Babie-Girl Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 ok been with guy 8 1/2 years, been cheated on twice.. most recent one has been the worst he has done to me.... i dont know how to deal with my emotions.... i believe that he regrets it and feel really guilty about it and he wants to rebuild our relationship while taking it slow and rebuild our friendship first.. when im with him i feel happy, i laugh, make jokes. the usual feelings someone gets around the person they love.. but when im at home or by myself i get stressed out and depressed and cant stop thinking if hes telling the truth, should we stay together, can he change, etc... i have trouble sleeping and can't eat alot.... i have tried a number of Councillors because of bullying, suicidal attempts, dealing with my depression and anxiety.... most of my Councillors have given up on me because i dont talk alot and havent been able to open up to them.... i tend to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself, burying them inside until they overflow.. when they overflow i just cry them out and start the 'process' again.... i find it really difficult to talk to anyone, i don't talk unless im spoken to and people have to ask a specific question if they want to know something about me... and all of my Councillors have always told me that they dont ask questions and they expect me to come and talk about myself as soon as the session starts.... i dont know why i cant talk about my feelings and thoughts, i find it difficult to even write them down.... does anyone have any advice of tips to help deal with anything i have said....????
I am Bud Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Dear Babie-Girl From the sounds of things you have been living with depression for quite some time now and being in a relationship whilst you are in this state can be extremely volatile particularly when the person that you are seeing has cheated on you twice. With your fragile mindset you should probably just concentrate on being friends rather than having to worry about whether a boyfriend is telling the truth or not. One thing is for certain though is that you have to find some way to express yourself in some shape or form. These silent implosions that you are having are just going to get worse and worse as you get older. They need to be expressed and addressed. If you are unable to verbally express them to a councellor then why not try to write them down in a diary or something. It doesn't have to be poetic, just a few paragraphs in what you have experienced in your own way. What I have found to be effective when I am down is just to allow yourself to experience the emotion. To feel the sadness, to feel the fear, to feel the anger etc. Do not feed the emotion with labels or thoughts of other things, just experience it through breathing and a calm mind. After a while the reptilian part of your brain will kick in and it will say "hey I'm not in any danger, nothing can get me" and then your mind will be calm again. Most of the time our problems arise with that part of the brain that does all the active thinking and we start to bombard it with thoughts of negativity such as in your case boyfriends cheating, which leads to anger, then fear than anxiety and we get into a state of flight. This is a panicky state that sends us spiraling down into the darkness if we let it. When we start to have negative thoughts the worst thing that we can do is hold onto that thought because it will make us experience the emotion. You can put a stop to it by just experiencing the emotion and not feeding it with negative thoughts. Your body will then instinctually balance itself from a state of flight to a state of calmness because you are not in any immediate danger. I'm not sure if I have explained it very well but the main thing for you is to find a way to express yourself and to allow yourself to feel the negative emotion without feeding it with negative thought. It takes a bit of practice but if you can do it then you will become a much stronger person. All the best - Bud.
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