sydney84 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 My story is that I have been married for 2 years, in a relationship for over 10 years. My H was the only man I had ever been with before the A. I love my H very much and know that I will never find a better man than him. However, I was really curious to know what it would be like to flirt, be single and be with someone else. I felt like I had missed out as I have never really dated having been in a relationship since my late teens. I'm not proud of this and know this is very ego driven. So, I browsed a married affair site with no intention of actually talking or meeting anyone, in fact I was mostly horrified by what I found on there! Except then I found myself started chatting to a normal, decent, single guy who I eventually met up with. We had a very short lived PA before he started pulling away. Over the last 3 months, we have had periods of NC and interspersed with sporadic messaging. I know that I need to completely close the door and forget about him and the A so I can refocus on my M. But the simple truth is I like him and, if I'm honest, I like the fantasy world of the A. I know this is crazy but I can't rationalise myself out of these emotions. I think its extra hard because there has been no D-day and no-one in my life knows he exists. I suspect the only way to end this completely is to tell someone so that I am held accountable to them, but I can't bring myself to do that. Does anyone have any tips or hard words for me?
Timmos Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 "Does anyone have any tips or hard words for me?" Your husband. That'll end it. 1
thummper Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 My story is that I have been married for 2 years, in a relationship for over 10 years. My H was the only man I had ever been with before the A. I love my H very much and know that I will never find a better man than him. However, I was really curious to know what it would be like to flirt, be single and be with someone else. I felt like I had missed out as I have never really dated having been in a relationship since my late teens. I'm not proud of this and know this is very ego driven. So, I browsed a married affair site with no intention of actually talking or meeting anyone, in fact I was mostly horrified by what I found on there! Except then I found myself started chatting to a normal, decent, single guy who I eventually met up with. We had a very short lived PA before he started pulling away. Over the last 3 months, we have had periods of NC and interspersed with sporadic messaging. I know that I need to completely close the door and forget about him and the A so I can refocus on my M. But the simple truth is I like him and, if I'm honest, I like the fantasy world of the A. I know this is crazy but I can't rationalise myself out of these emotions. I think its extra hard because there has been no D-day and no-one in my life knows he exists. I suspect the only way to end this completely is to tell someone so that I am held accountable to them, but I can't bring myself to do that. Does anyone have any tips or hard words for me? In reference to the highlighted section of your post: If that's true, then what in the hell do you think you're doing?! My guess is that if and when your hubby discovers what you've been up to, it'll be all over for your marriage. Hope you're happy with the result. 2
No Limit Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Oh boy... give your husband an honest hug from me. And once you're done with that, come clean and divorce.
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 What would you do if the shoe was on the other foot? What if your husband was having an affair, what would you want him to do? What if you get pregnant by this other man? What if he gives you an STD? You have only been married a couple of years, so I think this is a decision point in your life and you have to decide if you want to be committed and married to your husband or not. If you love and want to be married to this man, then you have to start by being honest. There are many people who will come on here and post their stories of infidelity and the bottom line to fixing any of these stories has to start with honesty. You know that the affair is a fantasy, as you have already admitted. Time to close the book on this harlequin romance and be honest with your husband and yourself.
harrybrown Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 have you asked the OM if he will marry you after you D? Does he know that you are married? I am sorry, but I do feel sorrow for your H. I do hope you tell him, but it will hurt him for years. I do hope you get tested for stds. Good luck. 1
thummper Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 Apparently the OP has fled the scene. Must be getting back together with the OM . Sneaking around is eating up all her free time.
Author sydney84 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Apparently the OP has fled the scene. Must be getting back together with the OM . Sneaking around is eating up all her free time. Ouch. Thanks to the other people who posted. I am not trying to make excuses for my behaviour, I know its selfish and very poor form. I do have to man up and admit it. Its going to be very hard. 1
still_an_Angel Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I'm quite curious Sydney, you say your reason for the A is the ego boost. You actively sought out an A from a site for married people. Are you really happy with your M? Seems like you're willing to jeopardize your M for the thrill of an A. You can read up on a lot of stories on here, it is not easy to be involved, a lot of people get hurt. You are not with your OM because you fell in love or had an EA, you went looking. Why would you do this to your H?
thummper Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 Ouch. Thanks to the other people who posted. I am not trying to make excuses for my behaviour, I know its selfish and very poor form. I do have to man up and admit it. Its going to be very hard. Good, glad to hear this: NOW STOP IT!!!
Author sydney84 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 I'm quite curious Sydney, you say your reason for the A is the ego boost. You actively sought out an A from a site for married people. Are you really happy with your M? Seems like you're willing to jeopardize your M for the thrill of an A. You can read up on a lot of stories on here, it is not easy to be involved, a lot of people get hurt. You are not with your OM because you fell in love or had an EA, you went looking. Why would you do this to your H? I could give you a lot of reasons, none of them any good. Essentially, I went looking to satisfy my curiously without the involvement/ emotion. I wanted my cake and to eat it too. I realise that was stupid and naive now.
inpeices Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 How to move on? Be true to yourself, your own desires, needs and wants and be HONEST! Honest with yourself and honest with the person you profess to 'love' Insufficient information to give advice, but all I can tell you is, when discovering infidelity, it is so devastating that some people seriously harm themselves or even kill others in blind rage & high strung emotion. I am still suffering 3yrs out, having discovered my partner of 12yrs betrayed me. What you choose to do, and the reasons you do it are yours and yours alone, but trust me (ironic) when I say this, the fall out when "found out" is horrific!! and life changing forever. You can never go back, and it involves everyone and every facet of your life up to this current point..family, friends, work etc.. Every Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, every holiday you ever went on, every song, every paint colour you ever put on the wall, every single facet of the past 12 yrs will be shattered into a million pieces.. I wish you luck and hope you do the right thing.. If you are unhappy, talk to your husband and put the things right that are wrong, please give him that opportunity.. Once it snowballs, you won't know your ass from your butt until it's ruined forever.... Good luck x
Recommended Posts