redblazerx78 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 First of all, this forum helped me through my divorce and I appreciate the advice and enjoy seeing people get help on relationship issues. This has happened to me at least 4-5 times. I meet a female through internet dating, friends or out in public. We hit it off, talk and text like crazy for 4-10 days. Sometimes meet up for coffee and luckily a first date. Then after the "get to know you" stuff is out of the way its like they disappear. My sister introduced me to a co-worker a few weeks ago, she is single and has 3 children so I know shes busy. We text and talk like crazy for 10 days, then we meet for coffee and end up talking in person for about 3 hours so I set up a date. Well, date night comes and she has to cancel. She has no one to watch her kids, no problem, I understand thats a hard thing to do. So, I suggest another night, no response. I text her the next day to ask her hows she doing and get very few text through out the day. The next 2 days nothing..... Its like I always initiate a conversation with them and they never make the first move... Please keep the derogatory comments to yourself. I am just lost as to why this keeps happening....
Mo_Do Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 This has happened to me at least 4-5 times. I meet a female through internet dating, friends or out in public. We hit it off, talk and text like crazy for 4-10 days. Sometimes meet up for coffee and luckily a first date. Then after the "get to know you" stuff is out of the way its like they disappear. I don't really understand the question? What you have written above IS modern (mainly online) dating. You chat on the date site, exchange numbers, text a bunch, call, set up meet, meet, then poof - onto the next one because dating has such a low success rate - and online dating sites are meat markets. One thing though - why chat for 10 days before meeting? Get the meeting over with ASAP. 2
JungleLover Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 This is online dating. This is what happens. There is a menu of potential daters to choose from.Hopefully, you get a lot of matches or send a lot of winks or whatever to dilute this. Also, it sound like you are communicating too much before dates. Save some conversation for the first date or else you may struggle to keep up good and exciting conversations. 1
Author redblazerx78 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 I don't really understand the question? What you have written above IS modern (mainly online) dating. You chat on the date site, exchange numbers, text a bunch, call, set up meet, meet, then poof - onto the next one because dating has such a low success rate - and online dating sites are meat markets. One thing though - why chat for 10 days before meeting? Get the meeting over with ASAP. Sorry, maybe I didnt explain it well. I met a girl through my sister, she added me on facebook and then I sent her a message to get her phone number. She was at the beach at that time so we stuck to texting and talking until she got back. We really hit it off while we were doing that and planned to meet up the day after she got back from the beach, so we did. We met at a local starbucks and talked for about 3 hours and I asked her out on a date. We planned for something on the following saturday, keep in mind that we were still texting like crazy. The morning of the date she tells me that she cant find anyone to babysit her kids, which is fine. I mention rescheduling the date and dont get a text response that night. I texted her the next morning and ask her how she is doing. She never mentions getting together for our date and hasnt yet. The texting and talking has gone stagnant, I have not heard from her in 3 days. She mentioned the last time that I talked to her that she wasnt feeling good so I texted her that night saying that I hope that she started feeling better, no response, not even a thank you. It seems like it happens to me with every girl that I meet. I initiate the conversation and really dont get much attention. I feel like I am bugging them so I stop for a few days and check with them later to never hear from them again.
JungleLover Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I wouldn't keep texting if they don't respond to you. They are getting the text but just ignore you. I would keep the texting limited. You are not talking much about your marriage with them are you? Keep that out of it for now.You will soon get the hang of this. Now that you are back out here, it will take some time. 1
Author redblazerx78 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 I wouldn't keep texting if they don't respond to you. They are getting the text but just ignore you. I would keep the texting limited. You are not talking much about your marriage with them are you? Keep that out of it for now.You will soon get the hang of this. Now that you are back out here, it will take some time. Its a hard question to answer if they ask if I have ever been married and then when I tell them I am divorced they start asking questions.
HappyLove Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 First of all your date was too long! A three hour coffee date? Wayyyy too much. A coffee date shouldn't go over an hour long. Leave them wanting more. No texting mundane crap in between dates. Leave all the flirting and questions for the actual date. Did you ever take the initiative to actually call them? I get sick of a grown man who only wants to text me all day. It's a turn off. The marriage stuff is a big NO NO. They are judging you and how you react to questions and maybe some of the things you revealed is a turn off. Just tell them, 'I was married for this amount of years single for this long' and if they continue to probe politely say you'd much rather enjoy your beautiful date than talk about the past.
Versacehottie Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I've seen exactly what you are describing happen in some situations, especially when it comes to online dating. The "date" is happening in some ways over the texting/emailing/messaging/phoning that happens prior to time that you first meet up in person; therefore, a lot of the excitement attached to "discovering" is already used up/gone and date itself is somewhat a let down for one party or the other. My rec is to just using communication beforehand to set up the plan to meet--a little flirty banter but no in-depth discussion--save that for the date. Even something as harmless as detailing your profession and why you do it and what a typical day is like. Let that be what you "reveal" while you are on the date. Then the date will have the more special quality and excitement. Also take a risk and do something different than a coffee date or quick drink. That feels like an interview and that you are putting little effort more than any other girl. People like to feel like they are different (ie warrant more special treatment than a rote online coffee date) and that you are different and creative (read: exciting, special). It sounds simple but it can make a big difference. Lastly, those things that rush and flame up quickly have a tendency to burn out just as quickly. Take it a little slower and pace it. I think that's because they represent how much a person wants a relationship not necessarily the people involved themselves. Good luck. 1
JungleLover Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Its a hard question to answer if they ask if I have ever been married and then when I tell them I am divorced they start asking questions. Just because they start probing doesn't mean you have to answer the questions. I am dating someone now who does a lot of that and she likes to use the word "share." feels like I am being interviewed at times. When she asks me specific questions about relationships and ask me if I would like to "share" I simply say "no" and she accepts that answer. Just say "no."
gaius Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 You shouldn't be texting her again after she ignored you about the reschedule. If that give but not get dynamic carries over into your other communication I could see why girls are bailing. 1
rocketman122 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Its like I always initiate a conversation with them and they never make the first move... pretty much the vast majority of women want the man to initiate and lead with dating. from my experience anyway and ive gone to too many dates. my wallet has to gain some weight back. btw, you took advice from people here and got divorced because of their advice?
Author redblazerx78 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Ok, I have taken a different approach on texting and communicating with any future women that I meet. I happened to meet one on match this past week. The first night was messaging each other on there, then I offered her my phone number since texting was quicker.We texted a good bit the first day, yesterday she went hiking so I left her alone. she sent a text message later that day saying that she was exhausted, then a little more texting but not much. This morning I just sent her a "good morning, I hope that you have agreat day" she responds with the same and we send about 10 more texted about what we were doing. During texting I asked if I could call her the next night, so I did. We talked for about 2 hours about life, family, hobbies and what we were looking for in a relationship. She asked about my divorce and politely told her that I was and happily divorced and left it at that. She talked a little more about hers as it was ugly and abusive. She is a kindergarten teacher at an elementary school. She lives about 2 hours from me and we both are aware of that. I asked her out on a date for the 26th of this month because I will have to rent a car and drive down. I am also in the process of moving into an apartment. So, thats where I am now. I would like to talk to her tonight but I dont want to bug her too much. Whats some good advice to go buy to keep interest but not annoy?
HappyLove Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Ok, I have taken a different approach on texting and communicating with any future women that I meet. I happened to meet one on match this past week. The first night was messaging each other on there, then I offered her my phone number since texting was quicker.We texted a good bit the first day, yesterday she went hiking so I left her alone. she sent a text message later that day saying that she was exhausted, then a little more texting but not much. This morning I just sent her a "good morning, I hope that you have agreat day" she responds with the same and we send about 10 more texted about what we were doing. During texting I asked if I could call her the next night, so I did. We talked for about 2 hours about life, family, hobbies and what we were looking for in a relationship. She asked about my divorce and politely told her that I was and happily divorced and left it at that. She talked a little more about hers as it was ugly and abusive. She is a kindergarten teacher at an elementary school. She lives about 2 hours from me and we both are aware of that. I asked her out on a date for the 26th of this month because I will have to rent a car and drive down. I am also in the process of moving into an apartment. So, thats where I am now. I would like to talk to her tonight but I dont want to bug her too much. Whats some good advice to go buy to keep interest but not annoy? Seems you're doing everything said not to do. Good job avoiding the D question though. Any reason your dating someone so far away? I'd say before you invest in renting a car and driving so far you set up a Skype date. You'll be better able to assess each other before investing too much emotionally.
Diezel Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 We hit it off, talk and text like crazy for 4-10 days. Stop this. Immediately.
Mascara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 That's what dating is. You meet with someone and ascertain if the chemistry is there. If it is, you continue dating to see if you're compatible. At any stage in this early process, either party can withdraw with no other reason than "you're not for me". After a couple of dates, you'd expect them to communicate that message to you. After one date, it's unusual. The amount you texted before the date would have had no bearing at all if she was attracted to you. She just wasn't. Sorry, it does suck. But that's what happens these days.
preraph Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 OLD is just like that, but the thing with the single mother is something different. Basically, she is looking for someone to be a father to her kids now so she CAN sometimes leave the house without them. Meanwhile, she's stuck and is probably hoping some man will say, Oh, no problem, bring them all along, which isn't a great thing because no one should be letting kids know new men right away. So she's canceling instead. A mother of three really doesn't have time to date unless they have a mother who doesn't mind raising kids twice or a lot of money for a nanny. Now, you say she's your mom's coworker, so presumably she has lunches free because kids are in day-care? Maybe that's the best shot for a quick date, lunchtime.
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I don't like the 'text like crazy' and I don't do it. If on OLD we swap numbers then that guy should wait for me to reply same as I do him. If I meet someone for the first time it's a 'first meet' and not a date and I make that clear. Neither of us have any real idea if there is any attraction until we actually meet. Sounds like you rush things a bit. Main thing is that is keeps happening. There is a common denominator.
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