SailorGirl925 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 What hurts is that it ended without any explanation. I was there for him when he got fired and spend endless hours and weekends and phone conversations listening to him go on and on. He told me I was an angel because I was there for him and he would never forget it. Then to just dump me and ignore me like a coward? I have never felt so betrayed. I spent the 4th of July holiday paralyzed in bed unable to function. Had to go to work on Monday and every day at work I have had to act like nothing has happened all the while I feel like throwing up. I sent him a text that was ignored on Monday. After that I blocked him on my phone and have started the NC. I don't want him back, I just feel so angry and how someone can be so cold hearted and mean. Especially after I was there for him these past months. He said he loved me, wanted to be with me the rest of his life, he would never be the one to end it, he was so grateful I was there for him, etc. What a loser. No wonder he got fired - he's just a narcisstic jack***. I'm having extreme highs and lows. What I don't get is why did he dump me when he got fired and all he is doing is sitting at home day after day? He has family, I don't so it's extra hard on me not having anyone to talk to (except my 22 year old son who listens for about 2 seconds then gets bored and tells me to cheer up). At age 51 it's not easy to get over it and move on and find someone else. I thought he and I were going to grow old together. He talked of us retiring and buying a beach house, etc. I am in total shock how he pretended to be one way for the last 4 months then suddenly change and destroy me. I will never take him back, I don't want him back. It just stings so bad the way he did me like that - with no explanation or remorse. Then to be such a coward and ignore me. I was there for him and he just ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground then ran over it with a steamroller and cut me off. Gone. Like he never existed. I hate him, no doubt about that. I don't ever want to see or hear from him again. How do I get over the pain? My self esteem has taken a blow. Help. 1
artsygirl78 Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I am so, so sorry for your pain and distress - you are not alone, we are all here for you!!! First of all, if you can, I want you to put out of your mind that thought of "its not so easy at 51" - it is fear-based and adding to your suffering. I am surrounded by women in their 50's and 60's who have found a loving partner. It sounds like this man you were with was a textbook narcissist and user, I am actually thanking G-d that he showed his true colors now, before you started mingling finances and retirement plans. I shudder to imagine what the future could have been like with such a user. Breathe. Just put one foot in front of the other. Know that you are loved, and beautiful, and deserving of respect, honesty, love and kindness. Come here on the pages when you need to talk or reach out. If you have friends and family you feel you can talk to, reach out to them, they will be worried about you and want to support you. Cry when you need to cry. Try to get to sleep at a normal hour. At the most difficult parts of my recent breakup, all I could do was hold myself with compassion as the wave of emotions coursed through me. In time the extremity of the waves will lessen and you will see sun peeking through the dark clouds. If you are a spiritual person, pray, meditate, look to the religious/spiritual literature that you find grounding and comforting. Spend time in places that you love - for me, my happy places are the MET museum and the greenway walk on the Hudson River. If you can, be physical - a great way to stay grounded is to literally stay in the body. Working out gives you an endorphin rush and gives you a sense that you are DOING something. Take one day at a time and go absolutely NC with this guy. Handle your heart with tenderness, patience, and go into extreme self-care. It will not feel this way forever or even for very long, and each day will get a little better, especially if you are putting YOURSELF first, I promise!!
Author SailorGirl925 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Thank you so much! You don't know how much your response means to me. I don't have family (parents and two brothers passed). Thank you for taking time to respond - it was really sweet and kind of you. My soul is so friggin wounded right now -I feel so vulnerable and weak. This meant a lot, I will re-read it over many times to help me get thru this. ((hugs)).
BikerAccnt Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Sailorgirl, I'm sorry you're hurting so bad. I understand the feeling, from the opposite gender side of things. The pain of someone who is able to just hit the "relationship off" switch is nearly unbearable. It's happened to you, it's happened to me, it's happened to many of us. It is hard to fathom how those sweet words, can just vanish into air. You'll get past it, it may not be easy, but you will. It can seem harder at our age (I'm 53) to pick yourself up and try again. But really, what option do we have? Sure, we can grow old and crotchety by ourselves. But me, I intend to share my old crotchetyness with someone else. I suggest you do the same. There are plenty of people our age, looking for the same things you are. You aren't alone, no matter how much it feels that way now.
sugarlove Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I know the feeling, I'm turning 35 in a few days, single mom to 3 little kids. And I felt perhaps I will never be able to find someone else to accept my situation. My ex was 7 years younger and he was the opposite of anyone I've dated, and I understand how you feel about the fear of not finding anyone else like him. But I think age has little to do with it.. I've friends who found love at 55, 60 and at that age, they are usually divorced, know what they want, kids are all grown up and living a retirement lifestyle. So at this age, all they want is to find someone and have something beautiful that last. Doesn't matter how old you are, still have to willing to kiss alot of frogs to get to the right one. 2
Author SailorGirl925 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Thank you all for such kind words... you guys helped me thru a really tough day. Helps knowing Im not alone in going thru this b.s. So glad I found this forum to have good people like you to talk to. Thank u!
thekid36 Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 First of all, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Nothing that you said or did warranted this. All of your emotions and feelings are completely valid. Sounds as someone who just does not realize that words and actions need to always be in tune. It is hard not knowing what his reasons for dumping you are. Yet in the grand scheme of things, it may not matter too much going forward. Not that it makes things any easier at this point when all of it is much more new. Perhaps you can find at least some comfort through this. Time may be needed to feel better. Sometimes, it can even be the best medicine. What maybe sucks the most is all the time you lost being involved with him. The only positive light perhaps here is that it is better to know the situation now than to find out later on after becoming even more involved.
Apparition Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Hi, Sailor. I think with emotions being very raw and intense at the moment, you're bound to think the way you do. I know it's difficult to listen to anyone else when you're going through a break-up, because the noise in your head blocks everything out, but, you can't expect the pain to just disappear and be okay. You love/loved someone who has hurt you deeply, and you need to allow your wounds to heal. No contact is the best idea, because it is like picking at a scab and expecting it not to bleed. My advice would be to keep pretending. Fake it until you make it, as they say, and with each day that comes, things will get easier over time. For now, you need to focus on the day you are in and how to get through it. I am sorry for your heart break. I wish you well.
Recommended Posts