Would this make you jealous?

July 11, 2014

I have some other posts on here, so please forgive me if I'm posting too much. I just was wondering about something else.

I definitely don't tell my boyfriend about every time I get hit on. I don't see the point and I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or make him jealous. It happens, but not super often or anything. Up until today, I'm pretty sure I've only told him about one time and that was about a male friend that I have had for a long time that in December (before I met my current bf), "revealed" his feelings for me. Ever since then, things between the friend and I have been weird because I told him I did not see him as anything more than a friend. However, we still run into each other at group events. So, I let my bf know the situation.

I have a company picnic tomorrow. I have been struggling to decide whether to go or not. Reasons I don't want to go: said friend from above works at the same company as me (but in a different office) and I don't really want to run into him, a guy in my same office has been asking me out (and I have been telling him I have a bf) and he will be there as well, and then just today a female coworker asked if I was going. I told her I'm not sure and asked her why she asked. She said her roommate (which she brought to our Christmas party last year) wanted to know if I would be there.

I am not sure I am going, but my bf and I have talked about it and if I go, he is definitely coming with me.

I shared all of this with my bf because I guess it's something I'm dealing with and wanted to share. I'm worried now though that it might upset him and/or make him jealous/mad. Thoughts? Thanks.

Edited July 11, 2014 by jinjin113

July 11, 2014

You need to go to your company picnic for work reasons. Show your bosses you are a team player.

If SO's are invited bringing your BF is a good thing.

Hopefully the work friend will be professional & there will be no problems.

July 11, 2014

Thanks. You're probably right, I should go because it's a work thing. However, I'm wondering if telling my boyfriend that three guys that are interested in me will be there will make him mad/jealous?

July 11, 2014

You need to go to your company picnic with your boyfriend to show all of those dudes you are taken. Keep your hands cupped on your man's ass cheek the whole time to leave no room open for second guessing.

July 11, 2014

I think holding hands with your BF will be enough PDA for a work function.

July 11, 2014

I think holding hands with your BF will be enough PDA for a work function.

Humor to lighten things up. Of course you wouldn't hold someone's ass at the company picnic.

July 11, 2014

Haha, yes I assumed it was a joke. Although, it would be funny to see how some of the stuffy older people I work with react to that.

July 11, 2014

I think holding hands with your BF will be enough PDA for a work function.

Yeah, okay, this is enough. Don't make eye contact if you can with these other three jokers. I wouldn't tell your bf. Just enjoy the party.

July 11, 2014

Well, I've already told him. I figured if he's going to come with me, he should be aware of what he's walking into....I mean like what the situation is. My question if you were my bf in this situation, would this information make you mad/jealous?

Edited July 11, 2014 by jinjin113

July 12, 2014

Well, I've already told him. I figured if he's going to come with me, he should be aware of what he's walking into....I mean like what the situation is. My question if you were my bf in this situation, would this information make you mad/jealous?

Frankly, it would make me on the defensive and vigilant. Not jealous. Does that make sense? While there, I would be very cognizant of the fact that these jokers were there and play it off as if I was okay, nonchalant.

Edited July 12, 2014 by soccerrprp

July 12, 2014

Haha, yes I assumed it was a joke. Although, it would be funny to see how some of the stuffy older people I work with react to that.

It is much more enjoyable when it is recognized as humor and avoids the special attention or need for correction.

July 12, 2014

I can't speak for your guy specifically since I don't know him, but when I average all the expected response of men I've dated, I would expect the guy I'm dating would likely get upset if he found out my co-workers, or any men, were hitting on me and I wasn't telling him. It's not about bragging, it's about looking later like you were hiding something. I would keep the lines of communication about these coworker and their behavior open with your boyfriend. This way if he does get mad, he will be mad at them (he rightly should be if you are honestly telling them you are happily committed to your boyfriend) and not you.

July 12, 2014

As long as you include him and "show him off" to the world as your boyfriend, if I may say, it won't be an issue.

July 12, 2014

First sounds like a good way to kill 2 birds with one stone. By showing up with your bf, those other guys will "get" it and move on.

As far as making your bf jealous, if you said it to him as matter-of-factly as you did here, he may be slightly jealous but should be able to control because you are not sounding malicious about it or as if that's your intent. I think every situation is an OPPORTUNITY to see how you fit into each other's lives and how you go together. So think of it as an opportunity to test how rational/irrational he is when it comes to jealousy issues. You guys are relatively new couple so maybe that hasn't been tested yet--and it's a NEED-TO-KNOW item. Also for some people how their guy (or girl) behaves at a company function is another NEED-TO-KNOW item.

That said, my rec is to, in the future, keep that stuff to yourself. Unless, as in the case of your close guy friend, it's a situation he needs to be made aware of. The tiniest bit of healthy jealousy can be good for a relationship--like light flirting when your bf is right there so he remembers you are desirable to others but if it's something that has potential to become real, a workplace thing etc than letting him know that info could be damaging. Some people as healthy as they are in all other areas lose it when it comes to jealousy. Hopefully he is the type who is proud that so many guys want the girl he has. Make sure you make him feel extra comfortable at the party. Hopefully you will be fine but you will learn valuable information for your relationship going forward no matter what.

July 12, 2014

I have found the best way to put guys off when i have a bf is to be seen with him often around male friends...to make sure he is introduced and known sighted ....then i find guys lay off.....because they know i am loyal......a lot of women say they have a bf when they dont to put guys off......and guys keep trying.....thats the only explanation i have...because when i have been hit on persistently by a guy, when i am in a relationship it normally involves the guy not thinking i am telling the truth......so they try and wear me down....when i am single this works the wearing down thing , but not when i am in a relationship.....so i let my partner be known and seen and the guys tend to fade out......who are interested in taking it further with me....happened to me recently a guy faded out while i was with someone but he is back now coming around because i have broken up with the guy i was with, got to admire persistence i dont understand why guys persist with me ...............he is never agressive though......you have to let your bf be seen .......noted and respected...to me this works and if a guy disprespects your bf when he isnt around thats the guy you tell to shove off and inform your bf if it gets unmanageable....i havent really had to often....deb

Edited July 12, 2014 by todreaminblue

July 12, 2014

Well, I've already told him. I figured if he's going to come with me, he should be aware of what he's walking into....I mean like what the situation is. My question if you were my bf in this situation, would this information make you mad/jealous?

That was a mistake. Your BF is now going to walk into your work function spoiling for a fight. His hair trigger will be pulled at the slightest provocation. I hope there is no alcohol at this thing. You needed to neutralize the situation not pour lighter fluid on it.

Mike B. I'm glad you were kidding but in print without emoticons or a j/k or lol designation I wasn't going to take the chance that you were serious. I have seen / read people give some dumb advice around here & have people take them seriously.

July 12, 2014

I dont tell my SO ever if I get hit on by women. so you sound immature and insecure.

I have this theory in my mind that one or more of the guys at work are good looking, better than your bf and youre just embarrassed to show him off.

or that you simply like the attention of the men fighting over you.

or you want to make your guy jealous.

or something happened there and youre now nervous to bring your guy because truthfully, there is no need to even bring this up.

personally If it happened to me (as a man) theres nothing to think about here. id be excited to go. id take her hand, proudly, walk with her and show her off to all those women who did flirt with me with a nya nya nya nya nya face looking them right in their eyes. and a "check out this piece-a-ass I have" expression.

but you dont sound loyal to me at all. poor boyfriend. im proud of my woman.

July 12, 2014

The tiniest bit of healthy jealousy can be good for a relationship--like light flirting when your bf is right there so he remembers you are desirable to others...

QUOTE]

What a huge turn off

July 12, 2014

I would be a little I think. I would wonder what kind of vibes you are giving off at the workplace to have 3 potential suitors + someone trying to hook you up happen all simultanously at the workplace.

July 12, 2014

Instead of worrying about it, just have a quick honest conversation with you BF about it. As long as you both know where you stand on this, you should be able to trust that everyone will be on their best behavior. Just tell your BF that if someone has feelings for you, that is something you have no control over. You have to live your life too and you need to interact with people. There will always be someone, at anytime that will find you to be of an interest. He should take it as a compliment, and that he is a lucky guy to be with such an attractive woman.

July 14, 2014

I would be a little I think. I would wonder what kind of vibes you are giving off at the workplace to have 3 potential suitors + someone trying to hook you up happen all simultanously at the workplace.

I think I already explained this in my post, but one guy is a longtime friend. I met him years ago because he was the friend of a guy I was dating. He has been my friend since. Our friendship has never been anything but platonic, I guess because I always had a boyfriend. After my divorce though, things got weird because he started wanting to date. The last time I talked to this person is over 6 months ago because our friendship suffered due to his hurt feelings. The roommate of the female coworker saw me at our staff Christmas party, also over 6 months ago. I wasn't even introduced to this man and didn't exchange any words with him. After the party, my coworker mentioned to me he thought I was attractive and that's all that became of it. I am not even particularly close to this girl and have hardly talked to her since the Christmas party. It's not like she's always trying to "hook me up." I have not heard about it since, except just last week when she asked if I was going to the picnic because her roommate asked her. The other guy, I work with on a daily basis. I do make small talk with him occasionally because we both have young children. I don't flirt with him or try to give off any "vibe." So, there you have it.

None of it alone is a big deal, but taken together, it makes for a situation that feels awkward to me, to run into these people. I also think some people did not read in my post that I 100% wanted to bring my bf if I went. There was never a scenario where I was ashamed or didn't want to bring him so I could flirt or something. As for telling him, I would want to know if the roles were reversed and he were taking me to a social function where there were situations like this. I can see how some people would not agree with this and that's fine. I've already stated that I don't tell my bf about every time I get hit on. I agree that it's necessary and immature to do that. I told him about this because it's a situation I am talking to him about going with me to.

I posted this question on here after I had already told my bf the situation. After telling him, I was worried that it would make him upset and jealous. So, while I was nervous about this, I came on here to ask for opinions.

Edited July 14, 2014 by jinjin113

July 14, 2014

My attitude may be different than most. In his shoes, having been told about the situation would increase my trust for you. I'd also know that you have chosen me over anyone else. I would probably understand why they're attracted to you and couldn't fault them for good taste. Most likely, I'd be fine talking to them and even be friendly, while also being very clear that we're in a happy relationship. I might even be so forward (if it seemed necessary) as to tell them I understand why they'd flirt with you, but it's not appropriate as we're in a relationship. They'll see where things stand and probably back off in the future - but if they don't, I still trust you to shut them down if they keep trying.

July 14, 2014

My attitude may be different than most. In his shoes, having been told about the situation would increase my trust for you. I'd also know that you have chosen me over anyone else. I would probably understand why they're attracted to you and couldn't fault them for good taste. Most likely, I'd be fine talking to them and even be friendly.

This was my sentiment exactly.

If my girlfriend told me, and took me to the function, I'd be the same way. I'm not a jealous person either. I can't control every situation in her life.

July 14, 2014

I think I already explained this in my post, but one guy is a longtime friend. I met him years ago because he was the friend of a guy I was dating. He has been my friend since. Our friendship has never been anything but platonic, I guess because I always had a boyfriend. After my divorce though, things got weird because he started wanting to date. The last time I talked to this person is over 6 months ago because our friendship suffered due to his hurt feelings. The roommate of the female coworker saw me at our staff Christmas party, also over 6 months ago. I wasn't even introduced to this man and didn't exchange any words with him. After the party, my coworker mentioned to me he thought I was attractive and that's all that became of it. I am not even particularly close to this girl and have hardly talked to her since the Christmas party. It's not like she's always trying to "hook me up." I have not heard about it since, except just last week when she asked if I was going to the picnic because her roommate asked her. The other guy, I work with on a daily basis. I do make small talk with him occasionally because we both have young children. I don't flirt with him or try to give off any "vibe." So, there you have it.

None of it alone is a big deal, but taken together, it makes for a situation that feels awkward to me, to run into these people. I also think some people did not read in my post that I 100% wanted to bring my bf if I went. There was never a scenario where I was ashamed or didn't want to bring him so I could flirt or something. As for telling him, I would want to know if the roles were reversed and he were taking me to a social function where there were situations like this. I can see how some people would not agree with this and that's fine. I've already stated that I don't tell my bf about every time I get hit on. I agree that it's necessary and immature to do that. I told him about this because it's a situation I am talking to him about going with me to.

I posted this question on here after I had already told my bf the situation. After telling him, I was worried that it would make him upset and jealous. So, while I was nervous about this, I came on here to ask for opinions.

Not sure if it is all directed at me but I gave you my opinion. It wasn't dissaproval, and reading it all it seems fine.

But...

As your fresh new boyfriend I would scratch my head due to it all. Like you said yourself, none of it is a big deal alone. Not so much the guys liking you (though I would think 3 in the same workplace is a tad over the top), but a female coworker hooking you up. That's why I would wonder as your BF what kind of vibes you are giving off that people think hooking you up is welcomed. Its the sum of it all. I would not look forward to the company event.

But I will never claim to not know jealousy, though I have never been accused of being it.

July 14, 2014

No, not all directed towards you. Just some clarification, since from reading some of the posts, it seems maybe I didn't explain the situation enough. I honestly think this girl likes to stir the pot and is more about getting her roommate hooked up.

She knows I have a boyfriend. Although, because I rarely talk to her, perhaps she doesn't think we're serious because I think the last time I even talked to her about my relationship status was before my current boyfriend and I were dating and I told her I was thinking about starting to date again, but didn't want anything serious. This was back at the Christmas party, and even then, nothing came of the roommate thing. Anyway, not wanting something serious changed when I met my current bf and I know she knows I have a bf because I talk about him at work, but since we're not close, she doesn't know much about the relationship. Again, I think she probably mentioned the company picnic to her roommate and he asked about me and so she thought it would be fun to stir the pot to bring it up again (hadn't been brought up since Christmas). I've been clear to all of these people that I'm in a happy long term relationship. Hopefully, she'll lay off now that she knows that for sure.

Edited July 14, 2014 by jinjin113

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