robaday Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Im in my early thirties. From 16-30 I partied HARD!! I loved clubbing, gigs, pubs and lived my life for the weekend, it was all I thought about, girls, music, drinking and some drugs. It was my life, why would I want anything different when it was so much fun? Then a bad breakup around thirty, in which I lost a lot of confidence as well as a realisation that I had no savings and was pretty unhealthy caused me to try some "alternative" means of socialising. I took up sport heavily, as well as studied a part time course. The idea initially wasnt around wanting to stop drinking or partying. It was to save money and build my confidence learning a few new skills. Anyways after awhile I actually liked not drinking more. My head was clear on the weekend, I got all those annoying chores done, I had more energy, met new friends, had more money in the bank, basically I found enjoyment and excitement outside of the party scene which id loved so much and didnt think id ever be able to let go. And that leaves me to now. My good friends always want to drink. If they want to meet up its always for a drink. If I say Ill come but am not drinking they seem personally offended, as if Ive somehow insulted them. Some of them - 3 guys are still going to nightclubs or house parties 4 nights a week where the average age is 21 and the main objective is just to get smashed. They are 35 years old. Dont get me wrong I still go out occasionally and I used to love that kind of life, but I dont want to be in debt anymore, I dont want to lose this mental clarity I have achieved, I dont want to lose my fitness which Ive worked so hard at. I offer to go for breakfast, to go for dinner, to visit them, suggest going to play sport, or up to the mountains or surfing. But they dont seem interested. Essentially Ive changed. But most of them havent. And while I love them to bits, these differences are causing tensions between us, as if Im in the wrong for living the life I want and have to live now. I never thought id see the day when id say "ive grown out of alcohol"!
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I slowed down a lot too. There are still a few times per year when I get my party back on but mostly I'm the driver. My friends all accepted it & are now happy to have a sober ride. In time your friends will be OK with the change. Now it scares them because it makes them look at their own lives & they don't much like what they see.
preraph Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I went through similar things for different reasons. I was from that 60/70s bunch who really partied down and I did that at a very early age and was over it by the time most people were taking it up in the seventies. But then I was drinking by then and kept that up. But even then, I would stop drinking for months on end while I dieted. And maybe I didn't feel like going out quite so much when I wasn't drinking, but I still went out plenty. Only you can decide what's the right fit. With me, I didn't have to change friends or anything. I just probably wasn't quite as much fun when I wasn't drinking, maybe. No one complained. No one usually tries to tell me what to do, as I'm just not susceptible to being told what to do and all my friends know it. So at least that wasn't a problem. I just say do what you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do just to fit in. There's always people available to be friends at any level of alcohol use, I think, from none, to barely, and all the way up the scale. It might also be that you need to never drink hard liquor and limit it to wine or champagne and never mix liquors because that will have far less damage on your the next morning. Whatever you do, don't drink tequila. It is the absolute worst for hangovers. Some people don't agree with champagne, but it was always the thing that was easiest on me and the most fun feeling. So you might try adjusting types and find what works best and then only have a couple once in awhile. I'm old now and I guess I got it out of my system because I rarely ever drink and it's mostly because I don't have time to relax much and like to do it with friends around mostly.
mammasita Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your friends will hopefully realize one day, ideally sooner than later, that you're doing what's best. You can't party and get laid forever.....right? LOL I used to party ALOT too. I was in the military so we would be out until 3am and up at 5am. I can't even imagine having a drink during the week now. I like to enjoy a few on the weekends here and there, but unless it's a super SUPER and I mean EXTRA SUPER special occasion I cringe at the idea of drinking if I have to wake up early the next day.
usaims Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I, too, partied hard -- smoking weed for 35 years. One day, I went cold turkey because I was sick of it. For the first time in my life, I have a grip on myself and my surroundings -- now, I realize who are my friends and who are not. I feel I'm more in tune with people's feelings rather then my addiction. It took me 35 years but better late then never.
melodicintention Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 (edited) Some people will never grow out of it. I like everyone else here have outgrown alcohol. 5'5" 110 and could drink a 12 pack back in the day. I quit finally for 2.5 years along with everything and not only do 420. Now I ***** you not, I have 4 swallows of anything and I can feel it. I don't even like it at all anymore, gives me a headache and I feel out of control and just don't like it anymore. Wow how funny your body can change once you hit your 40s. Anyways, dude, as I was saying. I recently was thrown out of my last band for suggesting.....mind you just suggesting.... that the guys (all ages 45-50) try not drinking at all the next gig (they made A LOT of mistakes). I was told to get out! Stop trying to control the band! Kicked out and told not to come back by the drummer, as his wife who loved me was crying in the corner of the kitchen. I thought, sheesh these are some serious alcoholics who will never make it anywhere. They went over a year looking for a singer, I came in, kicked ass the first gig and was kicked out next practive because I suggested we all be sober. Some people NEVER outgrow it dude. Edited July 11, 2014 by melodicintention
AF. Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I'm the opposite. I love partying and drinking but none of my friends do. So I'm often unsatisfied because I don't get to do the things I want to do and the people to do it with.
tnimbus Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Sometimes when new chapters open up in our lives, we have to close the old ones..even if it's painful. (I'm saying this to myself, as much as to you...some "friends" took it as a personal affront that I quit playing online games, got my s*** and my relationship together, and now have a pretty good life back...sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.) You have your life together, you're happier, and you've evolved..those are wonderful things!!!You can always be kind to your old buddies...but keep exploring out there in your new life and you'll find new people to share your new journey with.
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