BlueIris Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I want to know about exes because I've wasted time with men whom it turned out were not even officially divorced. I'm looking for marriage so I avoid anyone divorced for less than two or three years. It's a waste of time. I like hearing about exes because you can learn a lot about the person as he speaks of them. If it's the blame game, he's not very self aware. If there is a lot of drama, I don't want to get involved. Me too. I ask if he's been married and when his last relationship was. If the response is long and negative, blaming or tortured, I conclude he's carrying too much baggage and hasn't resolved his past. I also avoid people in protracted custody battles. OP, it sounds as though your response is good.
Elle1975 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Know who you are. You are the party. They are invited, but they are not the party. Probably why it's best to get to know someone first. That's how I met my ex husband actually. We were just friends for months.
Author Oregon_Dude Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 If I read that in a womans profile, Id block them, their picture (adblock plus) and move in. but thats because I only want serious relationships. to women I think its means fun and fkkng around. I think you shot yourself in the foot. I respect your honesty.Ha! Well, I just deleted it. We'll see if I get more responses. I need to not take any of this stuff so seriously.
Mo_Do Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 LMAO @ dating less than a month out of a LTR. You aren't over your ex - even if you think you are.
ponchsox Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 LMAO @ dating less than a month out of a LTR. You aren't over your ex - even if you think you are. No way Jose. I went on a date a month after a LTR and all I could do is think about my ex the entire time and how my date didn't match up to her. I'm going on 10 months now and just went on a date (2) this past weekend with a girl. I really like her, and it could go somewhere, but the fact that my ex flaked out on me is still in the back of my mind. I now have this enjoy the moment mentality when dating. If I want to kiss or make a move, I go for it. Nothing is guaranteed so enjoy the ride!
todreaminblue Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) i think its a turn off if the conversation wasnt bought up by the other party, if it is constantly talked about....... my ex did this we went here oh i remember when, mentioning an ex in passing conversation and keeping it brief to when it ended ............ makes more sense when you are trying to get to know a guy or a woman ...it should be about you or her personally not the exes more about building a relationship with the person you are sitting with or walking with on a date...., not what happened or about your ex and all about them, unless asked specifics...i think again you keep it brief and honest and on to getting to know the person you are with...findign out what they like where they like to go what they like to do what their dreams and hopes and wishes for the future are ...if they like llamas and feeding the ducks..if they have ever ridden a cranky camel at sunset or the craziest thing they have done .....what was their fave subject at school theri fave color their fave food their fave past time what their hobbies are....pause to take breath or shove food in.....are they gluten intolerant...do they like ice cream are they active ..do they like the rain what is their fave season what do they liek to do on the weekends.......pause.....lol....so much to find out and talk about......who needs exes...... that sort of thing..........deb Edited July 13, 2014 by todreaminblue
ascendotum Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I went on two dates with twp separate men. Both talked about their ex's endlessly. I got bored with both. One of them talked for an hour and a half about his ex wife and the other talked tirelessly about his ex girlfriend. Perhaps they are extreme cases but if your getting to know someone, ex partners are not on the date with you as you get to know someone so if you haven't gotten over your ex, best not be dating until your ready to or refrain from mentioning him or her until your much, much further into the relationship. Not perhaps.they are extreme cases (really stupid by them). The OP mentioning his breakup for 5 minutes is not. I don't think there needs to be a definitive rule on 'never mention an ex' on a date. It would probably work out best if its saved until your date asks, and I generally do get asked, but just mentioning how long you have been single for I don't think is a big deal. If she interprets it as a red flag because you have not been single that long, that is her loss, plus if that's the way she sees it, isn't it in her interest to find that out. At some point she is going to ask. If he never mentioned it on date 1 but she asks on date 2, she is still going to interpret him as being on the rebound. It was a shame things tanked when you mentioned the ex (assuming you didn't bad mouth her) OP. I get why you are disappointed, but you have only had one incident of this happening so its not necessarily a 'never ever mention the ex' type of 'rule' Since you got stung though, not harm in waiting until she mentions, unless you can bring it up if you are curious about how long she single. I find some women classify f-buddies & fwbs as bf relationships though. I think it was a good idea that you changed that bit on your profile about not looking for anything serious, unless you specifically want to target casual sex women. I still think looking for friends just after a breakup for many women would mean FWB. Why does splitting up with your gf, mean you need to go out and find new friends, when presumably you already have a bunch. IDK. 2
Versacehottie Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 so yeah on a date, um **keep it BRIEF, if you have to say anything at all. It truly matters in which context it is brought up--so there are a variety of answers as to what it ok. For example, if you are talking about having traveled--it's probably normal to say when discussing the trip that you were there with your ex. A rational person understands you have had a life before this moment and it doesn't negate all your experiences. It depends on when and how you insert this info into the conversation. And the underlying tone with which you say it. I think an astute girl will be picking up on it--no matter how briefly you say anything. This is why it's better to say nothing unless it is essential to conversation. Would you want someone to jump to conclusions that you are not over her, etc just because you mentioned the ex? I think a lot of guys really aren't over the ex when they mention them. And mistakenly bring up so you can give some clarity and comfort about the situation. That is not a good date move. Plus you want the girl you're on the date with to think you are engage with the date at hand. Though to be honest, some girls like everything about ex's and past relationships laid out on table for them, on first date whatever. And some people bond through the exchange of these stories. I don't like that but some people do. I don't think it's a representation of one's best self to bring dramatic and heavy stories like that to our fun first date. Because most people are going to read into those stories and come to a conclusion about you. Safer to err on side of disclosing that information later when things have progressed. Plus I like the idea that "we" are on some sort of a clean slate. I can come to my own conclusions and our past relationships aren't going to have a formal place in "our" relationship through the content of our conversations. Of course, everyone has a past so I know it is a part of who his is and his history but I like to minimize it. And one point when we are more solid then there's a place for the exchange of those stories. Definitely don't put in a dating profile--it either signals that you are broken and bitter about it; hung up or looking for a casual thing because you are not ready.
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