Can’t understand why she left? Never fought? Always treated her right?

[Sugarkane]

And in a world where there's few jobs for life anymore, if you dump people for being unemloyed, wouldn't you end up old and alone easily?!

[mtnbiker3000]

Well from the sounds of it, she was crap at communicating.

 

I've learned people don't want to communicate when they don't really care or are not really invested in the RS. Why would they? That takes work...

[mattny]

And in a world where there's few jobs for life anymore, if you dump people for being unemloyed, wouldn't you end up old and alone easily?!

 

Couldnt agree more. Thays how I went out. 3 weeks post BU I landed one of those 'life' jobs. Patience....

[True Gent]

Im not really concerned with your opinion, but I'm concerned why you are still thinking about it and dealing with it this much after a year+???

 

I'm guessing it's because he's trying to develop himself so he doesn't make the same mistakes again.

 

Also there are no time limits, some people may be over it in a month, some six months, some take years. It depends on the relationship and the individual.

[mtnbiker3000]

I'm guessing it's because he's trying to develop himself so he doesn't make the same mistakes again.

 

Correct!!

 

Also there are no time limits, some people may be over it in a month, some six months, some take years. It depends on the relationship and the individual.

 

Exactly. Plus I'm just opening my eyes for the first time to some deeper issues I have been facing for many, many years. Kind of a multi-theater campaign... And it's tough!!!

[Always Pondering]

This is a nice post, the interesting thing is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is one of the books I have in queue for reading but haven't gotten around to it yet as I have an enormous amount of random books about all sorts of things in life that I want to read. The title has been showing up a lot recently however so I may just read the book next.

 

The sad part is one of my friends recently told me that he has never had a disagreement or argument with his current girlfriend. I hope it doesn't turn out to be a disaster.

[Zapbasket]

I know for me it wasn't pure 'doormat' status, especially in the beginning. I had my own agenda. I had my own wants and opinions. As time went on, I simply put hers above mine. I thought this was the right way to act. I think it comes from being afraid that if we don't do this, we will lose her. And the more it seemed like I was losing her, the more I gave in. A vicious cycle!!

 

A woman who truly cares for you WANTS to know what your wants, needs, dreams and plans are. She wants to be included in these things by you discussing them with her and being open to her actively supporting and nurturing you on your path. And she also wants to know that when the health of the relationship hangs in the balance, you will be willing to make the necessary adjustments to your "agenda," as will she. Basically it's putting the relationship first, without putting you last, or not asserting yourself at all. It's a difficult balance.

 

But please, take it from a woman whose life hang-ups have led her to choose men who are basically selfish, narcissistically wounded and withholding: your compassion and willingness/ability to take others' needs into consideration are HUGELY ATTRACTIVE traits. They tip over into codependency when you cease to love yourself in favor of loving another. But the traits themselves are healthy, powerful, "manly"--and if any of the guys I've dated had them, the relationships might actually have gone somewhere.

 

Don't let your hurt over this breakup further enable you to negate yourself.