andy1al Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I think I am in love with a girl who I can't have. She has a boyfriend and lives a long way away. However, she may be coming to uni with me next year. Her boyfriend is jealous of our friendship, and won't let her text or ring me. What should I do? I have never felt this way about anyone before, even with girls I have had relationships with. Do I tell her how I feel, or will that lose her friendship with me? That is the last thing i want to do.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Don't tell her how you feel. Declarations of love are never the right start for a romantic relationship - that comes much later. If she stops seeing the boyfriend, ask her to do something light, friendly and fun with just you. If she says yes, see where it goes from there. Until then though, she's with someone else. If it tortures you too much to see her with the boyfriend, reduce or eliminate contact.
andy1al Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Surely, by reducing or eliminating contact with her, I will lose a friend. That is the last thing I want to do. Ideally, I want her to still be my friend, more than I want it to be more - for the moment at least.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by andy1al Surely, by reducing or eliminating contact with her, I will lose a friend. That is the last thing I want to do. Ideally, I want her to still be my friend, more than I want it to be more - for the moment at least. Well, if you can behave yourself while she has a boyfriend, and if you don't find it too painful, sure. Just to warn you though, a lot of guys fall into the "nice male best friend" role when they really want to be the boyfriend. They play this for years, pining after the girl, always hoping for more. You have to be honest with yourself - if you really are happy for her to be just a friend, for ever, then fine, play it that way.
Hund1976 Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I agree with the last one, if she thinks of you as a friend for too long it might make it a lot harder for her to think of you as a love interest. You don't want to be the guy she comes to a few months after she breaks up with her boyfriend to tell you about the great new guy she just met.
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Surely, by reducing or eliminating contact with her, I will lose a friend. That is the last thing I want to do. Ideally, I want her to still be my friend, more than I want it to be more - for the moment at least. IF the friendship is a two way street you not contacting her as much won't make a difference. IF she floats away because YOU aren't making the prime effort, well then, what does that say?? Don't stay in a friendship with someone if it is onesided unless you're ready to accept things as they are. Don't put any expectations on her, give her some space to figure it out. DO you think she has feelings for you? Has she given you hints or said anything to make you feel like you have a chance with her? I agree with everybody else, don't tell her how you feel. Just isn't cool to do that when she's with someone else and the boyfriend already has his jealously and concerns when it comes to you. He doesn't want you and her in contact and she may have to listen to him since he the focal point in her life. Just be casual with her right now. If it is meant to happen somehow, it will happen when the time is right... Right now that time has not come. Don't sit and wait for it either!! Good luck though.
brandon Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by Hund1976 I agree with the last one, if she thinks of you as a friend for too long it might make it a lot harder for her to think of you as a love interest. You don't want to be the guy she comes to a few months after she breaks up with her boyfriend to tell you about the great new guy she just met. I think in my situation I have become THAT GUY. Any advice? I tried reducing/eliminating contact, but she's messaged me on msn for the last 5 days straight (I kinda gave half-a**ed conversation)...i still have the log if tha thelps, but tonight, we had an agonizing conversation about how she met a new guy...and its killing me.... HELP!
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by brandon I think in my situation I have become THAT GUY. Any advice? I tried reducing/eliminating contact, but she's messaged me on msn for the last 5 days straight (I kinda gave half-a**ed conversation)...i still have the log if tha thelps, but tonight, we had an agonizing conversation about how she met a new guy...and its killing me.... HELP! Well, it sounds like she definitely wants you as a friend and is willing to pursue you in this way. But no romance right now. You have to decide what you want. Are you happy to be the friend in the longer term? If so, I would continue to be friendly, but pull WAY back. Give her a half-assed excuse like you want her new guy to have a chance to get secure, so you're gonna fade into the background for a bit. This will give you time to get your heart in order before continuing the friendship. If it's romance you want, this is a bit more tricky. Once girls have put you in the "friends" box, it's difficult to get back out. A good strategy involves a long evening à deux with alcohol, lots of flirty conversation and plenty of touching. But right now, with Mr New Guy around that would be plain wrong as well as counterproductive. Any girls got advice on this one?
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