PuppetLife Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I have a twin who is more of a shy person. We always do things together, have the same groups of friends,etc. although we aren't little kids any more. But, the problem is that my sister isn't really a social person. And I know that our friends have some complains about her. I used to stand up for her just because she is my sister, no matter if she’s right or wrong. But that tend to make me lose friends. So, I would talk to my sister, saying maybe you should try not to do this, and be more active. But she doesn't seem to care. I don’t want to lose my friends, but I don’t want to upset my sister, what would be the best thing to do?
Ronni_W Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 At some point you have to make the responsible-adult choice, decision to be the individual and unique person you were born and are meant to be. Consider also that by "standing in front of" your sister as it were, you are actually blocking her from learning to be her own person...you are doing more harm, damage than good just always doing that.
darkmoon Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) 60 y o and i have never heard of shyness bringing on complaints, i think complaining and dumping is over the top to the point of bizarre, somebody has got to be the shyest, somebody will be the noisiest too... so i ask - is your sister very attractive? a threat to them, something else...? Edited July 14, 2014 by darkmoon
AnneT1985 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 your sister has every right to be who she wants to be, and her friends don't have to like it or be friends with her. You can remain friends with you want, and she can find new friends who will accept her how she is. She doesn't need friends who won't accept her personality, and you can't change your sister nor should you try. Best of luck to you!
Author PuppetLife Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 I think it's because she is shy and rarely talks to the friends unless she feels like it. And the friends feel like she only needs them when she doesn't have anything to do. And also, she is also a not very active person who rather spend time at home instead of hanging out with friends
darkmoon Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 must she always find friends via you? you both have different ways of coming across, so the twosome does not work, sorry, but it seems to go wrong
Georgia2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I would let her find her own friends. It's not fair to you to loose friends. You have tried to help her. If she doesn't want friends it's her loss. You tried to help her. If she don't care why should you?
preraph Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I know twins have a special bond, so it's a bigger conflict than if this was your younger sister or something. Thing is, at some point, if you two are ever going to marry or anything, you're going to have to learn to do things autonomously. May as well start now. She shouldn't be dependent on you to bring friends in and then they don't get along. You should talk to her and tell her you are going to do some things alone with friends since you're not all compatible. Just tell her I like them, and if you like them and they like you, great; but if not, I'm still going to hang out alone with them. It has to happen sometime. I think Ronni made a good point that by you always being the leader in this regard, it is just keeping her from using her own resources to make her own friends and maintain them.
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