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How important is your partner's prior sexual history?

spinaroonie

By spinaroonie
in Dating

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spinaroonie Established Member

spinaroonie

Posted
Posted

You meet a girl and she's great. Attractive, sweet, charming, feminine. You share the same interests and hobbies and you are compatible in almost every way. You've been dating for a while and you think this could be "the one".

 

One night the question of previous relationships and sexual history arises. She confides to you that she's had sex with 16 guys in her past. Some were past boyfriends. Some were flings. Some were hook-ups and one night stands. You have a much more limited sexual history and have only been with 3 girls.

 

Would you still wife her up?

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
You meet a girl and she's great. Attractive, sweet, charming, feminine. You share the same interests and hobbies and you are compatible in almost every way. You've been dating for a while and you think this could be "the one".

 

One night the question of previous relationships and sexual history arises. She confides to you that she's had sex with 16 guys in her past. Some were past boyfriends. Some were flings. Some were hook-ups and one night stands. You have a much more limited sexual history and have only been with 3 girls.

 

Would you still wife her up?

 

I would be more concerned by how many times she's said "I love you" than by how many men she's slept with.

  • Like 7
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
You meet a girl and she's great. Attractive, sweet, charming, feminine. You share the same interests and hobbies and you are compatible in almost every way. You've been dating for a while and you think this could be "the one".

 

One night the question of previous relationships and sexual history arises. She confides to you that she's had sex with 16 guys in her past. Some were past boyfriends. Some were flings. Some were hook-ups and one night stands. You have a much more limited sexual history and have only been with 3 girls.

 

Would you still wife her up?

 

Insecure..............my husband was in your shoes, and we are still together after 24 years.

  • Like 7
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

I would never have had this conversation in the first place. Don't ask, don't tell.

 

If I did find out, it wouldn't change how I felt about someone, I would just start thinking they were really out of my league, and I would get insecure.

silvermercy Established Member

silvermercy

Posted
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Possible deal-breaker for me I'm afraid. Because I'd be constantly wondering if I'm just another number for him and if he'd dump me once a better "number" showed up.

  • Like 6
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
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If a man in his forties or older had never had a long term relationship, I might be concerned. Otherwise I don't care. The more experience he has the better for me and the less likely he is to stray because he's satisfied his sexual curiosity.

  • Like 3
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
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If I did find out, it wouldn't change how I felt about someone, I would just start thinking they were really out of my league, and I would get insecure.

If you were smart you'd ask her what sort of sex she liked, say you hadn't tried that particular brand yet but want to learn, can she show you how to please her?

  • Like 1
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
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If you were smart you'd ask her what sort of sex she liked, say you hadn't tried that particular brand yet but want to learn, can she show you how to please her?

 

Well, she doesn't have to give a number to say "this is what I like. Would you like to try?".

  • Like 2
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Heck, my new husband knew my numbers were in the mid-300s and he still married me.

 

Note: He also understood the context that those numbers occurred and was not judgmental about my past whatsoever.

  • Like 9
Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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The concern would not be the person's sexual history, but the way the potential spouse reacts to it.

 

In my opinion, what you call "the one" is a very rare find. If you do find it, you would be foolish to let it go. On the other hand, you would also be foolish to plague the person with your own insecurities, so if you felt uncomfortable with their past, you should let them go anyway.

  • Like 6
JungleLover Established Member

JungleLover

Posted
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I don't ask about my partner's prior sexual history. I learned to do that in college. As long as my woman is a sweet, caring person that treats me well, I don't put much stock into her sexual history.

 

What if your woman said she slept with 200s guys but doesn't drink, smoke, never cheated and devotes her life to volunteering and caring for others. On the other hand, what is she has slept with only 3 guys but has laundered money from the company she works for and lies to you constantly?

  • Like 4
LostOnes05 Established Member

LostOnes05

Posted
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I'd be a little troubled if a woman told me she had triple digit partners to my one (as I would only have sex in a relationship). To me, it would seem as if they were looking to fill some type of void (but that's just my opinion). Ultimately, I think my primary concern would be why they had so many partners. Does she always keep guy B in the rafters, just in case it doesn't work out with guy A, etc? I do think it is something I would discuss with my gf because it would play into our sexual compatibility and help me understand a bit more of how she values physical/intimate relationships.

 

Do I think people who have a lot of sex are bad, slutty? No, I'm a realist. I just know for me personally it would be a red flag if my gf had a significant amount (the significance is up to your interpretation) of partners than myself. And I agree that there are other important buying traits in a person other than their sexual history, but remember that sex is a very intimate, physical act. The difference in how you both value it could affect the relationship.

 

I don't necessarily think it's an insecurity to have some misgivings, but talk it out with her.

 

Good luck!

  • Like 3
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I would have a huge issue with it.

 

In the vast majority of cases when a woman has a large number of sexual partners, it's a sign that something went wrong with her life.

 

There really isn't any reason why a woman would have a high number of partners unless she wanted to. And I'd question why she choose to sleep with a lot of guys instead of just being in a relationship.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)
I would have a huge issue with it.

 

In the vast majority of cases when a woman has a large number of sexual partners, it's a sign that something went wrong with her life.

 

There really isn't any reason why a woman would have a high number of partners unless she wanted to. And I'd question why she choose to sleep with a lot of guys instead of just being in a relationship.

 

It's not about the numbers but the actual activity IMO. Nothing but one night stands yes that is concerning, had mostly relationships mixed with a few flings not so much. Sexual exploration is not always related to them having "issues" either. Some people just enjoy sex and can do it responsibly.

 

For most, they get it out of their system and move on with marriage like I did.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 7
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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This is why #s make me crazy. They are clearly upsetting to you spinaroonie. You can't even appreciate that she was honest & open with you.

 

 

If you can't handle that she has a past, get out of the relationship. But don't try to punish or shame her.

  • Like 4
MikeyBe Established Member

MikeyBe

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I go by sexual chemistry, not history.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
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It's not about the numbers but the actual activity IMO. Nothing but one night stands yes that is concerning, had mostly relationships mixed with a few flings not so much. Sexual exploration is not always related to them having "issues" either. Some people just enjoy sex and can do it responsibly.

 

For most, they get it out of their system and move on with marriage like I did.

 

A mix of relationship and a couple of flings is OK. Though once one night stands getting thrown in there, then that sets of alarm bells for me.

 

Also if a girl has only had short term relationships I'd seriously wonder why.

 

As for some people just enjoying sex. Why have sex with 10 guys one time when you can have sex with one guy a hundred times?

 

I absolutely love sex and I have a very high sex drive, but I don't have a desire to sleep with lots of different women. I just want to have lots and lots and lots of sex with one woman.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
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A mix of relationship and a couple of flings is OK. Though once one night stands getting thrown in there, then that sets of alarm bells for me.

 

Also if a girl has only had short term relationships I'd seriously wonder why.

 

As for some people just enjoying sex. Why have sex with 10 guys one time when you can have sex with one guy a hundred times?

 

I absolutely love sex and I have a very high sex drive, but I don't have a desire to sleep with lots of different women. I just want to have lots and lots and lots of sex with one woman.

There you go, it's just a matter of opinion, but what we are saying an active sexual past doesn't always mean they can't be a good partner. It's all about what you are comfortable with.

 

I notice it's mostly men having more of an issue with ones sexual past than women do, and those opinions I find unfair.....more of a double standard IMO. If a guy has conquests he's regarded as a hero, for a woman she is a slut and there something wrong with her.

 

BTW I have had a one night stand turn into a relationship, so you just never know.

  • Like 1
silvermercy Established Member

silvermercy

Posted
Posted (edited)

What if your woman said she slept with 200s guys but doesn't drink, smoke, never cheated and devotes her life to volunteering and caring for others.On the other hand, what is she has slept with only 3 guys but has laundered money from the company she works for and lies to you constantly?

It means she's a great human being, but not so great in maintaining relationships (which is the point here). For the record, I wouldn't date someone with 3 partners who's laundered money from their company either. (female here, btw).

Edited by silvermercy
  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

When you reach middle age, you tend to be more relaxed about sex, and other things in general. You realize there isn't much to fear or worry about.

  • Like 1
Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

Posted
Posted

In the vast majority of cases when a woman has a large number of sexual partners, it's a sign that something went wrong with her life.

 

Why would a lot of sex partners be a sign that something went wrong with a person's life? Or does this only pertain to women?

 

There really isn't any reason why a woman would have a high number of partners unless she wanted to.

 

So, what is wrong with wanting to have sex with a variety of people? :confused:

 

Don't get me wrong. I think everyone has the prerogative to choose what kind of a past is acceptable or not for them. But I take issue with somebody saying that it means something was wrong with their life.

 

And … so what if something did go wrong with their life? By the time a person is your age (I realize you don't have interest in your age peers, but still) various things are very likely to have gone wrong.

  • Like 7
isisisweeping Established Member

isisisweeping

Posted
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Not even a little bit. Whether the number is high or low. There may be another problem that led to it being high or low that would be an issue, but if they're great and healthy now whatever their past is does not concern me.

  • Like 1
silvermercy Established Member

silvermercy

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So, what is wrong with wanting to have sex with a variety of people? :confused:

Nothing wrong. Except that wanting sex with a variety of people and also wanting monogamous relationships are two entirely different/incompatible things. People could argue that promiscuous people can do both (and I'm sure it happens), but personally, I'm not taking the risk.

  • Like 2
mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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Why would you even ask? What does knowing accomplish?

 

As I've gotten older, I've realized that asking about number of partners is such a "young" question to ask. I really don't care, don't wanna know.

 

All I care about is that my partner isn't going to give me a disease and is faithful.

MuffMan6969 Member

MuffMan6969

Posted
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I personally dont care if a woman has slept with 15+ guys, as long as it wasnt in the same night.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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