venusinlibra Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I'm new to the forum, and would appreciate any advice. I'm 33, and a man messaged me on my dating profile before I even had a pic up. After a few messages and me finally putting pictures up, he asked me on a date. He waited arounded for me to give him a yes, because I was waiting to see if I had to attend a function for work. He was very patient and said he wasnt in a rush, but that his weekend was busy, and he elaborated that it was for work. We met Thursday night at a super fancy restaurant. I had no expectations, but grew very intrigued. He asked me to go back to his place since the restaurant was closing, and we both had busy weekends. I declined, but we discussed meeting again. I noticed he was nervous, especially when we hugged in the parking lot. He was respectful of me, and we did not kiss. I texted him my thanks, and he was concerned about me getting home safely. He said he wished he tried harder to get me to go to his place when I was parked on the highway due to construction. We kept talking, and both pulled back at the slightest hint of sex talk. It has been a little more than 24 hours now, and I'm nervous. The date felt very comfortable, and I am surprised about how much I liked him. I saw he was on the dating site once last night; so was I. I even did speed dating last night, but kept thinking of him. I could pick up on that he wasn't very experienced with dating, and that he seemed nervous when I would show my interest. Nowadays, do women chase the guy after date one? I'm inclined to wait for the guy to make contact, but it seems like there's more than meets the eye with this one. Thoughts?
ktya Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Rule no. 1 of dating. There are no rules. Rule no. 2 of dating. See rule no. 1. Do what feels right to you. Dont be afraid of the old "rules" when it comes to sex, for most people in todays modern culture they no longer apply. If you want to text him, text him. Just only send one a day unless he answers. If you want to call him, text him to ask if you can call first unless its urgent. If you want to ask him out, ask him. That said, in relation to your date with him, he obviously found you attractive and wanted to have sex with you, hence inviting you back to his place. Theres nothing wrong with that, he obviously wasnt uncomfortably pushy about it.
Author venusinlibra Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Rule no. 1 of dating. There are no rules. Rule no. 2 of dating. See rule no. 1. Do what feels right to you. Dont be afraid of the old "rules" when it comes to sex, for most people in todays modern culture they no longer apply. If you want to text him, text him. Just only send one a day unless he answers. If you want to call him, text him to ask if you can call first unless its urgent. If you want to ask him out, ask him. That said, in relation to your date with him, he obviously found you attractive and wanted to have sex with you, hence inviting you back to his place. Theres nothing wrong with that, he obviously wasnt uncomfortably pushy about it. Thanks for the advice. I went ahead and texted him. Have not heard anything back and it's been an hour. Kinda wondering if I made a mistake, especially since he is busy this weekend and told me ahead of time. What do you think? Dating is so confusing sometimes.
deathandtaxes Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 One hour? Relax. Now if it's a day, I'd say move on. People can be weird like that.
JungleLover Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 One hour? Relax. Now if it's a day, I'd say move on. People can be weird like that. Yeah, this whole cellphone/text thing has really created a society that expects immediate responses no matter what activities you may be engaged in. Generally, I may not reply to a text during work hours because if I am very busy and you don't get the one minute reply text that I sent in the past then you think there is something wrong or I am playing games. It is not that it is just that I am busy at work and I don't want to take the 1 minute it takes to text you back because that only leads to more texting that will eventually distract me from my work so I would rather wait until I am not working so I can be productive at my job. Also, personally, I am offended when I invite someone back to my place and they get this immediate reaction or look on their face as if they have to now defend a goal I am trying to make on the field. I just like playing host and entertaining guests at my home and frankly I have a sweet house that is cool to hang out at. I like having people over and it isn't always about sex. I realize some people are like that but I am willing to bet that guy wasn't. From your description of what occurred he just doesn't strike me as a guy that was trying to get laid that night. Just wait until he replies. I agree with trying to dump "rules." Applying "rules" will likely make you someone who is hard to date. 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Most men who ask you back to their place after the first date don't like you very much and only want sex. They don't consider you relationship material. There are of course, exceptions to the rule. Personally, I don't stick around to find out if I am someone's "exception"
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Stop texting. Use the phone to call. Understand that the request to go back to his house was a request for sex. Are you still happy & comfortable with this great guy? OLD means you have to assume the other person is dating other people until you talk about it, agree to be exclusive & the profiles come down. If you like him & want to see him again, call him for a date you arrange & pay for.
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 When you create a profile online, those very first messages you get, even before you had time to put up an picture, are sex-seeking vultures. They check the 'new profile' option and as soon as someone new pops up they are trying to get you, why? because they pretty much tried to get all the other members. Him wanting to take you home after dinner is indicative he was only interested with sex. The dinner was sand in your eyes to get you there. Don't give time to men that invite you home on a first date, men talking sex before meeting, men making comments on your body before meeting. Gentlemen don't do that.
sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I tend to break up with guys whom I've chased or initiate dates with. So lesson learned. If you want to gauge his interest, you let him do the work. If he want sex, yes he has to work for it. And a guy who asked you to his place after dinner is just looking for sex. If he is really interested and want you to be comfortable, he'll ask you if you want to go somewhere else for dessert or drinks to continue the night. The same "rules" apply as well if I ask a guy to come home with me after dinner *hint hint*.
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