theexfiance Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Hey guys, So I've been hearing from the grapevine that my ex is running around telling everyone that we broke up (to be expected because we were engaged)...but she's placing a lot of emphasis on the fact that she called it off. I know that NC isn't supposed to be about her behavior...and honestly if it wasn't for hearing it from friends, I'd be done giving a **** at this point. But I'm curious...why do you guys think someone would place so much emphasis on them being the one who called it off? For example: Our mutual friend asked her for an update on the wedding a couple of months ago as the date started drawing closer. My friend said that my ex sent her this message: "Hey so you wanted an update on the wedding, right? The wedding is off as of a month ago. How is your day going? :)" To which our friend responded: "OMG, I'm so sorry You okay?" Ex replied: "Yeah, it's okay I was the one who made the decision. So how are you?" The conversation seems so...nonchalant on her end. From what I've heard from others it's been a lot of the same. They apologize and ask if she's alright and she essentially comes back with "yeah but I called it off, so it's no biggie." Thoughts?
redbaron005 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 But I'm curious...why do you guys think someone would place so much emphasis on them being the one who called it off? To reinforce to herself that she made the right decision. 6
bubbaganoosh Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Well who was the one that called it off, you or her? What was the reason? I can only assume but if she did something that caused the breakup, she's just trying to cover her mistake and put herself in a better light. All in all, I would leave it go because sooner or later it all comes out in the wash. 1
No Limit Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 A fool trying to make herself look better in the eyes of others, yet still failing. It's just sad/fun to watch. 1
Author theexfiance Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 To reinforce to herself that she made the right decision. figured it was something like that. Oh boy...it's less sad and more comical with each passing day. To add to the humor: we started dating as she came off of a long term relationship (red flag, I know) and lived in this incredibly crappy apartment complex with her ex. I got her out of there, we moved to luxury apartments and then eventually into a home. Well...she's back at those EXACT same apartments again Well who was the one that called it off, you or her? What was the reason? I can only assume but if she did something that caused the breakup, she's just trying to cover her mistake and put herself in a better light. All in all, I would leave it go because sooner or later it all comes out in the wash. She called it off. I never really got a clear reason. She gave me several, but I'm just assuming she wants to **** other guys. First she said that she just wasn't sure about us, then she tried to flip it on me saying that she couldn't trust me to change the things she didn't like (little things that had to do with stress while I was in school, which in my time alone I've eliminated), and ultimately the day we broke up, she blamed it on her past/psychological issues and said that she just didn't feel like we could be together. If you read my previous threads...I'm 99% certain she cheated (emotionally or physically, not sure). Yeah, I'm not really going to do anything about it or confront her. I just wanted to share because it's a little funny A fool trying to make herself look better in the eyes of others, yet still failing. It's just sad/fun to watch. Haha, I'm glad there's a bit of consensus about this. I was starting to worry that I was thinking that just to make myself feel better. I used to think she was so above this kind of ****...boy was I wrong! 1
Frank13 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 She is saying this so she doesn't look like the one rejected. No one wants to tell people they were dumped, nor do they want people to think they were. It's like saying "I suck".
Author theexfiance Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 She is saying this so she doesn't look like the one rejected. No one wants to tell people they were dumped, nor do they want people to think they were. It's like saying "I suck". lol well...she dumped me. But I kicked her out of my life. Even still...I don't feel the need to go around to our friends and family telling them that. We broke up, she left me, and I just leave it at that. If people ask, I just tell them the truth: I wanted to work it out, she didn't.
Oregon_Dude Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 lol well...she dumped me. But I kicked her out of my life. Even still...I don't feel the need to go around to our friends and family telling them that. We broke up, she left me, and I just leave it at that. If people ask, I just tell them the truth: I wanted to work it out, she didn't.Exactly. I tell people, I was unhappy (which I was). She pulled the trigger; she ended it. It was for the best. I am sure my ex is letting people know she ended it. Fine. Get the ego boost you need, sweetie. In the meantime, I'll be fine. The best revenge is living well. I'm going to live well, get back to the real me, and find someone better than you. Good luck with your explanations! Don't think too deeply on it; your ex thinks she won; let her. Be the bigger person and just ignore her bullsh*t and see it for what it is: self-preservation. 2
BC1980 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 But I'm curious...why do you guys think someone would place so much emphasis on them being the one who called it off? Well, umm, I'm stating the obvious, but by emphasizing that she called it off, she's not saying she was dumped. Nobody wants to be the one who was dumped.
Oregon_Dude Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 There is nothing wrong with being dumped. Amazing people have been dumped. By idiots. The assumption that dumpers were in the right is flawed. People don't know how good they got it. See: Joni Mitchell's song. 1
Author theexfiance Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Exactly. I tell people, I was unhappy (which I was). She pulled the trigger; she ended it. It was for the best. I am sure my ex is letting people know she ended it. Fine. Get the ego boost you need, sweetie. In the meantime, I'll be fine. The best revenge is living well. I'm going to live well, get back to the real me, and find someone better than you. Good luck with your explanations! Don't think too deeply on it; your ex thinks she won; let her. Be the bigger person and just ignore her bullsh*t and see it for what it is: self-preservation. Yeah man, I was too. I loved her and sh*t, but I wasn't very happy. This chick brought out the worst in me and I just really wanted to believe she was the one. I think her ending it surprised me anyway though, just because I thought our bond was enough to hold us together. Evidently I was wrong. Meh, I'm not really spending too much time on it. I was just curious to see what everyone had to say. You're right. For her it's about winning or losing. This is all just one big ego trip to keep her feelings safe. Living well is my only goal. I didn't need to monkey-branch into another relationship and she did. I'll come out of this a better, healthier, wiser human being. Where as she will be, as her actions have consistently taken her, right back where she started. I just have to remember that it's not a race, stay chill, and keep on fighting for mine. 1
redbaron005 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 ...she's back at those EXACT same apartments again It's common to fall back to something familiar from before you started dating. In my case it was buying the same model pickup truck. For others it might be an ex or an apartment space. I bet she feels a bit lost and is attempting to reestablish her identity. I'm actually quite sad for her as you seem like an okay guy. 1
Author theexfiance Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 It's common to fall back to something familiar from before you started dating. In my case it was buying the same model pickup truck. For others it might be an ex or an apartment space. I bet she feels a bit lost and is attempting to reestablish her identity. I'm actually quite sad for her as you seem like an okay guy. Yeah...she's dating an ex boyfriend from high school and moving back to her old apartments. I'd say she fits that idea to a T. Interesting that your ex did the same. Yeah, I think reestablishing her identity is what this is about. Did your ex ever wind up looking for you again? Thanks, I appreciate that. I certainly don't wish her any harm. I'm just trying to find the humor where I can these days. I love her a lot. After trying to hold everything together, I backed off, paid all bills/was responsible, and left her alone. Thankfully, books and therapy have led me to fairly quick forgiveness (I'm 6 weeks into the break up/NC). I don't condone any of her fuc*ed up behavior. But if I could say anything to her it would be: "I love you so much, that I'm willing to lose you if it means you're a better person for it." Everyone has to learn their own way. There's no guarantee this will teach her anything...given how quickly she jumped into something else. Besides...that behavior is helping my love fade very quickly.
No Limit Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Where's your champagner, then? Imagine what life would be like had you married that chick. Maybe even send her a card with a big "THANK YOU" written on it, and every time a friend mentions her being proud of breaking up you should get tears of joy and be all like "Thankfully, she was capable of making this wise decision!"
Author theexfiance Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Where's your champagner, then? Imagine what life would be like had you married that chick. Maybe even send her a card with a big "THANK YOU" written on it, and every time a friend mentions her being proud of breaking up you should get tears of joy and be all like "Thankfully, she was capable of making this wise decision!" Haha, I wouldn't go that far! Forgiveness is a good step in the right direction, but happiness is coming slowly. Yeah, our marriage would have ended before the first year was over, no doubt. I would gladly write her a thank you card...if she had given me good insightful reasons for breaking us up. However, her motivation for the break up was significantly less benevolent than the result of her actions. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 I hope you got the ring back. if she broke it off then she needs to give the ring back since she broke the commitment. Sell it and buy something you really wanted. 1
Author theexfiance Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Yes, I got the ring back. I haven't been able to bring myself to sell it yet. It's just sitting in my safe. I will one of these days. I guess I want it to feel like a milestone. When I've moved on...I think it will be the right time. 1
Author theexfiance Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 She sent me an e-mail today. More financially related business. First line reads... "Hey, hope you're doing okay." Yet another fishing expedition...
Recommended Posts