menor2 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 (edited) First, I have been together with my girlfriend for almost four years. We are both in the middle of the twenty’s. The last couple of moths have been different. There have been complaining, and we have spent less time together. Both have been quite busy with both jobs and school. The moths where hard to me, but I kept reassuring me that things would be ok when the summer holiday arrived. Last four years have been mostly perfect, so I could handle a couple of ”not great” months. Every couple has thous, I thought. Anyhow, suddenly she told me that wee need to talk. We spent hours talking about the problems we had, but she insisted on having a break. I told her that I thought it was a better idea to try to fix the issues without the break, but accepted her wish (as I had a choice). After the long talk I left, and she told me she loves me several times. Also mentioned that she was affraid of me not wanting to continue since she wanted this break. We agreed to have some contact during the break, but only a few messages on some days. It has now gone two weeks, and we agreed on meeting next Sunday. She agreed, but what to hope for? I have also written her a letter, telling her that I accept and understand her wish for a break. I also state that I want us to work on the problems, and that it’s her I want to be with. Problem is, could this push here further from me? This is the woman of my dreams, so please help me. Edited July 12, 2014 by menor2
marcjb Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Why does she want the break? Do you think there is someone else? Not always, but there usually is when someone brings that idea of a break up. Do not go by what she tells you, go by what you feel in your gut. 3
FortunateSon Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 A break is definitely not a good sign, a healthy relationship should not need one. In my experience a break usually means that the person wants to break up but is not ready/willing to let go of the comfort and safety of the relationship completely or that there is someone else. Breaks tend to be the precursor to break ups. 4
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 A clean break up is like ripping the band-aid off quickly. It hurts for a second but then it's over. A so called "break" is ripping the band-aid off tortuously slowly . . . prolonging the agony & delaying moving forward. This break is her way of confirming that she can live without you. When you meet next, you need to be the strong one. Either she agrees to get fully back together with you & together you work on your issues or you end it & walk away. There is no sense standing around & watching her drift slowly away from you unable to do anything to stop her. 2
Author menor2 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Thanks for the response. But, should I give her the letter? Any thoughts around this?
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Letters don't change the outcomes of these things. If anything in the letter is worthwhile, say it to her face. 1
Author menor2 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Problem is that I won't bee seeing her for another week. Therefore I was thinking about delivering a letter stating that I do want to work on our relationship, and that I think it could work. Bad idea?
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 If all the letter says is Dear STBX: I know you want a break but I think we can more effectively work on our relationship together. Please hear me out when we see each other next week. Love, menor2 Fine. If you get into details, it won't help & will enable her to galvanize her response before you even see each other.
Author menor2 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Thanks, that basically what I have wrote(not so direct). Also added that she means a lot to me, perhaps this is stating the obvious.
love1336x Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I never personally went on a break. I've tried but end up going back with the dude. You been together for four years. Things are bound to happen... It could be another person. It could be she has changed. I say don't send the letter. Let her miss you.
Author menor2 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Too late for that. Aldreay send it, allong with her bday present. Long I did wondered if I should give here a gift at all.. After some thinking I asked here, and she said it would be ok. So I went ahead, and gave here what I already had bought. Her next week will be spent on a trip with some friends, and we decided to not meet before she went on the trip. We have agreed to meet when she returns. Positiv/negativ?
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Terrible idea. The friends will talk her into breaking up with you. She will also probably let them read the letter so hopefully you didn't get too mushy. Sending the gift was taking the high road. Even if you don't get the outcome you wanted, know you are a good person.
Author menor2 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I got a thank you message, don`t know what to put into that. Was longer and more frendly than what have been the normal last two weeks. What Im thinking about now is not to contact her unless she contacts me first. I will go on a short holiday next week to try to think of something else.
Author menor2 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 For the second time she have canceled a meeting. This time she told me that shes not ready for us to meet yet, suggesting a new meeting in 10 days. There has been some comunication over the last week, but not mutch. This have been initiated from both sides. Am I too naive when I still have a hope?
NopeNah Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 For the second time she have canceled a meeting. This time she told me that shes not ready for us to meet yet, suggesting a new meeting in 10 days. There has been some comunication over the last week, but not mutch. This have been initiated from both sides. Am I too naive when I still have a hope? She's not ready to come clean just yet. If I were you, I'd cancel the next one. 2
Tbisb74 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 For the second time she have canceled a meeting. This time she told me that shes not ready for us to meet yet, suggesting a new meeting in 10 days. Good distance away. That's ok, come the day, she will cancel that one too. There has been some comunication over the last week, but not mutch. This have been initiated from both sides. Well, stop. The more you suck up to her, the more she will just treat you like a homeless puppy she pities. Believe me when I tell you, this is going nowhere. She has no intention of resuming a relationship with you. You began young; her thoughts are now roaming elsewhere. She wants to see the world, meet interesting people, explore new places. And all without you. IT's over, Gringo, sadly. And you need to get your head round that, seriously. Am I too naive when I still have a hope? No; you're just more in love with her than she is with you. That's not being naive, that's just an imbalance. And when it comes to emotions, you can't flip someone else's switch. I would, if I were you, go to ground and not respond to her, ever again, in any way shape or form. This will do one of two things: Pique her interest, and she will chase you - but only to seek the attention she has become so used to getting from you, or she will not try to get in touch with you, and be relieved you've given up. Don't get in touch with her in any way at all. I promise you, she will not chase you up on this 'newly-scheduled' meeting in 10 days.....
loversquarrel Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 The way I see it - after 4 years she can't give you the time of day or courtesy to meet up and discuss things? - Very telling. Time to man up, find out where she is and end it in person, because all she is doing is hurting you.
Author menor2 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 Good distance away. That's ok, come the day, she will cancel that one too. Well, stop. The more you suck up to her, the more she will just treat you like a homeless puppy she pities. Believe me when I tell you, this is going nowhere. She has no intention of resuming a relationship with you. You began young; her thoughts are now roaming elsewhere. She wants to see the world, meet interesting people, explore new places. And all without you. IT's over, Gringo, sadly. And you need to get your head round that, seriously. No; you're just more in love with her than she is with you. That's not being naive, that's just an imbalance. And when it comes to emotions, you can't flip someone else's switch. I would, if I were you, go to ground and not respond to her, ever again, in any way shape or form. This will do one of two things: Pique her interest, and she will chase you - but only to seek the attention she has become so used to getting from you, or she will not try to get in touch with you, and be relieved you've given up. Don't get in touch with her in any way at all. I promise you, she will not chase you up on this 'newly-scheduled' meeting in 10 days..... Thanks for a long and good feedback. To conclude, my last and finale hope is that she actually will see me next time. The pain I feel is indescribable. Could also add that she suggested a phone call next week, and wanted to know how I felt. Is this a way to manipulate me to still believing? I truly love her so, therfore I can´t make me believe that.
BC1980 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Thanks for a long and good feedback. To conclude, my last and finale hope is that she actually will see me next time. The pain I feel is indescribable. Could also add that she suggested a phone call next week, and wanted to know how I felt. Is this a way to manipulate me to still believing? I truly love her so, therfore I can´t make me believe that. She cancelled the meeting because she wants to end it for good, but she's scared to do it in person. She's not ready for that just yet. . . . hence, she suggested a phone call. It will be easier for her if she doesn't have to do it face to face. I'm really sorry. It's pretty awful to get strung along like this, but the writing is on the wall. When someone suggests a break, it's only to benefit them. Something else you might want to consider is that she is trying to force you to break up with her, so she isn't completely at fault. Dumpers don't want to walk away as the bad guy. She doesn't want that guilt. 1
BC1980 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I truly love her so, therfore I can´t make me believe that. It's an awful place to be. I was in a LTR, and it was so shocking when it ended. It took me months to realize that he was actually serious. I know it sounds silly because he told me it was over to my face. Still, I just thought he would change his mind. The truth is that he (and your girlfriend) were thinking about this for awhile, but we had no clue. I'm so sorry, and I completely empathize. It's so much easier for outsiders to see this, but it's so difficult to comprehend the truth when you are emotionally attached to the person.
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