bobsmith12346 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Hello, I am new here and have a bit of a read for you guys. Any one who has the time to read through all of this and offer their opinion/perspective would be very much appreciated. I know it's a long read, sorry, but it also felt good to get it all out. Quick bit of background. We met on pof, we talked on there for a few months, and then we started texting. She had a lot of emotional and trust and everything else issues. We texted back and fourth constantly for a year maybe a year and a half before we actually met. When we met for the first time, which took a lot of me convincing her to do it, the 'date' went okay, but not amazing... But we met up two or three more times. I found out that during that time she met another guy from pof and slept with him. She had a lot of sexual issues, one of which was being scared of having sex after a bad experience with an ex. She told me she felt she needed to have sex again with someone random, who she had no connection to just to get used to it and feel confident enough to get into a real relationship. I am an understand and pretty forgiving person. I let it go, although I did have moments of real anger about it I got past it. We started a relationship after this. We where seeing each other a lot and I started staying over at her house often. We had a lot of fights and arguments during this time, as she still had a lot of emotional problems. She would go into moods about the smallest things and have fights that would last for days about it. She couldn't accept that she was attractive, didn't believe I really fancied her and that no one would ever fancy her. We almost broke up several times within that first six month period. It was a constant battle with her. Eventually her family decided to move, and she was going with them, not far away but far enough that it would make seeing each other more difficult. She asked me to move with her and her family and live with them. The arguments where still frequent at this point, but I love her and agreed. We all moved, and after the fighting and arguments getting worse I finally convinced her to see a doctor about her problems. The doctor prescribed her a mood stabilising drug... And it work, it worked really well. Its like she changed into a whole other person. She previously hated herself and would constantly talk about how she was disgusting. She was jealous and wanted to check my phone and basically have full access to anything private of mine. In return she would give me access to anything of hers... This all changed after the tablets started taking effect. The self hating stopped. The arguments pretty much stopped, and when we did fight it was resolved in an hour rather than days... It seemed like all the negative aspects where gone and I was going to be left with this lovely rational girl... But with this change came other changes too. She decided that she was wrong before, and now we needed our privacy. She didn't want me looking when she was on facebook, or seeing her phone. Basically all her sort of ideals of a moral and suitable relationship which had talked about endlessly changed over the course of a few weeks... She had a job at a local supermarket, and was starting to make a few friends there. I knew some of those friends where guys and I made my peace with it. Then problems started to crop up... She would be be late home from work by maybe half an hour or twenty minuets here and there, with no real excuse, and she would get annoyed if I asked why... Then there was this guy Jake from her work. She had mentioned him once or twice, nothing major, but enough to make me wonder... Then one day something important happened... We lived in a small village and there are other small villages close by. I happened to be driving through one of the smaller local villages one day and noticed my girlfriends car pulled up in the street... She was sat in it, in her work clothes, with this Jake guy from her work. I had by luck stumbled upon her sat there with him. I only saw them talking and couldn't really react properly in the moment as I was confused. He got out and away very quickly. We argued a while and she cried a lot. She claimed he had finished early, and she was giving him a lift just to be nice and that it had never happened before and there was nothing more to it. It was all a big fight and a big mess and very confusing... The end result was her basically saying she accepted that it looked bad, but I was paranoid and over reacting. I said I was not at all happy about it and she should know better... We talked about lots of stuff, and eventually made up... A few months went by and things where okay but not good. We where hardly if at all having sex, she seemed like she was sick of me or getting annoyed by me and she was always on her phone to work friends... Things felt weird, something just wasn't right. Then one day I had been out shopping without her. When I returned she must not have heard me come in the door. I walked into the bedroom and she had her back to me, she didn't hear me stood there. She was on her phone talking to someone. I could hear it was a male voice... The second she noticed me she panicked and almost dropped the phone. She immediately ended the call in a big rush and became very nervous. I asked her who it was, I was very angry. She said it Katy from work, I told her to show me, but she just kept on saying 'no you cant see my phone', I asked her again and she said she was actually talking to Rachel... Obviously lying. I told her she was a lier and a bad one at that. She showed me the call log and the name said Rachel. I told her let me call the number and if a girl answers everything will be okay. She wouldn't do it... Eventually she admitted it was Jake she was talking to. She had changed the name to Rachel so if I looked I wouldn't know. I asked her why she hid it and she said because she knew I would react this way [Get angry about it]... I knew she had the name Rachel in her phone for a long time, but obviously it was always him... We argued and I asked her to tell me what is going on. She was crying loads and I knew we where going to break up. She says nothing is going on with Jake, that he's her best friend but she's not attracted to him. She cried more and just started saying she was so sorry. I asked what she was sorry for and she told me 'I don't love you any more'. I reacted completely calmly, and said I understand and I'll leave as soon as possible... She was saying she loves me and cares about me but she's no longer in love with me. She said I had done nothing wrong, and that she just wanted to be single, that she's too young to be tied down, that we just want different things and so on. She said she was so sorry and all of that kind of stuff. I moved half of my stuff that day, and returned the next day to collect the rest. The day I went for the rest of my stuff I remained calm, and asked her no questions about us or the break up. She got upset, and cried a little. She asked me how I was doing, and I said okay... I asked her how she was doing and she just sort looked a bit upset. Here are my problems/concerns... Is she sleeping with Jake, or planning a relationship with him? She said she had felt like she stopped loving me over the past few weeks, yet we had been looking at houses to move into together, and where about to get one and she had no issues about it. In fact she was more interested than me. I still made her laugh a lot almost everyday and we where having fun and play fighting and messing on literately the day before all of this, and she was saying how cute I was.. Is that all just lies or what is the deal? Every time we have argued in the past and she has been in the wrong about something she would say 'We should just break up, we're not right for each other, it's not working between us...'. Is it possible that because she has been caught out again, talking to Jake, and has no excuse for it she is calling an end to the relationship as a way of getting out of explaining herself? I feel that I love her, I still love her and want to be with her. I know I have not been perfect in the relationship, and there and certainly ways for me to improve. Do you think if it turns out there is nothing going on between her and Jake, or any on else for that matter, that she will end up wanting me back provided I make the changes I need to? She said that she wanted freedom and she doesn't act or live as though she's in a relationship. She said she knows she is selfish. The thing is I have never stopped her having freedom to go out and do what she likes... This problem is she doesn't really have any friends, and the one she does have constantly stands her up... So does she really mean she wants freedom to be with Jake or whoever else? I don't have facebook, but I have a fake account. I logged into it yesterday and noticed her account had disappeared. I'v tried making another account and looking for hers and can't find it. Does that mean she has deleted her account, or has she still got it and just blocked anyone from finding it? Also why would she does this? She knows I don't have facebook... But then she might suspect I will make one to find her? So what would she be hiding that she doesn't want me to see? I know this is long, and probably confusing and chances are no one will be able to help or bother reading, but thank you to anyone that does. As a side note in case anyone one is wondering. I am 27 she is 22. We have both had one serious relationship before we got together. Also, Jake has a long term girlfriend who he lives with.
central Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 'We should just break up, we're not right for each other, it's not working between us." Believe her, as she is right. She has many issues and behaviors that make her poor relationship material, so why are you fixated on her? There are so many other women who do not have these kinds of issues. I know nothing about you, but have to wonder if you have issues of your own that prevent you from seeking a healthy, normal relationship?
sugarlove Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 If she has issues, she need to fix them and sometimes that takes lot out of them and alot out of everyone around them. She is selfish that part might be true. But she is also realistic to avoid hurting you more in the long run.
Recommended Posts