shakepig Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 The most recent breakup happened 70 days ago. I went NC the very next day ( i'm wicked happy i did that before I would shatter my pride and completely lose myself) Here is the crazy story, it's pretty long. Hope u guys could read it and share ur opinions, thanks:): After dating 6 weeks (3 weeks exclusive), this guy (21 years old) broke it off with me for the first time and told me that he didn't feel like I was the one for him and we should start seeing other people. This is reasonable. so I took it nicely and said goodbyes. It was on good team. In the following one month, he kept sending me breadcrumbs like i miss u, holiday wishes. also invited to go to his concert ( he was in a band). I went eventually and enjoyed myself, but at the same time, I realized I still had strong feelings for him and couldn't handle the way he tried to filrt with me like nothing has happened and like I hadn't been hurt at all. So I've arranged a dinner with him to tell him in person that I wanted no contact, I couldn't be his friend and I wished him nothing but the best. Turns out that He broke down in front of me, told me his band broke up( been together 5 years) and his bandmates kicked him out of the apartment ( he found another one in the same community soon after). he was devesasted. And he apologized to me to give up on me that easily and told me he wanted to get us back together again. I was causious, asking him if he was coming back only because there was no one he could turn to. he said no, he still had feelings for me and regretted to break up with me the moment he walked out of the door. and he hadn't been with any girl since breakup. So I was more than glad to take him back. literally in a heartbeat. He stayed with me that night. The following 2 months ( jan - march) was emotional exhausting. I've never fully recovered from the first breakup and kept seeking validations like He likes and wants me. He had been cold and hot, distant, always busy with friends ( seeing me once per week to once every two weeks when we live 30 secs away!!) So the trust was never rebuilt. Also, since his band broke up, he started to have ideas to do worldwide traveling and do some sorta soul searching ( not sure if this was a crap excuse he had been planning to break up with me again). He was affectionate sometimes and still unsure about our future. I had walked on shin ice and gonna fall off cliff any time for at least one month. Fast forward to this March, I couldn't take his cold and hot attitude anymore, but didnt want to come across needy so decided to run away to take a trip to purito rico during the spring break. I believed it might give him some space and time he needed to think straight about our relationship. He did text me saying he missed me when I was on vacation and wanted to see me once I got back. So I met him up right after I got back home, talked through things. he told me he adored me and I was amazing, he wanted to work on the relationship. The very next day, I woke up to a text from a girl on his cell phone saying ' ewww, I just want to see you tomorrow night!!' when he was sleeping next to me. His phone wasn't locked. I couldn't control the urge to read more messages from that girl( which i wasnt proud of). I saw messages between them referring me as 'the chinese girl', discussing the symptons of Chlamydia and how to get treatment, also wanting to stay FWBs after they're cured. I was like WTF!!! I broke down and confronted him immediately, and he didnt admit it and accused the girl of giving him the STD ( but she told him in messages that she got tested clean before sleeping with him for the first time, and now positive after. they didn't argue on this. so I assumed he admitted he gave it to her). He sweet talked me out of it, telling me that this girl is an ex who is still crazy about him. He only replied her messages because she was trying to tell him she may have the STD, she didn't know how long she has been having it and if she gave it to him when they were together and informed him to get tested too. He said he wasn't sure if he had it, and didn't want to tell me to scare me unnecessarily. he wanted to get tested first and get the confirmed result before telling me. As a love-blinded fool, I believed him and didn't kick him to the curb or kill him. I went to get tested right away. During the one-week waiting time, we didn't talk with each other. I was anxious about the results, heartbroken and having so many doubts about the texts I read, the doubts he wasn't able to explain... I didn't wanna go off like crazy, so forced myself to keep silent and calm till getting the testing result. The result came back positive. I wish I could have just cut off ties with him and just disappeared and never talked with him again. But stupid me wanted him to know what's he had done. We had an argument over texts. Basically I told him he is a liar and cheater. He was like no, he is not but believe what you want to believe... I was so sad, not ready to let him go like that, so I gave in and told him to tell me the truth if he still cares , I would listen and believe. Then he said he would call me. Yes. finally he got on the phone with me TWO days later, trying to tell lies to explain. The lies were so stupid, He basically made a fool out of himself and made me a dummy for just hearing them. Once realizing his lies weren't working, he broke it off again saying that we should walk away from this and asking me why I still want to be with him... At the heat of the moment, I wanted him to come over and have decency to break up face to face. He came over having a sad face. He cried for hurting me, saying he cares and adores me but has to leave the relationship blablabla. I wasn't thinking straight, ended up crying and begging him to stay. he wiped away my tears, wanted to be friends, and all that kinda ****... Of course, he left anyway. I've blocked his number and unfriend him on fb immediately. And have been NC since. As I'm typing the whole story, I realize how low I have sunk..It's relatively easy to forgive him but not to forgive myself. I gave away all my self-respect and self worth to be treated this way. I feel stupid that sometimes I still wonder if he would miss me, and if there is a tiniest chance that he has cared and adored me as he claimed... Sigh... I just completely got played.. Just want to vent it out. even after 70 days. It's just too much... what kinda person he is ???? Thanks
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