Cutup Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I recently had a really traumatizing experience. I am Italian decent and my husband and 7year old daughter were visiting a friend in a small town in Italy. When I say friend, he is someone who I met 10 times and never really got on with apart from being consciously nice to. You see, he works in the art world and I deal with art in my spare time. He is also gay and his sometime partner is a good friend of mine. He has always been obsessed with my husband because he works in the music world and this man is kind of obsessed with stars. Anyway, my husband and I had a very stressful couple of months. He has been away touring a lot and I was left to deal with everything at home plus work overtime to take this holiday. Once we finally got to our holiday , I fell quite ill. I got a fever, vomiting and a bad cough. I soldiered on because I had to see family, but then on the way to see this friend , I felt so sick I vomited a few times on the highway. I texted the friend and said to him I would be unable to come to the dinner he was organizing that night for us. He wrote me back a threatening and rude message saying that I was being an uncultured diva, a princess and that if I did not come to dinner he would never speak to me again. So I decided to go to this dinner to appease him. The dinner was octopus, which I am not a fan of, so I ate just the potatoes and was falling asleep at the table. The next day , I decided to say to my husband that I felt like staying in bed and trying to get well and if he could please get me some vitamins from the store. Our daughter was having a great time at the kids club (as we were staying at the hotel) so he rented a bike and went with this friend for a ride and the store. He took my phone with him because it had the Italian SIM card and I have it to him in case he needed to call anyone. Anyway when he got back that night I asked to get my phone to check my emails and he did not have it. I asked; where is it? He said he did not know. I said; how do you not even know where a brand new iPhone 5 is?! I was obviously upset and I said to him to go and look for it because it cost so much to buy. While he was ready I got ready for dinner. This friend had booked a restaurant for us to go to and our daughter was having a dance at this kids club beforehand . When I went downstairs, our daughter was buried in my husband's arms & crying. I said ; what happened? He told me she was shy and did not want to dance. I said; c'mon baby , you're not shy you are just tired (I know my daughter and she had never done anything like this so I felt it innapropriate to enforce a behavioral trait when it was simply not true) . My husband pushed me and said to my daughter; your mother is just a mean , ****ty person. I felt so bad that he told her this that I walked away instead of starting an argument with 20 families there. I walked to the beach and just cried. I texted this friend and said to him I felt really sick still and that I had had an argument with my husband and I looked terrible so maybe it was best I just went home. Again, he threatened me and I felt so bad that I went for dinner. When I arrived to this fancy restaurant full of people, my husband wouldn't speak to me and our daughter gave me a kiss and then went back to watching a movie on my iPad. This friend, however attacked me in Italian ( my husband doesn't speak Italian) and started telling me that I was a horrible and mean person, that I was a spoilt princess, that once you make plans you can't get out of them for nothing...but then it went into really mean things like that I had a sour bitch face (I tried to diffuse the situation by saying "don't judge me because I have a bitch resting face") , that I was a ****ing bitch with fake friends and that none of my friends liked me and everyone hated me. I tried to start speaking in English but my husband said; you two speak in Italian. After half an hour of crying and this abuse I finally stood up , sobbing and excused myself to go for a walk. By this point there was no way I was going back to the restaurant. I was walking to the hotel when I started feeling really sick so I ran to the bushes and started vomiting. I vomited for 3 hours on and off and was so exhausted I couldn't get up. It was 5 am after I mustered enough strength to get home. In the morning my husband said I missed the best lamb he had ever tasted in his life. When I told him what this friend said and how horrible it was and mentioned how sick I was that night and why he didn't even text me to see if I was ok, he muttered something about not getting involved and went out to spend the day with this guy?! When I texted this guy to say how much he hurt me and how I was so sick last nigh, he said that if I knew all he and friends thought of me I'd vomit for the rest of my life!!! Then I called my friends; he only knows 4 of them and they said that they don't know what he is talking about , that I am a loving , kind person and they love me and that this man was only ever rude to them but they were nice to him because he was my friend! Why is my husband not backing me up?? This is the worst someone has ever treated me!!!
Smilecharmer Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Get rid of husband and frenemy. This guy can't threaten you. You are a grown woman. You let him manipulate you so he sees you as a doormat. Time to cut ties with him, and your pathetic husband who loses your phone, won't take up for you to a mean bully and then hangs out with the same person who treated you horribly. Also, never ever would I call my husband names in front of our children. That is horrible. Your husband sounds like he doesn't like or respect you. Why would you allow either of them to treat you like this? I'm very sorry for your pain. It sounds like a nightmare. Don't allow people to treat you bad or they think it is acceptable behavior. I hope you find better friends and a better husband. 1
GT4ever Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I wouldn't call that guy a friend if he is so quick to get upset with you. You weren't feeling well and a "friend" should understand that. I feel you and your husband should discuss what took place and calmly ask him why he acted that way. Also let him no how you feel about the matter. Hope it got better for you!
jellybean89 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Confused on why you first say this guy isn't your 'friend', yet you spend so much energy on him? And what did your iPhone have to do with the story? I am assuming your H found it? It was wrong of him to say things to your daughter about you - that is uncalled for. But, I can understand why he is staying out of the drama of you and the 'friend'. It seems so whacked out -- all the 'organizing' of events by someone you don't really consider a friend. And why would you even give a damn about him 'threatening' you? If he's not your friend, who cares what he thinks! I wouldn't have been so agreeable to his 'demands' and definitely wouldn't have invested any time or energy into arguing with him. Your H owes you an apology for what he said about you to your D. The rest of it - 'eh, he isn't interested in the drama of it all. I can understand that. 1
Eivuwan Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I am sorry that your husband was so insensitive and called you names in front of your daughter. That is unacceptable. What I don't understand is how you can be threatened into going into some event when you're sick. I would just say I'm really sick and sorry I can't make it. If the "friend" says rude things. I would just say that that's uncalled for and ignore him. I think you need to learn some assertiveness skills. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I think you need to learn some assertiveness skills. Amen. Yes, your husband should stand up for you. But the bigger truth is that you should stand up for yourself. You let this jerk intimidate you into attending not one but two social events when you were ill. How you went to the second after the events of the first is beyond me... Mr. Lucky 1
Author Cutup Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I was trying to be nice and not create drama because this 'friend' was showing my husband some venues around the town for proposed music events. In that sense , I know I didn't act how I would usually act, which is much more assertive. I just tried not to rock the boat . In hindsight, I should've excused myself from the first night and not had let this man bully me into anything. He was saying I was just being a diva and I didn't want him to think that. I know that was my mistake. I recounted the incident with the phone because it started the argument with my husband. After this he was angry with me for being upset that he had left it somewhere . Which I suppose made him feel justified to character assassinate me in front of our daughter and subsequently, I feel like he may have felt this 'friend' and I were arguing over him at dinner. Still, I can't get over the way he stood by and didn't protect me and then never checked if I was ok when I left the restaurant sobbing. Also, afterward , when I told him what this man said to me, he tried to minimize my feelings and say that I was being a drama queen and dramatizing everything. But the things this man said were so mean, harsh and above all untrue, so why abuse someone like this? The reason I am upset is that we are all a part of a group of friends and this man helps out with a music event my husband does, not to mention that he is a sometime partner of my dear friend. It feels so terrible to be vilified like this by someone who I will have to see again and for my husband not to stand up for me. He has since sent me another vile message and i can't help but think that if I acted like this to this 'friend' my husband would be livid with me , but now he just doesn't want to ' rock the boat' . I am seriously considering divorce over this as to me it represents something much more important.. It's a metaphor in some way and now I just feel so broken
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