kolleamm Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 So what have all these years of dating taught you? The single most important thing. Feel free to list more if you'd like. 1
marcjb Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I've learned that to blindly trust someone is ignorant. Trust is just like your bank account. When starting a relationship the bank gives you a $100 dollar credit to start off with. The rest needs to be earned. A few stupid moves on either person's part will cause a pretty big withdrawal to occur. It can't go into a negative balance. Even the people that you think you know extremely well can ruin your trust. There's a difference between trust and blind trust. If you are going to blindly trust something, always let it be your gut and remember to keep reasonable doubt in mind. 3
thekid36 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 So what have all these years of dating taught you? The single most important thing. Feel free to list more if you'd like. Dating and relationships in general have both taught me that there are no real rules and guidelines that can always be followed. All in life is specific and this includes all people and situations. What you initially think is true may end up being completely false. This is why it's perhaps best to go into each new situation with an open mind. Let your past dates with others linger as a learning experience. Not as a definitive definition of who you are going forward. 3
sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Dating and relationships.... that it's best to go slow. The faster you fall in love, the quicker you'll fall out. The slower you go, the longer it'll last. Still learning though...
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) I Never, ever, ever go into anything with expectations...good or bad. Dating has taught me a lot of things but that's something that has become extraordinarily important to me. A lot of people go out on dates or even enter into relationships with the thought, nay, the hope that this person will be "the one" and find themselves disappointed when it doesn't work out. Every. Single. Time. That's just desperate and stupid. I don't know if it's my age, or the carefree attitude I've adopted in recent years but I can't remember a single time when I went out with someone hoping for anything but that the guy wasn't a creep and that I had a pleasant time. Because of this, I genuinely feel like I am far less susceptible to heartbreak or disappointment. In conjunction with this, I've also learned to just enjoy a date for what it is and not what it could be. I've had a few guys not call me after a date or call but not seem keen on rescheduling but rather than endlessly contemplate the whys or worse, feel anger towards the guy, I simply move on. I don't feel bad about myself because of it nor feel like something is inherently "wrong" with me or get mad. If I had a good time then I tuck the memory away as an entertaining evening spent in the company of a decent guy and no more. It wasn't a waste because he didn't call back nor do I have any regrets. Edited July 13, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra 5
Author kolleamm Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 enigma32 -- I would have to agree a 100% with that, and yes your right it does help, but that's not the main priority. marcjb -- You are correct. Trust must be earned over time. That is quite simply something that cannot be rushed. thekid36 -- Definitely spot on. The rules can be drastically different for any situation. Following dating guides and what not almost never works because they do not realize the broad amount of factors involved in such situations. sugarlove -- Ah yes, slow is a good way to go especially if you are looking for something more serious. Rushing into sex and all of that other stuff early on usually tends to make the relationship go sour on the majority of occasions. And last but not least Lernaen Hydra -- I really like your care free attitude approach to dating. Go in try your best, and hey if it doesn't work out that's that. No regrets. I believe eventually it does work out if we keep looking long enough. Nice job everyone
SammySammy Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 The importance of setting my standards high. The importance of mutual love, trust, respect and acceptance in a relationship. Don't be with a person I don't love, trust, respect and accept. Don't be with a person who doesn't love, trust, respect or accept me. The importance of communication. Listening. Communicating my wants, needs, desires and expectations clearly. Setting appropriate boundaries. The importance of NOT saying hurtful or harmful things. The importance of not tolerating disrespect, mistreatment or abuse. I feel that once these things start to happen, the relationship is on the way out. Nip it in the bud or end the relationship altogether if the behavior doesn't stop. Save a lot of wasted time and unnecessary heartache.
Emilia Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 It taught me not to be blind to my own issues because they come full circle eventually. Self-awareness is -as always - key.
carhill Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 What's the biggest lesson dating has taught you? To value the differences in people.
JungleLover Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Enjoy the dating experience. It is life! You are experiencing life, meeting new people and forming memories. Some of the experiences are not as great as others but the loss from not having them at all is much greater. 1
scooby-philly Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 So, I can't separate these - they're all wrapped up together: 1. Be yourself - meaning in the beginning, dating or when you first live together - do what you normally do, go where will normally go when you go, etc. A relationship needs to be founded on both people being themselves. 2. Listen to your heart and share your concerns - i.e. be emotionally in tune with yourself and express those emotions. Listen, i'm a guy - and we're bombarded with images and ideas of a what a man is, does, etc. But the truth is that we have emotions and they're there for a reason. Talk about what bothers you - discuss things, give yourself sometime to think things over afterwards and then go back and say either it is important or it isn't. If it's important the other person should act accordingly. 3. Focus on reality - but have a dream for yourself and your partner. Oh - he works for a small start-up IT firm - they're going to be rich one day - that doesn't mean you can spend freely now. Live today - but plan for the future. And discuss those dreams. 4. People have different experiences and different values - the book the "languages of love" really talks about how people express love in different forms - time, affection, etc. You don't necessarily have to be compatible, but you need to realize how you love, how the other person loves and you need to recognize it, discuss it, affirm it, and challenge the other person to grow a little bit, day by day, towards what you need and vice versa
Diezel Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 To be myself and not what someone else expects me to be. And to definitely not settle.
slizl Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Don't date down or settle ever. It's easy to settle, but never worth it.
WhiskeyJack Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I learned that you can't date people to make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Dating has taught me that there is loads of different guys out there. I grew up in the Church where they taught that you shouldn't date and wait for mr right. Trust me, you can end up waiting a miserably long time and haven't had any experience. I have learnt that dating means that not all guys are like my ex. And that there is more differences in genders than between them 1
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