cheatingmyself Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I met a guy in one of my college classes, he pursued me persistently and so I agreed to have dinner with him. We had a really good time and I could definitely see myself liking him. We saw each other about 4 times a week for school and then he would take me out on nice dates on the weekends, never short notice, he always picked me up and he always paid. He would be in contact with me often, texting me everyday and calling me. Never once did I doubt that he liked me. He also never said that he didn't want a relationship, or that he wasn't looking for anything serious or that he only wanted fun. We never had sex, or went past kissing. So I know he wasn't using me in that sense. After 2 months, I decided that I would bring up where we were going even though I didn't really want to bring up the relationship talk. He started freaking out before I could even say what I wanted and in the end all I ended up asking was if he was happy with the way things are. He said that he had no idea what we were and that he wasn't in any rush. I went away on holiday for 3 weeks after our talk and I haven't really heard from him at all, since that conversation. I really like him. A lot. And I did see a future of something more serious with him and now I'm just confused and hurt. I feel like I've been completely led on and now we're nothing. No clue what to do now?
rocketman122 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I dont see how he led u on. He did all the right things never stressed you with intimacy. If anything I think he got the bad deal. 2 months no sex. And seeing each other 4 times a week and weekend dates. Thats a lot of time to build a relationship. I think maybe youre holding critical info out and making it seem so simple. That or simply hes not in a rush and wants to build things slowly. Did you imply marriage? Some people dont want to talk about the relationship and just want to enjoy things as they are and let it progress naturally. U said that he wasnt using u for sex. He took you out, called cared, did everything right. No sex in 2 months and you feel used... Nice
I am Bud Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Dear cheatingmyself Apart from being a perfect gentleman on your dates the only other characteristic that we know about him is that he is persistent when it comes to asking girls out on dates. This means that whilst polite he is not shy around girls and is able to pursue women in order to get dates. Had he been a shy individual who only had you in his life then it would not have been likely that he would have gone to soo much effort just to break it off completely with you. Although this is all speculation I'm leaning towards the idea that he might have been dating or seeing a few other girls at the same time as you. Being that he did not take advantage of the situation could mean that he might be religious or he just wants to make sure that he has got the right girl before he makes a complete commitment to them. If one girl tries to get too close then he might just push her away because he doesn't like feeling that pressure put on him or it throws his system out of sync. Just for your peace of mind you could just text him and say hello just to see what he is up too. If he doesn't reply then it's one type of answer and if he does then maybe you can meet up and see what the situation between you is. If you do happen to catch up with him be mindful that he has not been completely open about his feelings towards you so keep your emotions about him at arms length. This would mainly be a fact finding mission with the objective of seeking some type of closure. Remember that no answer is an answer in this situation and you can move on if you receive none. All the best - Bud.
Author cheatingmyself Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 I dont see how he led u on. He did all the right things never stressed you with intimacy. If anything I think he got the bad deal. 2 months no sex. And seeing each other 4 times a week and weekend dates. Thats a lot of time to build a relationship. I think maybe youre holding critical info out and making it seem so simple. That or simply hes not in a rush and wants to build things slowly. Did you imply marriage? Some people dont want to talk about the relationship and just want to enjoy things as they are and let it progress naturally. U said that he wasnt using u for sex. He took you out, called cared, did everything right. No sex in 2 months and you feel used... Nice I am holding out details, definitely, but nothing too serious. I never implied marriage! I never even brought up relationships until that one time and he freaked out before I could even talk about it. I told him I was fine with taking it slow as well and then he just never really got back to me. I never said I felt used, I said I felt hurt. I like to establish close relationships with people before I get myself involved in that way. I always felt like he was emotionally distant or closed off.
Author cheatingmyself Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 Dear cheatingmyself Apart from being a perfect gentleman on your dates the only other characteristic that we know about him is that he is persistent when it comes to asking girls out on dates. This means that whilst polite he is not shy around girls and is able to pursue women in order to get dates. Had he been a shy individual who only had you in his life then it would not have been likely that he would have gone to soo much effort just to break it off completely with you. Although this is all speculation I'm leaning towards the idea that he might have been dating or seeing a few other girls at the same time as you. Being that he did not take advantage of the situation could mean that he might be religious or he just wants to make sure that he has got the right girl before he makes a complete commitment to them. If one girl tries to get too close then he might just push her away because he doesn't like feeling that pressure put on him or it throws his system out of sync. Just for your peace of mind you could just text him and say hello just to see what he is up too. If he doesn't reply then it's one type of answer and if he does then maybe you can meet up and see what the situation between you is. If you do happen to catch up with him be mindful that he has not been completely open about his feelings towards you so keep your emotions about him at arms length. This would mainly be a fact finding mission with the objective of seeking some type of closure. Remember that no answer is an answer in this situation and you can move on if you receive none. All the best - Bud. Thank you for your reply, Bud. After our 3rd date he asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I said that I was. He said he wasn't. I know I can't believe everything that a guy says, but he seemed quite genuine in his answer. I feel like the situation is quite black and white and if he wanted to talk to me or see me after my holiday he would have asked when I was due to get back or have messaged me. So while I do feel like that is an answer in itself, I'm just not ready to move on. I feel like I invested quite a bit of emotion and time into this guy and I like him so much, I want it to work out somehow. After having not contacted him for 3 weeks, I don't feel like it would be too needy to contact him. But I do also feel like had he wanted to, he already would have
rocketman122 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Thank you for your reply, Bud. After our 3rd date he asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I said that I was. He said he wasn't. I know I can't believe everything that a guy says, but he seemed quite genuine in his answer. I feel like the situation is quite black and white and if he wanted to talk to me or see me after my holiday he would have asked when I was due to get back or have messaged me. So while I do feel like that is an answer in itself, I'm just not ready to move on. I feel like I invested quite a bit of emotion and time into this guy and I like him so much, I want it to work out somehow. After having not contacted him for 3 weeks, I don't feel like it would be too needy to contact him. But I do also feel like had he wanted to, he already would have -and there you go. the most critical part left out. that is the clear answer why IMO. he put in effort, thought all was ok and that you and him are serious and (in his eyes) were exclusive. maybe he should have brought it up, maybe no experience with it or multidaters. but im certain he thought you werent dating others. It never happened to me that someone multidated with me, but if I found out, it would be over that instant. it wouldnt matter where I was, or what situation, But I would get up and walk away, with a goodbye. Im so stubborn on these things that I feel are integrity and value and im certain this is the reason. and yes, he would have contacted u by now. I think hes hurt. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 He gave you mixed signals. he did all the right things but he said he didn't want a relationship. You were absolutely free to date others The fact that he got mad & retreated when you told him is his fault for not being clearer about what he wanted & expected.
I am Bud Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Dear cheatingmyself Are you still dating this other person and if not does he know about this? I'm guessing that whilst you guys were dating that he might have remained a bit distant so as not to get his hopes up too high if things did not work out between you. If I was dating a girl and she went away on holidays and did not contact me for 3 weeks I would probably be liable to let her go as well. Having had such great dates previously a guy would like to think that a girl cared enough about him to take the initiative to say hi, how are you doing today? are you well? how has your day been. Even after great dates if the girl does not show a caring attitude then it's an automatic red flag in my book. But that is just my personal preference If you want this to work between you or at least find out if he is also willing to go along for the journey then one of you has to swallow their ego and start the communication. Don't leave it too late because if you do then he might have already moved on. All the best - Bud. 1
preraph Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 He is definitely not thinking about committing to you or maybe to anyone anytime soon. You'd be amazed how many guys, if they're honest, run away as soon as the first hint of wanting commitment comes up. He could be gay, he could be holding out for his "type," any number of things. Sorry.
rocketman122 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 He gave you mixed signals. he did all the right things but he said he didn't want a relationship. You were absolutely free to date others The fact that he got mad & retreated when you told him is his fault for not being clearer about what he wanted & expected. where did she say he NEVER wanted a relationship. I only saw this "He also never said that he didn't want a relationship, or that he wasn't looking for anything serious or that he only wanted fun." shes saying he never said anything. serious, not serious, or anything in between. he simply DIDNT say. that doesnt mean anything good or bad. he didnt say. from what shes saying regarding his actions, he is looking for a serious relationship. hes courting actions show this. she messed up. 1
Author cheatingmyself Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 where did she say he NEVER wanted a relationship. I only saw this "He also never said that he didn't want a relationship, or that he wasn't looking for anything serious or that he only wanted fun." shes saying he never said anything. serious, not serious, or anything in between. he simply DIDNT say. that doesnt mean anything good or bad. he didnt say. from what shes saying regarding his actions, he is looking for a serious relationship. hes courting actions show this. she messed up. I feel that after he talked about meeting my parents, after his constant courting that majority of girls would think that this was leading to something exclusive. 1
Author cheatingmyself Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Dear cheatingmyself Are you still dating this other person and if not does he know about this? I'm guessing that whilst you guys were dating that he might have remained a bit distant so as not to get his hopes up too high if things did not work out between you. If I was dating a girl and she went away on holidays and did not contact me for 3 weeks I would probably be liable to let her go as well. Having had such great dates previously a guy would like to think that a girl cared enough about him to take the initiative to say hi, how are you doing today? are you well? how has your day been. Even after great dates if the girl does not show a caring attitude then it's an automatic red flag in my book. But that is just my personal preference If you want this to work between you or at least find out if he is also willing to go along for the journey then one of you has to swallow their ego and start the communication. Don't leave it too late because if you do then he might have already moved on. All the best - Bud. I am not dating this other person. To be honest, I only said that because I didn't want him to think I was putting all my eggs into one basket only after the 3rd date. However, from the 2nd date I was quite sure that I liked him a lot and that I could see this going somewhere. So maybe that was my mistake. He also mentioned that I hadn't fallen for him as hard as other girls had, which was a bit of a red flag for me, because it made me feel as though he generally likes having most of the power in a relationship. I was the last one to message him before I went away and I was the one to ask to see him before I went away but he declined saying that he was too busy. I did make an effort to see him before I went and the whole time I was gone, I didn't get a single message asking how my trip was going. I'm okay with messaging first, but i'm starting to think that its all quite simple and if he wanted to talk to me, he would have by now. Unless he's already moved on. Which would mean he never liked me that much to begin with?
Diezel Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Huh? How did he lead YOU on? This is what annoys me sometimes about posts. First you leave out crucial information and then try to angle it in a way to leave out any accountability. OP, did you just want him to slip into the gap left by the previous guy whenever you decided his number was up? He was giving you a serious shot. Not every guy is okay with a woman multi-dating.
Author cheatingmyself Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Huh? How did he lead YOU on? This is what annoys me sometimes about posts. First you leave out crucial information and then try to angle it in a way to leave out any accountability. OP, did you just want him to slip into the gap left by the previous guy whenever you decided his number was up? He was giving you a serious shot. Not every guy is okay with a woman multi-dating. Trust me, he was FINE with it, otherwise he wouldn't have continued to see me after I said that for a month 1
Andy_K Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Trust me, he was FINE with it, otherwise he wouldn't have continued to see me after I said that for a month Just because he continued to date you, doesn't mean he still saw the same potential in you afterwards as he did before.
Emilia Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I am not dating this other person. To be honest, I only said that because I didn't want him to think I was putting all my eggs into one basket only after the 3rd date. However, from the 2nd date I was quite sure that I liked him a lot and that I could see this going somewhere. So maybe that was my mistake. He also mentioned that I hadn't fallen for him as hard as other girls had, which was a bit of a red flag for me, because it made me feel as though he generally likes having most of the power in a relationship. I was the last one to message him before I went away and I was the one to ask to see him before I went away but he declined saying that he was too busy. I did make an effort to see him before I went and the whole time I was gone, I didn't get a single message asking how my trip was going. I'm okay with messaging first, but i'm starting to think that its all quite simple and if he wanted to talk to me, he would have by now. Unless he's already moved on. Which would mean he never liked me that much to begin with? Urgh, you are FAR too insecure to date. Make up stuff over multidating, expect the other person to do all the work to prove that he likes you enough, etc etc. From experience, it's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone like that. Hence this guy's bailing.
I am Bud Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Dear cheatingmyself Thanks for the clarification on the last bit of contact that you had between you. It sounds like you have done all that you can at your end so the rest is really up to him. For him not to want to see you before you went on holiday speaks volumes about his lack of enthusiasm for this relationship. I must admit that I had a bit of a giggle when you said that you pretended to be dating another guy just so that he doesn't think that he is all that. It's definitely not a wise move but it doesn't really show that you are insecure to date, just that you are a bit cautious about giving away certain perceptions. Honesty is definitely the right policy so I'm sure that you would have learned a fair bit from this situation. If I was in your shoes I would definitely be doing the same thing and not pushing the issue any further. He has got your number and if he is not interested then so be it. He can go and look for someone else who can be seduced by his charms and fall hard for him. In saying that you didn't fall as hard as previous girls shows that he knows the dating game and the response that he expects to receive from his actions. I think that you are a bit too clever for him and he prefers his girl to be more sedate. You can find a better guy than that. All the best - Bud
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