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Unsure if girlfriend slept with someone while we were broken up / on break?

heyitsmike

By heyitsmike
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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heyitsmike Member

heyitsmike

Posted
Posted

Me and my girlfriend of over a year (15 months) broke up over 2 weeks ago. She cited workload with college and career as her reason. During the next two weeks leading into the present she went back and forth between saying she missed me, and then going back into "works comes before everything" mode. I’ve been nothing but respectful through the entire process and have not made a fuss at all. Finally she wanted to work things out and take them slow, so I agreed with the sole purpose of using this time to determine the strength of our relationship.

 

When she fell asleep last night, I went back into her search history to retrieve a link from a previous website and discovered a Google search and 4 additional web pages for "sleeping with someone Else's boyfriend." my heart immediately sank and the date of that search was the same night she called me crying wanting to worm things out. Now I'm not an idiot, but taking things slow right now puts us in a very vulnerable place, so accusations and a preceding argument might not be what we need right now. My plan is to wait and see if things go well enough to where she wants to make us "official" again, and then ask her if she has been with anyone during out break up/break. Technically we were broken up so if it is true then TECHNICALLY she did nothing wrong, I guess. Any advice as to when to question her about this? How to do it? How to handle it if it is true? Or if to do it at all?

Georgia2014 Established Member

Georgia2014

Posted
Posted
Me and my girlfriend of over a year (15 months) broke up over 2 weeks ago. She cited workload with college and career as her reason. During the next two weeks leading into the present she went back and forth between saying she missed me, and then going back into "works comes before everything" mode. I’ve been nothing but respectful through the entire process and have not made a fuss at all. Finally she wanted to work things out and take them slow, so I agreed with the sole purpose of using this time to determine the strength of our relationship.

 

When she fell asleep last night, I went back into her search history to retrieve a link from a previous website and discovered a Google search and 4 additional web pages for "sleeping with someone Else's boyfriend." my heart immediately sank and the date of that search was the same night she called me crying wanting to worm things out. Now I'm not an idiot, but taking things slow right now puts us in a very vulnerable place, so accusations and a preceding argument might not be what we need right now. My plan is to wait and see if things go well enough to where she wants to make us "official" again, and then ask her if she has been with anyone during out break up/break. Technically we were broken up so if it is true then TECHNICALLY she did nothing wrong, I guess. Any advice as to when to question her about this? How to do it? How to handle it if it is true? Or if to do it at all?

 

If I were you I would ask instantly. It's better to find out sooner than later if she did sleep with someone else. It sounds like it would bother you that she might have slept with someone. If I was in your shoes and was back together my ex it would bother me if he slept with someone else. You need to do what's best for you and not her. If you are having doubts due to what you found it's better to find out the truth now. I'm sorry your going through this.

Jay77098 Member

Jay77098

Posted
Posted

heyitsmike: Sorry that you are in this predicament. It's an awful thing to go through.

 

Here are two life truths for you to consider, from a guy old enough to know:

 

LIFE TRUTH #93: Women who are absolutely, totally, completely in love with their boyfriends/significant others, NEVER, EVER, EVER ask for a break in their relationship, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. To repeat the key word: NEVER. In the whole of human history, there have been zero exceptions to this rule. None.

 

LIFE TRUTH #94: Women who ask their boyfriends/significant others for a break in their relationship only do so if they have found someone else in whom they are interested.

 

Given these two truths, and especially truth #94, draw your own conclusions about whether she slept with the guy. I am betting she did. Dump her.

  • Like 4
BDL Established Member

BDL

Posted
Posted

The reason you're unsure is because your gut is telling you one thing but your mind can't accept that possibility. Trust your gut. Hard as it may be, but in your shoes, I'd dump her.

  • Like 5
redbaron005 Established Member

redbaron005

Posted
Posted
heyitsmike: Sorry that you are in this predicament. It's an awful thing to go through.

 

Here are two life truths for you to consider, from a guy old enough to know:

 

LIFE TRUTH #93: Women who are absolutely, totally, completely in love with their boyfriends/significant others, NEVER, EVER, EVER ask for a break in their relationship, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. To repeat the key word: NEVER. In the whole of human history, there have been zero exceptions to this rule. None.

 

LIFE TRUTH #94: Women who ask their boyfriends/significant others for a break in their relationship only do so if they have found someone else in whom they are interested.

 

Given these two truths, and especially truth #94, draw your own conclusions about whether she slept with the guy. I am betting she did. Dump her.

 

Wait wait wait, what are #1-92? And where can I buy that e-book?

sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

Posted
Posted
Wait wait wait, what are #1-92? And where can I buy that e-book?

 

Erm, is there a book about guys? I"ll like a copy too. :bunny::D:laugh::rolleyes:

  • Like 2
zen2475 Established Member

zen2475

Posted
Posted
heyitsmike: Sorry that you are in this predicament. It's an awful thing to go through.

 

Here are two life truths for you to consider, from a guy old enough to know:

 

LIFE TRUTH #93: Women who are absolutely, totally, completely in love with their boyfriends/significant others, NEVER, EVER, EVER ask for a break in their relationship, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. To repeat the key word: NEVER. In the whole of human history, there have been zero exceptions to this rule. None.

 

LIFE TRUTH #94: Women who ask their boyfriends/significant others for a break in their relationship only do so if they have found someone else in whom they are interested.

 

Given these two truths, and especially truth #94, draw your own conclusions about whether she slept with the guy. I am betting she did. Dump her.

 

 

Sorry. I call BS. As far as #93, As a woman who is old enough to know better, and having been through this myself, you can still be in love with someone but realize for whatever reason they are not what is best for you and sometimes you have to walk away from what does not ultimately serve you. I have lived this one and it was very painful. Most life stories are not this black and white. Sorry.

 

 

And same goes for #94. I don't know why people assume here that every time someone breaks up with someone, there is automatically someone else. There are myriad reasons for break ups, and again resorting to clichés and assumptions serves no one.

 

 

In this case, to the OP the evidence is curious, but circumstantial at best. if you want to chase her off, go ahead and accuse or ask her sleeping with someone else. She may just admit it. And you know what? She was within her rights to do so because you were broken up. That happens when two people go their separate ways.

 

 

If you truly want to work a new relationship with her, you HAVE to let the past go and focus on the future. Nothing else. You both know what went wrong. Now it's time to work on problem resolution skills and compromise to move forward and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

  • Like 2
Shinobi Member

Shinobi

Posted
Posted
Sorry. I call BS. As far as #93, As a woman who is old enough to know better, and having been through this myself, you can still be in love with someone but realize for whatever reason they are not what is best for you and sometimes you have to walk away from what does not ultimately serve you. I have lived this one and it was very painful. Most life stories are not this black and white. Sorry.

 

 

And same goes for #94. I don't know why people assume here that every time someone breaks up with someone, there is automatically someone else. There are myriad reasons for break ups, and again resorting to clichés and assumptions serves no one.

 

 

In this case, to the OP the evidence is curious, but circumstantial at best. if you want to chase her off, go ahead and accuse or ask her sleeping with someone else. She may just admit it. And you know what? She was within her rights to do so because you were broken up. That happens when two people go their separate ways.

 

 

If you truly want to work a new relationship with her, you HAVE to let the past go and focus on the future. Nothing else. You both know what went wrong. Now it's time to work on problem resolution skills and compromise to move forward and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

 

My message goes towards the OP and just quoting what not to listen to. Do not listen to women's advice and realize that men and women are at two different camps. It is a waging war since millennia.

 

Your girl did something behind your back for sure. No talks are necessary to clear this out- someone cheated to his girlfriend with her while you were broken. She wanted this before that, she made her mind before that so she wanted the break. Having the brake you don't have any right to protest, right? No, not right.

 

Be a man- next time she comes to your bedroom stick it into her throat and a-hole and when you're done, kick her out and move on.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Don't ask. There is no answer that will satisfy you. If she says no you will think she's lying. If she says yes you won't be able to get the image out of your head.

  • Like 1
Shinobi Member

Shinobi

Posted
Posted

LIFE TRUTH #93: Women who are absolutely, totally, completely in love with their boyfriends/significant others, NEVER, EVER, EVER ask for a break in their relationship, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER. To repeat the key word: NEVER. In the whole of human history, there have been zero exceptions to this rule. None.

 

One more thing- LIFE TRUTH #93 is also a bullsh*t- I myself have had two cases in which after the girls were done suck*ng me started talking how madly in love they are with their boyfriends. There are no rules in life- just those you make for yourself.

zen2475 Established Member

zen2475

Posted
Posted
My message goes towards the OP and just quoting what not to listen to. Do not listen to women's advice and realize that men and women are at two different camps. It is a waging war since millennia.

 

Your girl did something behind your back for sure. No talks are necessary to clear this out- someone cheated to his girlfriend with her while you were broken. She wanted this before that, she made her mind before that so she wanted the break. Having the brake you don't have any right to protest, right? No, not right.

 

Be a man- next time she comes to your bedroom stick it into her throat and a-hole and when you're done, kick her out and move on.

 

 

Nice. What are you? 12?

flight E Established Member

flight E

Posted
Posted

I agree with shinobi to the extent that you shouldn't ever listen to women when you need advice on a woman, but you needn't turn into who you not. If you not comfortable with the fact that she may have slept with someone else, ask her and if it's yes and you can't live with it walk away. But. Listen to men

Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

Posted
Posted
When she fell asleep last night, I went back into her search history to retrieve a link from a previous website and discovered a Google search and 4 additional web pages for "sleeping with someone Else's boyfriend."

 

You're basing your fears on this? A Google search?

 

I call bullpucky. I think you know she banged another dude and are asking us how to go about calling her on it, but using a lame excuse to do so. Brother, there are no lame questions. We do not judge here. Just ask.

 

You do this:

 

Nothing.

 

If you want to make things work this second time 'round, which is a huge mistake since things never get better the second time 'round, you keep your mouth shut and deal with the possibility that some other guy splooged inside her.

 

If you feel that the possibility of her having another's splooge deep inside her is something you can't possibly handle, walk away. Next.

  • Like 1
soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted

OP,

 

Breaking up or taking a break for 2-weeks from a 15-month relationship b/c of too much school work is UNBELIEVABLE. You don't take a break, you prioritize time, time management, not take a break.

 

Technically or whatever, if she slept with another guy, she cheated. A 2-week break in between, in your case, does not and did not constitute an agreement to have "free" love. Did you two agree to that? If she did it, she cheated. Don't try to rationalize it away.

  • Like 1
lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

Posted
Posted (edited)

You should seek for a solution that will

a. give you the truth confronting her will not necessarily give you the truth)

c. Take care of your ego. it's not a minor thing, your ego.

 

It's not refuted to assume that she did "something" or at least wanted to.

And her stupid "lets take it slow" thing gives you the opportunity -

 

Tell her IT'S OVER - NOW!! no explanations, just disappear. She mustn't know your reasons, Don't lie, Don't tell the truth, Just keep your mouse shut. (be better than her, don't lie like she did - Its total BS this "work comes first" thing)

 

Then after a few days tell her that honesty is RULE No 1 for you and she hasn't been honest with you (Be vague), and If she wants you to even talk to her she should come clean.

 

That step will give you the truth (high chances), and will take care of your pride and ego. You will be out of the situation in which you are like her puppy, hoping and bowing while she wraps you around her finger like today.

Edited by lolablue17
somecamel Established Member

somecamel

Posted
Posted

Sorry to say it dude but the writing is on the wall.

 

Forget about the 'you two were split so it's ok for her to have sex with other men', she was doing this when you two were still together.

 

That's why you broke up, none of that other crap.

 

You have the upper hand at the moment.

 

Personally I'd walk away now, why are you not angry?

  • Like 1
loversquarrel Established Member

loversquarrel

Posted
Posted

OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking her - there is nothing "accusatory" about it. She stated to you her reasons for wanting the break and what she said had nothing to do with seeing other people. It's UNFAIR to you for her to claim it was for school when in reality she could have very well hooked up with someone else.

 

Now, if she did sleep with someone else it's best you know now while you are trying to work on things. To wait is only going to cause you more pain down the road.

 

A couple of things to expect though -

1. Trickle truth or no truth

2. She may accuse you of being accusatory - another huge red flag

 

Some things to think about -

1. If she is honest, can you forgive her and try not to resent her for it down the road??

2. Also - IS IT WORTH STAYING WITH A WOMAN WHO YOU'VE BEEN WITH FOR A YEAR WHEN AFTER A 2 WEEK "BREAK" SLEEPS WITH SOMEONE THAT QUICKLY???? That is a big NO in my book.

 

Finally - In this situation you need to think of your own feelings first, after all she had no problem putting herself first over you.

  • Like 1
SurplusIndifference Member

SurplusIndifference

Posted
Posted

Sounds like she wanted the break so she could sleep with the other guy without feeling guilty for cheating since you were "on break."

 

If the break was really because of school/work/etc, then what would make her sleep with someone else? Could be a way of figuring out of she wants this other guy instead of you. A lot of girls will wait to break things off with a guy until they know for sure that they have a replacement lined up. That way, if things don't go as planned with the replacement, they keep dating you so they don't have to be alone. When this is happening, the girl will probably start getting distant and cold. They are getting over you while keeping you around so they aren't alone.

  • Like 1
central Established Member

central

Posted
Posted

Women will often break up or ask for a break to "sleep" with someone else, because "technically" they are then free to do so. It's still dishonest and manipulative. If the other guy doesn't meet her standards, she'll come back hoping to pick up where things left off - if he does, you'd be history.

 

Anyway, there are some good options presented here for dealing with this. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this position, but it's almost certain she did have sex with someone else.

  • Like 3
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

You were on a 2 week "break". So, she can come back at you and tell you that it's none of your business. But, to be honest, it is your business. If she had sex with someone within those two weeks, don't you think it would be owed to you for your own health? She might have caught an STD or worse. Don't you think you are owed that at least?

 

 

She should have told you, "Look, I want to get back with you, but you need to know something...." Then, you would have had the opportunity to make an informed decision if you wanted to re-enter the relationship or not.

  • Like 1
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