axle_boy Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I have a question for everyone. Do you think it is possible to actually try to convince yourself that you don't love a person (when in reality you actually do) and break up with this person and move on. why I ask this is becaue wouldn't you end up realizing that you actually do love the person a realize that you made a mistake. Wouldn't your conscious end taking over a realizing that you made a mistake. . Make sense to anyone
joeyNoelle Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I don't think you can completely convince yourself you don't love someone if you still do...but even when people still love someone there are always other reasons for breakups.It isn't as simple as i love /i don't love you anymore. I broke up with someone i still had feelings for but the relationship wasn't making me happy/they weren't right for me even though they were completely happy. Sometimes Love just ain't enough
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by joeyNoelle Sometimes Love just ain't enough Thats the keyword ..underline it
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I disagree, I think love is enough. Problems and differances can be worked thorough, if you truely love that person.
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 But to answer your question Axle Boy, Try as you may, no I dot' think you will be able to talk yourself out of love. At somepoint you will have to deal with your true feelings.
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop I disagree, I think love is enough. Problems and differances can be worked thorough, if you truely love that person. Ok Sundrop i give one situation..you love one person that person loves you but what if the person is not committed to you, the other person though loving you will keep looking for better options then in this case. I know your obvious answer would be that if you love some truely then you wont be looking ..this is true only in theory but in practical life i have seen ppl's love vanishing in thin air when they think that they can get someone better in terms of money,power or status.And pls dont mind this "girls fall in this category more than guys".Pls dont take this as sexiest statement but its my personal experience. BTW Sundrop your signature is cool !
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 well one clarification this Situation is not related to the question of axle_boy..i just made this up to say that apart from Love what is needed is Honesty and committment
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Greenhorn, I agree if the other person is not commited ad truely beleives they can do better, than did they really love you 100% anyway? Are they giving you the love you deserve? I would say not if they think they can do better, and if they are interested in material things anyway then you are better without them. I know for me, I can truely say I want someone who loves me 100%, who thinks I am the greatest thing that walks on this earth.... I would rather have that anyday over $$$$, or a nice house. Yes I would like to have both but would rather settle for the first option over the second. I know I love my ex 100%, and it's killing me today not to talk to him, and I know he loves me, we have a few differances that I think we can work through (cross my fingers) Neither I nor him we looking for anybody else, so that is what I was refering to...... And by the way, thanks for the compliment on my signature. That's a reminder to myself that I made my bed now I have to deal with it. ;)
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop And by the way, thanks for the compliment on my signature. That's a reminder to myself that I made my bed now I have to deal with it. ;) You are welcome, and what i wrote about true love and honesty & Commitment is my story..my ex loved me but always kept looking for better and finally when she did manage to get someone better she dumped me..so funny she didnt even give me the opportunity to show her my salary slip to tell how much i was earining..lol...makes me laugh...but sometimes i feel that i go and kill that guy... Goodnight Sundrop ....but how would you sleep with so many drops of Sun..lotta heat... My fingers are crossed for you...Good Luck
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Well greenhorn, If all she is after is a fat paycheck, then let her go, she is not worthy of your love. I truely beleive what goes around comes around. She will end up broke and lonely one day, thinking of you.
Author axle_boy Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 I guess I should rephrase what i meant by this question. What if the other person really loves you and they want to be with you 100%. You really did have a good relationship between the two of you. What I mean is that could try and convince yoursef that you don't have it good and the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and you don't think you love the person in the way you would want to be forever. And because of this you would want to leave.
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by axle_boy I guess I should rephrase what i meant by this question. What if the other person really loves you and they want to be with you 100%. You really did have a good relationship between the two of you. What I mean is that could try and convince yoursef that you don't have it good and the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and you don't think you love the person in the way you would want to be forever. And because of this you would want to leave. First of all sorry AxleBoy for hijacking the thread a bit. well there is conflict between the statements if you have a good relationship then how can you convince yourself that is not good there has to be some parameter on which you can say your relationship is not good and grass is greener on the other side. But this may be true that you love someone but not in a way to be with them forever i mean you dont see them as someone you want to complement your life with.Its the same case as I love you but not in love with you the classic one liner.Lucrezia has explained this very well in many threads in coping section pls visit them. I just remembered " if the grass is greener on the other side means the other side needs more water too !"
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Axle Boy, The only thing I could say to that is.... Think about what you truely want in the person you want to spend the rest of yourlife with and hold on to that... Don't sell yourself short....
Author axle_boy Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 well there is conflict between the statements if you have a good relationship then how can you convince yourself that is not good there has to be some parameter on which you can say your relationship is not good and grass is greener on the other side. Maybe I ask this because of my ex. When we broke up she said a few things that made me interested in this question. Here are couple from her mouth 1. How do I know that you are the right one for me if I have never been with someone else? 2. What if you are the right one and I break up with you and realize that it is a mistake and I really want to be with you BUT you have moved on. This is a chance I am not sure I want to take. 3. I don't know if I love you because of who you are. Maybe that is because I don't if guys are like you. 4. You did treat me well and never hurt me in a very bad way. 5. When my friends talk about their bf and they say what they did for them. I want that. 6. When I am with you I am happy But when I am not with you I start doubting things. 7. For the last little while somedays I want to be with you more than 50% and then somedays I don't want to be with you more than 50%. Those are some quotes. What I mean by this thread is that my girlfriend broke up with because she was unhappy. She has never had a bf before as I am her first. We went out for 2 1/2 years and I have known her for 4 years. Our relationship was a really good one. We never had any mind games whatsoever, I ALWAYS knew where I stood with her and she knew with me, we had really good communication about something she didn't like or something I didn't like and we would both correct it. There were no jealousy, sex, rage or control issues in the realtionship and both of us never told each what to do. And most of all we were best friends of each other as well as bf and gf. we also left on good terms and there was no fight that led to the breakup. to this day i remembe that she never complained out something in life more than 5 times. She usually was happy. We are both people who will have fantaistic futures ni the job world, we both are confident people. We were never dependent or were needy of each other. In other words. I think we both had it made. She tells my that she really wants to be with me but she needs time to think about it. She also said that maybe we should went out later on in life. The day before the break up she told me that she was unhappy with life, school, work, her best friend leaving, parents divorece etc. I ask this question in this thread because usually you really know when something is over. You can just tell or you just have that feeling or you just easily move on. But in this case I feel very weird about it. I haven't spoken to her in a while and I don't plan to as it gets easier to move on BUT for some reason I just feel different. I know I love her and could not convince myself otherwise. I guess I am asking if you do have it made and take it for granted can you convince yourself that you are not right or not in love when you really are.
sundrop Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by axle_boy I know I love her and could not convince myself otherwise. I guess I am asking if you do have it made and take it for granted can you convince yourself that you are not right or not in love when you really are. I think your heart and head are fighting each other and in the end your heart will win. Are you trying to tell yourself you don't love her to try to make yourself fell better? I don't that that is going to work. I think you need to deal with the feelings you have. Now as for her, maybe she does need to experiance life. There are more A$$ holes out there than good ones. Maybe she needs to realise this. My suggestion to you is, let her know you are there for her if and when she needs to talk, try to give her a little space to experiance the A-holes.... But most of all take care of yourself and live life for you right now..Take care of you...
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Here are couple from her mouth 1. How do I know that you are the right one for me if I have never been with someone else? 2. What if you are the right one and I break up with you and realize that it is a mistake and I really want to be with you BUT you have moved on. This is a chance I am not sure I want to take. 3. I don't know if I love you because of who you are. Maybe that is because I don't if guys are like you. I dont get a good view of her after knowing these questions..sorry if i am hurting you Well as far as question no 1 is concerned it means she does not like you in absolute terms,she wants you to be in relative terms it says to me that if i cant get anyone better i would come to you or i want the best one ..you see this is what i wrote in one of my previous reply...one might love but keep looking for others and once again its mostly the GIRLS who do this.if you love someone you should love in absolute terms.Love cant be the subsititute of compulsion. The second question is like "I want to have the cake and eat it too" she does not wants to lose the option of you as well.She wants you to be as a backup ...as a fall back option. The third can be explained similarly... This may not sound nice to you but this girl i mean ur ex didnt love you....it might be fling or something called teenage love or like i am someone's gf cause i have to ..like after school you go to college....not necessarily that you wanted to but since everyone is going to college i have to.... so this is it
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