How important is your partner's prior sexual history?

July 14, 2014

From what I've seen on threads here on LS, guys get more insecure about their partners' past sexual encounters. It's because a larger number makes them feel inadequate.

July 14, 2014

Its not just based on number. For me its about how many partners a woman has average per year since losing her virginity. Also, one should take into account how many of these partners were from relationships and riskier casual hookups.

Gotta make an overall evaluation. One woman can be a serial monogamist with 10 partners by 30 years of age, with all the partners being boyfriends since she was 15. Or you can have a similar woman whos 30 with 10 partners, with more than half of those partners being flings. Men gotta be smart and analyze a body of work, rather than mere numbers. However there is a point where a number really is just too high.

You gotta select a mate based on a lot more than merely the number she wants you to hear, whether it is true or not. Personally I just look for a woman who has similar relationship and sexual experiences...a woman whos not too conservative, but who didnt go all out wild in her single life. Thats just me though.

I dont mind someone whos had casual sex in the past....but I wouldnt seriously date a woman whos been around the block so much. We just wouldnt click and would have different feelings about sex. It is what it is. I also dont expect every girl to be ok with things Ive done in my past. Similar experiences breed understanding...why is why Id wanna date someone with a similar sexual past. We could relate to one another.

You generally hear "the past is the past" and "numbers dont matter" more so from people who know their pasts turn some people off. My experience is that your past has a direct effect on your present and future. Ignoring a woman's past is what's gotten me into drama in my romantic life. Nothing wrong with a good vetting process.

PS - I wish people would stop comparing extremes when trying to defend high degrees of promiscuity. You know what I mean...the whole "30 partners but great loyal bf/gf vs 5 partners but a liar and cheater" argument. Lets be real....these sorta extremes arent whats common in the dating world. And in my experience, the promiscuous men and women have shown the worst dating material.

Edited July 14, 2014 by kaylan

July 14, 2014

Lemme share what Ive said in another thread about all this:

Can o' worms OP.

Anyways, it depends on who you ask. Some men literally dont care about banging slutty women. Same way some women dont mind sleeping with guys that have been around the block a lot. Some men like sluts, some women enjoy players/man-sluts.

However, there are men and women will be turned off by promiscuity. It really depends on the person. More conservative minded folk tend to be drawn to similarly minded people, especially when it comes to settling down.

Now, with regards to how society views promiscuity in men and women...both will look down on men and women who have very low selectivity and standards, but much more so on the woman. This is because most men will have sex with any women thrown at him....so for a woman to have sex with multiple members of a gender that isnt selective...it looks bad. Sex drive ties into typical male and female selectivity, as well as the pregnancy risk (which men dont have to deal with)

Because its easy for most women to get sex, a woman is looked at as easy if she sleeps around. Now, if men were as selective as women about sexual partners, then women would be judged equally to men when sleeping around. But because of biology (sex drive and pregnancy risk affecting women's sexual selection) this equality in selectivity and sexual judgement will never exist.

And when I say never exist...I truly mean that. Its not a realistic possibility...no matter how much feminists, egalitarians, and whoever else whats things to change. I just shrug and accept it. Thems the breaks kid.

Edited July 14, 2014 by kaylan

July 14, 2014

It is certainly quite important to me. If I am to be sexually active with someone I think we have the right to know about each other's sexual history and should feel comfortable to be open and honest about it.

It would make me feel a bit uncomfortable if he has slept with a high number of partners, because I would wonder how long he will stick around and what sort of relationships he goes for. Maybe he just wants sex. Maybe he slept around as a young man but now wants serious relationships. I wouldn't judge solely on the number. And if I thought he was "the one" then I don't think it would be a big problem.

July 14, 2014

Just for the record, I'd like to state that when I said earlier that I, as a female, wouldn't date men with high numbers, I'm not applying double standards between genders like some male LS posters seem to do. (It depends where you live maybe. Because women in my work, city, friend circle, family, etc, do NOT want to date any so-called "confident" men either. And they're not just a few women who say that. They're many). Just wanted to clarify because this discussion went from: "not risking to date high-number people" to "men with multiple numbers are confident but women are slutty".

July 14, 2014

The more sexual relationships the better in relationships

July 14, 2014

The more sexual relationships the better in relationships with expiry dates

There. I corrected it.

July 14, 2014

Sex Satisfaction vs. Sex Reproduction

Sex for reproduction is simple… Like all animals, breeding is instinctual…

Unlike animals, humans also engage is sex for pleasure (without fertilization)…

Sexual Pleasure is not natural… It is not easy… Is is a learned skill that takes experience to improve.

Unlike men, women can get pregnancy without sexual pleasure. It is for this reason that female sexual satisfaction is not a necessity (although it should be).

Many women do not even experience the climax of an orgasm until they deliver their first baby… Yes, I said childbirth…

Childbirth is the same as a sexual climax. The only difference is the pain of pshing a baby through the birth canal.

The physical reactions that a sexual climax and labor share are: involuntary contractions, dilation of the cervix and vaginal opening, vaginal secretions as lubrication, muscle convulsions in the legs, increased hear rate, release of serotonin and dopamine in the brain, followed by overwhelming sense of relaxation, satisfaction, extreme sensitivity of the clitoris, and more…

First time sex

Is physically the lest satisfying, as the skill is not there… However, this does not mean that it isn’t good. A large part of sexual satisfaction is credited to intimacy (or sexual vulnerability). With the first time bring one into a vulnerable position- this intense vulnerability is pleasurable.

The more experienced the better the sex. Especially for women… experience can be gained by simply becoming an expert to their own pleasure by masturbating. Once she knows what it takes, communicating this can be possible

July 14, 2014

Just for the record, I'd like to state that when I said earlier that I, as a female, wouldn't date men with high numbers, I'm not applying double standards between genders like some male LS posters seem to do. (It depends where you live maybe. Because women in my work, city, friend circle, family, etc, do NOT want to date any so-called "confident" men either. And they're not just a few women who say that. They're many). Just wanted to clarify because this discussion went from: "not risking to date high-number people" to "men with multiple numbers are confident but women are slutty".

While I recognize the double standard society (re: certain men) have regarding all this...I myself dont see promiscuity as "confidence" in men or women. I have had male friends whos sleeping around put a very bad taste in my mouth because of their lack of standards. Seriously, a couple of these guys would sleep with any woman that was willing it seemed.

And Ive even done a thing or two that I shouldnt have in my romantic life. I learn from it and wont make those mistakes any longer. Some would shrug and go "its just sex". But eh, some of my activities were lackluster or outright offputting. All this said, I recognize and accept that some women may not be into me based on my past. Im cool with that though. Everyone has their preferences.

July 14, 2014

I've not slept with very many guys. In the last year I've slept with one... In the several years before that one, in the many years before that, one.

But threads like this make me want to lie and make a huge number up if it comes up because I can say for SURE I do not want to be with a guy who it would be an issue for Eeew eeew eew. What disgusting, judgmental pieces of... well.

Most guys I know in reality, it is not an issue. There are some guys I know who think too low might be an issue just because they're worried it might mean a girl does not enjoy sex and they don't want to be in a long term relationship where the sex suddenly dries up and they're trapped for love, but it still allows a reason like having been in a long term monogamous relationship that took up their whole 18-30 years and not cheating.

July 14, 2014

I've not slept with very many guys. In the last year I've slept with one... In the several years before that one, in the many years before that, one.

But threads like this make me want to lie and make a huge number up if it comes up because I can say for SURE I do not want to be with a guy who it would be an issue for Eeew eeew eew. What disgusting, judgmental pieces of... well.
Most guys I know in reality, it is not an issue. There are some guys I know who think too low might be an issue just because they're worried it might mean a girl does not enjoy sex and they don't want to be in a long term relationship where the sex suddenly dries up and they're trapped for love, but it still allows a reason like having been in a long term monogamous relationship that took up their whole 18-30 years and not cheating.

Dont lie.

Just find a dude that will accept you. Thats how I approach dating. If I have to lie to get a woman to accept me and date me, then shes not right for me long term.

July 14, 2014

I don't mind if someone has had more partners than me anymore. Since I'm a girl, I do mind when I feel a guy gives his heart to just anybody. I can usually tell because they go "too fast".

Personally I don't think sex is just sex anymore. I also understand that not everybody sees it that way. To each his own. I personally regret trying to get a FWB situation going, but I am not as harsh on myself as some people would be on me. I also understand that to some people "sex is just sex", and that doesn't make them less or more than me.

If a woman wants only sex out of someone, I'm ok with that. Same for the guys. It's just about saying up front what you are looking for.

If the sexual past of someone matters to you, then before starting anything, the question should be asked.

My question to a man would probably be "why did you break up" or "why never married?", that kind of things. If a great guy told me "I used to do porn for a living", I'd ask "are you retired?"

July 14, 2014

Completely irrelevant!

I don't know my fiancée's number, i'm not sure she does, I know its higher than your example though and that mines not even in the same ballpark - I really don't care, its not a competition.....I care about being her last!

July 14, 2014

This question is more significant when you're very young and the 'weight' of each partner you've had is larger.

In your late twenties, thirties, forties and beyond it is clear that you have some sexual history. I don't even see how talking about the exact number would come up.

That said, I would find the extremes unsettling. If a guy has slept with hundreds of women I would question his desire or ability to stick with one woman. If a guy in his thirties has no sexual history at all, I would wonder if he's even interested in women because sex drive is a powerful force and usually drives men to act on it (and by act I mean dating, asking women out etc).

July 14, 2014

Dont lie.

Just find a dude that will accept you. Thats how I approach dating. If I have to lie to get a woman to accept me and date me, then shes not right for me long term.

Ah, but I don't want a guy to "accept" me because I have a low number. I don't want to unknowingly be with somebody who CARES about something stupid. I'm sure it would come up at some point that they are judgmental against women making whatever choice is right for them in this regard, and that they regard sex as something different than I do (I certainly do not see it as something sacred or whatever)... I wouldn't actually lie though, just tempting. I'd just say, if asked, "Why? does it matter?"

July 14, 2014

This question is more significant when you're very young and the 'weight' of each partner you've had is larger.

In your late twenties, thirties, forties and beyond it is clear that you have some sexual history. I don't even see how talking about the exact number would come up.

Not all of us in our late 20s and beyond have sexual history.

That said, I would find the extremes unsettling. If a guy has slept with hundreds of women I would question his desire or ability to stick with one woman. If a guy in his thirties has no sexual history at all, I would wonder if he's even interested in women because sex drive is a powerful force and usually drives men to act on it (and by act I mean dating, asking women out etc).

It takes two to tango, and some guys are just bad at attracting women. Which may in itself be a turnoff who knows. But it's not all about interest and biology...

July 14, 2014

I've not slept with very many guys. In the last year I've slept with one... In the several years before that one, in the many years before that, one.

But threads like this make me want to lie and make a huge number up if it comes up because I can say for SURE I do not want to be with a guy who it would be an issue for Eeew eeew eew. What disgusting, judgmental pieces of... well.
Most guys I know in reality, it is not an issue. There are some guys I know who think too low might be an issue just because they're worried it might mean a girl does not enjoy sex and they don't want to be in a long term relationship where the sex suddenly dries up and they're trapped for love, but it still allows a reason like having been in a long term monogamous relationship that took up their whole 18-30 years and not cheating.

Ah, but I don't want a guy to "accept" me because I have a low number. I don't want to unknowingly be with somebody who CARES about something stupid. I'm sure it would come up at some point that they are judgmental against women making whatever choice is right for them in this regard, and that they regard sex as something different than I do (I certainly do not see it as something sacred or whatever)... I wouldn't actually lie though, just tempting. I'd just say, if asked, "Why? does it matter?"

Why is caring about how many partners a girl has had stupid?

I think the past number of sexual partners is a great way to tell what one's beliefs are, how they feel about sex and how they value their body and themselves.

My ex had only been with one guy before me, a steady boyfriend and she was 20 on our first time. That told me that she was very selective with who she slept with and that she believed sex should only be done in a relationship with somebody you really cared for.

If she had been with five other guys before me, I would have developed a far different impression of her.

July 14, 2014

Why is caring about how many partners a girl has had stupid?

If she had been with five other guys before me, I would have developed a far different impression of her.

It's not "stupid" per se but it is an emotionally loaded Q. It should be more than a straight numbers analysis. Some people go a little wild / crazy in college or before they are 25 but then they mature & settle down.

Since I was a girl who experimented a bit in college I can't fault somebody else for doing that but if the pattern continues beyond the point when it's time to grow up that is more significant to me.

In this highly sexualized society where we give mixed messages all the time & the loudest screams Do it, Do it, Do it, people get confused &/0r give in to pressure. How many threads have there been about people trying to get rid of their virginity like it's a disease?

Yes some of it may be value choices but when weighing reasons to get serious with somebody the person they are now should factor more heavily then who they were before they met you or grew up.

July 14, 2014

Why is caring about how many partners a girl has had stupid?

I think the past number of sexual partners is a great way to tell what one's beliefs are, how they feel about sex and how they value their body and themselves.

It's a number. Could be useful, might not be. Like a pitcher's ERA or how many interceptions a quarterback has thrown, it's best to have some context.

My ex had only been with one guy before me, a steady boyfriend and she was 20 on our first time. That told me that she was very selective with who she slept with and that she believed sex should only be done in a relationship with somebody you really cared for.

If she had been with five other guys before me, I would have developed a far different impression of her.

Not surprising considering she was 20/21. A lot of people that age are just breaking out of their shell and either becoming sexually active or just moving on from their first relationship.

By 25 or so, you should expect most people to have had at least 5 sexual partners. Some casual, some serious, depending on the person. Keep in mind that number is "at least", so it could be much higher.

July 14, 2014

I would have developed a far different impression of her.

And someone who thinks like that I'd want to make sure I didn't slip up and ever, ever date. like I said, I don't think sex is sacred.

How many partners someone has had doesn't tell you who they are as a person. Who they are as a person tells you that. if someone seems like they think it does, I think it's ridiculous and makes me highly suspect of their views in general, of women, and our compatibility. I think it does indicate personality and views... number of partners really doesn't, especially without context.

July 14, 2014

It's not "stupid" per se but it is an emotionally loaded Q. It should be more than a straight numbers analysis. Some people go a little wild / crazy in college or before they are 25 but then they mature & settle down.

Yes it is more than just a straight number analysis. Though with my ex, only being with one guy, it was very easy to come to a conclusion about her. We also talked about our views on sex, why she didn't do the casual thing and so on.

Since I was a girl who experimented a bit in college I can't fault somebody else for doing that but if the pattern continues beyond the point when it's time to grow up that is more significant to me.

Yeah I do understand that some people experiment in college and some people don't. I had several female friends who graduated as virgins.

I'm probably not the best person to judge about experimentation as a youth.

In this highly sexualized society where we give mixed messages all the time & the loudest screams Do it, Do it, Do it, people get confused &/0r give in to pressure. How many threads have there been about people trying to get rid of their virginity like it's a disease?

Yes some of it may be value choices but when weighing reasons to get serious with somebody the person they are now should factor more heavily then who they were before they met you or grew up.

I have no problem at all with girls who want to have sex. Though I can't see why a girl would prefer a lot of casual things over one or two serious things.

I've had sex with women I barely knew, it was the only way I could get laid. And then when I finally had sex with a GF, I was blown away at how different and better everything was. I simply can't imagine myself having sex again with a woman I don't deeply care for.

July 14, 2014

It's a number. Could be useful, might not be. Like a pitcher's ERA or how many interceptions a quarterback has thrown, it's best to have some context.

Not surprising considering she was 20/21. A lot of people that age are just breaking out of their shell and either becoming sexually active or just moving on from their first relationship.

By 25 or so, you should expect most people to have had at least 5 sexual partners. Some casual, some serious, depending on the person. Keep in mind that number is "at least", so it could be much higher.

You'd be surprised.

There are some girls who are 18 and have already been with 10+ guys.

I don't know how old the girl this thread was inspired by, but she's been with 16.

If a girl wants to sleep with a lot of guys, there is absolutely nothing stopping her.

July 14, 2014

And someone who thinks like that I'd want to make sure I didn't slip up and ever, ever date. like I said, I don't think sex is sacred.

How many partners someone has had doesn't tell you who they are as a person. Who they are as a person tells you that. if someone seems like they think it does, I think it's ridiculous and makes me highly suspect of their views in general, of women, and our compatibility. I think it does indicate personality and views... number of partners really doesn't, especially without context.

Then how come you haven't been with more than five guys? (if I understood your previous post correctly)

July 14, 2014

It's something that would be pretty important to me.

I'm 25, and my number is 2. It could be a lot more than that, I've had girls/ women come up to me in pubs/clubs and grope and kiss me...I could have taken them behind a skip, in an alleyway or wherever these things are consummated... but that just isn't me.

I couldn't be that intimate with someone whom I have no romantic feelings for. I wouldn't want that in a partner either, but that is the quickest way to amass a high number.

When I next start dating (hopefully) then I'll take my time with the lady in question, treat her respectfully and get to know her before anything physical, maybe it would be several weeks/months beforehand?

A problem would arise however, if she had a large number not restricted to boyfriends, so experience of ONS, f-buddies etc.

What would that then say about her attraction to me? She was so strongly attracted to these guys that she dropped her pants straight away and was happy to be a piece of meat to them, but I had to treat her like a princess to receive less favourable treatment from her?

Here are a few more issues I'd have with a high number...

1) I'd wonder how many of her guy friends she'd slept with that I didn't know about, and how many of those (probably many) would be waiting to slip her one again at the first opportunity. (Knowing she had been receptive before)

2) She obviously likes sex with lots of different guys (rather than limiting it to ones she loves) so would be likelier to cheat with randoms than a girl who reserves sex for a loved one.

3) It's easier to win a competition against two or five guys than it is against twenty five. I would like to be the best my girlfriend has had, not have her thinking wistfully about past lovers. (More likely to cheat again..)

Also, If I'm her 22nd, 57th or 145th, is it likely that I'm going to be her last, because I'm so much better than everyone else? Not really.

I'm fairly vanilla when it comes to sex, so if on her way to that high number she has been pooped on, had eleven-ways etc.... that would be an incompatibility.

4) Doesn't really see sex the same way that I do - whilst I see it as an expression of my love, to her it might just be something to do when bored, something to trade for a ride home, pitcher of alcohol (Magaluf girl for example..)

5) Hints at a need for validation from lots of different men to feel desirable/ boost her self esteem (I should have paid more attention to this with my ex, again more chance of cheating..)

6) I guess my general at the concept of casual sex, would I really want to go down there if I knew of the scores of previous visitors?

7) I would rather have a woman who has always had her heart open to love and finding someone to spend her life with, not someone who wanted to follow the YOLO maxim, sleep around through her best years because Cosmo says so, but who then decides as she nears thirty that she wants to be a mum and so... *sigh* she had better find a more decent guy. (Until she gets bored)

Ideally I think if a girl had limited sex to a small number of boyfriends in the past, had never cheated, and had 0, or maybe 1 or 2 ONS, (but discovered it wasn't for her) then we'd be good to go.

It would definitely have to be single digits for my age bracket.

I think I would feel more at ease with, and able to trust, a woman with comparable experience and attitudes to myself.

Edited July 14, 2014 by mr_dave

July 14, 2014

Yes it is more than just a straight number analysis. Though with my ex, only being with one guy, it was very easy to come to a conclusion about her.

I am sorry, SD, but when you go out with a girl who is not even of legal drinking age and who has had the same boyfriend since her early teens, you are not going to be able to draw many pertinent conclusions about her approach to her own sexuality.

The next few years as she comes into her womanhood will be the time she will be learning about that for herself.

SD: Do you honestly believe that your own "numbers" are indicative about your own feelings towards sex? Because, I get the impression from your posts that you would very much like them to be a lot higher. What conclusions about YOU should be drawn by your own numbers?

Sign In

How important is your partner's prior sexual history?

Recommended Posts

Emilia

kaylan

kaylan

guest569

silvermercy

IntimacySpecialist

silvermercy

IntimacySpecialist

kaylan

isisisweeping

kaylan

Elle1975

Shepp

bene

isisisweeping

fortyninethousand322

somedude81

d0nnivain

fortyninethousand322

isisisweeping

somedude81

somedude81

somedude81

mr_dave

Glinda.Good

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...