Am i overthinking and being paranoid?

[single pringle]

Hi guys Il try to keep this short as possible and would really appreciate answers

 

 

Met a girl out one night in a bar and got her number, I texted her the next day and we ended up meeting that night for a date. It couldn't of gone any better from my point of view, the date was fantastic, lots of laughing and kissing on the date, talking about personal stuff others wouldn't think of on a first date. We even went back to hers and we had sex the same night (we both were a little drunk). She seemed really sweet and genuine aswell.

 

 

Now the reason im writing is because im starting to overthink a few things which is putting doubt in my head about how she actually feels. Ive got a gut feeling that shes not as into me as I originally thought and this is all from the way she being after the date, its only because I really like her im overthinking everything

 

 

Due to her and my work arrangements, we cant really meet up for another real date for 3 weeks (im busy at weekends temporarily and shes busy during the week). Everytime I text about meeting up again, she doesn't say no to them but she seems to shy away from the question or say something along the lines of.... we will sort something out or i cant on that day but she will give me an honest answer why she cant make it. There was a few things on the date what she said which puzzled me too

 

 

She said shes never been on a date before and im the first guy shes ever been on one with, which I find hard to believe because she is really nice. Were both mid 20's btw. She also tells me that she has never had a boyfriend, but she told me how many sex partners she had which was quite afew (not judgeing or anything) and just before we jumped into bed after the date she told me an ex partner messaged her which she didn't reply too and switched her phone off, she looked pissed off, but with her telling me shes never had a relationship if made me wonder where it came from and why she mentioned it

 

 

When I text her she always responds, and normally fairly fast, but shes never flirty in text like most girls are, just talking about generic things, and its always me initiating them, she never texts me first. She liked a few things on my facebook page since the date, (a pic and a status) so that's a good sign I guess

 

 

So whats running through my head is im thinking is she being too polite to turn me down and just answering my texts out of politeness. Like I say the date was fantastic but now im thinking she may have just wanted a one night stand and that's all (which I didn't want) I hate to bombard girls with texts so I only text her 4-5 times a day max and every couple of days or so, so from her point of view im deffo not overdoing it with texts. Ive just got a gut feeling somethings not right and my guts normally not wrong

 

 

I do think im doubting myself abit aswell, like having sex with me on the 1st date suggests she into me a fair bit surely lol, and answering all my texts, if i wasn't interested in someone i probs wouldn't. It just seems that from the amazing date we had the momentum has just vanished abit and im unsure how to re-capture it. Also im terrible at chasing girls, girls normally chase me, i don't like to put the time in effort in but most of all i don't want to come across as desperate or needy. She also did tell me she is very shy so this could be a factor, but she was far from shy on the date lol

 

 

So whats your thoughts guys? If i gets a lot of replies il keep u all updated thanks

[Gaeta]

So if I summarize your story. You met a girl in her mid 20s who's never had a relationship but had plenty of sexual partners and you 2 had sex on your first date.

 

Doesn't that answer the question on its own?

 

Combine that with not initiating communications, finding excuses to not meet, not acting flirty. I'd say let it go, she's not interested.

[single pringle]

she has agreed to let me take her out in two weeks when we are both free, but prior to this when I asked her she said she was busy during weekdays which I believe because she told me about it on the date so its not something she just made up

[amyO]

I wanted to share a different viewpoint than what others might believe. I know after reading your post, a lot of people will say it's obvious that she only wanted a one night stand, but I kinda was seeing it in a different light.

 

First, who knows exactly what this girl wanted/wants. She may in fact only wanted to have sex. If that's the case, then it is understandable to move on from her, as you stated you did not want that.

 

However, as a psychology major, I learned a lot about how people behave and so forth. Besides studying this, I've also have seen friends of mine behave in the same manner as the girl you mentioned. Although they come across as these great girls and they're genuine and nice, they for some reason have had sex with a few guys and have not had relationships. One of the biggest reasons why girls or guys will have sex with different people is because they are insecure and have low self-esteem. They are scared to show their real selves and out of this fear, they drink, have sex and move on. Because of this fear, they feel more comfortable not becoming too attached to someone and stray away from the situation becoming more serious.

 

OR from another POV, maybe she didn't have sex right away with the guys she's been with. She could have in fact wanted something to happen between them, but for whatever reason the relationship went no where. It is very common and totally normal for things to not always work out with someone. That doesn't deem her weird or anything, it just means she's not had the best of luck with meeting the right guys and forming solid relationships.

 

And finally, a last point, even though the girl mentioned she has not had a relationship before, she could have been referring to the fact that she has not had a serious relationship yet. She very well could have had small type together relationships with the people she slept with, but didn't feel like they were worthy enough to label a "relationship."

 

Sorry for my little speech, I just wanted to explain some of the reasoning behind her past actions. So with all of that in mind, I wanted to share that although she hasn't had what she calls a "relationship" yet and has slept with a few guys, I don't think you should give up. I personally believe she could very well like you. As someone for her who may have a hard time getting close to someone, or has had horrible luck with guys and relationships, all of that could be adding to her insecurities. Maybe to find someone like you is scaring her a bit and she's shying away from moving forward. Again, all of this between you two is very new. I say give it more time. I suggest hopefully seeing one another one more time and deciding if she seems like the right person. If you can't see one another, I would just flat out ask her if she would really be interested in hanging out again or if she doesn't want anything further.

[single pringle]

thanks amy, I do actually think looking back now that I might just be over analysing things. On the date she was incredibly honest with me with things, telling me things that id imagine she would only tell her best friends and not every tom dick or harry. And I think she is very shy, also she told me before the date she was really nervous to meet me. So she might be trying to play it cool or just being very wary not to get hurt. I think if she wasn't into me at all she would be honest enough to let me know (hopefully)

 

 

Also the fact that she was advertising that shes never had a boyfriend, is she trying to feel me out? I find it strange that she informed me of this from the word go. I think if she does stick to this second date we have agreed on and doesn't flake, that she will start to realise that im an honest and decent bloke and want to start seeing me more. Hopefully lol

[amyO]

thanks amy, I do actually think looking back now that I might just be over analysing things. On the date she was incredibly honest with me with things, telling me things that id imagine she would only tell her best friends and not every tom dick or harry. And I think she is very shy, also she told me before the date she was really nervous to meet me. So she might be trying to play it cool or just being very wary not to get hurt. I think if she wasn't into me at all she would be honest enough to let me know (hopefully)

 

 

Also the fact that she was advertising that shes never had a boyfriend, is she trying to feel me out? I find it strange that she informed me of this from the word go. I think if she does stick to this second date we have agreed on and doesn't flake, that she will start to realise that im an honest and decent bloke and want to start seeing me more. Hopefully lol

 

I completely agree with you! When I read that she told you she hasn't had any boyfriends/ that was her first date, it made me realize that she obviously felt something for you. That you weren't just any guy to have sex with. Especially that you both spoke of personal things while on the date. Also, as silly as it sounds, the fact that after that night she went on to "like" things on your facebook, it really suggests she is fond of you. If she wasn't, why in the world would she do something as little, but at time same time, as obvious as that?

 

Again, it's hard to 100% really know what her intentions and thoughts are with everything, but I have the feeling she truly is shy and intimidated. I also feel that maybe she is over analyzing things too. Give it some time and I'm sure the answers we'll become a lot clearer. But for now, it's best to look at the situation from all viewpoints and try to understand her better!

 

Best of luck!!