit of a player in that he's pretty smooth at flirting, the "i was just thinking about you" 10 seconds after was slightly suspicious? 3. Both of the above. So, I'm feeling better since I no longer think that "not interested" is an option! Yay! but smooth/player could be factoring in a little bit here. A shame it'll be so long til we hang out in person again... TBC...
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