NC going fine but still wandering what if.. [updates - Ex unblocked me?!?]

[Jason808]

So I'm doing NC for about 9 days or something (didn't keep track) and it is going fine, I stopped crying about her and I stopped feeling sad. I guess you could say I'm well of my way of becoming the "old me". Sometimes I think about the time we had together and how I loved sleeping holding her in my arms. I wander if she thinks about it the same way, she told me she would like to meet but she's not sure what she's feeling for me. Told my it felt like a brother sister relationship. I would love to meet in the future and she told me she'd love that too (told me before NC), but will she contact me eventually? or should I be the one that contacts her after a while? We are both very stubborn and since I broke NC already once I don't want to look like I'm desperate or needy or anything. So when I'm ready should I contact her? Or should I just wait for her to contact me eventually?

[loversquarrel]

Yeah that incest stuff doesn't really work. It's kind of nasty if you think about it when a woman gives you the brother/sister speech. It's worse than "friend-zoned", you got "incest-zoned". Best to let it go and not bother, she's not worth it.

[Jason808]

But if her feelings about me changed, why wouldnt they be able to change back?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

But if her feelings about me changed, why wouldnt they be able to cgonee back?

 

Throwing you the friend line to feel less guilt. Usually, when feelings are gone, they are gone. I wouldn't wait on that, because its incredibly rare.

[redbaron005]

Told my it felt like a brother sister relationship. I would love to meet in the future and she told me she'd love that too (told me before NC), but will she contact me eventually?

 

Of all the friends I have know that have gotten back together, they have all had this familial feeling. I would say if you can wait it out 3-4 months and then if she hasn't contacted you ask her for a coffee, that's probably your best chance.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Of all the friends I have know that have gotten back together, they have all had this familial feeling. I would say if you can wait it out 3-4 months and then if she hasn't contacted you ask her for a coffee, that's probably your best chance.

 

I think after 3 or 4 months, the answer is already there.

[Jason808]

So I broke my NC of like 14 days or something, I contacted her because I felt like I was stuck. I asked her how she was and told her I missed her. She told me she was fine and didn't say anything about missing me. I asked her if she had changed her mind (I already knew the answer but still asked just to be sure) and she said no. So now I absolutely know I have to move on, there is no way she is ever changing her feelings towards me, all hope is gone now so I don't really see it as a mistake. She wanted to meet when we were both feeling better, I immediatly refused and told her that I don't want to be friends and that if we meet ever again I might get my hopes up. I deleted her FB, Twitter and number. She lives an hour away so I will probably never see or hear her again. It's a weird thought knowing you've had almost a 2 year relationship with a person..

[Griesfootball]

The best thing you can do is to move on. Gather yourself because you will meet somebody else but if you really wanted to increase your chance of getting her back is to not try to get her back. You must leave her alone let her figure things out and if she is coming back it has to be on her end

[Jason808]

I just want to let her know that I'll be gone for good. We are on NC now but I don't think it's helping, since she told me that she'll contact me in a few months to see how things are going. At the time I didn't think about telling her not to contact me for good but now that I'm on NC and I do want to let her know that she broke up and therefore kind of bannished me from her life, with choices like that comes responsibility and I'm gone basically. I don't want to be friends but if I break NC now to tell her not to contact me ever again I look like I'm fishing for attention and I deffinetly don't want that.

Edited July 17, 2014 by Jason808

[lollipopspot]

if I break NC now to tell her not to contact me ever again I look like I'm fishing for attention and I deffinetly don't want that.

 

You answered yourself now, didn't you.

 

Of course don't contact her to tell her not to contact you, that's just silly. It would also let her know you're really thinking of her.

[BC1980]

If you contact her, it lets her know you are concerned with what she thinks. You want to tell her to get a reaction out of her, but it probably won't be the one you want. She will probably agree to not talking to you ever again, and you will feel really stupid.

[martaldn]

if she will ever contact in the future you just dont reply and she will know that you will be gone for good.

[Jason808]

I don't know, maybe I do want to do it to get a reaction out of her, could my feelings be that messed up? It probably isn't going to be the reaction I want it to be though and I end up hurting myself. I think I messed up my chances in the beginning when she did still miss me. I was a softie and I thought we could work it out. I should've just said f*** it and never let her hear from me again.

[martaldn]

Yes, I think this is what you are actually trying to get.. some attention from her.

your feelings are still messed up and the only thing you should do, for your own good is to keep the NC.

stay strong

[LostConfused123]

if she will ever contact in the future you just dont reply and she will know that you will be gone for good.

This exactly.

 

Long story short, I was dumpee. Struggled for months. Got some breadcrumbs and finally caved. Heard all the things dumpees dream of hearing.

He became wishy washy. The last straw wad when he said he'd call me because he wanted to "fix all of this" and he never called. I WAS DONE being jerked around (although my fault in the first place)

 

I changed my number and it felt GREAT!!!

I didn't have to say one word. He knows I'm gone for good. I didn't even tell him I was changing my number. I'm sure he figured it out by now.

 

Silence speaks volumes and definitely sends the message.

Stay strong. You're doing awesome!! Just give it some time.

[Elle1975]

Leave it alone. Since you're out for good, if she ever contact you, just keep on ignoring.

 

It will look like an attempt at reconciliation.

 

The best way to send your message is to not send a message at all.

[lollipopspot]

I don't know, maybe I do want to do it to get a reaction out of her, could my feelings be that messed up? It probably isn't going to be the reaction I want it to be though and I end up hurting myself. I think I messed up my chances in the beginning when she did still miss me. I was a softie and I thought we could work it out. I should've just said f*** it and never let her hear from me again.

 

Yes, the only reason for contacting her with this would be to get a reaction out of her, otherwise you'd just do whatever you need to do within yourself.

 

You are hoping she'll feel bad that she ended it with you, regret her decision, and try to get you back...but in your imaginary scenario, you'll be rejecting her this time. "Never contact me again!" You want to turn the tables and reject her. Only you really don't want to reject her - I can tell you actually want her back. So you are hoping that she'll keep trying and eventually you'll "reluctantly" give in and take her back.

 

This is fantasy. It won't work. If you ever do get her back, it won't be because of dramatics like this. Give her a chance to miss you, and if she ever does contact you, you can decide then whether to ignore her or communicate. Maybe what you want will be different then.

[BC1980]

It also helps you to move on by not sending a message because you are reinforcing that the person has no relevance to your life. I know that you still care because you can't flip a switch and stop caring. But it really doesn't help you move on to have any contact. It just means you are making decisions with her in mind, and the goal is to make decisions based on your well being.

[Jason808]

Thanks guys, your support and advise gets me through those rough days. Sometimes I'm not sure what to do and then I look back at posts like this and it calms me down.

[edgygirl]

I was her 20 years ago. Being frustrated when a relationship feels like brother-sister is a sign of immaturity and not knowing yourself yet and what is good for you.

 

A lot of girls in their 20s crave the passion and when it's inevitably gone after a while (because it always is) they start to think there's something wrong in the relationship and start thinking the grass must be greener somewhere else.

 

I'll be honest, it took me 10-15 years to realize the value of my most important ex, and it was mostly unrelated to him. It took me growing up and learning about myself. So, sorry, it might be something that is beyond girl x guy relationship you know. Just a thought.

 

So I'm doing NC for about 9 days or something (didn't keep track) and it is going fine, I stopped crying about her and I stopped feeling sad. I guess you could say I'm well of my way of becoming the "old me". Sometimes I think about the time we had together and how I loved sleeping holding her in my arms. I wander if she thinks about it the same way, she told me she would like to meet but she's not sure what she's feeling for me. Told my it felt like a brother sister relationship. I would love to meet in the future and she told me she'd love that too (told me before NC), but will she contact me eventually? or should I be the one that contacts her after a while? We are both very stubborn and since I broke NC already once I don't want to look like I'm desperate or needy or anything. So when I'm ready should I contact her? Or should I just wait for her to contact me eventually?

[Jason808]

So basically me and my ex broke up and I thought we could work things out, turn out that was never an option and at the moment I even wonder if she ever really loved me, because if she did why didn't she want to work things out? I tried NC multiple times but I always gave in, the fact that I already lost my lover kills me but the fact that I also am going to lose my best friend is just to much for me. She doesn't seem to care anymore, I don't know if she does but she never broke NC she apparantly is fine with how things are.. Maybe she is fine because I never gave her a real chance to miss me. However I need to move on and I know that today and tomorrow are going to be just fine, but after a few days I might start thinking: "Maybe her thoughts have changed, I can always check" and when this happens things are going bad. I just can't understand that a woman who loved me so much, talked about how we were going to name our kids when we were ready, wanted to move out of the house with me ONE MONTH before breaking up with me all of a sudden doesn't care anymore? I know NC is supposed to be for yourself, but the idea that she is fine without me is just something I would never seen coming, but then again.. our longest NC was only 10 days or something. I just literally can't stop contacting my ex because I want her back so bad.

Edited July 21, 2014 by Jason808

[Jason808]

Okay so I'm now at the point that I want to contact her again! For some reason I just can't let it rest and I feel like I should do something if I want her back in my life. I still can't believe that she doesn't want me anymore, not after all the things that were said

[SteakandSalad]

The more you break NC (pester her) the more annoyed she will get. It will push her further away. I know it feels like if you're doing nothing you're losing her, but it will benefit you both for a successful reconciliation or help you move on and start feeling great about yourself.

 

I treated NC like a game, see who would crack first. Don't crack

[FailedFirstLove]

Hey

 

I completely understand your struggles. But think of it as giving her space and time. The more chance you have of her cooling down and missing you. The longer the better. So each day you know she's less and less angry at you. Hang in there. I know how you feel.

 

If you keep going you will only prolong her anger!

[Jason808]

Thanks for responding, these are oppinions that calm me down and not make me do stuff I'm going to regret later. At the moment I need stuff like this wether I will or I won't get her back. I hope I will though, we always had fun and I had the best time of my life with her.