search4what Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 I had been keeping n/c for three weeks when the ex decides to call me on valentines day. I had struggled with the n/c thing for a while and would go through times of weakness when I would want to call text or email however I remained strong. Well when she called of course I had to answer, I had been longing to talk to her for 3 weeks. The conversation started out friendly then turned to relationship stuff. I asked why she called and why she was not out on a date. She told me she missed me and had been thinking about me alot. We started talking about how everything went wrong and of course I got weak and admitted how much I missed her and how upset I have been without her. Keep in mind we have been broken up for two months now and we have both dated. I kinda think she has been seeing someone but she says she isnt in a relationship nor seeing anyone, just dating. Whatever that means. So I didnt know what to think of the call. We were on the phone for an hour and a half and it was great to talk to her again. She seemed so confused as to what she wanted though. I asked her if we could meet for dinner one night during the week. She was very hesitant but declined. SHe said she knows she would have a great time but didnt know where it would lead or how it would play out in the future. She then asked if we could talk once in a while. I told her it would not be a good idea since i didnt want to hear about her dating and I was sure she didnt want to hear about me dating. She seemed really upset and confused and I really got my hopes up that maybe things were turning and she would come around. When we got off the phone she told me that she loved me and may take me up on the dinner offer at a later time. Well yesterday I was having a bad day (not just about her) and I figured I would give her a call to talk. I didnt think it would do any harm because we were pretty friendly during our last convo. Well of course she doesnt answer and has yet to respond to my message. What the hell did that call mean? Was she just lonely or is she reconsidering? Why is she so damn confusing? I dont want to keep this hope in the back of my mind because it only prolongs the pain. What do I do from here?
greenhorn Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Sorry i would be blunt but i have to ...... Now tell me what did you get after breaking 3 weeks of NC. i. Did you get her? ii.Did you get anyway near of getting her? iii.Did you get or lose your peace of mind? iv.Are you feeling any better than the breakup? If the answer is No then tell me why the HECK did you talk to her? You shouldnot talk to her and now since you have talked to her and cant rewind it just forget it as one of your mistake.Carry on NC and dont rekindle any hope cause that would be false hope.what has happened to you is not isolated case i have read many cases in LS just like this but in none of the case they got their ex back rather what they got back is Pain and hurt. First thing you should have never taken her call how ENTICING that would have been and secondly you should not have gone weak Now dont think more and just continue with NC.There is only one way to go that is to forget her and move on.
aarsky Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Its true. N/C seems like the best way to handle an ex. No news is good news it seems and N/C allows you to go and do the things you need to do for youreself, without always worrying about the other person. I, too, got a call from my ex on Valentines Day and although, just like in your case, the call started off with a friendly chat, I started to show my weakness and claimed how much i still missed her and how I am still in love with her. But, in reality, all it does is prolong the hurt and the pain of missing the person, especially if you don't get the same response back. If you are dating that is good. No one says you have to get serious withanyone, but just having a few female companions is good. You can't make someone feel about you like you feel about them, and it only shows weakness when you revert back to and show the feeelings you still feel. It's never too late for the N/C rule in my opinion. So stick to it and if she misses you it will be something she'll have to discover on her own. Good luck.
searchforwhat Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I see where you guys are coming from and when she called me yesterday I spoke to her for about a minute and made up an excuse to get off the phone. My question is why does she tell me she misses me and loves me? Is it to keep me on a string or could she possibly be reconsidering everything? Whatever it is, I do still love her and would love to try things again but as I said I have finally been able to slowly move foward with my life. I am dating so it is getting alittle easier, it is just when I get these calls and she tells me these things I go back to missing her all over again.
aarsky Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 It really isnt fair. Its like they play head games. Whatever the case, stick to no contact and move on. Ive yet to start dating again as my priorities are not centred around that. Im starting a new job and I need to make some money, but in time dating will soon be among the topics of my discussion. The trick is to keep busy and not to jump when the ex says how hi.
greenhorn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by aarsky It really isnt fair. Its like they play head games. Whatever the case, stick to no contact and move on. Ive yet to start dating again as my priorities are not centred around that. Im starting a new job and I need to make some money, but in time dating will soon be among the topics of my discussion. The trick is to keep busy and not to jump when the ex says how hi. Yep thats it ...and if you ex calls you and says that she loves you or misses you after the breakup then i would say its sadistic on her part to do that... keep your head up..gather courage and keep NC.You are not alone we all are fighting every second every minute.
Author search4what Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 I just got an email from the ex today. First let me start out by explaining our last convo. Last weekend I went to the hospital (minor injury) and I called her while i was laying in my bed feeling sorry for myself. Had to leave a message. Basic message, hey it is me give me a ring when you get a chance. I regretted it immediately. When she called back the next day I said I just called because I needed a ride to the hospital and no one was around. I used that as the excuse so I could save face then soon got off the phone. She emails me today asking me how I am doing, also saying " you didnt really sound like you wanted to talk to me ( but I guess I understand). Told me to call her if I need anything and let her know how the doctor apt went. I know this was just a friendly email and she probably was concerned, but my question is, should I respond or just ignore it?
lostandlonely Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Personally i dont think that an email saying that you're ok would be wrong. Im in the situation where my ex told me she had some very worrying news about her health, and now we're doing nc. Im finding it very hard to move on not knowing if she's ok. Just because you no longer love someone doesnt mean you dont care about them. I wouldnt call her though, as its got too much risk of going off topic so to speak. But an email going im ok, thanks for the offer i'll keep you in mind would be ok i think. I sent my ex an email offering help etc. she hasnt replied. If she ever does i wouldnt see it as a way towards getting back together, but i wish she'd just let me know stuffs ok. Sorry if thats a bit rambling
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