Taking a break from Facebook update... This is harder than I thought!

July 14, 2014

So for those of you who don't know, I decided earlier this week I was going to log out of Facebook and delete the app on my phone and iPad to take a clean break from the site since I was feeling sad/disappointed/obsessive each time I logged on and had no messages from him. I had unsubscribed from his updates but I was feeling like I was in a low place and needed to unplug temporarily to get myself into a healthy place. My plan has been to stay away for two weeks and focus on other things. I have never taken a break from Facebook since creating an account in 2007.

I officially logged off on Thursday and noticed I felt immensely better the first two days. Today I started getting log-in reminder emails telling me I had 9 new notifications, and 11 messages. It got my mind churning and wondering if one of those messages was from him wanting to work things out and I'm sitting here stubborn and missing a window of opportunity. Of course if I logged in and saw nothing there I would feel sad and disappointed and that's why I'm still resolved to do this. It's funny how I thought logging off Facebook would give me space to heal but now I'm left wondering what's happened since I've been away. I can't take a break from email, unfortunately. And now I'm sitting here wondering who sent me 11 messages on Facebook. Although I originally planned to stay off for two weeks, part of me thinks I might need to extend that break until I really don't care anymore. I don't know. What does everyone think?

July 14, 2014

Why don't you just block him.....you won't have to worry about whether messages are from him. Problem solved and you don't have to stay away from Facebook.

July 14, 2014

Why don't you just block him.....you won't have to worry about whether messages are from him. Problem solved and you don't have to stay away from Facebook.

I thought about it and I've certainly done it for other situations in the past but it doesn't feel right here especially when we're in the same group of friends.

July 14, 2014

I thought about it and I've certainly done it for other situations in the past but it doesn't feel right here especially when we're in the same group of friends.

I don't think it makes a difference, your still exes right? This is about you, not your friends. You can certainly unblock him down the road, but IMO until you can stop worrying about whether he's messaging you....blocking makes the most sense.

July 14, 2014

I don't think it makes a difference, your still exes right? This is about you, not your friends. You can certainly unblock him down the road, but IMO until you can stop worrying about whether he's messaging you....blocking makes the most sense.

I blocked one ex cos she WASNT messaging me. every single day when I logged onto fb at the back of my mind there was a glimmer of hope that there would be a message from her .... but there never was.

I got sick of holding onto this false hope and realised that by blocking her it would go away cos then even if she tried to message me she wouldnt be able to.

July 14, 2014

I don't think it makes a difference, your still exes right? This is about you, not your friends. You can certainly unblock him down the road, but IMO until you can stop worrying about whether he's messaging you....blocking makes the most sense.

Good point - and I will think that over but I don't want to come off as bitter. I haven't ruled out blocking him but I'm not ready to go that route yet.

July 14, 2014

Staying off facebook is a good move, keep it up. Give yourself mini rewards each day. Don't go back until a week after you think you're ready.

July 14, 2014

@Mr. Pine why are you so obsessed with me? Seriously just stop. Maybe I'm not an emotionless robot like you. Maybe I experience ups and downs and feel emotions like most people do. If vindication is what you need to feel better about yourself then feel free to bask in your ****-storm of negativity. But in all seriousness, I really do wish you would leave me alone. It takes an exceptionally cruel person to continue making posts that are in no way helpful or supportive.

He was just pointing out a HUGE piece of information you left out in your other thread about your selfie. Mr Pine gave you extremely supportive advice that you defensively shot down and insulted him for, in your other selfie thread. I thought you were quite rude to him, un-necessarily so.

You admit in this thread about Facebook that you obsess about your ex by stalking his Facebook profile, which is why you won't block or delete him which you claim you can't do because you have mutual friends.

Yet in your other thread about your friend's selfie boosting your confidence, you claim you're not obsessing about your ex-boyfriend. Nowhere is Mr Pine showing an obsession with you. Plenty of people here respond to multiple threads written by the same member.

Having read your threads about your ex-boyfriend and see how defensive you become with members who offer you sound advice that you don't like....it leads me to believe that you're still actually pining (excuse the irony of that term) for your ex-boyfriend. Otherwise you wouldn't subscribe to his Facebook updates.

It's clear that this breakup has been hard on you and for that you deserve support because breakups are awful. But pining for your ex, staying hooked into him via his Facebook page, hoping he sees the selfie that your friend took and posted on her Facebook page that shows you too...it's because you're still hurting and not over him yet.

Other people (aside from Mr Pine) have tried to offer you constructive advice and feedback which you've defensively shot down and responded angrily to, because it's not what you want to hear.

The only way to recover and move on from a bad breakup is to take a break from contacting that person, delete/block them from your social media, and occupy your time with other more meaningful activities that will help you emotionally heal.

No one is telling you what to do or how to do it, or dictating to you how you should feel or why you should feel the way you do. Everyone who posts here, posts from their own experiences with breakups and does so to share the insight and wisdom they've gained from those experiences, in the hope that some or all of it will sink in to help you come to your own conclusions about how to move on from this breakup in the best way possible for yourself. It's just up to you to decide what advice jibes with you that seems relevant, and what advice doesn't work for you at all.

Edited July 14, 2014 by writergal

July 14, 2014

He was just pointing out a HUGE piece of information you left out in your other thread about your selfie. Mr Pine gave you extremely supportive advice that you defensively shot down and insulted him for, in your other selfie thread. I thought you were quite rude to him, un-necessarily so.

You admit in this thread about Facebook that you obsess about your ex by stalking his Facebook profile, which is why you won't block or delete him which you claim you can't do because you have mutual friends.

Yet in your other thread about your friend's selfie boosting your confidence, you claim you're not obsessing about your ex-boyfriend. Nowhere is Mr Pine showing an obsession with you. Plenty of people here respond to multiple threads written by the same member.

Having read your threads about your ex-boyfriend and see how defensive you become with members who offer you sound advice that you don't like....it leads me to believe that you're still actually pining (excuse the irony of that term) for your ex-boyfriend. Otherwise you wouldn't subscribe to his Facebook updates.

It's clear that this breakup has been hard on you and for that you deserve support because breakups are awful. But pining for your ex, staying hooked into him via his Facebook page, hoping he sees the selfie that your friend took and posted on her Facebook page that shows you too...it's because you're still hurting and not over him yet.

Other people (aside from Mr Pine) have tried to offer you constructive advice and feedback which you've defensively shot down and responded angrily to, because it's not what you want to hear.

The only way to recover and move on from a bad breakup is to take a break from contacting that person, delete/block them from your social media, and occupy your time with other more meaningful activities that will help you emotionally heal.

No one is telling you what to do or how to do it, or dictating to you how you should feel or why you should feel the way you do. Everyone who posts here, posts from their own experiences with breakups and does so to share the insight and wisdom they've gained from those experiences, in the hope that some or all of it will sink in to help you come to your own conclusions about how to move on from this breakup in the best way possible for yourself. It's just up to you to decide what advice jibes with you that seems relevant, and what advice doesn't work for you at all.

Ha, funny you're jumping to his defense. This would all be fine and dandy if he offered any REAL advice. If you go back and read his posts all they are criticizing words telling me how I feel and think with no constructive "advice" among it. It's fine that you agree with him but I disagree with both of you. And I think he was very rude in the first message he ever posted to me.

That being said, if you were reading my post carefully you'll noticed I said I UNSUBSCRIBED from his updates. I haven't looked at his page since the day we ended things. The sadness/disappointment comes from hoping he'll reach out and getting dejected when I see he doesn't. I wasn't sitting on my computer reading his every update or what not. Far from it. I just wanted to take some time away so I wasn't spending all my time concerned about him contacting me, or not. Basically I want to get to a place where I don't care whether I hear from him or not. And I am working on that.

I also haven't contacted him since we ended things by any channel - not phone, social media, nothing so it sounds like I'm doing the necessary things you said above. I unsubscribed from his updates. I don't see much of a reason to block him if I'm not looking at his page to begin with. Like I said, that feels like a bitter move in this situation. I've kept myself busy - working out, getting ready to start a new job in September, teaching myself ukulele, Spanish, and Italian, and also joining a local rock band as their new lead singer. I also have fantastic friends I see all the time.

So from the looks of it, I am already following all of your suggestions. Is he the forefront of my mind? No. Does he still cross my mind? Yes and that's why I post here. Writing it here is therapeutic for me and I no way expected to be met with such harsh replies on a place where I hoped people would supportive and empathetic of the natural ups and downs that come from these things.

July 15, 2014

He did give you good advice in your other thread, but you didn't like it so you attacked him and accused him of being a bad teacher. That makes zero sense to react that way to advice you don't like -- to lash out at a complete stranger the way you do if *anyone* gives you advice that you don't like. Only someone in deep pain responds to advice like that. Being defensive is definitely an emotional reaction. I think with time you'll calm down but right now I see you take things people say the wrong way, and that's not about them but about you, and your perspective, and where you are at emotionally, which is someone who is definitely in a fragile state of mind right now, because of your recent break-up.

I feel really bad for you because this break-up has made you into a huge emotional mess. Hopefully with time you'll calm down and stop lashing out everywhere at everyone, to see that people are just trying to help with offering you advice. I think that's a good life lesson you can learn here. Try not to take everything people say to you personally as though they are out to get you.

Ha, funny you're jumping to his defense. This would all be fine and dandy if he offered any REAL advice. If you go back and read his posts all they are criticizing words telling me how I feel and think with no constructive "advice" among it. It's fine that you agree with him but I disagree with both of you. And I think he was very rude in the first message he ever posted to me.

That being said, if you were reading my post carefully you'll noticed I said I UNSUBSCRIBED from his updates. I haven't looked at his page since the day we ended things. The sadness/disappointment comes from hoping he'll reach out and getting dejected when I see he doesn't. I wasn't sitting on my computer reading his every update or what not. Far from it. I just wanted to take some time away so I wasn't spending all my time concerned about him contacting me, or not. Basically I want to get to a place where I don't care whether I hear from him or not. And I am working on that.

I also haven't contacted him since we ended things by any channel - not phone, social media, nothing so it sounds like I'm doing the necessary things you said above. I unsubscribed from his updates. I don't see much of a reason to block him if I'm not looking at his page to begin with. Like I said, that feels like a bitter move in this situation. I've kept myself busy - working out, getting ready to start a new job in September, teaching myself ukulele, Spanish, and Italian, and also joining a local rock band as their new lead singer. I also have fantastic friends I see all the time.

So from the looks of it, I am already following all of your suggestions. Is he the forefront of my mind? No. Does he still cross my mind? Yes and that's why I post here. Writing it here is therapeutic for me and I no way expected to be met with such harsh replies on a place where I hoped people would supportive and empathetic of the natural ups and downs that come from these things.

July 15, 2014

You remember how good you felt when you deleted the account?

It was only when you checked did you regress.

Its a no brainier. Do like me, download all your stuff. Delete your account.

Create one again sometime in the future when you are 100% ready.

I plan to not even use my given name. When I start up again on FB, it will be in total lock down mode. Where only I can make Friend requests and maybe I wont even use my given name. I may use something like, Cool Dude EM. or something odd like that.

A friend has two accounts, one is very private (family and close friends) and one

is semi-private (casual friends and work aquaintences). I may go this route.

July 15, 2014

He did give you good advice in your other thread, but you didn't like it so you attacked him and accused him of being a bad teacher. That makes zero sense to react that way to advice you don't like -- to lash out at a complete stranger the way you do if *anyone* gives you advice that you don't like. Only someone in deep pain responds to advice like that. Being defensive is definitely an emotional reaction. I think with time you'll calm down but right now I see you take things people say the wrong way, and that's not about them but about you, and your perspective, and where you are at emotionally, which is someone who is definitely in a fragile state of mind right now, because of your recent break-up.

I feel really bad for you because this break-up has made you into a huge emotional mess. Hopefully with time you'll calm down and stop lashing out everywhere at everyone, to see that people are just trying to help with offering you advice. I think that's a good life lesson you can learn here. Try not to take everything people say to you personally as though they are out to get you.

@writergal please report word-for-word the "advice" @Mr. Pine gave me. All he told me was that my ego boost was misplaced. As far as I'm concerned, that's a statement of opinion on my emotions. Not advice. But if you think otherwise, please feel free to provide examples.

You also are telling me I'm an emotional mess. Another user who seems to think they are in tune with my head, thought and emotions. Last time I checked, I was the one in control of my thoughts and feelings thank you very much. I have not lashed out at everyone, I have lashed out at one particular user who spoke very harshly to me. I am mildly annoyed with you. That's not everyone. From my recollection, I've given many others kind, supportive messages on this forum. There's no reason not to. You and @Mr. Pine are the most negative users I have come across and I really don't appreciate it one bit.

Now, do me a favor and please stop trying to analyze me. You do not know me. If you have some constructive, proactive advice related to my post then please feel free to post it, otherwise I respectfully ask you to not comment on my threads anymore. Thank you.

July 15, 2014

I won't delete my Facebook account. Too many memories on it. Thousands of pictures and videos impossible to back up everything. But I am strongly considering deactivating it for a long period of time. I am feeling better and better with each passing day. Also, I didn't recheck. Facebook sent me an e-mail telling me all my missed notifications. I have since unsubscribed from those messages. My account is not my real name either since I am a teacher and I am not searchable. I may deactivate it. No reason to delete it.

You remember how good you felt when you deleted the account?
It was only when you checked did you regress.

Its a no brainier. Do like me, download all your stuff. Delete your account.

Create one again sometime in the future when you are 100% ready.

I plan to not even use my given name. When I start up again on FB, it will be in total lock down mode. Where only I can make Friend requests and maybe I wont even use my given name. I may use something like, Cool Dude EM. or something odd like that.

A friend has two accounts, one is very private (family and close friends) and one
is semi-private (casual friends and work aquaintences). I may go this route.

July 16, 2014

Facebook has a built in feature which allows you to download Absolutley everything. Videos, pics, .. everything.

You can also upload everything back but I have not tested the upload.

Try the backup first, just to have a backup then decide if you want to delete later.

July 16, 2014

Just have a break for a while. With the notifications switched off it will be a bit easier. Took me ages and ages to delete and block. Takes time and then one day you are utterly sick of it and you will feel like what was all fuss about. But to start is hard. Very hard. Good luck.

July 16, 2014

Facebook has a built in feature which allows you to download Absolutley everything. Videos, pics, .. everything.

You can also upload everything back but I have not tested the upload.

Try the backup first, just to have a backup then decide if you want to delete later.

Wait, really? I have over 2,000 photos and 50 videos...if there's a way to do it without blowing up my computer I'm down. Where do I find this feature?

July 16, 2014

Just have a break for a while. With the notifications switched off it will be a bit easier. Took me ages and ages to delete and block. Takes time and then one day you are utterly sick of it and you will feel like what was all fuss about. But to start is hard. Very hard. Good luck.

Yeah now that I turned off those email notifications I feel less and less tormented with curiosity and am getting better with each passing day. My "break" ends next Thursday but I may stay off longer. We'll see how I feel. Also I came to the realization that if one of those 11 unread Facebook messages was from him, I don't care. If it was important he'd call. If he was missing me like crazy he'd stop at nothing to get in contact with me. If he gives up because I didn't answer him on Facebook he's not worth my time.

July 16, 2014

Stay off longer if poss. Yes no doubt one of those messages was from him. He should kick down your door if need be but through FB, no. You have control. Keep going and post updates when you want to look. Its hard but you are doing the right thing.

Yeah now that I turned off those email notifications I feel less and less tormented with curiosity and am getting better with each passing day. My "break" ends next Thursday but I may stay off longer. We'll see how I feel. Also I came to the realization that if one of those 11 unread Facebook messages was from him, I don't care. If it was important he'd call. If he was missing me like crazy he'd stop at nothing to get in contact with me. If he gives up because I didn't answer him on Facebook he's not worth my time.

July 16, 2014

Keep off of there for as long as possible. I stayed away for 2.5-3 months and being back on there doesn't feel so bad anymore at all. It really helped to not check up on his stuff anymore.

July 17, 2014

Stay off longer if poss. Yes no doubt one of those messages was from him. He should kick down your door if need be but through FB, no. You have control. Keep going and post updates when you want to look. Its hard but you are doing the right thing.

@Haydn (awesome user name btw!), yes I sometimes think that there might be one from him considering I don't chat with THAT many people regularly on fb chat so the number seems a little strange, but I also know how I'd feel if I were to be wrong and hoping there was something there from him. Therefore, I want to get to a place that no matter what's in my inbox, it doesn't affect me. You guys will be the first to know what I find the next time I log in! I also think I am doing the right thing. I really feel so much better when I force myself to have this distance. Ignorance is bliss...

July 17, 2014

Keep off of there for as long as possible. I stayed away for 2.5-3 months and being back on there doesn't feel so bad anymore at all. It really helped to not check up on his stuff anymore.

I actually am quite proud of myself. I haven't looked at his profile since the day he ended things and it took a lot of willpower. It will be a month on Saturday and I have no idea what is going on in his life, if he misses me, if he's moved on, if he's dating. Nada. No clue. And I like it better this way.

Even when I log back in I won't be checking his page. In fact, the only reason I'm taking a break from Facebook was because I felt a little upset each time there weren't any messages or notifications from him (although I do suspect he has been checking out my page since the break up) he ended things in a very dismissive way and tried to put some of the blame on me. I responded with some harsh but very true words which he never answered to. Nothing rude just honest and assertive words. I still have no idea how reacted to that message or if I'll ever hear from him again. I realize fixating on this situation doesn't help anything so that's why I'm getting off Facebook and doing great things for myself. Day by day I am feeling better and less desperate. Hopefully when I log on, his actions (or lack thereof) won't matter to me anymore.

July 17, 2014

Yes you will need disk space on your computer. It comes down in a .zip file

so you should also backup the file somewhere, like to an external drive.

Just google this "download profile facebook". The first link took me to the instructions.

https://www.facebook.com/help/131112897028467

Make sure everything is there before you delete your profile, if you chose to delete.

It is kind of strange being complete NC. The only way for the ex to contact me is if she calls me from a phone other than hers. That will never happen.

Now if she was completely in love with me and could not live without me, guess what? She would find a way. But she is not and she wont. That is my reality.

Me being complete NC is 1000 times better than having access to Facebook where she blocked me and is a constant reminder to me of her and how she left me

broken.

Good luck.

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Taking a break from Facebook update... This is harder than I thought!

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