I did BAD [update]

[Photofinish]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/484901-am-i-wrong-wanting-support-he-wants-nothing-do-me

 

That's the story .

 

I did bad. I called him about 4 times yesterday, messaged him 3 times, left 2 voice mails.

 

Today I called him twice.

 

I am calmer now. My friends are getting to me. He is ignoring me and did not come to my dad's memorial today . He will not be bringing the pinata for my birthday party. He hates me . He wants nothing to do with me because I called him in tears . I will try and move on. We had something so special. We both loved my little pony , both loved anime and video games, magic the gathering. Two perfect geeks. We even loved dressing up for cons. It's all gone. He is gone. My family is broken and my mother is so sad. I try to help her through. My mom has been crying for ten days. My dad has been dead for ten days. I cannot eat well. I am losing weight rapidly. I am so tired from sleeping on the floor. He has abandon me. Is it my fault? Is this okay? I love him. I will have to move on. Will I hear from him again? He seemed mad when I asked to remain friends. I have to be strong.

 

I deleted his number. I cannot call him again. I will stop my friend from messaging him (He ignored that too)

[Offspring]

Yep Photo, it's time to go cold turkey and not contact him. You'll realise this is in your best interests over time.

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

You have no control over this relationship or lack therof. It's gone. Out of your hands, poof. You will need to accept that at this point, your actions have virtually no weight towards your ex, otherwise, things would be better now. You have control over one thing, YOU. Cut the cords, it's the only way to do this. I know the feeling of missing your significant geeky other. We too played magic,video games etc.

 

Today I went to the team prerelease that me and my ex were supposed to play in together. I played with my brother, and had a blast.

 

From what I've read of your situation, you NEED to learn to be alone. Desperation towards an ex NEVER works. Do you know how many relationships I repaired by begging and pleading? ZERO. None.

 

I too am a codependent person, but I've learned to live my life without that NEED to have a significant other. That's the first reason for NC, is self-improvement. For people like me and you, that means learning to live without the presence of that person we crave, and learning how to accept and even thrive by ourselves, so that way we don't need someone else, but we want someone else. We're not dependent on them, we complement them and vice-versa.

 

No contact is far better than the alternative, trust me. Even I myself try to rationalize against it. But it WORKS. After a few weeks, which are extremely unpleasant to say the least, you wake up one day and realize you care less.

You go to bed at the end of the day realizing you didn't think about them.

 

You just stop feeling sad. It stops. And it's liberating.

The sadness usually gives way to this emptyness, but that's an improvement, because you don't feel sad. And then it gives way to nothing, because you don't care. Eventually, you won't even be able to make yourself cry, because it just doesn't matter.

 

Hobbies, friends, old projects that sat around and never got done, new projects that you've been planning on starting, constantly distract yourself. Hang with your friends as much as possible! (This is different than learning to live without the presence of a significant other around.) When you get to hang with them, try to limit the talk about your ex, and just talk about interests and things you all like doing.

 

 

My favorite phrase: This too, shall pass.

 

I've thought my life was over when an ex left. You can check my posts, about the ex before the one I'm dealing with now. I can't believe I ever thought I'd never get over her. You will be shocked at where you might end up in 1, 3, 6 months. In one month, I was talking to someone new and didn't even think about her. In 3 months, I was with that new girl and couldn't even believe I had ever thought I was never going to be happy again.

Now 6 months from now I'm broken-hearted over a new girl, and I don't have feelings for my first ex. It gets better.

[Photofinish]

I understand its over but what I dont understand is why? Is it my fault? I don't know if I should blame myself or feel hurt that he didnt care that my father passed away.

 

My friends just keep saying " give him time to miss you" but I dont think he is hurting at all right now. We would see each other so often thought. I dont think he will miss me ever. He went out yesterday with a mutual friend of ours. They had lunch, drank, and went to goof off at chucky cheese. I cant ask my mutal friend anything because he wont tell. He is loyal to his friend too and I cannot blame him. Someone make me stop loving him so Ican stop hurting. Please.

 

Thank you for all of your replies. Its killing me I will not see him again. I remember just a week ago I was carassing his head telling him how much I loved him. one week later and I feel like tossed out garbage.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Right your prioritise are completely f*cked up. Your mum needs you right now and you are obsessing about a man that could not even give you the time of day after losing your father... you are focusing on totally the wrong things here. Now let him go and go and be with your mum, you two need each other this is completely wrong!

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Ill tell you why its over.... HE CANT HANDLE YOU AND THE DEATH OF YOUR FATHER HE IS A C*NT there thats your closure. I am sorry to be so harsh but this is sickening your family has had an awful experience your world has been completely rocked you should not be focusing on this man at a time like this!

[Photofinish]

And thats what I am doing. I am being here for my mother. I am being here for my family . There is nothing more on can do on that topic.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Good, the whole time you are obsessing over him you are not allowing yourself to start grieving for you father. I know you are hurting, his behaviour is disgusting and this is what he would do every time that something happened in your life. He is clearly emotionally retarded and has no regard for what you have been through. He is not a supportive partner and never will be. He has shown what he is and he is not who you thought he was thats the bottom line.

 

YOU HAVE TO LET HIM GO.

 

I am really sorry about your dad xx

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Even IF he came back you would never forget this, you might think now that you could but trust me you would never forget he disappeared when you needed him most and it would have massive implications for your relationship.. its over, its dead x

[Photofinish]

Even IF he came back you would never forget this, you might think now that you could but trust me you would never forget he disappeared when you needed him most and it would have massive implications for your relationship.. its over, its dead x

 

Trust me. Ive thought about this and I know. I know ill hear from him again since he say he needed time before we can be friends, of course we can never be friends again.

I just had big trust issues before him and now its like, how can I trust again? This is such a dark time in my life and I dont even want to tell my mom we broke up because I do notwant to bother her anymore. I lied and said he couldnt go to the memorial because he was seeing family in another state when in fact he was getting drunk with friends. He cared at one point about me after we broke up oncr a longtime ago and contacted my sister to tell her I waa depressed(about something unrelated) so the love was there. Now I think it never was. Who could do such a thing?

[love1336x]

Its all right sweetie!

We all fall off the wagon at some point, but as long as you get back on. That's all that matters. Its easier said than done.

 

I feel sometimes we need to fall off the wagon to realize how that person is moving on. Its makes attachments easier to detached.

 

Even if you break NC again. No problem. You are human. You are bound to make mistakes.

The heart can take over our minds and make us do mistakes because that sadness consumes us and we need a way out.

 

I think the only reason why I have stay on NC for so long because one I called my service provider and ask for this block list. So even of I txt or called my ex nothing will go through.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Some people can do it and thats the hardest thing the sudden loss, my partner was in my bed the night before telling me he loved me and to this day Ive never seen him again that was a year ago.. it gets easier with each day and you will get through this. It is very sad when something seems to promising but its sad to say this guy is one big let down as was my ex x

[Photofinish]

Its all right sweetie!

We all fall off the wagon at some point, but as long as you get back on. That's all that matters. Its easier said than done.

 

I feel sometimes we need to fall off the wagon to realize how that person is moving on. Its makes attachments easier to detached.

 

Even if you break NC again. No problem. You are human. You are bound to make mistakes.

The heart can take over our minds and make us do mistakes because that sadness consumes us and we need a way out.

 

I think the only reason why I have stay on NC for so long because one I called my service provider and ask for this block list. So even of I txt or called my ex nothing will go through.

 

It's impossible me to contact him again unless it's via FB. I dont think I want to anymore. He has abandon me completely in my time of need. Why break that cycle now? If he wanted to break up then fine. At least be there for now and respond to tell me it's over...... Why ignore me? That's so low.

 

I want to be over it. I know it will happen someday and I must stick it out.

[Thegreatestthing]

I know the only time I wanted my ex is when criises were happening so it's natural you really need his love right now ,he is being incredibly cold hearted please let him go,not being there for you now is unforgivable now and in the long term ,so forget that he exists,his no longer going to be a part of your life.

 

The loss of him and your father are probably overlapping a lot,you do need to be there for your mum,I really do feel sorry for you sweetie two huge losses at the same time,you have to be strong and , or ftoward,this is a lonely time,if you feel really lonely join OLD immediately and talk to other guys who will be there to maybe help you heal,if not try a forum on my little pony or your other interests. To see if you can find some support

.dont forget this forum has sections for losing a parent etc too.

[Photofinish]

I dont think me dating right now or finding a guy to help me through this is the best idea. I really rather meet people naturally .

 

Update:

So I finally got it out of my friend whom asked him in person what happened. He said " she keeps calling and messaging me and I ignore it. I dont want to be with her anymore". I guess im not worth being told that directly... It hurts because we had such good times together. I posted up a status on my reactivated FB telling everyone what happened to my father and I mention someone whom I thought was important has left my life. Im postive he read it as I made it "friends of friends" he later commented on a friend status which was something about being strong . A random quote. He responded with

 

"wise words from X. I will learn from everything experienced this year to prevent myself from repeating the same mistake I made so many times."

 

So I guess all of our experiences were not only worthless to him, but a mistake. The pain I feel is big and I feel so played. My mom kept asking where he is. Its going to hurt to tell her we broke up..... My poor mother. Shes suffering so much and I cant do anything about it.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Go and tell your mum get it over and done with, just say "he's not going to be around he's left me but Im going to be okay" she will be in a better position to support you once she knows.

 

I agree with the above poster I think grief is overlapping and I think maybe the way you have obsessed over him is maybe because you are confusing the two (they are both a type of grieving, the pain is virtually the same) with thinking that if he comes back everything will be back to normal.. but it wont be your dad is still gone x

 

You sound a lot calmer today so thats a good sign he's let you down so badly and at such a terrible time too.. the anger will hit soon so do not let rip at him you let him go and keep your self respect x

[Photofinish]

Go and tell your mum get it over and done with, just say "he's not going to be around he's left me but Im going to be okay" she will be in a better position to support you once she knows.

 

I agree with the above poster I think grief is overlapping and I think maybe the way you have obsessed over him is maybe because you are confusing the two (they are both a type of grieving, the pain is virtually the same) with thinking that if he comes back everything will be back to normal.. but it wont be your dad is still gone x

 

You sound a lot calmer today so thats a good sign he's let you down so badly and at such a terrible time too.. the anger will hit soon so do not let rip at him you let him go and keep your self respect x

 

Ill tell her next time she askes.. I am alot calmer now. What my friend has told me has helped me feel a little better because now I know. It hurts alot and I woke up this morning in panic remembering him. Once I wake up I feel better. Its when im sleeping that I begin to feel bad. He is leaving my stuff at a friends house today. My party is tomorrow. I will have no pinata and no play list thanks to him. Youre right. I thought having him back would help me get a sense of normality. Its crazy . as they tookaway my father and I awaited the news....I was on the phone with him because everyone left in a rush and panic. He was the one I was speaking too . Now he is gone as well. I dont even know what im suppose to learn from this. Not to fall in love?

[Itspointless]

Ill tell you why its over.... HE CANT HANDLE YOU AND THE DEATH OF YOUR FATHER HE IS A C*NT there thats your closure.

I agree with this and a lot that has been already said by others. I also really feel sorry for you regarding your father.

 

You have to be very careful for one thing though. When you are young many people will think that you are resilient and tell you to be there for your mother. I had almost the same: lost my mother when I was 19 after a few years of illness. My father was a wreck back then. The things is that codependent people often like to take care of others to receive love. Please watch out for that trap and do not switch roles with your mother. Also tell your mother about the break-up, I am sure she wants to know.

 

I am also pretty sure the two losses are overlapping right now. Every time I experience a break-up or some sort of loss, I am faced with that big loss now already many years ago.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Photofinish]

I told my mom

 

Me: "Mom, me and x are finished

Her: Ooooh... Who ended it

Me: "Uh...Im not sure...Me but he started acting weird"

Her: "Oh so he can go to he** . That's what there is most of in the world, people"

(Sorry if it sounds funny. I translated it from Spanish)

 

I feel better. I wanted to cry but held it in. My throat hurts from it but I am done feeling bad about him. It was his first relationship therefore he does not know what he has lost. He lost something amazing , me.

[Itspointless]

I told my mom

 

Me: "Mom, me and x are finished

Her: Ooooh... Who ended it

Me: "Uh...Im not sure...Me but he started acting weird"

Her: "Oh so he can go to he** . That's what there is most of in the world, people"

(Sorry if it sounds funny. I translated it from Spanish)

 

I feel better. I wanted to cry but held it in. My throat hurts from it but I am done feeling bad about him. It was his first relationship therefore he does not know what he has lost. He lost something amazing , me.

Sounds good to me. I am not Spanish speaking, but English isn't my first language either

 

It is good you told her and as I read it she will support you. I hope you also will allow yourself tears of disappointment when you are alone. You deserve to let it out of your system.

[Photofinish]

I'm really happy with my mom's response. Shes still strong after all ^^

 

So my friends keep messaging him. It's getting very annoying. I read a conversation today where he lied to a friend saying he tried to save the relationship. She calmly told him he was full of s*** and he admitted that what he did was wrong and he cannot undo it. He kept referring back to himself hurting for the lost relationship. He couldnt even face me to give me back my stuff. He gave it to a friend along with my birthday gift (I'm so surprised)/ His excuse.

"I have never lost anyone so I dont know how that feels . I tried to help her but she broke up with me. I helped her up until she broke up with me"

 

Apparently he also said he will message me at 12 am to wish me happy birthday. Guess who isnt replying?

 

ME:bunny:

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

You need to watch him I fear he's going to start to play the victim here, you keep strong. And the previous poster is correct.. dont swap roles with your mum be there for each other x he is so going to regret this one day and I promise you will come to terms with all of this but it is going to take time x

[Photofinish]

You need to watch him I fear he's going to start to play the victim here, you keep strong. And the previous poster is correct.. dont swap roles with your mum be there for each other x he is so going to regret this one day and I promise you will come to terms with all of this but it is going to take time x

 

Yes he is playing the victim to everyone and lying. He lies saying he tried to save the relationship. He keep saying he was there for me until we broke up and he gave it his all until we broke up. I have this friend whose bf is out to get me because I asked him to stop contacting him (he was the one who told him t o msg me happy birthday). So he has threaten to tell him everything. Im pretty sure they talked. He keeps defending him and saying im controlling and other mean things. This dude is 26. Can you believee this? Theyre not even friends. He is out to mock and further humiliate me. This is all so painful. friends bf ruined my bday party as we fought right before I went to it. It was such a depressing party. My friends worked so hard on it I felt bad. there was someone missing there, he wasnt there and it hurt so bad. There was a storm. I wish my dad couldve picked me up...but he cant anymore and that was depressing. I walked in the rain to the train. I hate July.

[Photofinish]

When is the pain too much?

 

It's been 1 week and a day since I broke up with my boyfriend. Less then a week since I called him like crazy and he ignored me . Yesterday was my birthday party and I couldn't enjoy because he was on my mind. I haven't seen him for almost two weeks. I can barely eat . Maybe about once a day. I sleep late and complain to all of my friends. I wake up in the morning with a panic attack thinking about him . It's very early too. I spend the whole day depressed and break down crying at least once a day.

I broke NC today to thank him from my birthday gift he dropped off with my stuff.

 

"Thank you for the gift"

"No prob. I hope you enjoyed your birthday"

"I did thanks"

 

It's been an hour since that

 

That's it. The last conversation we will ever have. I feel like crap, maybe lower .He is chilling right now , taking it super easy yet my world has been shaken. I only see my therapist about once a week. I dont know what to do. I just keep thinking about us. All the memories about him. Everything. I dont know what to do... I've never felt this bad and there is NOTHING I can do...

 

The future looks so dark. Where in the world will I ever find a man as successful as him that has so much in common with me? Never.

[Jewels7]

I'm so sorry for your pain. Your breakup is still fresh. It's been two months since I broke up with my b/f. The pain doesn't go away in two months let alone two weeks. I couldn't eat like you and lost a bunch of weight (I was already thin to begin with). Cried every single day. Now two months later... Honestly it still hurts like hell but coping becomes easier. And if it doesn't improve you might wAnt to talk to your therapist about anti depressants. They've helped me. My appetite is starting to pick back up. Just tell yourself that you will miss him and love him for a long time but you will get over this. Ride it out. That's what I tell myself. Just hang in there. It does get easier.