Rexxy Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Those who have been following me for the past few weeks would know I've been dating this girl for around a a month, coming up to the 4th week. I'm new to the dating scene and I'm not sure whats going on. I like to come onto these forums and vent myself from getting angry. I took this girl out last night to the movies and we had a good time, making out at the end of the date with her telling me "somethings telling her I'm worth the wait" when I let her know it can take a little while for me to open up. The next night we were both heading into the city and messaged each other saying we'll meet up at some stage during the night. Fast forward a bit later into the night and she texts me saying "my brother just made me take a hit of a bong...now im stoned....I really wanted to meet up, have a good night though xxx" This was the last thing I would of expected coming from her, anyway I brushed it off and said "if you feel any better come out to see me because I want to see you" She said "I really want to see you too, I'll try my best xxx" An hour later she messages me saying shes at a bar and I should come to it. I made my way to the bar and met up with her, we talked for a bit (really hard to talk in a club) and made out for a really good amount of time. After that she was going to a friends house (female) to stay the night who lived only 5 mins away and she knew it would take me at least 2 hours to get home at that time of night. She said that I couldn't come back with her because their was no room, I was pretty pissed of on the inside but didn't show it. But also her brother and cousin were staying there as well. We've been going out for nearly a month and haven't had sex yet and to be honest I'm really starting to lose my patience, I'm not use to dating but waiting 4 weeks to sleep with this girl is killing me. What do you think?
ktya Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Invite her over for drinks at your house. Make that your next date.
Author Rexxy Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Invite her over for drinks at your house. Make that your next date. That's what I was actually thinking, was going to tell her I just want to relax this weekend and she can come over to mine.
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 ok wait a minute. haven't you only been on 3 dates though? Maybe rather than look at it by length of time since you've been on 1st date, it would be better to look at it as number of times you've seen her. At 3 times, you still have a ways to go. Some girls sleep with the guy at 3 dates, other times its more dates in than that and some level of commitment. Also you said you were kinda holding your feelings in at this point so that's another element. If she is girlfriend material, she is usually going to wait to hear some level of expression of how much you like her. Right now to be honest, I'm wondering the same thing? Do you actually like her or are you just trying to experience dating and the "who" part of it is unimportant. Also give her a break about not inviting you back to that house the other night. It was a no-win situation--and honestly, is that really where you would have wanted the first time you slept together to be? There are steps to it all and how you take them is a reflection of who you are. Hang in there. Get to know her. The build up makes it better anyway. 2
silvermercy Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 What do you think? I think you're very impatient. Personally, if my date can't wait more than a month to sleep with me I'm gone. I have no desire to be just another number for him. 9
Author Rexxy Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 ok wait a minute. haven't you only been on 3 dates though? Maybe rather than look at it by length of time since you've been on 1st date, it would be better to look at it as number of times you've seen her. At 3 times, you still have a ways to go. Some girls sleep with the guy at 3 dates, other times its more dates in than that and some level of commitment. Also you said you were kinda holding your feelings in at this point so that's another element. If she is girlfriend material, she is usually going to wait to hear some level of expression of how much you like her. Right now to be honest, I'm wondering the same thing? Do you actually like her or are you just trying to experience dating and the "who" part of it is unimportant. Also give her a break about not inviting you back to that house the other night. It was a no-win situation--and honestly, is that really where you would have wanted the first time you slept together to be? There are steps to it all and how you take them is a reflection of who you are. Hang in there. Get to know her. The build up makes it better anyway. To be honest I'm not sure if I really do like her or just enjoy the experience of dating, but I've also heard not expect and instant spark or anything like that until a little while into the dating. I'm a bit confused. I think it's better that I wait it out to get to know her better anyway because I'm still not over the moon for her.
Author Rexxy Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 I think you're very impatient. Personally, if my date can't wait more than a month to sleep with me I'm gone. I have no desire to be just another number for him. Yeah I'm use to one night stands so this is a completely different world to me. I've only ever had to wait a few hours, not weeks. I'm trying hard to work on my patience, she doesn't know that I really want to have sex with her because I've been really relaxed and cool about everything she's done even if im dying on the inside. I'm doing my best.
HappyLove Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 "Originally Posted by Rexxy What do you think?" I think you're starting to sound like a creep. Getting mad because she's staying with friends and didn't invite you. She's only known you a short time. Upset that you've known her going on 4 weeks and mad you aren't getting any. Sounds like you're dating her for one thing.I'd be out if I was a girl who sensed any of this. 9
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 To be honest I'm not sure if I really do like her or just enjoy the experience of dating, but I've also heard not expect and instant spark or anything like that until a little while into the dating. I'm a bit confused. I think it's better that I wait it out to get to know her better anyway because I'm still not over the moon for her. yeah, you didn't ever mentioned reasons you like her in y0ur posts. I think you should expect a spark (that's my take) especially 3 dates in. Perhaps this is frustrating because it's like a long-drawn out ONS! You don't have any particular feelings toward her yet want to sleep with her. If this is case, go back to one night stands! Dating should be about progression: a spark, emotional progression and in turn sexual progression. Maybe it's the wrong girl for you or maybe it has to do with the fact that you are not great about opening up. See her again and then re-evaluate. Be a gentleman--i think if you hold yourself to high standards, girls think you're more of a catch anyway and whenever they think you're a catch getting to sleep with them is easier. That shouldn't be the goal though. If you want to experience dating and a girlfriend, and set yourself up for long term relationship success with whoever, you're gonna need to connect with someone.
kolleamm Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Who cares how long it takes a girl to sleep with you, isn't the relationship more important? You sound like a sex addict to me honestly, or some sort of player. 7
Elle1975 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I let her know it can take a little while for me to open up. Well.. it might take a little while for her to open up too.. 2
michellew Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 If a girl really likes you and doesn't want to mess things up, she will sometimes hold off sex until she's completely certain the relationship is headed somewhere. However, from what you say about her, it doesn't sound like that's the case. If she really liked you, she wouldn't get high and stand you up. Too high to keep your plans, but can go to a bar with friends an hour later?? She sounds very immature and is stringing you along. 2
silvermercy Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 If a girl really likes you and doesn't want to mess things up, she will sometimes hold off sex until she's completely certain the relationship is headed somewhere. However, from what you say about her, it doesn't sound like that's the case. If she really liked you, she wouldn't get high and stand you up. Too high to keep your plans, but can go to a bar with friends an hour later?? She sounds very immature and is stringing you along. Actually, I think she probably senses that's he not that into her. Not immature, smart. 4
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 You guys are just "dating", but are not really official, so why would she jump into the sack with you. After 3 dates doesn't mean she is obligated to have sex period! Sorry dude but she wants to see her worth in you, so she is waiting to see where this is going before she commits to having sex with you. Hey if you don't like it, then that just means you both have different expectations, so stop wasting your time because you are with the wrong girl, simple as that.
michellew Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Actually, I think she probably senses that's he not that into her. Not immature, smart. I didn't read all of the other posts before replying...three dates?? She's definitely smart for avoiding him! He clearly just wants to get laid. 6
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I didn't read all of the other posts before replying...three dates?? She's definitely smart for avoiding him! He clearly just wants to get laid. Ya and he keeps saying he doesn't get this dating thing....he has only had one night stands...well it's no wonder he doesn't get it. Spontaneous sex is all he knows. Cluelesssssssssssss. 1
guest569 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I am more concerned that you are pursuing someone who is using illegal drugs at the time you are supposed to be meeting up...? No thanks! And I agree with others,(3 dates.. not a month long relationship) it does sound like you are just looking for a 'casual' thing aka sex rather than a serious relationship, so stop wasting time, yours and hers. 3
Author Rexxy Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I've read all the replies to this thread and I've had a pretty good think about it. For those who are saying I'm just looking to get laid are probably somewhat right because that's what I've ever known with girls, I usually go to the club find a girl and sleep with her, end of story. For the person that said I'm a creep, I don't actually get angry at her but instead I tell her "I hope she gets home safe, and it's alright that i couldn't stay with her", the only reason I was somewhat angry on the inside is because I had been drinking alcohol which I shouldn't be doing if I want her to stick around. I would never get angry about a situation like this if I was sober, I even posted this thread when I was intoxicated. If I really ask myself whether I want to build a relationship with this girl or just get laid, the answer would be building a relationship. For the past week I've only had it set it my mind to get in bed with this girl, when I should be thinking about building a relationship. I had the completely wrong mindset when I started dating her, I now understand that I should be investing my time and emotions to build a connection with her not thinking about sex. She has made it clear that she has a lot of interest in me, and is excited to see me gradually open up towards her. I feel really bad now that I've realized how wrong I have been thinking about what a relationship is. This girl is something I'm not use too, she's intelligent, caring, affectionate, and has given an arsehole like me a chance to open up after time since it does take me a while. Sex is not everything, and I need to change that selfish mindset of mine. Thanks for everyones help. 1
Eivuwan Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Sex is not everything, and I need to change that selfish mindset of mine. Thanks for everyones help. Yikes, is this the first time you're seriously considering a relationship? If then I would like to suggest counseling. These bad habits and attitudes of yours are bound to come back and ruin the relationship if you don't keep them in check. Or maybe you just have to go through a few failures before understanding what it means to be in a relationship. 1
Author Rexxy Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Yikes, is this the first time you're seriously considering a relationship? If then I would like to suggest counseling. These bad habits and attitudes of yours are bound to come back and ruin the relationship if you don't keep them in check. Or maybe you just have to go through a few failures before understanding what it means to be in a relationship. Yea it's the first time I've ever considered a relationship. I probably do need counseling to be honest. Would it be a good idea to tell her that i've been thinking completely wrong about the dating or just change and adapt for the next date. I'm usually pretty honest and tell her what I'm thinking, but I'm not sure if I should message her or talk to her in person.
HappyLove Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 "Would it be a good idea to tell her that i've been thinking completely wrong about the dating or just change and adapt for the next date." DO NOT tell her. I think it's a good idea to just adapt and post on LS. Counseling sounds great if you think you could benefit from it...can't we all? It's not something she needs to know IMO. I think it's great your realizing that maybe you've approached this wrong and are willing to change and invest in a relationship. That's a great quality! Not many people are big enough to do that. Good luck! 1
Author Rexxy Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 "Would it be a good idea to tell her that i've been thinking completely wrong about the dating or just change and adapt for the next date." DO NOT tell her. I think it's a good idea to just adapt and post on LS. Counseling sounds great if you think you could benefit from it...can't we all? It's not something she needs to know IMO. I think it's great your realizing that maybe you've approached this wrong and are willing to change and invest in a relationship. That's a great quality! Not many people are big enough to do that. Good luck! I ended up calling a counseling line after your comment and talked for about an hour just venting everything out. It's amazing how much one talk can change your view on a situation helping you see the clearer picture. I have approached dating in a very wrong manner and just hope I have another chance to prove to her otherwise, I would love her to be able to see the real me and not the man that's been blinded by a sexual desire. 3
phineas Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You sound desperate & sexually frustrated op. This is why you keep multiple options when dating so you don't go around with blue-balls. that said, if a woman doesn't have sex with me after 3 dates it has never happened with her because they weren't interested & were sleeping with someone else before I knew it. Do what you want OP but i wouldn't consider myself to have automatic plans every weekend with a woman who wasn't sleeping with me. you are treating her like you are in a relationship when you are not in one. 1
Eivuwan Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You sound desperate & sexually frustrated op. This is why you keep multiple options when dating so you don't go around with blue-balls. that said, if a woman doesn't have sex with me after 3 dates it has never happened with her because they weren't interested & were sleeping with someone else before I knew it. Do what you want OP but i wouldn't consider myself to have automatic plans every weekend with a woman who wasn't sleeping with me. you are treating her like you are in a relationship when you are not in one. Or some people (like me) simply don't want to have sex until we're in a relationship for a couple of months. Sex for people like me isn't just the physical feeling. The emotional connection and intimacy is what makes it amazing and that won't happen for me in 3 dates lol. 1
Glinda.Good Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 To be honest I'm not sure if I really do like her or just enjoy the experience of dating, but I've also heard not expect and instant spark or anything like that until a little while into the dating. Well … then don't you feel that she is wise to not be having sex with you? From her point of view, unless she was just out for casual sex, I think she would be wanting to have sex with a guy who actually liked her! Maybe she senses that you are not really "in." Plus you said you take a while to open up. Well, possibly she just wants to get to know you better. Sounds like she is doing right by herself. I'm a bit confused. I think it's better that I wait it out to get to know her better anyway because I'm still not over the moon for her.
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