pappa k Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I have to see my ex constantly I can't go no contact because of our daughter. I want to hate her and I sorta do but I miss her and would love to have her back. But she has moved on and I need to also. Any advice
harryxiv Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Spend time with your friends as often as possible or hang out with family. It's going to be hard I know but try to get your mind off of her by staying busy. I was able to channel my energy in working out even when I was tired. It's going to take a while but trust me you will get through this. I would not recommend seeing another woman to keep your mind off of her, in the end you will see that you need time to yourself. Also enjoy the alone time and when you have your daughter take her to the park, make her a nice dinner, or take her out for a daddy daughter date. Don't forget about your daughter no matter what, you are her hero so continue to act like it. Good luck and God bless. -Jorge
Author pappa k Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 how will I know if i'm ready to move on and date again
scobro Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Pappa K I feel your pain and when you don't feel your pain then you are ready to date.I read your old posts you are going through a big trauma thats what heartache is its an injury like breaking your arm.Everything is in flight mode right now your body is freaking out because of this change.From what I remembered about your old post is your ex has a new guy so you are going to have to eliminate seeing her in that situation when you go see your daughter.Tell her to have the guy in the other room if need be.Its not his place to see your kid off so hopefully your ex can have the decency to understand you are hurting.The last thing you need on your plate is another woman right now.
sugarlove Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 how will I know if i'm ready to move on and date again It's hard with a child involved. I was a young single mom as well with 3 little ones once a upon a time ago. The key is not to hurry the process, which basically means not to jump into another relationship straight away. Moving on is a slow and painful process which you will need in order to become mentally stronger. Without a fight, the battle can't be won. Do you have a friend you can bring for the exchange or visitation? Perhaps get a friend to do the exchange. For a long time, my mom was the one picking up the kids while I just say in the car because seeing him really scared me and also held me back emotionally.
Author pappa k Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 I have to do the drop off my self. She won't let anyone else do it. How do I get through this pain ?
scobro Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I have to do the drop off my self. She won't let anyone else do it. How do I get through this pain ? Man I was you many years ago....brother the only way to get through it is to feel it, and its painful. I use to drop my kid off and cry on the 30 min drive home.I would have imaginary conversations with my ex in my head, its horrible, and logically how else really do you think you get through it?? drugs and alcohol numb you but won't help. Nothing helps but time and really time is a way you get through it. I know you are looking for a "do this" and you will feel no pain answer but there isn't one other than reconcile with your ex.That is not possible so you just have to go through it but make it easy on yourself dont have the guy around talk to your ex as less as you can. Like I told you it took me 3 years to get over her because I always had to see her, and we were only together 3 years, its just really tough with a kid involved. So to answer your question directly the answer is Time.How you choose to act during that time is critical because if you keep talking and seeing your ex all the time its going to take more than 3 years.Keep the pick-up drop-off brief and try to do it when the other guy isn't around. My situation got to the point where the guy was dropping my kid off and it was fine. I ended up liking him way more than my ex:D Right now it seems impossible but like I said Time will heal you just be smart during that time and don't torture yourself.I promise you it will get better bro!
Author pappa k Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 I have to go to the doctor with the ex and my daughter. What should I do. Try not to say anything ? Try and act happy
scobro Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I have to go to the doctor with the ex and my daughter. What should I do. Try not to say anything ? Try and act happy Why do you both have to go?If this is just a check-up let her take your daughter, if she gives you any grief over it tell her "we are not together so I am acting accordingly,this is not a situation we both need to go to,now that we are apart things are going to be different". Don't let her make the rules of what you do or should do.She is the one that wanted this not you so don't make it easy for her at all or she will walk all over you.Being nice won't get her back and doing everything she says will make things hell for you.Put some inconvenience in her decision she doesn't seem to give a rats ass about your feelings so don't be such a nice guy about things go out of your way to be un accommodating, within sensible reason of course.
scobro Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 If you have to go, meet them there, and show up as close to the appointment time as possible even a few minutes late so you don't have to sit with her in the waiting room.Say very little do not talk about anything but the appointment and your daughter, if she asks you questions about your life say "we are not together anymore lets just keep things about our daughter" Don't be Mr.Nice Guy she has done you wrong so you don't owe her a thing
Author pappa k Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 She wants me to go because I have only been to one other doctors appointment for the daughter because work. It is just a check up. But I really don't want to go but I don't want to feel like a bad dad for not going.
Author pappa k Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I hate seeing my ex so much it hurts. I just wish I could have her back but I know it will never happen .
scobro Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 She wants me to go because I have only been to one other doctors appointment for the daughter because work. It is just a check up. But I really don't want to go but I don't want to feel like a bad dad for not going. You are not a bad Dad for not going.You are dealing with a situation that she created that is causing a lot of pain and disruption in your life.You only need to see your daughter on your days and weekends and be a good dad.She can deal with the Doctor appointments herself or you take her yourself.The couple thing is over its not being a bad Dad its dealing with a situation she created.If you keep seeing her you will take years to get over thats what happened to me.My regret is I was too accommodating to her in hopes she would change her mind.That never happened, and it set me back years so take my advice don't be accommodating see your daughter and be a good Dad but don't get caught up in her making you feel guilty or in these petty appointments that will make no difference in your life other than cause you pain.Go talk to the Doctor on your own you don't need to be with your ex.
Author pappa k Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 I just want to be over her so I can be happy again . I just want to move on and meet someone new and go back to how happy I was.
Author pappa k Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 I told my ex I didn't want to go to the apartment. She told me to quit being a child . Am I being a child for not wanting to see her?
theexfiance Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I told my ex I didn't want to go to the apartment. She told me to quit being a child . Am I being a child for not wanting to see her? No. You are not being a child for not wanting to see her. She's being a child for resorting to name calling when she isn't getting her way. She needs to respect your needs. Your child is getting a check up. I promise, it will be okay.
scobro Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 the fact that she said that shows she has no consideration for your feelings or what she has done.So do things at your pace and you dictate when you will go and when you will stay.If you don't have to see her then make all efforts not too or it will take you a long time to recover from this situation. Don't even think about other women right now its the worst thing you can do and if you get rejected from another woman because she doesn't want to be with someone who is fresh off a breakup then the pain will be twice as bad.Work on yourself do some personal development try different things and move on at your speed not your ex's
Author pappa k Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 I feel like I'm over her sometimes. I don't want her back she has hurt too many times. I think I'm just upset because she moved on before me. I just want to be happy
Author pappa k Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Does getting angry at my ex solve anything or just make me look stupid. I'm so done with her **** .I just want to move on and be happy with someone new
redbaron005 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Does getting angry at my ex solve anything or just make me look stupid. I'm so done with her **** .I just want to move on and be happy with someone new Getting angry is natural and does not make you 'look stupid.' Why is how you are perceived by others for what you feel so important? There is no reason to feel shameful for being emotional. In addition, I will add that expressing anger the wrong way could be unhealthy. Talk with others not connected to your ex or a therapist. 1
melodicintention Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Getting angry is essentially punishing yourself for whatever she did wrong. You raise your blood pressure when you get angry, over time this will cause issues with hypertension, not to mention the mental anguish you suffer by holding a grudge. Your behavior will determine if you look "stupid" or not, not the simple fact that you got angry will, so if you are lashing out at her or other women/friends then yes you might look a little ridiculous. Why not move on and be happy with YOU? Rather than replacing this person with "someone new?" 1
Author pappa k Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 I'm working on that but I really don't want to be single
scobro Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I feel like I'm over her sometimes. I don't want her back she has hurt too many times. I think I'm just upset because she moved on before me. I just want to be happy Im in the same situation as well and its really hard.I get hit with sadness like a ton of bricks and then all the anxiety builds up and I can't stop thinking about her.
Author pappa k Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Im in the same situation as well and its really hard.I get hit with sadness like a ton of bricks and then all the anxiety builds up and I can't stop thinking about her. Pretty much the same here. Last night she answered the door in her underwear. But I fought the urge to look at her. She has been a super bitch lately. I just don't know how to get myself back on track .
scobro Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Pretty much the same here. Last night she answered the door in her underwear. But I fought the urge to look at her. She has been a super bitch lately. I just don't know how to get myself back on track . i feel for you brother it must be so hard having to see her and having that rejected feeling and anxiety
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