joemax Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Hello everyone Situation is this: I've been with my gf 2.5 years now. She's 22 and I'm 25. To make a long story short we were invited to a party next weekend at one of her friends' places and as I look at the guestlist on facebook, I notice that her friend invited a guy my gf slept with before her and I got together. (I know, I know, I can't help these feelings) I've been really good with this whole retroactive jealousy thing for the past year after initially struggling with it but knowing that he'll be at this party made my stomach sink. My question is this: should I even bring it up to her? I don't really feel like going to this party now. Should I ignore it and suck it up and go? should I talk about it with my girlfriend or would that make me look insecure? Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I am so glad I am not 25 anymore and not being bothered by these details any longer. If she had been married before or if she had a child with a previous boyfriend you would not attend any event if the ex or the father of her child was there? .....because once they had sex? She had sex with other men before you, get over it. At 25 you should be passed this type of jealousy. 1
Author joemax Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Thank you for the advice. I know I should be past this immature thinking, but I can't help it sometimes. And like I said I've been doing well lately but I am just afraid that seeing him will reignite those feelings.
Smilecharmer Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 What feelings? Exactly how does it make you feel? Why does it make you feel thay way? Do you trust your gf? What is the worse case scenario if he is there? Will she be going without you or will you forbidding it? Time to figure out why you are so insecure. People have exes and they sometimes have a sexual component to their relationships? It isn't her job to make you ok but yours. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I don't know how helpful my advice will be because I honestly don't understand retroactive jealousy at your extreme. Everybody has a past. She certainly isn't cheating on you or reaching out to him. If I were you I'd try to suck it up. Go to the party. Flirt with your GF. Hold your head up high as a way to rub it in that guy's face that she is with you but don't actually do or say anything. When you hopefully watch her be nothing more than polite to someone she used to know, let that swell your ego & get over it. If you can't do that, tell her that you are a bit uneasy about his presence. Let her see the vulnerable side of you & ask once for some reassurance. If she cares at the party she will take pains to show you that you have nothing to fear. You can't let this eat you forever. It's not healthy
Author joemax Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 What feelings? Exactly how does it make you feel? Why does it make you feel thay way? Do you trust your gf? What is the worse case scenario if he is there? Will she be going without you or will you forbidding it? Time to figure out why you are so insecure. People have exes and they sometimes have a sexual component to their relationships? It isn't her job to make you ok but yours. Uneasy feelings. The feeling you get when you're around someone that's been intimate with the love of your life. It makes me feel that way because he'll be there. I like to think that I trust her, but not 100%, not yet at least, working on it. I can't forbid her from going, I'm not that type of boyfriend. I don't know how helpful my advice will be because I honestly don't understand retroactive jealousy at your extreme. Everybody has a past. She certainly isn't cheating on you or reaching out to him. If I were you I'd try to suck it up. Go to the party. Flirt with your GF. Hold your head up high as a way to rub it in that guy's face that she is with you but don't actually do or say anything. When you hopefully watch her be nothing more than polite to someone she used to know, let that swell your ego & get over it. If you can't do that, tell her that you are a bit uneasy about his presence. Let her see the vulnerable side of you & ask once for some reassurance. If she cares at the party she will take pains to show you that you have nothing to fear. You can't let this eat you forever. It's not healthy Thanks for the advice. I know it isn't healthy but I can't help it. I just don't know what to do about it.
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