anemptycup Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I broke up with her while having an email argument.. the next day (Jan 13 my birthday) i begged and said it was a mistake and i wanted her back - she said no.. it was over and immediately moved on with another guy.. that week! she slept with him a few days after our break-up.. dated him for 2 months, then he left her and went back to his Ex... she tried dating again, but, i contacted her for her birthday and i guess it sparked hope in her that i still was interested - we talked and i told her that i needed to work on myself.. she said the same... we had no contact for 2 months after that.. and i thought she was long gone.. really thought it was over as i felt she went shopping around and found someone.. then i receive a message last month saying she wants to open the doors to us trying again... i was distant and cold and talked to her on Skype.. i guess she could sense i wasn't so into it... (not realizing i was just playing it safe - she felt i wasn't interested) that weekend she went to a party and drank until she blacked out - made out with a guy two nights in a row... while drunk... and the following Monday i messaged her and we talked very openly... we both agreed that we have a lot to work on - and that we should re-unite form a place of Love (Wholeness, being happy with ourselves) not from a place of Lack (need, addiction.. needing the other person to be happy) we agreed that i would contact he when i felt more ready.. and she was happy not to date around as she also wanted to work on herself... 2 weeks later (last week) i contacted her and said that i wanted to talk more and find out if we're even attracted to each other anymore... it has been 6 months and maybe we're on way different paths and i didnt want to waste her time "waiting" for each other... with that hope in our minds... so, we met up.. on Sunday... i was keeping my boundaries.. even though it was very hard the whole time i wanted to hold her... finally after hanging out.. and dinner... saying goodbye.. i held her.. and we wound up cuddling and kissing in the parking lot... we agreed that - it doesn't mean we're back together.. and i said i would email her with what i wanted to do.. she said to me.. that anything i wanted she'd be cool with - whether it is to be just friends... or never talk again.. or for me to work on myself and for us to see each other once a month.. or whatever... i do feel like i am addicted to her... and i know it's important that i go to her from a place of Love and Wholeness.. not need... We were together 3 years before our break-up and had several break-ups during that time.. most of which were from my insecurity... as she was very rarely present.. or "there" she was always all over the place... and wanted to hang around with other people... she had no friends.. but always needed to be doing things... she even hung out with guys on her own.. her another guy went camping once and he hit on her.. making me feel very insecure... so, I just really could use some advice... i know i need to decide myself what to do... below is an email i sent her last night - she hasn't replied yet: Thanks to anyone who could help [FONT=Verdana]EMAIL: hey about to crash - i went to my meditation spot today - the tower we built together... is surprisingly still standing your tower is also still there... i sat up there and meditated.. i built a few towers... had a good yoga before i went... i don't know what to do between us... the heart is pulling in one direction.. the mind in so many others... i don't want to think about it anymore... i've been thinking about it over and over for so long... and keep coming to the same spot... i just don't know... i love this video... [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT] especially right at the very end... when he says, Darling I Suffer, Please Help me... and it makes me wish that i has asked you that when we were together... maybe there is a chance for me to ask you that again now... my biggest thing is just trust.... and i wish you could give me that sense of security and confidence in you... some of the things that you've said or done just don't match up in my mind.. and create insecurities... even if they are small and i should pay them no attention... again.. fault finding... when i should be focusing on positives maybe but - i also have to remind myself not to be so hard on myself and that it is natural for me to feel cautious and insecure considering everything - it is very normal I think it would help to talk more... especially face to face... I will probably be heading to thailand end of this month after world cup is done, my mom and bro's birthday is done and my month of yoga membership expires - and i'd love to use the time between then and now.. to talk about things openly.. very honestly... and without fear of being vulnerable.. i have always been proud of my ability to be vulnerable... i can be strong and closed... but, it really wastes time and energy... so, i hope we can put aside our Fears, and also our Desires... our stupidity, and our ill will (check the monks video i emailed you) and talk very openly and honestly... maybe we can meet again this weekend if you are free? with love and respect. [/FONT]
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