maho_babe Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Within the past year, I've had a fair few of guys that have come around. The first relationship I ever had ended on a sour note and has left me feeling cynical about guys and even romantic relationships in general. It took some time but I eventually started to get over it and went out with other guys and got back into dating. Unfortunately, like the first, they all never lasted longer than a month or two because I felt that I wasn't into it as I originally thought. I'm not a heartless siren, I had my reasons, i.e. one didn't treat me or his mother right, the others tried to use me for sex or disrespected me saying no to them wanting sex. After those experiences, I kept to myself for a while and actually became comfortable with being single. Of course I wanted to find a guy but if I didn't any time soon, it would be okay! But, a friend I met in high school got back in touch with me and we started dating. Well it's already been a month and the familiar feelings of being trapped and having the obligation of doing sexual things with him have returned. And I think we spend WAY too much time together, because we now get annoyed/frustrated with the littlest things. It just upsets me and makes me wish I was single and free again! Plus I'll be moving within a month and don't know what to do! Please, any advice is appreciated! Thanks maho_babe
sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Funny how I can relate eventhough I just got over a breakup. But the entire time I was with him, I just wish he will go hang out with his mates. In fact, every weekday I'll hint to him if he should perhaps call his friends up for drinks.. kept saying I'll be fine. It got to the point when I didn't even smile when he turned up at my door for dinner every night. I just crave that alone time, I miss it so much that sometimes I wake up not texting him good morning because I didn't want that contact. I'm not sure what's wrong with me either.. he felt I didn't love him enough but I did. I'm going to guess it was due to a major heartache a long while ago and since I've regained my independence, I just didn't want to lose it again to someone else. Not sure. 1
leavesonautumn Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I was in a somewhat similar situation with my ex before my last ex. He was moving away to school and about a month before we wondered if we should just break up. Well, we decided since we felt like best friends we might as well keep hanging out and having fun. It wasn't your typical relationship, it was very laid back and casual. We were exclusive but also not expecting to be together for too much longer. That really did work for us but may not for every situation. Do you think you'd feel relieved if you just ended it? Do you think you'd be okay just hanging out until you move or would it make it harder when you do leave?
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 When you are running for daylight & freedom & feel tied down, that's a reason to get out to me. It's hard for me in the beginning of a relationship because I need a lot more space than most people & I get frustrated by having to juggle work, new love when you want to spend all your time together & life/ errands but I know that about myself & don't consider it a flaw in the relationship. I also know when the HM wears off there will be more time for life & we can grocery shop run errands together.
Author maho_babe Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Thank you guys so much. I thought I was just being too cranky or something! But to your question, leavesonautumn, I would feel relieved. It's those types of relationships where being friends should've just stayed as friends. He's a nice, funny and sweet guy, but like I said I believe we're spending way too much time together and it's just grating on both of our nerves. We actually went out with friends yesterday and we broke off from the group for a while. Needless to say as we were shopping, he became impatient with me and just tried to fool around with me in public. Which I'm NOT comfortable with. Ever since I've noticed him being annoyed with me, I just don't want anything to do with him sex wise. To which he complains profusely that I don't let him "do anything". It's like a repeat of the past relationships! Everyday that passes I crave being single and free more and more. I know in my gut it won't last, but I hate being the one to break the relationship up, so if you guys have any ideas on how to going about ending it, that would be great. Thank you so much for putting in your guys' input!
leavesonautumn Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I've never broken up with anyone so I can't give you any real advice on that. Just make sure that you're honest and don't just start to ignore him or drift away. Be upfront with him. You should get out now before too much time goes by and you end up resenting him. One day, you'll find someone who makes you feel great. Not that I'm blaming this guy but it sounds like you've been through some ****ty situations. Be single for a while.
me85 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I can DEFINITELY relate! I feel the same way as you, almost word for word. I'm not currently seeing anyone but I have been go on dates. The last guy was nice but there was just no spark. Plus there was an age gap and he lived really far away. I just want to take a breather from dating for a couple of months. I've had my fun, now back inside my cave I long to be! I have come across some very good guys who were genuinely interested but I have absolutely no desire to get seriously involved with anyone any time soon. Not even if my ex (who I'm surprisingly still in love with) came crawling back to me. When I start talking to a guy, I keep it real distant and find reasons not to go on dates with them. I'm enjoying my freedom as well. I have been in back to back RS over the past 8 years now. This month marks one year of being single. It has been a path of self discovery that I seriously needed! God forgive me but I see boys as toys at this point in my life. I play on Tinder but messaging is as far as I want to go for now. I don't play games or lead guys on in any way shape or form. I just keep it light.
soccerrprp Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Being in a healthy relationship necessarily ALSO means respecting and encourage each person to have their own space and time. It's a healthy thing to do. Some people require the time and space more than others and compatibility may play a part as to whether such a relationship will succeed or not. When you are TRULY in a satisfying, loving relationship, you understand the afore-mentioned importance of space AND it becomes natural tool/development for relational respect and health. If you are dreading being with your SO, there is not enough space, or you're really not as happy as you lead on.
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