Keenly Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 You're asking an entire forum that only seems to give thebadvixe of " break up " whenever any problem comes to the board.
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Forgiveness comes in when someone does something that hurts me intentionally or by not caring enough to think about the consequences. Bringing up sex too early is part of the getting to know you. I always had a similar reply -- I'd talk about it a little but it would take longer to have it. If I thought the person was pushing for sex only, I'd end it if I couldn't redirect the conversation. As for being late, not calling etc. I would mention my expectations to the other person first when a disappointment happened. Normally the behavior changed because my expectations were clear or the person explained they couldn't or wouldn't meet them. Again nothing to forgive just some improved communication. If the "problem" reoccurred, they I would bail. If the behaviors were more fundamental -- racism, cruelty, criminal activities like drug use -- I would not continue to date the person.
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I believe people should be careful about judging too harshly early on. Certainly there are indicators that reveal that a person isn't compatible, but you aren't doing yourself any favors by attaching too much meaning to insignificant things. You can always find an excuse to X'em. There are no perfect people, and the notion that one can ensure a life of eternal bliss via the hyper-vigilence defense is a delusion; a way of taking yourself out of the game while still running up and down the field. I corresponded with a woman not long ago and asked a casual question that had been answered––I missed (or forgot) a small detail in an earlier message. Her response told me a lot... "Are you reading my letters? [...] It really bothers me to take the time to write just to learn it wasn't read. In order to protect my heart, a defensive mechanism I adopted is to analyze everything a man says and does once he has captured my attention. Have weeded through a lot of liars, cheaters, players, etc. that way. A bit confused this morning?" If there is one thing a man does not need in this life, it's a woman who feels entitled to chastise him for every little oversight, inefficiency or perceived shortcoming... or to have everything he does or says, or doesn't do or say, analyzed. Shortly after I learned that she has been single for 20 years. What I thought (but didn't say) is, how's that working for ya sugga? My ex is an ex for good reason... sure as hell ain't going to hitch up with another neurotic who believes men are on this earth to absorb all the anxiety and frustration she generates by being forced to live in an imperfect world. My check list of not going to happen is not to protect me from cheaters or liars, it's about compatability, and finding someone who will compliment my life. Sorry if I have standards. I got good results btw, I had np finding a husband.....still together for over 24 years.
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I find that women may overlook little things if they think there's something to build on. I find men overlook everything and get blinded by the physical attraction only. I know I'm guilty of it. There are people who overlook red flags as well.....sites like these proves it.
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