The most surreal experience.

July 11, 2014

Yesterday was the end of cheerleading camp. My wife didn't end up going with my oldest to her camp. So, here we were watching the camp finale. It ends. My wife and MW end up in a conversation together about nothing. I walk up, seeing them together, and it was just the three of us together for 10 minutes. I was pretty much a spectator. The three of us inches apart just shooting the poop.

For all of those people who said it would be back... you were right.

July 11, 2014

I'm not quite clear...so has the affair itself resumed as well?

July 11, 2014

Of all the people there - I find it suspicious and cruel that your OW would need to talk to your W.

Really? Why can't she pick an innocent bystander?

Makes me think she was phishing to see how your W was doing.

How are you doing this week Realist?

July 11, 2014

I don't understand why it was surreal, your wife knows and does not care, your OW knows she knows. It seems like you are making a big deal out of nothing.

July 11, 2014

I don't understand why it was surreal, your wife knows and does not care, your OW knows she knows. It seems like you are making a big deal out of nothing.

We know your wife knows you go outside the M -

But does your W know that it is THIS particular woman that you've been involved with?

July 11, 2014

I gotta tell ya, the whole concept of affairs is still pretty surreal to me. Even after 3 years, I suppose I still have some of that naivete. Even when I had broken off my own brief EA when it reached kissing (after my wife's LTPA), I couldn't help but confess. I guess I'm just not cut out for that stuff. My wife's affair was surreal, let alone a year long including twice a week hotels. It still leaves me shaking my head. The concept that I would even begin to engage in my own affair is surreal. And yeah, the idea of 3 of us standing around BSing with each other would be damn surreal, too. Gotta tell you, I'm glad to be free of all of it. As I said in your last thread, I hope you manage to make a clean break, too. This stuff just ain't right.

July 11, 2014

Of all the people there - I find it suspicious and cruel that your OW would need to talk to your W.

Really? Why can't she pick an innocent bystander?

Makes me think she was phishing to see how your W was doing.

How are you doing this week Realist?

It was because my daughter lost her shoes. MW was the person who lead the camp, so that is who my wife went to. There were 125 kiddos at this camp. Yes there were a lot of people attending this ending ceremony. Yet, the three of us were just standing there. That has never happened before. I leave the party, and MW cuts me off at the exit, and says don't do this to me. We end up talking later in the evening.

July 11, 2014

I gotta tell ya, the whole concept of affairs is still pretty surreal to me. Even after 3 years, I suppose I still have some of that naivete. Even when I had broken off my own brief EA when it reached kissing (after my wife's LTPA), I couldn't help but confess. I guess I'm just not cut out for that stuff. My wife's affair was surreal, let alone a year long including twice a week hotels. It still leaves me shaking my head.

BH: you still haven't accepted the fact that your wife was not who you thought she was; and certainly not who you wanted her to be. The pedestal you had her on was shattered on d-day, and the person she was in your eyes continued to diminish into a pile of sh*t with each piece of the real truth that came out.

You don't understand what she did and you never will. I hope you truly get to the point where you can accept that she was (is still?) morally bankrupt. A sexual deviant. Her behavior was reprehensible and cruel. That is the person she truly was at that time and I hope you can get this into your heart as well as your head.

July 11, 2014

I'm not quite clear...so has the affair itself resumed as well?

Still not clear.

July 11, 2014

Still not clear.

I don't think it ever ended

July 11, 2014

We know your wife knows you go outside the M -

But does your W know that it is THIS particular woman that you've been involved with?

Yes this is the same thing I want to know.

P.S.

Sometimes I feel like I should have popcorn when I am reading things here and waiting for what's next.

July 11, 2014

We know your wife knows you go outside the M -

But does your W know that it is THIS particular woman that you've been involved with?

Can you clearly answer this question? Yes or no - does your wife know that it is your OW she was speaking to?

July 11, 2014

I don't think it ever ended

Hate to agree with you IMP, but I think you're right.

Realist, it never ended, you left the door open a crack and your MW jumped back.

Question is, what do you want to happen now? Habit and what you are used to (the affair with her) or are you going to end it once and for all?

If you don't end it, then enjoy the ups and downs that you both seem to thrive off of.

July 12, 2014

I gotta tell ya, the whole concept of affairs is still pretty surreal to me. Even after 3 years, I suppose I still have some of that naivete. Even when I had broken off my own brief EA when it reached kissing (after my wife's LTPA), I couldn't help but confess. I guess I'm just not cut out for that stuff. My wife's affair was surreal, let alone a year long including twice a week hotels. It still leaves me shaking my head. The concept that I would even begin to engage in my own affair is surreal. And yeah, the idea of 3 of us standing around BSing with each other would be damn surreal, too. Gotta tell you, I'm glad to be free of all of it. As I said in your last thread, I hope you manage to make a clean break, too. This stuff just ain't right.

Yes, I completely understand where you are coming from. In my experience time changes some of that.

As far as clean breaks for me and MW, I'm not sure that will be possible. This time around so many thoughts ran through my head. I even contemplated telling her husband because my efforts at ending it were falling on deaf ears. I stared at his phone number for a good 30 minutes.

July 12, 2014

I don't think it ever ended

It did for me, but probably not for her. I knew going into this week it was going to be tough for me to hold firm. Given our schedules we won't see each other for another month, and anything could happen. I'm still very much on the fence.

July 12, 2014

You still didn't answer my simple question.

July 12, 2014

Hate to agree with you IMP, but I think you're right.

Realist, it never ended, you left the door open a crack and your MW jumped back.

Question is, what do you want to happen now? Habit and what you are used to (the affair with her) or are you going to end it once and for all?

If you don't end it, then enjoy the ups and downs that you both seem to thrive off of.

I'm in a different place personally. The next month will probably decide the fate. As I mentioned in the previous thread this time was different for me. Just as I didn't feel anything when I ended it, I don't feel anything now.

When you mention habit, that probably says it best. It is habit, and I love her. If I didn't love her I could dump her like a rock and never look back. But as it stand she is now a significant part of my life experience.

July 12, 2014

But does your W know that it is THIS particular woman that you've been involved with?

Yes, she knows it is her. They did not know each other until after this started. They knew of each other, but they were not friends. They have coached sporting events together, they are FB friends, they play games together, they coordinate school events together. There are times when my wife will ask me to ask MW a question about something we are all involved in.

July 12, 2014

Yes, she knows it is her. They did not know each other until after this started. They knew of each other, but they were not friends. They have coached sporting events together, they are FB friends, they play games together, they coordinate school events together. There are times when my wife will ask me to ask MW a question about something we are all involved in.

Your wife sounds like an amazing woman, actually. One whom most men would love to have. She's athletic, takes care of herself, etc. The fact that she is confident enough in this situation says that she isn't emotionally tied to you and I hope that she finds her own happiness, and someone who will love her as she deserves, instead of being tied to you. She deserves that. Maybe she already has!

My opinion, with all due respect. I hope you have a great life and it seems like you thrive on the ups and downs in the affair, so that's another reason I hope your wife leaves you to find someone better for her and that you and OW can be together without all the illicit drama - although once the drama ends and real mundane life ensues I predict you will get bored again.

Good luck to you!

Edited July 12, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

July 12, 2014

It was because my daughter lost her shoes. MW was the person who lead the camp, so that is who my wife went to. There were 125 kiddos at this camp. Yes there were a lot of people attending this ending ceremony. Yet, the three of us were just standing there. That has never happened before. I leave the party, and MW cuts me off at the exit, and says don't do this to me. We end up talking later in the evening.

you never did give detail on this. Ha, you know you can't casually say you two spoke later that evening and not give details!

Yes, I completely understand where you are coming from. In my experience time changes some of that.

As far as clean breaks for me and MW, I'm not sure that will be possible. This time around so many thoughts ran through my head. I even contemplated telling her husband because my efforts at ending it were falling on deaf ears. I stared at his phone number for a good 30 minutes.

So, what is really stopping you from telling him the truth? If you really want your A over and you're done, then tell him and let the chips fall where they fall. At least 'something' will happen either way.

If your MW ended her marriage, divorced her H, would you then divorce your W to be with MW?

It did for me, but probably not for her. I knew going into this week it was going to be tough for me to hold firm. Given our schedules we won't see each other for another month, and anything could happen. I'm still very much on the fence.

You're not done then and she knows that too.

I'm in a different place personally. The next month will probably decide the fate. As I mentioned in the previous thread this time was different for me. Just as I didn't feel anything when I ended it, I don't feel anything now.

When you mention habit, that probably says it best. It is habit, and I love her. If I didn't love her I could dump her like a rock and never look back. But as it stand she is now a significant part of my life experience.

You're numb and detached but given time, those feelings etc will come flooding back. Though I hope they don't and you have it in you to just cut yourself from her life as much as possible.

You can end it respectfully and not in a shi.tty way. It can end albeit it'll be painful but it doesn't have to leave bad blood between you two since your paths are going to cross on occasion.

July 12, 2014

you never did give detail on this. Ha, you know you can't casually say you two spoke later that evening and not give details!

So, what is really stopping you from telling him the truth? If you really want your A over and you're done, then tell him and let the chips fall where they fall. At least 'something' will happen either way.

If your MW ended her marriage, divorced her H, would you then divorce your W to be with MW?

You're not done then and she knows that too.

You're numb and detached but given time, those feelings etc will come flooding back. Though I hope they don't and you have it in you to just cut yourself from her life as much as possible.

You can end it respectfully and not in a shi.tty way. It can end albeit it'll be painful but it doesn't have to leave bad blood between you two since your paths are going to cross on occasion.

I'm honestly having trouble with why so many people I have respected keep on, and keep on, with this. Isn't it clear that nothing of what anyone says will get through? His posts are not wanting for advice/help, just attention.

I honestly hope that things will be great for Realist, whoever that is, yet it seems very clear to me that he is deep into the affair. Why are people spending fifteen pages on his threads offering advice that he doesn't want and won't take? The most that can be said, in my own humble opinion, is good luck with it all. Just me though.

July 12, 2014

That your wife knows you are having an A and that she knows and is friends with the OW says to me that she isn't really that bothered. I could no more have stayed friends with someone my H was having an A with than fly to Mars. It sounds more like an open marriage or a marriage that is convenient for you both to stay in than one based upon monogamous love, which is fine if that is what you both want.

I wonder if your wife had an OM, if you would feel so comfortable, happy or accepting to stand talking to him or have him as a friend. I am always amazed at some of the different norms people have as part of their relationships, but if it works for you all, then the only person not having the same openness afforded them is the OW's husband and maybe it is time he too was able to exercise informed choice and whether he wants to stay in a duplicitous marriage.

So, Realist, does your wife know this is the OW you have been having an A with? is she OK with it? does the OW's husband know? are there any plans to let him know what the rest of you know? Finally, are you happy for your wife to see other people as it seems you have an open marriage and so no A. Surely it is realistic for him to be told.

July 12, 2014

Your wife sounds like an amazing woman, actually. One whom most men would love to have. She's athletic, takes care of herself, etc. The fact that she is confident enough in this situation says that she isn't emotionally tied to you and I hope that she finds her own happiness, and someone who will love her as she deserves, instead of being tied to you. She deserves that. Maybe she already has!

My opinion, with all due respect. I hope you have a great life and it seems like you thrive on the ups and downs in the affair, so that's another reason I hope your wife leaves you to find someone better for her and that you and OW can be together without all the illicit drama - although once the drama ends and real mundane life ensues I predict you will get bored again.

Good luck to you!

My wife is a wonderful woman, no doubt about that.

Whether most men would love to have her is highly debatable. She is not a very easy person to get along with, even her own family. We have been part of each other's lives for 28 years. Throughout our whole journey we have always fought like cats and dogs. We were two type A personalities, and I found it attractive not to be around a push over. Over time though this devolved into a brother sister relationship type setting, even before our first daughter was born, and neither one of us tried to fix it.

In terms of her finding someone else? Not gonna happen. She is not a people person. I hate to say this, but she really doesn't have any friends outside of her parents, sisters, and me. There are people that hang around her because of our position socially, and she handles that okay; but if you were to ask me who her best friend is outside of the group I listed, I would say no one. She is sharp as a tack, but she just doesn't have the desire to accommodate anything outside of her little bubble. My daughters and I are the only people I have ever seen her express empathy for. My daughters lover her to death, but it is a daily situation where they just disengage from her. If the kids want help or someone to talk to, they come to me.

Despite all of that that may sound bad, I love her. I'm not in love with her, but she is a integral part of me. There have been a few discussions where she has flat out stated, "I'm glad you found someone that can do for you what I can't."

July 12, 2014

Despite all of that that may sound bad, I love her. I'm not in love with her, but she is a integral part of me. There have been a few discussions where she has flat out stated, "I'm glad you found someone that can do for you what I can't."

Let's say your MW does divorce her H. Are you going to divorce your wife?

It's one thing that your wife is okay with things are now, you're still under the same roof and the family is intact but all that will change, she may not want to give you up to the MW full time. Just something to think about.

Edited July 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 12, 2014

Let's say your MW does divorce her H. Are you going to divorce your wife?

It's one thing that your wife is okay with things are now, you're still under the same roof and the family is intact but all that will change, she may not want to give you up to the MW full time. Just something to think about.

MW is not going to divorce by her doing. He might if I let him know what has been going on, but that would betray her so much we would also be done.

You asked about details? I will update that. I have a 5:00am flight so I need to get what little sleep I can.

Edited July 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

Sign In

The most surreal experience.

Recommended Posts

Realist3

Owl

beach

eleanorrigby

beach

BetrayedH

Realist3

drifter777

Owl

imperfectangel

dichotomy

beach

whichwayisup

Realist3

Realist3

beach

Realist3

Realist3

Hope Shimmers

whichwayisup

Hope Shimmers

seren

Realist3

whichwayisup

Realist3

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...