jameslonn Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 we broke up without fighting - no hate just keep thinking of all the amazing things we shared together - the little things she said - her ways - her dreams just the way we used to talk so much - about everything - and now we cant its all i can think of - i dont want to think of anything else - i dont want anyone else just dont know what to do
Brutus Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 we broke up without fighting - no hate just keep thinking of all the amazing things we shared together - the little things she said - her ways - her dreams just the way we used to talk so much - about everything - and now we cant its all i can think of - i dont want to think of anything else - i dont want anyone else just dont know what to do Hey James, I know how you feel. I am at month 4.5 and still feel exactly like that. Breaking up with no "bad feelings" can be the worst thing, because hatred may help you to detach. Do not rush things, you cannot conceive another person being in your life like she did if she is still continuously in your mind. I am the last person who can give suggestions, but this is everyone's suggestion: focus on yourself, clean up your mind (it is difficult, I know) and try to realize that yes, every person is different, she was the way she was, probably amazing, but only when you will stop idealizing her you will find out that other people, in different ways, can be as amazing (or even more) as she was. Be strong!
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 You have to change that mindset. Hoping to get something back that won't be is a path of self destruction. Since you didn't have the big blow up, make a list of all the bad things. Since it's easy to recall the good times, read this list when you start feeling nostalgic. Also make a list of things you will be doing to make yourself happy in the future. Do not write get back together with her. She no longer exists for you.
sugarlove Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Nothing is 100% perfect. Stop thinking in that way. You are not doing yourself any favors. The relationship was wonderful because you are both nice people.. just like in my relationship, there was never any fighting, shouting, arguments or anything. Even the breakup was quiet. I understand sometimes that's the hardest to get over.. as it seemed that a relationship can only breakup over a fight, but sometimes, things ran their course. She was meant to be in your life for a period of time, her purpose is done and the relationship has to end. Just cherish the memories and continue to seek the one that was meant to last for a lifetime.
Justaguy30 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 You are hooked on the dream you had. My advice is to try to be interested in other people. Form a new dream and find interest in other people. She is the past and you decide your future. 2
HeartDesires Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 i dont want anyone else jameslonn, Oh gosh, it's hard isn't it? Especially when the new person doesn't seem to measure up to your ex - in your eyes anyway. Just have to learn to appreciate everyone's uniqueness
Jay77098 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Justaguy30 has nailed it. You have become fixated on THE DREAM of what life was going to be like with her. This is spot on. You have built up this image in your mind of how wonderful she was and how great life was with her, and how amazing your future was going to be together. Let it go, because it is just that: a dream. It would have never been as wonderful as you are making it in your head. BTW, for purposes of full disclosure, I did this same thing and it made my suffering post-BU all the worse, and my recovery (still in progress) all the longer... 1
Oregon_Dude Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 If it was going to work, it would have worked. Logic tends to fail us at such distorted times. If they were right for you... they'd be right for you. These things tend to play out as they should. 1
True Gent Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 As time goes on you will eventually become a little more realistic. You are hurting yourself by dwelling on what you have built up in your mind. I bet some of these memories are a little hyped up in your mind too. The relationship ended for a reason, you need to understand that. It wasn't working, it's not as idilc as you are letting yourself believe it was. As for no one else measuring up... Not yet perhaps, but it's obviously way too soon for you. There will be not just equal out there, but better! It takes time. 1
Justaguy30 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Justaguy30 has nailed it. You have become fixated on THE DREAM of what life was going to be like with her. This is spot on. You have built up this image in your mind of how wonderful she was and how great life was with her, and how amazing your future was going to be together. Let it go, because it is just that: a dream. It would have never been as wonderful as you are making it in your head. BTW, for purposes of full disclosure, I did this same thing and it made my suffering post-BU all the worse, and my recovery (still in progress) all the longer... It is much easier said than done. I am still going through that and am somewhat hooked on the dream I had with her. I really loved her more than anything in this world and for some reason refused to see the reality of who she is. In my case she is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like one of the worst people I have ever met or known in my entire life. But I had a dream and I was really in love with it.
somedude81 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 we broke up without fighting - no hate just keep thinking of all the amazing things we shared together - the little things she said - her ways - her dreams just the way we used to talk so much - about everything - and now we cant its all i can think of - i dont want to think of anything else - i dont want anyone else just dont know what to do I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I never fought and even after seven months after she dumped me, I'm still idolizing her. I call her my queen, and always think about how much I want her back. I have absolutely zero bad memories from the time we spent together. I've been told that time will make those feelings go away. Maybe it will work for you. For me, time passing by itself has not been enough. After a few months of grieving, try to start dating new women. I believe that the main reason why I'm still stuck on my ex is that I've been unable to attract anyone else to date.
Haydn Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You never fought? I think it enhances things. OP Its is wonderful at the time but those amazing things are not quite so amazing when you stand back. I am sure you did those amazing things to. I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I never fought and even after seven months after she dumped me, I'm still idolizing her. I call her my queen, and always think about how much I want her back. I have absolutely zero bad memories from the time we spent together. I've been told that time will make those feelings go away. Maybe it will work for you. For me, time passing by itself has not been enough. After a few months of grieving, try to start dating new women. I believe that the main reason why I'm still stuck on my ex is that I've been unable to attract anyone else to date.
somedude81 Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 You never fought? I think it enhances things. OP Its is wonderful at the time but those amazing things are not quite so amazing when you stand back. I am sure you did those amazing things to. There was nothing to fight about. We got along very well and none of us were the type to create drama.
FortunateSon Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Being a year post break up, one of the hardest things I found to get past are the "dreams" of the future that were supposed to be with someone. The places you were going to go, the things you were going to do, the family you planned to have. I don't miss the past or even the present, I miss what was "supposed" to be, even if that isn't reality, just a dream really. This was been the hardest things for me to let go of and I haven't quite figured how yet completely? It doesn't help that she was able to jump into a serious relationship fairly quickly after and I am still causally dating...
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