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How important is your partner's prior sexual history?

spinaroonie

By spinaroonie
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jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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16 guys huh, yeah I feel real special. :rolleyes:

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marcjb Established Member

marcjb

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16 guys huh, yeah I feel real special. :rolleyes:

 

:lmao:

 

Yea, it feels really good when she tells you you're "The One"....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of many... and probably not her last.

 

These types of people are usually the ones that get bored easily because they are missing something within themselves that they are always trying to fulfill with other people.

Edited by marcjb
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Why do employers do background checks? Why does it matter if someone has robbed a bank before? It's no one's business, and it's not important, right?

 

 

Having sex is not a criminal act.......next!

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Having sex is not a criminal act.......next!

 

If it's not with me it is :p

marcjb Established Member

marcjb

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Having sex is not a criminal act.......next!

 

Unless you're getting paid for it (and not filming it).

 

Do you not understand that it was an analogy that was comparing behavior, not criminal activity?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I never said this was the case, all I said was that the possibility is definitely higher than someone with stronger boundaries and values.

 

I'm still waiting on the new definition for slut. Let me google that for you

 

The person that thinks it's ok to be "sexually liberated" should also be the one who has no problem disclosing their sexual history to their parter, otherwise they are also a hypocrite.

 

It's kind of like buying a product at a store which is supposed to be new, only to find out the store just gave you an item which was used and returned buy another customer. You look at it differently if you know before hand that it was a used / returned item which they are selling at a discounted price upfront rather than playing games and passing it off as new.

 

If I have prior knowledge that a girl is a slut, I'll stay away. Im not interested in flings or devaluing myself by being with someone like that. I'm only interested in having longterm relationships with a self respecting woman.

 

You just described hookers, yes you are purchasing something used.

marcjb Established Member

marcjb

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You just described hookers, yes you are purchasing something used.

 

Yea, well to a guy that has just found out his partner has been with a huge number of other guys, that's exactly how he feels. Like he's just been with a hooker.

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jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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Having sex is not a criminal act.......next!

 

If she's had over 16 partners, she most likely won't stop at 17.

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jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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I wouldn't even sleep with a girl knowing she's had that many partners.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's threads like these that flushes out the virgins out of hiding.....

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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It's threads like these that flushes out the virgins out of hiding.....

 

And there's the male version of slut shaming, virgin shaming.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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A 20 something virgin? I would have np rattling his cage......want some candy little boy? lol

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Hah nope, I'm most definitely not a virgin. Nor do I think any other guys posting in this thread are.

 

Still you resorted to the equivalent of slut shaming.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Tit for tat.

Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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I have been in your situation before. It can make someone feel quite insecure. If it was you though, and you had more sexual partners and your significant other had three or less ( some people have only had one) would you think " man, I'm not going to go there, less experience means less knowledge or understanding."

 

 

Or would you think, that person is only after something real and permanent and that makes me feel more secure and happier that they have been less burnt than I have been.

 

 

Someone said to me this and it makes sense... if you like someone, and they had loads and loads of "experience" you might think " that's understandable, they're attractive and pretty desirable, it makes me feel amazing and proud that they would prefer to be with me rather than all the random guys or girls they could have if they wanted to. You might think that all that " experience" is a bonus, having picked up skills here and there. After all, they are the person YOU like, so all their "experience" means jack. If you didn't feel "attracted" to them you may think " God no all that " experience" makes me feel insecure or you might even think they are slutty and less desirable because of it."

 

 

If they had "less experience" and you " liked them" you might think " wow, they have saved themselves for ME, I feel amazing and proud that they haven't been with so many guys or girls that they chose me to be intimate. Wow that makes me feel special" or if you weren't attracted to them you might think" oh my god no way, they can't be all that desirable if they haven't had much luck with men or woman before, so I'm going to pass."

 

 

I haven't had much " experience" with loads and loads of relationships, but when finding a connection and building a long term relationship, if someone judges you for lack of a sexual past or too much of one, they are not interested in the PERSON YOU ARE. In the past, guys haven't wanted to be with me because I have had only ONE relationship before. Because I've been singe for more than ten years, it screams to them " Weird, Odd and scary" but never mind the fact, that I'm happy, confident, adaptable and have been travelling the world over.

 

 

Find out what is important to YOU first.

 

 

And anyway attraction does not care for how many people you have had or haven't had. Attraction says, that person does it for me, so I'm going to stick it out with this person and this person only.

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Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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It's a double standard because women are primarily the ones that have to consent for sex to take place. Men generally have to put the work in while women just have to make the decision.

 

:lmao::lmao: Surely you jest, sir! Men are "putting work in" to get sex? Oh, poor fellows! If it's such a chore, there is no requirement that they exert these Herculean efforts!

 

If not, then it's just a free for all. That's why if a woman has had a bunch of sexual partners, yes, she is a slut. If she isn't a slut, then please tell me your new definition.

 

What 's the problem with a free for all? We are talking about sex here. Go for it. And if people who have a lot of sexual partners are to be called "sluts," that is okay with me. Are you one?

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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This is why I learned, the hard way, long ago, to not share much about one's past with the person they are with currently. Why? A few reasons:

 

 

1) It's the past - You are not with those people anymore, whether we are talking about 2 or 22. You are with this person John/Jane Doe now. This is what truly matters.

 

 

2) Love - Did you love all of those people in the past? Chances are you didn't, between each and every story from a casual fling to a LTR. Each had a different story. Now you want this story.

 

 

3) Difference - What difference does it make? Unless you are both teenagers and both virgins, in that case then it's just what it is. If one is more experienced than the other, so be it. It would be foolish if not downright neive of you or anyone else to assume that a person does not have some kind of a past, of good and bad things. We learned, we are where we are today because of it.

 

 

4) Loving this woman - If you really love this woman and you are really feeling that she is "the one", don't let that stop you. DON'T LET HER GO. And if she feels the same for you, GO FOR IT.

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Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Women who are sleeping around a lot, are sleeping with a certain type of guy. Sluts won't have sex with just anybody. They don't give away sex to lonely guys.

 

"Sluts" usually are having sex with whomever they feel like having sex with, who also wants to have sex with them.

 

I am using the term "SLUT" in a gender neutral way. Let's all do that!

 

Simply put, I have never had sex with a slut.
That's about you, not the sluts. I mean, your personal experience does not speak to the reality of who these epic sluts are actually boning.

 

Frankly, I wish women would stop sleeping around and would only stick to sex in relationships.

 

That is just plain odd! What on Earth can it be to you what all of us are doing with our personal lives?

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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"Sluts" usually are having sex with whomever they feel like having sex with, who also wants to have sex with them.

 

I am using the term "SLUT" in a gender neutral way. Let's all do that!

 

That's about you, not the sluts. I mean, your personal experience does not speak to the reality of who these epic sluts are actually boning.

Odds are girl sluts are having sex with guy sluts.

 

Though there are a lot more girl sluts than guy sluts.

 

In the post I quoted, smackie9 was trying to seem like it was a double standard where men were complaining that women weren't having sex with them. My point was that regardless if there were more or less girl sluts in the world, those same men would still be complaining that nobody would sleep with them. That's simply because even though sluts are more lax about how many guys they sleep with, the vast majority of times they don't lower their standards enough to give the lonely guys a ride.

 

That is just plain odd! What on Earth can it be to you what all of us are doing with our personal lives?

Simple. Less girls sleeping around means more girls who are interested in relationships. It also means less girls who are getting used for sex.

 

This forum is full of women who are hurting because their FWB or whatever doesn't want anything more from her and she's attached. Those girls are better off dropping the whole casual thing and only sleeping with guys who actually like them.

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Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Simple. Less girls sleeping around means more girls who are interested in relationships. It also means less girls who are getting used for sex.

 

That is a very black and white point of view, and it's also very skewed towards the idea that women somehow exist to fill a void for men. Girls are not interested in relationships because they are instead having casual sex. They are interested in relationships simply because that is where they're at. Or maybe it is not. Everything has its season; for some people that includes a time of sexual adventuring.

 

This forum is full of women who are hurting because their FWB or whatever doesn't want anything more from her and she's attached. Those girls are better off dropping the whole casual thing and only sleeping with guys who actually like them.

 

Certainly there are many people who are not cut out for casual sex and only find that out about themselves through painful experiences. That does not meant that they shouldn't have had the experiences. They probably needed them, to learn about themselves and to grow.

 

Regardless, who is having sex with whom or not is none of your concern, or mine, unless it's an individual we are interested in sexually ourselves. Or maybe our kid.

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leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

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The issue with what I'm reading here is that you feel that you have the right to dictate how people chose to spend their time. The world is not made up of "sluts" and "not sluts". Every single person on this planet is just doing what they're doing. Whether it's right in someone else's eyes or wrong. You're also assuming that women only get used when it's casual sex or that hey, maybe women shouldn't sleep with who they're attracted to but with that poor lonely guy in the corner. Come on give him a chance. Be a slut but don't be a slut. Be a virgin before we get married but **** me like a porn star or I'll leave you. This isn't new, this is something portrayed on a wide scale and it's why I don't appreciate any type of shaming.

 

No one is saying you can't say no to someone who has slept with any amount of people. The problem is that you seem to think it's your business who people, sorry not people just women, sleep with or don't sleep with even if you aren't involved.

 

Edit: I meant to quote somedude.

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leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

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Not one person in this thread is trying to control how another person spends their time. I don't care if any woman wants to have sex with 10 different guys, or 1000 different guys. The only thing some of the men here are saying is that if a girl chooses to have sex with 1000 or so guys, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with her. Are men not allowed to have preferences now? Women want a confident man, men want a girl who doesn't sleep around.

 

Did you not even read the rest of my post? It's all there. Did you not read somedude's posts? Come on:

 

"Simple. Less girls sleeping around means more girls who are interested in relationships. It also means less girls who are getting used for sex.``

 

 

Don't tell me what men and women want, I don't play with generalizations. We all, as individuals, want different things.

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Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Not one person in this thread is trying to control how another person spends their time.

 

You're right, they're not trying to control it, that would be highly delusional. After all, we are just talking on the Internet. However, some are expressing a desire to be in charge of it:

 

Frankly, I wish women would stop sleeping around and would only stick to sex in relationships.

 

Which is … hard to wrap my mind around. I mean, wishing some person you liked would behave in a way you prefer, I can understand. But an entire half of the world's population? I'm aghast!

 

 

 

I don't care if any woman wants to have sex with 10 different guys, or 1000 different guys. The only thing some of the men here are saying is that if a girl chooses to have sex with 1000 or so guys, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with her. Are men not allowed to have preferences now? Women want a confident man, men want a girl who doesn't sleep around.

 

Excuse me, but you can't speak for what "women" want. And there is at least one woman on this thread who has said that SHE is not interested in a man who has slept around.

 

The preferences I am fine with. But the OP asked for our opinions.

acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

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Isn't relevant to me. Have had boyfriends with 80 prior sexual partners, boyfriends with 1. Someone's past is their past and all it tells me is how they view sex, whether it's a big deal for them or not. Personally my own numbers are higher than average so if that was offputting to a guy then fair play, but I'd know he wasn't the guy for me. And of course I'd be a hypocrite if a colourful sexual history put me off when mine probably easily matches up!

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acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

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As is your right, enigma32 :) I can have casual sex and also meaningful sex with a partner, sometimes sex is just sex for me and sometimes it really means something. So I'm fine with partners who have also had plenty of casual encounters. Someone's history does give you that indication about their feelings about sex, which can be useful. I wouldn't have casual sex with a partner who had only had one partner or who was a virgin unless we explicitly discussed our feelings about it, in case for me it was nothing and for them it meant much more.

  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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