Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I met someone from online yesterday afternoon. He bursts my bubble so bad that I cried on my way home. Left me drained and defeated. He basically went on a ramp about how women are so naive and let men use them and he's laughing at it. He said 'you really think it means something when a man introduce you to his family?' no it means nothing, it's just sand in your eyes to put you at ease and continue to F you a little longer. Then he said you look good you must get lots of messages from younger men? I said yes, and he starts laughing, he asked how old I was I said 48, he said 48? well lets face it you're 50. You're the easiest pray out there for a 30sh man and he laughs and laughs. And he went on and on about other things like he asked if I wondered sometimes why the men I date disappear after 2-3 months and he said that's because they want new meat.....at some point I went ' I got to go '. 2
JungleLover Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 This guy never wins with women, was recently hurt and figured he had no chance with you. You were at the wrong place and the wrong time for him. 8
Emilia Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You experienced an extreme version of negging Gaeta, I'm very sorry. If it's any consolation, the guy is clearly unhappy since there would be no reason for him to go all out like this after meeting on a dating site. Clearly you are feeling vulnerable over something which is why you got so upset. People will try to manipulate others psychologically, you must remember that. Doesn't mean it's true. 2
Author Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 You experienced an extreme version of negging Gaeta, I'm very sorry. If it's any consolation, the guy is clearly unhappy since there would be no reason for him to go all out like this after meeting on a dating site. Clearly you are feeling vulnerable over something which is why you got so upset. People will try to manipulate others psychologically, you must remember that. Doesn't mean it's true. Wow I am naive, I had never heard the expression negging I just looked it up. 1
isisisweeping Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 What an A-hole! I wouldn't listen to anything he said because all he really said "I'm a raging a-hole! What a waste of breath I am!" ewww. I'm surprised you didn't get up and leave halfway through the first sentence. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 It's how a lot of men are and think, nothing "shocking" to hear from a man's point of view, I honestly wish I could put this stuff out there more so women would understand how common it is, but how many guys would be willing to do that?...however why he was telling you on a date to your face just points to me that he's frustrated and careless. He'll just simply be labeled a jerk and this incident will be isolated to him. The majority of men reserve that kind of talk among other men, nobody would argue him in a group setting I'll guarantee you that, partly because he's stupid and any sensible men won't even talk about something like that and even put themselves out there to be labeled...others just keeping their thoughts to themselves. Don't understand why this guy was giving you this drill on the first date, he felt way too comfortable, maybe had one too many drinks...I'm sure he'll clean it up and be respectable for his next date...I think he'll recognize his stupidity and frustration and next time put on the charm. Next time, just leave the conversation much sooner...don't waste your time. Just to note, if he was negging you that's not exactly the way to do it...telling you about men taking you to meet family, that's not the point of "negging", the point of that for men is to make themselves feel superior and the woman to feel inferior like she has something to prove...so this wasn't negging, just a typical man being very transparent, saying things he shouldn't. 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 What an A-hole! I wouldn't listen to anything he said because all he really said "I'm a raging a-hole! What a waste of breath I am!" ewww. I'm surprised you didn't get up and leave halfway through the first sentence. I think I was stunned by what I was hearing and at the same time in my mind I was 'could this be true'.
bene Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Of course it gets to you when someone brings you down but this case is so over the top that I would shrug it off. So you met a psycho. It is not pleasant but it has nothing to do with you. He goes an extra mile to ask women out to have crazy rants like this? There is obviously something wrong with him and you just happened to be there. Did he seem normal in the OLD site? A lot of people here are against spending too much time on messages in OLD but I have found that there is no point in meeting someone after exchanging two or three messages because you don't get any sense of their personality. If you write back and forth a litter longer, their personal style will come through and you can better assess if there is a point to meet in a first place. 4
Author Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 telling you about men taking you to meet family, ...so this wasn't negging, just a typical man being very transparent, saying things he shouldn't. So you mean it's true, when a man introduces you to his family it has no special significance for him?
Emilia Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 So you mean it's true, when a man introduces you to his family it has no special significance for him? It depends on the man. I think the poster above your post is right, you do need to be selective whose views and opinions you consider - based on his general world view. A lot of people project.... 2
veggirl Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 It's how a lot of men are and think, nothing "shocking" to hear from a man's point of view, I honestly wish I could put this stuff out there more so women would understand how common it is, but how many guys would be willing to do that?...however why he was telling you on a date to your face just points to me that he's frustrated and careless. He'll just simply be labeled a jerk and this incident will be isolated to him. The majority of men reserve that kind of talk among other men, nobody would argue him in a group setting I'll guarantee you that, partly because he's stupid and any sensible men won't even talk about something like that and even put themselves out there to be labeled...others just keeping their thoughts to themselves. Don't understand why this guy was giving you this drill on the first date, he felt way too comfortable, maybe had one too many drinks...I'm sure he'll clean it up and be respectable for his next date...I think he'll recognize his stupidity and frustration and next time put on the charm. Next time, just leave the conversation much sooner...don't waste your time. Just to note, if he was negging you that's not exactly the way to do it...telling you about men taking you to meet family, that's not the point of "negging", the point of that for men is to make themselves feel superior and the woman to feel inferior like she has something to prove...so this wasn't negging, just a typical man being very transparent, saying things he shouldn't. You wish more women could be told they are basically desperate easy prey who are so stupid they will fall for any little bone a guy tosses them? What? Good thing we have you to put us dumbasses in our places, Ninja 9
leavesonautumn Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 WOW, he was a winner. He sounds bitter and unable to really get anywhere with women. He tried to throw things in your face and make you feel inferior. Don't let him make you feel bad! That was probably what he was trying to accomplish, just pick yourself up and remind yourself of how awesome you are and that you don't deserve that. Don't listen to what Ninja says, men who talk like this about women behind their backs are still bitter and lonely men. They seem to find each other and continue thinking women are inferior because they all convince themselves it's true. He's basically saying men do not have the ability to love or care about women. Just reading other posts on this forum prove this theory wrong, let alone real life examples we have. 2
carhill Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Yikes! Sorry for your experience. TBH, I've never understood people like that and my parts swing the same way his do. They're like an alien species. TBH, after awhile, hearing repeated rejections as opposed to irrational vents, I came to hear 'bla, bla, bla' and move on. The emotional content didn't register anymore. It was like they were dead. I hope your next experience is a more positive one. There are good guys in our age bracket out there. You'll find them. 5
mammasita Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Wow!!! That is terrible!!! I mean did this guy give you any indication that he was a complete douche before you decided to meet him? Usually you can kind of tell.
phineas Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 So you mean it's true, when a man introduces you to his family it has no special significance for him? Depends. i'd never introduce a woman to my family unless it was serious months down the road. My cousin however had a different GF every few months that he'd bring to family functions. I would not forget about this guy. It sounds like he hasn't been laid in yrs & won't be laid anytime soon.
sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I met someone from online yesterday afternoon. He bursts my bubble so bad that I cried on my way home. Left me drained and defeated. He basically went on a ramp about how women are so naive and let men use them and he's laughing at it. He said 'you really think it means something when a man introduce you to his family?' no it means nothing, it's just sand in your eyes to put you at ease and continue to F you a little longer. Then he said you look good you must get lots of messages from younger men? I said yes, and he starts laughing, he asked how old I was I said 48, he said 48? well lets face it you're 50. You're the easiest pray out there for a 30sh man and he laughs and laughs. And he went on and on about other things like he asked if I wondered sometimes why the men I date disappear after 2-3 months and he said that's because they want new meat.....at some point I went ' I got to go '. Oh my.... that's awful. He sounded really bitter, why is he even on dating sites if he hate women.. just so he can bash about them verbally to dates? Isnt' that what mates are for? He's so nasty. Yuck!
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 So you mean it's true, when a man introduces you to his family it has no special significance for him? It doesn't need to be, there's plenty of people out there that don't really care who you meet within their circle...friends, family. It doesn't have the same significance, a lot of guys will essentially go through the motions to either manipulate women to get what they want or because they don't give a damn, they have no boundaries or major concerns, women like to often interpret these significant situations by their own inclination...when men are growing up or learning, they don't even realize how women think and feel much less interpret these situations, and when they find out it's shocking for some..they might have never even intended it to have that significance. People don't have the same values, concerns or perspectives and women really need to understand that, when you're dating you're open to anything and everything...hell, I've been on first dates myself where I was asked to attend some family function or close gathering or friends or what not later that day...for myself I was like "Well, I'm not quite ready for that on a first date, I'd like to get to know you better first, but thanks for the invitation"...it caught me off guard, they seemed like sweet women and all that, they weren't strange or odd or anything, but it wasn't something I'd ever do with my own family. But the point is, a lot of guys will do this with many things, they might not share your perspective of what "exclusive" is, what a "relationship" means, or even what the value of "marriage" is to you. Never assume that man automatically knows what that means to you and therefore understands your feelings associated with that. You wish more women could be told they are basically desperate easy prey who are so stupid they will fall for any little bone a guy tosses them? What? Good thing we have you to put us dumbasses in our places, Ninja Not exactly, I meant that so women could understand how a lot of men think, a lot of guys are jerks ladies...hate to be the bearer of bad news. Just because men don't act out in public and behave like, and wave it around like a neon flag in your face doesn't mean they don't think like this because I know for a fact many men do, there's no question about it, but if he does only that guy is just simply called a jerk. Most men have their public face, and then their true selves and those two people can be drastically different for some men. Just because they take sweet family photos or make good fathers, or whatever your brief snapshot that affects your entire perception of them in a second, doesn't mean that's who they are...that's a side of them, they could have a side to them that would surprise you and thoughts and opinions that if they were speaking transparently without this social conditioning or the concern of female opinion or criticism, would be very very different. I've talked to a lot of men throughout my lifetime, and know how a lot of men think and what they say, it's funny to me when these are called generalizations, I don't know how many men I've got to talk to and meet to have a good understanding of them, apparently some incalculable number that can't possibly be reached by one man...but to me it's clear there isn't this line in the sand between good guy and bad guy, But I've seen women my entire life be fooled by the facade and exterior of men and try to understand them and their actions when the real reason is being held at bay, but men don't say anything about it or ever give you the real answer, and that's what I try to do here, give you the real information of what is really going on and maybe by some chance you'll make sense of it and not think so narrowly as to attribute it to one individual man but recognize a lot of these things you may not want to think are associated with more than one man and a larger group at that. At any rate, you won't see a lot of men taking their time to explain it to you. You won't see a lot of men clearing it up, just as in the real world, buttered up answers and supportive answers at best, even your male friends haven't the heart to really give it to you straight...so you ladies will just have to run around coming up with all these labels, ideas and theories about men...trying to figure us out on your own, even with your own men, while as men read it they can see right through it although sure men have no trouble harping on a man that isn't them and they have no relation to, but haven't the desire or see the point in explaining it to you...especially when doing so jeopardizes their own integrity and character, not a choice many men are going to make for obvious reasons.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Sounds like you met Ninjainpajamas You were past your prime at 15...you old hag! 1
leavesonautumn Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Oh trust me Ninja, we do indeed get the neon flag waved in our face on a regular basis. This isn't new information If all men were as you described then I'd give up on them completely but I don't fall into stereotypes very easy. It's unfair to either sex. Unfortunately, there are ****ty people in each gender. Doesn't make it okay to lump every single person into one category. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 What you got stuck with for how ever long was a real piece of work. You did the smart thing by walking away. He's a loser.
LostOnes05 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you. This guy is a real jerk. I don't care how many women hurt you in life, you don't take it out on the next one! And I would never introduce a woman to my family unless it was serious (or I thought I might end up on "Snapped" and needed someone to ID her in a line up haha). Never let someone like that bring you down. You are worth so much more! I wish you the best in your future dates! 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Thank you so much for bringing my spirit back up. I'm usually hard to bring down but that was one of a kind meeting ! I have a first coffee-date with someone new in half an hour. Lets hope this one is a gentleman. 3
Blade96 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 There is nothing wrong with you. This guy is a $&** ER. Cry a little because it hurts, and then realize your own worth. That you deserve better. 30 something and he's saying these things? What's his %^&* age again?? Tell him to grow the hell up ! Then go NC and block his ass. You don't need scum like him in your life. And say thatto him too before you go NC on his ass.
Els Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 What an ass! Don't waste your tears on this sorry excuse of a 'man'. Next time might be good to leave earlier (not beating you up for this, just reminding for the future). 2
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