How important is your partner's prior sexual history?

[fortyninethousand322]

You'd be surprised.

 

There are some girls who are 18 and have already been with 10+ guys.

 

I don't know how old the girl this thread was inspired by, but she's been with 16.

 

If a girl wants to sleep with a lot of guys, there is absolutely nothing stopping her.

 

Of course there are girls who have been with 10 guys by 18. I went to school with girls like that. I knew girls who had two kids by the time they were 18. Doesn't make them the norm.

 

Being with 16 people by say 25 or 30 isn't that surprising of a number honestly. Would I have a problem with it? Yeah, but that's because it would intimidate me and make me wonder if the person really liked me since they could probably have whoever they wanted. It wouldn't make me question whether they were good for relationships or whatever other conclusion one might come to...

[isisisweeping]

All the adults here are aware, right, that sex and relationships are not some sort of video game where you get an award (sex) for completing a level, and it's not a competition to see who gets through the level faster and that "harder" levels are not a better indicator of your ability, but a mutual decision that two people come to based on a myriad of factors?

 

 

It's that attitude, plus the attitude of perhaps intimidation or jealousy or whatever is seeping through, that bothers me so much.

 

 

A lot of the attitudes here are just disgusting and based on misconceptions of real women... it's like some perverse caricature that someone envisioned.... these vicious vixens spoken of are not REAL.

 

 

I've been in primarily long term relationships. That's just how it happened for me. If a woman was better at realizing that it wouldn't work out, she'd naturally have a higher number than me.

 

 

:sick:At least I have not run into this in real life. Most my guy friends would mock people who think this way. (Not that they have chosen not to have a lot of sex, but the attitude that it really tells you anything about a person... other than maybe religious views, but since I and many of my friends are atheist that is not an issue)

[fortyninethousand322]

It's that attitude, plus the attitude of perhaps intimidation or jealousy or whatever is seeping through, that bothers me so much.

 

Well, to be fair to me, I'd be intimidated by a woman who had a lot of relationship experience regardless or how many sexual partners she'd had. I mean I've never even kissed a girl before (and I'm 26) so I think it's natural for me to be a bit intimidated by someone with more experience who probably could get some much better than me.

 

And I'm sure that my low number of zero previous sexual partners and zero previous relationships would bother many women. It's for this reason I would never ask about a girl's history, nor would I reveal mine.

[somedude81]

I am sorry, SD, but when you go out with a girl who is not even of legal drinking age and who has had the same boyfriend since her early teens, you are not going to be able to draw many pertinent conclusions about her approach to her own sexuality.

She's had at least two other boyfriends before she dated the guy before me. She met that guy after she graduated high school and was already 18. He was her first sexual partner.

 

Those facts tell me several things about her sexuality.

 

She also never cheated on that BF and was sure to break up with him completely before we got together.

 

If she wanted to, her number could have been much higher.

 

The next few years as she comes into her womanhood will be the time she will be learning about that for herself.

I just don't see her sleeping with that many more guys in her life before she gets married.

 

 

 

SD: Do you honestly believe that your own "numbers" are indicative about your own feelings towards sex? Because, I get the impression from your posts that you would very much like them to be a lot higher. What conclusions about YOU should be drawn by your own numbers?

Au contraire, my number is higher than I want it to be.

 

The numbers average out to having sex one time with one woman, every year since I lost my virginity. Though in reality there were some years where I had sex with two or three, and then three or four year gaps where I didn't have sex at all.

 

I would have strongly preferred to just have had a steady GF for several years. But that didn't happen, so I went out of my way to have sex anyway I could, and it just wasn't fulfilling.

 

Finally, I wish I could have married my ex, and she would have been the last woman I ever slept with.

[kaylan]

All the adults here are aware, right, that sex and relationships are not some sort of video game where you get an award (sex) for completing a level, and it's not a competition to see who gets through the level faster and that "harder" levels are not a better indicator of your ability, but a mutual decision that two people come to based on a myriad of factors?

 

 

It's that attitude, plus the attitude of perhaps intimidation or jealousy or whatever is seeping through, that bothers me so much.

 

 

A lot of the attitudes here are just disgusting and based on misconceptions of real women... it's like some perverse caricature that someone envisioned.... these vicious vixens spoken of are not REAL.

 

 

I've been in primarily long term relationships. That's just how it happened for me. If a woman was better at realizing that it wouldn't work out, she'd naturally have a higher number than me.

 

 

:sick:At least I have not run into this in real life. Most my guy friends would mock people who think this way. (Not that they have chosen not to have a lot of sex, but the attitude that it really tells you anything about a person... other than maybe religious views, but since I and many of my friends are atheist that is not an issue)

Guy friends are rarely honest with females about how they really feel about women and sex.

 

Be a guy around a group of guys, and youll know how we really feel.

 

That said, why does this require so much discussion? Everyone is entitled to choose partners based on whatever they are comfortable with. There are plenty of girls out there, so I dont worry about this stuff. If I pass up a girl, I pass her up.

[GravityMan]

The # is overrated, and some people care WAY too much about it. Pay more attention to his or her overall attitude about sex.

 

- A person can be promiscuous and have slept with only 8 partners.

- A person can have 40 prior partners and not be promiscuous.

- Promiscuity in general is not part of a person's core personality. For many it's just a brief phase during their teens and/or 20s, and eventually they grow out of it. People change.

- Someone can only have had 2-3 partners and all of them were drunken ONS'es. That someone has zero experience in an actual relationship.

 

In general, it is probably better to "don't ask, don't tell", because some people are insecure about how they stack up sexually to their partner's past lovers.

 

However, the blunt truth here is that most adults over the age of 25 or so have had a sexual and relationship past, and their past relationships likely comprise a substantial timeframe of their adulthood. Many of their prior life experiences were experienced with one of their prior partners. What I'm getting at here is that it's natural for most people to share an anecdotal story or event in their past with their current partner, so there's a decent chance that the subject of a past relationship or two may organically surface one day. That day may be 3 weeks into the relationship or 2 years. Maybe nothing specific like # of partners or wild sexual acts, but a past BF/GF may be mentioned within the context of a broader topic.

[Priv]

Just answering the topics question. Very.

 

 

Not the 'I have had 3 and you have had 7 partners' argument', because that is just silly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All I read in most of the replies is those who distinguish between sex and love and those who don't. Neither is wrong but you best be compatible. Since sex is such an powerful force in a relationship and the world in general the difference between the lines of percieving sexual relations is pretty much irreconcilable.

[ASG]

I strongly disagree with you.

 

Women who are sleeping around a lot, are sleeping with a certain type of guy. Sluts won't have sex with just anybody. They don't give away sex to lonely guys.

 

Simply put, I have never had sex with a slut.

 

Frankly, I wish women would stop sleeping around and would only stick to sex in relationships.

 

 

Seriously dude??? This from the guy who not 5 days ago was asking how to hook up while on holiday??? Are you even from this world??

 

 

I wouldn't care. I've been head over heels with a guy who had slept with more than 100 people. I've had my fair share of partners as well.

 

But usually, I don't ask and don't really want to know. What good would it do? I assume the guy I've been seeing for the past few months has also had his fair share of partners, but I would never ask.

[ThaWholigan]

You meet a girl and she's great. Attractive, sweet, charming, feminine. You share the same interests and hobbies and you are compatible in almost every way. You've been dating for a while and you think this could be "the one".

 

One night the question of previous relationships and sexual history arises. She confides to you that she's had sex with 16 guys in her past. Some were past boyfriends. Some were flings. Some were hook-ups and one night stands. You have a much more limited sexual history and have only been with 3 girls.

 

Would you still wife her up?

Yes, I probably would.

 

Have quite a relaxed attitude towards sexual past personally, not been bothered about it too much in the times I have thought about it.

Edited July 15, 2014 by ThaWholigan

[somedude81]

Seriously dude??? This from the guy who not 5 days ago was asking how to hook up while on holiday??? Are you even from this world??

I was on a holiday and acting way out of my norm.

 

As the host of the bar shows said, "What happens in Cabo, didn't happen."

 

Either way, even if I had the opportunity, I really doubt I would have actually gone and had casual sex with somebody. All I really wanted was to kiss some girls and see some boobs.

 

I wouldn't care. I've been head over heels with a guy who had slept with more than 100 people. I've had my fair share of partners as well.

 

 

But usually, I don't ask and don't really want to know. What good would it do? I assume the guy I've been seeing for the past few months has also had his fair share of partners, but I would never ask.

 

Would you have sex with a lonely awkward virgin guy?

 

If the answer is anything other than "no," I'd be extremely surprised.

 

Also the fact that you've been with a lot of guys, means that you are less judgmental about guys that have been with a lot of girls. Many women who have only been with a small number of guys, have a huge issue with guys who have been with a lot of girls.

 

I have not been with a lot of women, and I generally prefer women who have been with a small number of men.

 

For me, I really want a GF and to only have sex in a relationship. That's always how I've been. But because I've had such great difficulties in getting a GF, I've had to settle for what I felt was empty sex.

 

During the Cabo trip, what I really wanted most of all, was to have my ex there with me.

[Elle1975]

Would you have sex with a lonely awkward virgin guy?

 

She probably wouldn't. Not because of the virginity issue, but because of the "lonely awkward". Say "with a nice friendly virgin guy" and you will get a yes.

[somedude81]

She probably wouldn't. Not because of the virginity issue, but because of the "lonely awkward". Say "with a nice friendly virgin guy" and you will get a yes.

 

Nice friendly virgin guy wouldn't have been a virgin for long

 

The "lonely awkward" part is why we have guys who are 25+ year old virgins.

[Elle1975]

Nice friendly virgin guy wouldn't have been a virgin for long

 

The "lonely awkward" part is why we have guys who are 25+ year old virgins.

 

Yeah but that's your problem to fix. Not how many partners you've had.

[somedude81]

Yeah but that's your problem to fix. Not how many partners you've had.

 

You're changing the subject.

[ASG]

She probably wouldn't. Not because of the virginity issue, but because of the "lonely awkward". Say "with a nice friendly virgin guy" and you will get a yes.

 

Exactly! Why would I EVER want to sleep with someone who is awkward???

 

I have this friend... He's not a virgin, but he's SOOO awkward! I would never ever EVER sleep with him, because I can't even fathom what sex would be like other than... awkward!

 

Like I said, I never ask people about their past. So unless it was volunteered, I would never know whether a guy is a virgin or not.

 

But I would also not have sex with anyone I wasn't attracted to. Nice guy or not.

[ASG]

Nice friendly virgin guy wouldn't have been a virgin for long

 

The "lonely awkward" part is why we have guys who are 25+ year old virgins.

 

Well... yes... but I'm not lonely or awkward. I'm a social butterfly with awesome people skills. Lonely and awkward would not be compatible with me! So even if I had never ever ever had casual sex and my number was 3, I would still not sleep with the lonely awkward guy. Virgin or not!

[somedude81]

Exactly! Why would I EVER want to sleep with someone who is awkward???

 

I have this friend... He's not a virgin, but he's SOOO awkward! I would never ever EVER sleep with him, because I can't even fathom what sex would be like other than... awkward!

 

Like I said, I never ask people about their past. So unless it was volunteered, I would never know whether a guy is a virgin or not.

 

But I would also not have sex with anyone I wasn't attracted to. Nice guy or not.

Exactly. You just made the exact point I was trying to make to smackie9 several pages ago.

 

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If it wasn't for sexually free women, very few men would ever get laid.

 

Then there would be threads on "Why do women hold such a high value on their pu ssy." or "I'm so broke from paying hookers, when will a woman give in and let me have it for free." Double standard alright. damn if we do and damn if we don't.

 

I strongly disagree with you.

 

Women who are sleeping around a lot, are sleeping with a certain type of guy. Sluts won't have sex with just anybody. They don't give away sex to lonely guys.

 

Simply put, I have never had sex with a slut.

 

Frankly, I wish women would stop sleeping around and would only stick to sex in relationships.

----------------------------------------

 

Does it now make sense?

[William]

As we approach p. 20 in this . . . . Has anybody seen or heard from the OP?

Yes, considering the feedback received and that the thread starter logged out six minutes after posting this and hasn't returned, I'd say they got plenty of discussion and we'll call this done unless they have an update or inquiry. Thanks everyone for your contributions.