BUBS Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 It's been almost a month since the break up. My previous thread "he broke up with me after we got an apartment" will lay down exactly how much of a jerk he was when he harshly decided he was done with me. He broke up with me through text, and I hadnt seen him since despite us having an apartment together. We spoke a few times trying to figure out who gets what, but it was always cold and distant, no bread crumbs, nothing really at all. Yesterday morning he texted me seemingly regarding how much half of the utilities were owed on the apartment saying he was going to the bank and so forth and asking what he had left behind the previous time he got his stuff. Then he poured it all out. He began texting me how he was so sorry, what a jerk he had been, how I was his best friend and since we broke up hes been miserable but how stubborn he was and was just trying to stick with his decision. He told me the usual stuff, just apologizing over and over, telling me how in love with me he was, what a fool he was, how I was his life and blah blah blah. I was at work and told him that we would meet in person to discuss anything but that it didn't mean anything it was just a matter of making amends and clearing the air. It was so nice because all this time I worried about how much I would fall apart when he came to get his things, and God brought justice in that the role reversed, as I sat cold as ice at what used to be our dining room table watching a man hysterically cry and tremble, after only seeing him cry once before over his mother in the years I've known him, I felt kind of sick to get some type of pleasure out of the entire thing. Of course I know not to be stupid. I told him I didn't know how I felt about anything. He agreed to pay his half of what was owed including the rent for the time being which is a plus, and I left it at that for now so I can clear my head and really process things. He texted me again this morning "I love you so much" I didn't respond yet. He explained that because we were fighting all the time that he snapped, he was angry and he shouldnt have just left, he said the first week of the break up he was furious and the second week was when he started to stop being angry and realized what he had done but that he was being stubborn and put it off till he couldn't anymore. He said despite the fights he realized that it doesn't change how in love with me he is, and that he wants to do things right and so forth. I don't know what to think or how I feel, and I don't want this post to give anyone false hope, I never assumed he was coming back, thats no way to live, and had I lived like that, he probably wouldn't have. Go on living your life, and leave them alone, not so they come back but just so you are sane in general. 1
Philosoraptor Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Get the check before you talk. It's not abnormal for the dumper to try and come back after the initial rage period ends. 2-4 weeks seems to be the normal time for that process to run through and it go from rage on their end, to panic. What do you want? Do you believe that this person is the one you want to spend your life with or do you fear a pattern started? If you're not 100% convinced that he is your future then you need to bow out gracefully. And again, get the check of what he owes before you go into a conversation... as if you're not wanting to start again with him you may not get it at the end of the conversation. 1
Author BUBS Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 I don't know I'm confused. Its not like anything about him breaking it off pointed to him coming back if anything it seemed like he was pretty confident in leaving me. He found another apartment that he was going to move into with one of our mutual friends, he went out and got a dog when we already have my dog at the house. I just don't know what I trust and don't. I know 3 1/2 weeks isnt that long and had he put it off longer I would certainly be over thinking it, I just don't know if hes genuine or wtf is going on anymore.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Aww BUBS i said this would happen!! x Welldone for keeping your composure and giving him space that was very good of you and took a hell of a lot of strength and courage... i cant advise you on this what you do is up to you but I still stand by him freaking out and now he has come to his sense x 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Actually I do have one thing to add... whatever you decide to do you make him work girl! xx 1
Zahara Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 (edited) I don't know I'm confused. Its not like anything about him breaking it off pointed to him coming back if anything it seemed like he was pretty confident in leaving me. He found another apartment that he was going to move into with one of our mutual friends, he went out and got a dog when we already have my dog at the house. I just don't know what I trust and don't. I know 3 1/2 weeks isnt that long and had he put it off longer I would certainly be over thinking it, I just don't know if hes genuine or wtf is going on anymore. This is how impulsive he is. Impulsively pushed to lease an apartment together. Then he ducked out. Found another apartment. Went out and got a dog! Now he's back because he made a mistake. And that applies to how he bounced between his exs. Personally, I would not move in with this guy. He doesn't seem reliable. Get the check and live alone for awhile. He doesn't have to move in with you. I know financially it will help you but you don't want him to leave you in a lurch again when impulse strikes him. Live on your own, have/foster the relationship you want with him, take as long as you want, get yourself on stable footing and then you can decide about moving in together. Honestly, you deserve better than this guy. But that is a decision you have to make. Edited July 11, 2014 by Zahara 1
Author BUBS Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Thank you all for your support and respones, Z you have been wonderful through such an awful experience and in a way you have maintained my own common sense when I could not see past my emotions and I agree with you full heartedly. He has paid me back for the rent he owed and so forth, but I have been keeping my distance and asked that I have time to figure out how I feel and that we just keep things civil for the time being, I.E be able to associate kindly with one another during events to which our mutual friends are there and so forth. He has been putting out all the stops but I don't feel bad what so ever about keeping my space my space, and he has agreed to continue to pay bills despite me telling him that I don't want him to move back in yet till I knew what I could believe or trust. A part of me believes he is sincere and genuine, as I did previous to our break up, I understand how easy it is for emotions to change at such a young and immature age, I just have to figure out if I have the patience or heart to be able to sit back and deal with that lack of stability in my life for the name of love or not. Again no decisions have been made I just wanted to update. 2
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