flitzanu Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 ok, so i want opinions from guys and gals, what are the feelings on doing "drive bys" on a significant other's house? my situation was that i was intensely worried about a significant other and i couldn't get her on the phone...so i drove to her house to see if her car was there so i'd know she was asleep or whatever but to know she was asleep. i had no intentions of "catching her" doing something wrong, it was to set my mind at ease. of course, she sees it as me checking up on her, and she's flipped out about it and pissed...so much that it was a factor in her ending our pseudo-relationship. any takes? i know there isn't a way to make her believe my side of it.
Merin Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Drives by's.. The only Drive by I do is the one where I'm going home, I *drive by* starbucks and drop by for a latte' this isn't to be confused with drive ins OR drive ups.. Sorry.. *ahem* Seriously.. I guess I don't think doing a drive by is a good idea because it seems stalkerish.. while I can understand that you were worried or what not for her well being because you were unable to get her on the phone or whatever.. I guess it's my opinion that if you were that concerned *only* for her well being, then if it were me I wouldn't just drive by.. I would've stopped by, parked my car and gone up to the door.. let her know you were there because you're worried.. My 2 cent's
Barby Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 By any chance is this the same woman who was seeing your friend that you kinda couldn't get over? (I'm just curious). My opinion on "drive bys"............................. I think it is mildly creepy. If a woman isn't answering the phone, chances are she doesn't want to be bothered at the time with the person calling. Though even if indeed it was "out of worry" you could have just left a message letting her know to call you. If she didn't then take it as a sign she's busy. If the next day you still didn't hear from her then yes a quick drive by would be "appropriate" but a stop and knock on the door to ask her if all is okay would be better. If it was the same night someone called me a time or two and i didn't answer then they drove by or showed up at my house, I'd be annoyed and probably drop them too....to me that shows a sign of control that could lead to an even uglier "controlling" personality. It would show me that it's better to get out early before things get worse. I agree with Merin it's borderline stalkerish and a very unattractive thing for a person to do. IMHO!
debs Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 No only drive by I do is going to the store and ah hem since my exH left in March 2004 I have had not urges to drive by. I just don't care where or what he lives in any longer!
Author flitzanu Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 to Barby, yes, this is the same girl. this was before the info about her wanting to hook up with my friend (and to drop me). it was on my bday no less, she was due to come over after she left the club, and by 3am i hadn't seen her and hadn't gotten a phone call...and she didn't answer when i tried. i have anxiety issues as it is, and i'm picturing her in a ditch or in jail (for DUI) or something, so to calm myself i started driving...not with the intention of driving by, but then did when i was circling and came close to the vicinity (and this was near 4am). of course this isn't indicative of the lies that followed...she finally DID call me back and act like i was being irrational, said she didn't PROMISE to come over or call...blah blah.... then #1 lied and said she was at home asleep after i bust her, i get: lie #2 about being at friend #1's house then i talk to friend #2, the one she now "likes" only to hear: lie #3, she is actually at HIS house and not friend #1 as she said. so yeah...a lot to soak in on my BIRTHDAY from the girl that i thought things were moving in a mutual direction (after her coming over a mere 2 days before to get her booty call from me).
Butterfly28 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Still no reason to "drive by"... If this girl is lying to you, and you know it...only to later reconcile somewhat and then your trust is tainted with her, then to drive by when she doesn't call/when you can't get a hold of her? Why do you even bother if she's done this to you? You are only setting yourself up. Sorry, just my opinion.
tiki Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Driving by is bordering on stalkerish with a side of the creeps. Don't do it anymore.
Author flitzanu Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 well i did the drive by before the lies, that's how i busted her. so, if i hadn'tdriven by, i'd never have known she lied to me. yes, i admit, by advice given now, i shouldn't have done it.
Barby Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I see....I didn't realize the date on the first post! Yeah you may have found out but you can tell by your posts (talking to her friend where she said she was staying) i get: lie #2 about being at friend #1's house then i talk to friend #2 Number one...you weren't her father...you weren't even her "BF" you seriously come off as very controlling, desperate, and clingy! That to a woman, is NEVER a good thing! Realize this so next time you don't have to worry about it, if a girl is lying to you...you'll find out in time...but "doing drive by's" and "busting" them is very creepy!
Butterfly28 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I had a bf once who would follow me around, follow my friends around and do "drive-by's". I wasn't the one who noticed. It was neighbours and oddly enough, some friends who usually drive past my house to get to the end of my street. It's wrong to do - no matter what reason, or how you slice it. If your woman can't be honest with you, she isn't a woman worth being with!
Author flitzanu Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 i see. it's in my nature to worry about other people. that was her line too, that she has "a mother" to worry about her. this isn't the first and only drive by i've done, i have done plenty of them when i get worried about someone, and they've been for friends. guys and girls, and the others weren't people i was trying to hook up with (especially not the guys). my true intention was simply to know she was safe, as were my intentions for the other people. it appears that's something that friends are not supposed to do...is worry about their friends. sorry, i know that comes off as smug, but seriously, are friends not supposed to worry about others? the girl part i get...i'll be avoiding the drive bys if it's someone that i'm dating or interested in. and now i'm stuck with this mistake, she's never going to see it as me being concerned, only that i'm creepy and stalkerish, just like you guys have said. on a diff note, i have a girl friend of mine that is so unhappy with her bf...she does drive bys on his house like 2 times a day...but she wont face that she has trust issues and leave him... and to save SOME face, no i don't follow her around, stalk her or do anything else like that. it was the one and only time i drove by her house that morning. i think i've acted irrational because we had no boundaries set for the relationship....she was "with" me but never admitted that we were dating...which left me open to be jealous and feel replaceable...and so i acted out of character...blah blah... boy i really screwed that one up.
hyjacked Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Barby I see....I didn't realize the date on the first post! Yeah you may have found out but you can tell by your posts (talking to her friend where she said she was staying) Number one...you weren't her father...you weren't even her "BF" you seriously come off as very controlling, desperate, and clingy! That to a woman, is NEVER a good thing! Realize this so next time you don't have to worry about it, if a girl is lying to you...you'll find out in time...but "doing drive by's" and "busting" them is very creepy! Flitz from one guy to another, listen to what this girl just said. She explained it better than I would have. I would have said Dude, thats a Loser thing to do and what chic wants a loser? Okay, maybe you do have a "nature of being worried" Yes we need to have concern for family and friends but it doesn't mean you should conduct yourself in a way that causes family, friends or the general public to wonder if your either annoying or you need mental assistance.
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