sooshi Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I just spent a week in my ex-fiance's state. Not his city, but very nearby. A friend invited me over. I was hesitant, but she was really excited about it and I wanted to visit her. They were friends on FB, and I guess she posted about me visiting, and he saw it. So he knew I was going, but I didn't know he knew, and it was never my intention that he knew. He told my former best friend about it. The same best friend who he pursued. He told her was really concerned and scared that I had ulterior motives. I just wanted to see my friend. He told her he didn't want to talk to me, that he didn't have good experiences with me, that I wasn't good to him. He told her that he didn't want me in his life, that I'm a bad person, and that he hated me. Oh, and I also found out that he told he that he wanted to give her another child (she has one). And that all did it for me. Blocked and blocked. No more hoping for friendship. No more hoping he'll wake up someday and realize that I'm not the awful person he made me out to be. No more. Just... no more. I'm moving on. I don't deserve this. I was wonderful to him. He knew it. I was his biggest supporter. I was absolutely a positive influence on him. Just because he pursued my best friend and I wasn't on board with it and blocked him because I was so hurt, I'm a bad person. Because I didn't support it and he not only expected me to be okay with it, but to make choices that would help him be with her. No. I'm not being a doormat for you anymore. I don't need this. I'm a good person. I'm not the villain you make me out to be. And I deserve so much better.
sugarlove Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Oh, and I also found out that he told he that he wanted to give her another child (she has one). Sounds like he thought children are like puppies. Good grief.
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I'm sorry he did this to you -- again but on the bright side it seems like you are using it to propel yourself forward in a positive way. Good for you! 1
mammasita Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Good for you! I thought I was going to open this and read something completely different. YAY for you being positive.
OK_computer Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I just spent a week in my ex-fiance's state. Not his city, but very nearby. A friend invited me over. I was hesitant, but she was really excited about it and I wanted to visit her. They were friends on FB, and I guess she posted about me visiting, and he saw it. So he knew I was going, but I didn't know he knew, and it was never my intention that he knew. He told my former best friend about it. The same best friend who he pursued. He told her was really concerned and scared that I had ulterior motives. I just wanted to see my friend. He told her he didn't want to talk to me, that he didn't have good experiences with me, that I wasn't good to him. He told her that he didn't want me in his life, that I'm a bad person, and that he hated me. Oh, and I also found out that he told he that he wanted to give her another child (she has one). And that all did it for me. Blocked and blocked. No more hoping for friendship. No more hoping he'll wake up someday and realize that I'm not the awful person he made me out to be. No more. Just... no more. I'm moving on. I don't deserve this. I was wonderful to him. He knew it. I was his biggest supporter. I was absolutely a positive influence on him. Just because he pursued my best friend and I wasn't on board with it and blocked him because I was so hurt, I'm a bad person. Because I didn't support it and he not only expected me to be okay with it, but to make choices that would help him be with her. No. I'm not being a doormat for you anymore. I don't need this. I'm a good person. I'm not the villain you make me out to be. And I deserve so much better. If there's one thing that is a deal breaker for me it's someone talking crap. I cant stand it. I broke up with my ex cuz she was talking crap about me. Good for you. You dont need backstabbers in your life.
Author sooshi Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Yeah, it sucks that this is happened. It seems like he's looking to vilify me however I can. Instead of finding out about my visit by asking me or my friend, he goes to her and makes assumptions and makes me out to be a monster. I was wonderful to him. I was his biggest supporter and his biggest fan. I guided him into living a healthy life. I supported him with his creative endeavors and life decisions when some others didn't. It seems like because I didn't respond favourably to him pursuing my best friend, he's turning it all around on me.
Chi townD Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 No. I'm not being a doormat for you anymore. I don't need this. I'm a good person. I'm not the villain you make me out to be. And I deserve so much better. You need to continue to tell yourself this over and over. Screw what this guy says. Go see your friend. Have fun. The thing is, he has to demonize you in his head to convince himself that the two of you don't need to be together. Because, let's face it, he's not mature enough to take some of the blame for the demise of the relationship. He can do no wrong. Don't let what this asshat has to say bring you down. Walk with dignity.
Author sooshi Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Chi_townD! Yay! It's great to hear from you. I already went to see her. I came back last night, and that's when I found out that he knew and had been telling my friend stuff. I think he told his family too. I'm not some crazy girl who's going to visit my friend and have ulterior motives! He has turned me into that. They don't even live in the same city, and I can't even drive. What's going to happen? She's going to drive me to his place? No way!!! She knew I was reluctant and anxious to be in the area and she assured me we wouldn't be anywhere near anyone from my past. We stayed at the barn the entire time, except for when we went to a restaurant in a different city and went to the store/bank. That's it! Sheesh. I'm not a psycho. I did have fun. Thank you. It was very healing. Hearing what he said hurt at first, but I've accepted it. He turned me into something I'm not and I'm sure it's being spread around because a mutual friend has blocked me (I know her through him). Whatever. I'm not the demon he's making me into being. I know that. You guys know that. And anyone who doesn't buy into what he's saying would know that. Most importantly, again, I know that I'm a kind, compassionate, caring, and respectful person. And I will repeat the sentiments I've said--thanks for the suggestion, Chi.
BC1980 Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I think you need to remove yourself from any situations or people who are going to talk about your ex. It's only normal to be hurt after hearing these things, so don't subject yourself to them. I think it would take a heart of stone to be completely unaffected, so the best thing is to remove yourself from any situation that would lend itself to finding out what he thinks about you. I've said before that we are all having our own experience, so, if your ex wants to rewrite the story, eff him. It's not your job to police what he of anyone else thinks about you. That would be exhausting.
Author sooshi Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Thanks, BC! .... wow, he just e-mailed me w hile I was going to respond. He wrote, "sooshi, what the %%*& were you thinking?" I guess about visiting my friend who invited me. He thinks I have some ulterior motive. Ugh.
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