what2du Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Married 8 years, together a total of 13. We have a 8 year old son. She is the love of my life. I screwed up when we first split. Two to three months begging and pleading. Sent her flowers on a couple of occasions with no response. I am dealing fine, I have been dealing fine, I go out when I don't have my son. Have had a couple of really short little flings. I just wasn't ready to get serious cause I want my wife back. Any help would be great. I can answer any questions given.
BlueIris Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Why did you divorce? What do you mean by "screw up"?
Author what2du Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 We have not divorced yet. It all started with me being accused of cheating. There were a few occasions on my way home from side work where I stopped and had a beer cause a buddy of mine was there having a couple, I did so with out telling anybody. I got defensive about everything and she asked me to stay at our house and she would stay with her mom. I preceded to beg and plead and asked a couple of her friends for help. It didn't help. Here we are 8 months later still separated and now she tells me a lot of it is because I always have to be right, when we argue. I really am just confused as we have always had a great relationship. She's my best friend truly.
Author what2du Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 By screwed up, I meant the begging and pleading.
BlueIris Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 It sounds like the mistake was going out to a bar without telling anyone (=being secretive, breaking trust) and then being defensive (=being more concerned about yourself than what she was saying). Here we are 8 months later still separated and now she tells me a lot of it is because I always have to be right, when we argue. Try not arguing and instead interact with her to understand. Bite your tongue, listen, and do all that you can to understand instead. Don’t say anything, roll eyes, throw up hands, whatever…. Understand her. I really am just confused as we have always had a great relationship. What was great about it? Break it down. How important was trusting and listening to understand? On whose part? It's a good place to start. Ask her if you can get to together- not "to talk" but "to listen." It's worth a try.
Author what2du Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I know, I am an idiot. She still hasn't served me papers. So that's my only hope. I have been leaving her alone, but its hard, I miss the hell out of her. I more or less feel stupid though, sitting here waiting as I feel she doesn't even care about me at all anymore.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 There were a few occasions on my way home from side work where I stopped and had a beer cause a buddy of mine was there having a couple, I did so with out telling anybody. I got defensive about everything and she asked me to stay at our house and she would stay with her mom. Your wife left an otherwise stable and happy marriage because you didn't tell her what time you'd be home ??? Mr. Lucky 1
Author what2du Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Unfortunately, yes that's what started everything, but I was accused of cheating and then acted like a fool.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Have your lawyer send her lawyer a letter saying you would like to try marriage counseling. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Another way then what? Marriage counseling? Lawyers? You way hasn't work. Whatever you were doing led to the break up of the marriage. It's time to try something else. If you aren't willing to do whatever it takes here on the eve of the judge declaring your marriage over, perhaps you need to be divorced.
Author what2du Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I will do whatever it takes, I did counseling myself for the first 3 months and asked her to, but she wouldn't. I just don't know how to be aggressive with her with out making her mad
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 If she won't go you can't make her. Break-ups always default to the one who wants out. Sorry.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Unfortunately, yes that's what started everything, but I was accused of cheating and then acted like a fool. Unless you had a history of infidelity, hard to see her kicking you to the curb over this. Is you possible you crossed some boundaries? Texting? Flirting? Facebook? Feels like there's something missing here... Mr. Lucky
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