phoenix85 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Hello everyone, So my ex, the young woman with whom I had a relationship for seven years, broke up with me last March. After hearing nothing from her for over a year and thinking that she was probably married by now (she got engaged some time after she broke up with me), she called me out of the blue two weeks ago. She told me that her fiancee called off the marriage a few weeks after the engagement. It was more of an arranged marriage where her parents had selected her partner. I felt sorry for her and I told her so. For about a week, we chatted everyday over the phone (I'm in another city now), and it was going pretty great. We decided to remain friends, and I found a lot of peace in being able to make her laugh again. It had been pretty tough for me to move on after our break up. A few days, she suddenly told me that she wanted space, and after I tried to reach out to her to find out what had gone wrong, she grew angry, claimed that she needed space, and closed up entirely. It has been a week since I've heard from her, and I'm feeling concerned about the situation. As I wrote, it hasn't been easy for me to move on, and I think it has been difficult for her too, but I'm not sure how I should handle this situation. If you have ever been in a similar situation, I sure would appreciate your advice. Also, I'm really interested in finding a 'break up buddy', someone who is currently going through this, so that we might help each other out. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
OK_computer Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You have to think of the reasons why she needs space. There are so many possibilities. In the first place you shouldve kept NC. I know it hurts and you thought you were over her. But in actuality you really cant ever be friends with an ex, imho. Ive had the same problem, my ex wanted to be friends then she got pissed I wasnt giving her space then she'd randomly text me saying she missed me. Then shed text me to f.o. eventually I just said to myself f. This. There are so many possible reasons for why she said she needs space 1. Shes got severe psychological issues 2. You were being a lil clingy 3. She found a new guy 4. She doesnt really wanna be friends etc. At the end of the day though it seems she most likely doesn't love you. So from now on it's better to go NC again. Dont break NC for anything. One years a lot of progress that can go down the tube 1
zen2475 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Speculating about why she asked for space, when she didn't give you a reason when you asked her, is a huge waste of time and energy. All that you truly know is that she asked you for space, so you honor that request. Over the course of a year she's had a lot of emotions to deal with. It says a lot that she did reach out to you, but if and when she does again I would suggest pacing contact so that both of you feel comfortable, and build back trust and communication. For the record, my ex contacted me about 9 months post break up. At one point, we talked for four hours and he said he never did stop loving me. We have a pretty big age difference, and he assumed some things about me and our respective life goals without speaking to me about it. The conversation got pretty heavy, and now he's been deployed to Afghanistan until at least the end of the year. We only talked once after the four hour convo, but that was just weeks before he left. I figured he was super busy getting ready for deployment, and had enough on his mind. I'm giving him all the space he needs and am not going to attempt talking to him. When he is ready, he'll contact me. Or maybe not. Either way, it's not in my control. What I am doing is moving on with my life as I have done the past year. I suggest you try to do the same. Try to let go of the outcome of all this, and allow her to think and feel in her own time. 1
BC1980 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 It sounds like she is having a hard time moving on. She probably didn't fully mourn the breakup if she got engaged that quickly. When the engagement ended, it might have brought up regrets or memories of your relationship. She might have thought reaching out to you was the answer, and she later realized you can't really be friends. I mean, truly you can't be friends with an ex of that magnitude. We're talking 7 years, so it would be difficult. There are rare circumstances, but, if one party is still emotional, it seems like it would be hard. I think your best option is to move on from it and implement NC. It sucks, but its' not helping you to talk to her. 1
Omei Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I dont think it's fair of her to go on search for you because she needs your emotional support after leaving you she only comes back when her situation didnt pan out. I'd not fully trust much of what she says about in regards to you two.
Transplant Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I understand what you're going through, mate. My ex reconnected with me about a year later and though I was reticent about reconnecting, I succumbed and eventually allowed her back into my life, this is after I moved to a different country and returned on vacation. She spent the night at my parent's house and I heard all the same feelings she had. She spent the following day with my parents, one on one time with each of them etc., and acted like we were a young married couple. She left my house and days later we met up again at her home and it was the same. I haven't heard from her since. No 'this is over' or 'I'm sorry' or anything; not a word. This was over a week ago. I'm not sure what the reason is, nor, at this point does it really matter, I suppose. Deep down, you know you cannot be treated this way and the trust is simply not there anymore. Be strong, my friend.
Recommended Posts