guest569 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 It's been a few months since contacting my ex, and 6 months since we saw each other (the night of the break up). I haven't been tempted to contact him much, but when say, I'm in a car accident or I get a promotion,, i feel his absence more strongly. i almost sent him a text to share my news. It would be so easy to but i would regret it later as i dont want him to know anything about me
Author guest569 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Its hard not to .. When he dumped me he criticised me about my unhappiness with my job etc. and now i have an amazing job, got 2 promotions since. I guess part of me hopes that he will want me back.. And even if he doesn't i feel like i need to prove that I am not a loser because i sure feel like one after the things he said to me.
sugarlove Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Don't be so bummed, I think he doesnt deserve to know anything about your life, especially the highs and the lows. The less he knows, the more he will be likely to think it's better than his. The grass is always greener on the other side mentality. 1
Author guest569 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 It's true I know.. but I was extremely tempted to text him through the night.. "I miss you"with a holiday photo of us.. It's so stupid. I know his response will be something like "I'm sorry that you are still missing me but we shouldn't be together" I am hoping he misses me too but of course he doesn't. I mean nothing to him and I can't believe it. I don't know how you can go from a relationship to nothing and it doesn't affect the other person.
irresolute Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 He is not in your life anymore. If he'd want to know about you, he'd have contacted you. Why would you share your news with someone who doesn't give a s.h.it about you? He's not deserving of your news. Six months is time enough for you to start moving on.
Author guest569 Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 I wish I could think the way you do, but it hurts to think that he doesn't give a s.h.it about me and I am madly in love with this guy and can't accept the reality. I have tried really hard to move on. I have dated a few, and had a relationship since then and was happy for a while but as soon as he dumped me I went back to missing my ex. And when I met these guys I was so excited and even thought they are better than my ex. I am not replacing him so much as filling the void he has left. I can't seem to be happy alone.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I wish I could think the way you do, but it hurts to think that he doesn't give a s.h.it about me and I am madly in love with this guy and can't accept the reality. I have tried really hard to move on. I have dated a few, and had a relationship since then and was happy for a while but as soon as he dumped me I went back to missing my ex. And when I met these guys I was so excited and even thought they are better than my ex. I am not replacing him so much as filling the void he has left. I can't seem to be happy alone. Well, until you can figure it out nothing is going to really change. I mean, what does this guy have to do for you to start making an effort at moving forward? And how much are you spying on his social media and things of the like?
Author guest569 Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 I don't spy on his social media etc. no contact whatsoever which I think is why I am struggling so much. Its like he has died and I will probably never see him or hear anything from him or about him again. I've done all the right things and I think time is the only thing that can help me, I bloody hope it helps. I only have a few friends and they haven't really been there for me or supported me at all so my confidence is pretty low. Ithink I am the only one that can get me out of this but I seem to be stuck.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 I don't spy on his social media etc. no contact whatsoever which I think is why I am struggling so much. Its like he has died and I will probably never see him or hear anything from him or about him again. I've done all the right things and I think time is the only thing that can help me, I bloody hope it helps. I only have a few friends and they haven't really been there for me or supported me at all so my confidence is pretty low. Ithink I am the only one that can get me out of this but I seem to be stuck. Why not go out and meet new people, join a club, pick up an activity? Not being in contact helps, but if you are just sitting around like a pud it's not going to do you much good. And dating to fill voids doesn't really help things either. I would say be active, and not just on the dating scene.
sugarlove Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 (edited) As an introvert myself and someone who often spend more time with my ex than with friends, i know it's hard not to want to share every little news with that person, whether he's there or not. First of all, you need to recognise that this is a habit, not a longing. And how do you break this habit? You replace and you divert. Smokers use nicotine patches to replace their cravings, they replace their addiction with something less harmful or they simply replace the habit of reaching out for a cigarette by having something in their hand to divert their attention away. So, knowing this is a habit. When you feel the urge to tell him your news, call a friend, post it on facebook, tell your family, share it on this forum or write i in a journal. Replace this habitual need to let him know everything with someone else and divert your attention elsewhere to help out a friend, exercise, pick a new hobby (i'm learning the guitar recently) etc. ---------------------------------------- Second, you need to realise that he doesn't NEED to know what's in your life as you don't NEED to know what's going on in his. There is a difference between information that is useful and information that is useless, knowing more doesn't mean it'll change your situation. If it doesn't change it, then it's useless information you have to discard. That means any crap he post on social media is useless information that doesn't make your life any more better than it is. Everyone has the right to live their own lives and a lot of people are usually selfish. Even if you feel like you WANT to do tell them, you don't NEED to. Everyone wants a relationship that is fulfilling and long lasting, but no one needs one to make them happy and fulfilled in themselves. Differentiating between need and want is an important step to curb the longing. Edited July 12, 2014 by sugarlove 1
Elle1975 Posted July 12, 2014 Posted July 12, 2014 It's been a few months since contacting my ex, and 6 months since we saw each other (the night of the break up). I haven't been tempted to contact him much, but when say, I'm in a car accident or I get a promotion,, i feel his absence more strongly. i almost sent him a text to share my news. It would be so easy to but i would regret it later as i dont want him to know anything about me You might bump into him in a few years. Or he might send you a fb message. Show off then, but don't text him now.
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